Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Too quick to judge?

I was looking over some e-mails exchanges that I had with the last batch of guys I met two years ago when I briefly made an effort to date. I can't help look at some of the e-mails and wonder if I was too quick to judge. Did I miss out on some nice guys because my expectations were too high?

Case 1:
I recall this one guy, V-man, who I met for coffee after a couple weeks of e-mailing. What I remember is getting annoyed that his follow up e-mail after the date was that we was busy for the next several weeks and would get back to me in June. (The date was in late April.) I was just so insulted that he would put me off for over a month and couldn't find a single time to see me? I don't remember exactly, but I gave him another vague e-mail saying that I would be busy too.

Now I pull up the old e-mail and it doesn't seem so lame. (explanation points seem to be affecting me rather positively today.) Rather it sounds like he had a nice time and honestly couldn't do much because of travel commitments. So was I unreasonable?

"Hi P,

How are you? I just got back from my tournament in Las Vegas. We didn't do so well, mostly because we had too much fun at night! :)

Anyways, I just wanted to say that I'm glad I got the chance to meet you last week! It's great to place a face with the name behind an email. I'll be traveling all over the place for most of May, but once things calm down, I'll send you another email and maybe we can make some plans to meet up! Take care and have a good week!


Case 2:
Over the course of a week, Gof (yes it's the same guy) e-mailed each other before agreeing to have dinner together on a Friday. At the end of the date we expressed that we both had a nice time and wanted to meet up again. I guess I might have mentioned that I would be busy the following week moving from my apartment to my new place.

So not quite two weeks since the first date, he mailed me:

"Hi P,

How are you doing? Just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing with your new place. Did it feel strange to sleep there the first night? I imagine you have tons of stuff to unpack, organize, and sort through. I just finally moved into my master bedroom last week, after finishing the painting and having the blinds installed.


I probably wrote him a couple days later, confused about not hearing from him for so long:

"I'm guessing you've been rather busy. I thought that we had a nice time at dinner and that you were interested in hanging out again. Since I really haven't heard from you lately, I thought I'd ask if that's still the case. If not, I understand, I'd just appreciate knowing that."

Wow, so I was pretty forward but polite about my confusion. And then the following week, he replied to me again talking about house stuff and:

"Yeah, it's been hectic lately, but I suppose that's the way it goes sometimes. This week is pretty busy for me, but maybe we can catch up next week?"

From there, I'm not sure what happened, but clearly we never met up. I swear I wrote him saying I was available and then never heard from him. So then it was the day before the 4th of July weekend (and a month since our dinner date) when he wrote again.

"I'm in a 3 day UC extension class this week, and it's going well. The class is a project mgmt communication class that I'm taking as part of the project mgmt certificate program. The only tough part is that I still have to catch up on all my emails and work after I get home.
Let's see, for this weekend ... my parents are coming out to see my house for the first time and hang out. I'm looking forward to the 3 day break!

Have a great 4th of july weekend!"

Nothing... about... a date. Does this sound familiar? And he is the nicest guy. But at the time, I was also trying to see three other guys. I liked Gof, but I honestly got fed up with his lack of communication. So I never wrote him back. And he never wrote me. Three or four weeks later, a friend of mine who works in the same department as Gof said that he had commented that I hadn't replied to him and I guess didn't understand why. Come on, you don't *have* to wait for me to write back. It's not always a tennis match where you have to wait for the ball to come back to your side of the court. ARGHHHH.

I didn't respond because I didn't want to set a precendent that I would always have to organize the date. I wanted him to take the lead. Is that too much to ask?

So the question now is... am I in a similar situation with KT? Is he clueless or does he know what he's doing? I am having a hard time because I am honestly considering sending him an e-mail tomorrow saying that I will call him in the evening. At least I know I need to do this live, not by e-mail. But what do I say? Will it really make me feel better or is this just my desperate self clinging to something that's not there?

P.S. And what to do about Gof... I haven't heard from him. Is there any reason to throw out an e-mail and see if there's still anything there? He would have joined me and my friends for a movie this weekend, but he had to cancel because his parents came to visit.


teahouse said...

I think it's ok for you to wait for them to come to you!

It's hard, because I know that the temptation is there to start organizing, so it's all set. But I'm a big fan of chilling and waiting. You've got so many of them on a string..isn't it fun?

Pandax said...

It's funny because I remember back in college my mom always pushed for me to date more than one person at a time. I always thought it was such a crazy idea... and here I am. ;)