Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Sad but expected

Well, I'm about to go to bed and nothing from KT. I can't say I'm surprised but certainly I'm disappointed. He seems like a decent person so it's hard to understand what the issue is. He head is somewhere else. I'm still of the opinion something was wrong with Thursday, and he has chickened out. When he got in his car and drove away, he didn't wave or look towards us. (I would have.) It would seem that perhaps he's more insecure than I am when it comes to dating.

One of my co-workers also thought it odd when I told her that at the beginning of the plus-Larry date that he asked where my friends live. She felt that was a warning bell. Granted, it was an odd question, but I wouldn't know how to interpret it. Perhaps in the future, if a guy asks me a question I find unusual, I can answer but also, politely, inquire why they want to ask me that.

So with all my gal pals sensing either extreme shyness or flakey backup dating, why do you suppose my therapist is so much more tolerant? As I mentioned previously, she thought I was judging him too soon and looking for problems. She didn't think anything he did was flakey or unreasonable. I feel like she's out of touch or something. How could everyone else see this so differently when it's the same story coming from me? I can understand if they got all this from a different perspective. After all, I'm sure my portrayal of things is somewhat biased. I just didn't agree with her stance on me giving him more of a chance. I did give it to him last Thursday. We'll see what she says tomorrow when I tell her what happened.

So, sure, I'm a bit sad. But I think whenever there's a happening like this you have to try and learn from it. I caught myself obsessing and certainly trying to form who he is rather than learn it from him. I need to keep my feelers out there, that way I don't focus all my time on one person and not act like myself.

If only I could have worked it out with my best friend. He's such a sweetie. I think of him all the time because we've become so close over the past two years. And yet, I feel no attraction towards him. It's so unfortunate. I know this to be true with meeting KT because I've never felt this physically awake since my old ex-bf. While I was happy when dating my best friend, I never felt "in love." I know over the long-term maybe it doesn't matter so much, but you want it to be there for awhile right? I mean, if you're gonna try for kids it would be nice to have fun in the process. ;) He knows me so well. When I have an episode of insecurity, he knows and is patient with me. I enjoy holding his hand and hugging him, but that's it. [Sigh] I feel safe and comfortable when I'm with him...

Anyhow, it's late and I've got to pack and shower since I have a morning flight.

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