I know I've been terrible about blogging lately. I hope everyone is doing well out there. This one I just had to thrown down because it's an absolutely fascinating look at how different racism can be regarded and treated by other societies. Discrimination will always be there, but this only proves how difficult it is to justly correct the problem. As much as I think people who have historically been denied rights deserved such judgements, the people who will take most advantage of this are new immigrants who have no appreciation for the rights they now have to advance themselves.
****************************************************************
In South Africa, Chinese is the New Black
WSJ, June 19, 2008
A high court in South Africa ruled on Wednesday that Chinese-South Africans will be reclassified as “black,” a term that includes black Africans, Indians and others who were subject to discrimination under apartheid. As a result of this ruling, ethnically Chinese citizens will be able to benefit from government affirmative action policies aimed at undoing the effects of apartheid.
In 2006, the Chinese Association of South Africa sued the government, claiming that its members were being discriminated against because they were being treated as whites and thus failed to qualify for business contracts and job promotions reserved for victims of apartheid. The association successfully argued that, since Chinese-South Africans had been treated unequally under apartheid, they should be reclassified in order to redress wrongs of the past.
Jacob Zuma, President of the African National Congress, with Hu Jintao in Beijing last week (Reuters)
This is not the first time the classification of Chinese in South Africa has changed. In fact, the racial status of Chinese-South Africans has often shifted with the nation’s political climate and its international relations.
The first significant group of Chinese came to South Africa in the early 20th century, before a formal system of apartheid existed, to work in the gold mines. They were not encouraged to settle permanently and by 1910 almost all the mine workers had been repatriated. Those who remained struggled with racism and lived in separate communities based on language, culture and socio-economic status.
As apartheid became enshrined in law with the ascendancy of the Afrikaner government in the late 1940s, the Chinese were classified as “colored,” forced to live apart from whites, and were denied educational and business opportunities along with the right to vote. But after South Africa established an economic alliance with Taiwan in the 1970s, Taiwanese immigrants were welcomed as “honorary whites,” and other Chinese in South Africa began to be treated more like whites. Although they never attained the formal “honorary white” status of Taiwanese, Koreans and Japanese in South Africa and couldn’t vote, Chinese-South Africans were no longer required to use segregated facilities, and in the early 1980s they were exempted from some of the discriminatory laws that applied to other non-whites.
After apartheid ended in the early 1990s, the legal status of Chinese has remained in a gray area, though they’ve generally been lumped together with whites and denied the post-apartheid benefits available to other non-white groups.
South Africa has seen waves of immigrants and investment from China since 1994, and today there are as many as 300,000 Chinese living in the South Africa. But the new court decision is unlikely to benefit most of them or trigger another mass migration– it applies only to those Chinese who were South African citizens before 1994 (and their descendants), a much smaller number of around 10,000 to 12,000.
-Sky Canaves
Showing posts with label asian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label asian. Show all posts
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
But I was born HERE
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive? Maybe I'm taking this too seriously? Maybe I'm not upset enough for some?
I turned to David Letterman just as he introduced Lucy Liu as his guest for the show. She appeared dressed in a bright pink silk dress stylized with an extra flap of cloth that simulated a having a loose wrap cascading from her left shoulder. She wore black pumps that must have had 4+ inch heels. Her hair was tightly wrapped into a pony tail at the back crown of her head. I guessed that she had to have been wearing false eyelashes as what Chinese woman ever grows them that long.
Admittedly, I don't know that much about her. Although I think we all admire that there's Asian representation in the acting world, she's not THAT great. Amongst my Asian males friends, I have rarely met one very into her.
The conversation was light-hearted at first. They talked a little about her new show and Dave commented about her fancy dress. She joked that she dressed up just for him. Then he asked her how she spent her Xmas. Lucy replied that she'd spent the time with her brother in New York. She paused to find the right words to explain what they did for the holidays. The rest of her plain story was one that I very quickly related to. Like my family, we don't celebrate Xmas the way Americans do (though we're "American"). It's simply a time to catch up, eat, and relax or catch up on things we haven't had time to do. There's no extravagant parties, no piles of perfectly wrapped gifts under the tree, no eggnog, no house covered in Xmas decor. She simply said it was time for them to clean the house, clear the closet, and make donations to the Salvation Army. I think she stumped Dave a bit and finally added, "it's a Chinese tradition." Bingo!
Next, she mentioned how she enjoys riding pedicabs around the city. She added that it reminds her of being in a rickshaw. Okay... why did she need to mention that?
I felt kind of bad for the both of them as it didn't provide for very entertaining conversation. In my opinion, things only went downhill from there. He proceeded to ask her a series of questions that I found a annoying and typical of people. He focused on her ethnicity rather than her.
"How many languages do you know?"
"What's the most common language in China?"
"Is the Mandarin alphabet hard?"
"Do you use Mandarin a lot?"
"Are you excited about having the Olympics in Beijing?"
It was a little strange to watch as she answered his questions and even tried to explain bo-po-mo-fo to him and speak a little Mandarin for him where she basically said, "How are you? What is your name?" I felt like I was taking elementary Mandarin class. Of course, in fun, they translated it as, "You looked terrible in that beard."
They ended the slot by showing a clip of "Cashmere Mafia" which turned out to actually be some old 50s movie where a couple of young women with guns threaten a couple. It was cute.
I turned off the tv still bothered by the interview. I was confused. Why did he have to focus on her being Chinese? It's like when someone starts up small talk with me on a plane and ask if I was born here. It's frustrating. I don't see interviews where they ask these types questions of Antonio Banderas or Aishwarya Rai. Maybe I missed that. But they were born elsewhere; they didn't grown up in the states. It would make sense to ask some of those questions. But what if I turned it around on Dave (let's suppose he's Swedish and Irish) and said, "so what are the differences between Swedish and Norwegian?"
She joked about traveling in Europe for a couple months because of the writers' strike and learning more Italian or other languages. Why could he have used that cue to talk about traveling or what else she does in her free time? Lucy probably didn't help much by not having any fun stories to share. The interview was a bit boring to me.
How much do these shows typically prepare ahead of time for celebrity interviews? My co-worker's alternative theory is that perhaps her agent gave the show some guidance about topics to discuss. Perhaps she is trying to position herself as someone to host shows covering the Beijing Olympics? I find it hard to believe they would have scripted so much of the interview. But I could be wrong. Anyone know how these interviews work?
It made me uncomfortable to see this because it reminds me of a truth non-whites must live with - the fact that we will always be perceived (to some extent) like foreigners despite how long, how many generations we've lived here.
I'm still confused about whether to actually be mad. I'd like to believe that he meant well and was probably simply curious. It just seemed like a strange conversation to have on national talk show that's not exactly known for serious dialogue.
I turned to David Letterman just as he introduced Lucy Liu as his guest for the show. She appeared dressed in a bright pink silk dress stylized with an extra flap of cloth that simulated a having a loose wrap cascading from her left shoulder. She wore black pumps that must have had 4+ inch heels. Her hair was tightly wrapped into a pony tail at the back crown of her head. I guessed that she had to have been wearing false eyelashes as what Chinese woman ever grows them that long.
Admittedly, I don't know that much about her. Although I think we all admire that there's Asian representation in the acting world, she's not THAT great. Amongst my Asian males friends, I have rarely met one very into her.
The conversation was light-hearted at first. They talked a little about her new show and Dave commented about her fancy dress. She joked that she dressed up just for him. Then he asked her how she spent her Xmas. Lucy replied that she'd spent the time with her brother in New York. She paused to find the right words to explain what they did for the holidays. The rest of her plain story was one that I very quickly related to. Like my family, we don't celebrate Xmas the way Americans do (though we're "American"). It's simply a time to catch up, eat, and relax or catch up on things we haven't had time to do. There's no extravagant parties, no piles of perfectly wrapped gifts under the tree, no eggnog, no house covered in Xmas decor. She simply said it was time for them to clean the house, clear the closet, and make donations to the Salvation Army. I think she stumped Dave a bit and finally added, "it's a Chinese tradition." Bingo!
Next, she mentioned how she enjoys riding pedicabs around the city. She added that it reminds her of being in a rickshaw. Okay... why did she need to mention that?
I felt kind of bad for the both of them as it didn't provide for very entertaining conversation. In my opinion, things only went downhill from there. He proceeded to ask her a series of questions that I found a annoying and typical of people. He focused on her ethnicity rather than her.
"How many languages do you know?"
"What's the most common language in China?"
"Is the Mandarin alphabet hard?"
"Do you use Mandarin a lot?"
"Are you excited about having the Olympics in Beijing?"
It was a little strange to watch as she answered his questions and even tried to explain bo-po-mo-fo to him and speak a little Mandarin for him where she basically said, "How are you? What is your name?" I felt like I was taking elementary Mandarin class. Of course, in fun, they translated it as, "You looked terrible in that beard."
They ended the slot by showing a clip of "Cashmere Mafia" which turned out to actually be some old 50s movie where a couple of young women with guns threaten a couple. It was cute.
I turned off the tv still bothered by the interview. I was confused. Why did he have to focus on her being Chinese? It's like when someone starts up small talk with me on a plane and ask if I was born here. It's frustrating. I don't see interviews where they ask these types questions of Antonio Banderas or Aishwarya Rai. Maybe I missed that. But they were born elsewhere; they didn't grown up in the states. It would make sense to ask some of those questions. But what if I turned it around on Dave (let's suppose he's Swedish and Irish) and said, "so what are the differences between Swedish and Norwegian?"
She joked about traveling in Europe for a couple months because of the writers' strike and learning more Italian or other languages. Why could he have used that cue to talk about traveling or what else she does in her free time? Lucy probably didn't help much by not having any fun stories to share. The interview was a bit boring to me.
How much do these shows typically prepare ahead of time for celebrity interviews? My co-worker's alternative theory is that perhaps her agent gave the show some guidance about topics to discuss. Perhaps she is trying to position herself as someone to host shows covering the Beijing Olympics? I find it hard to believe they would have scripted so much of the interview. But I could be wrong. Anyone know how these interviews work?
It made me uncomfortable to see this because it reminds me of a truth non-whites must live with - the fact that we will always be perceived (to some extent) like foreigners despite how long, how many generations we've lived here.
I'm still confused about whether to actually be mad. I'd like to believe that he meant well and was probably simply curious. It just seemed like a strange conversation to have on national talk show that's not exactly known for serious dialogue.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Yes, that's my name
I came across this article today. I thought it was amusing and shows that celebrities aren't the only people looking for novel baby names. Of course, Asians probably have a more justifiable reason for looking for something unique given the limited number of surnames. Imagine if a quarter of the population ended in Smith or Johnson.
Using a symbol like "@" reminds me of Prince. It's just a lame way to be named. Think about how much teasing this child may go through at school.
Of course, then I think about a friend of mine who complains that he can't write his own Chinese name because his dad had to pick the most complicated character for his first name. His dad is a very educated man who chose American names that had distinct meaning, but at least they were names you find in a baby book.
In this case, maybe it's a good thing the government can reject your paperwork.
---------------------------------------------
Couple Tries to Name Baby 'At' Symbol
Thursday, August 16, 2007
(08-16) 08:21 PDT BEIJING, China (AP) --
A Chinese couple seeking a distinctive and modern name for their child chose the commonly used Internet 'at' symbol, much to the consternation of Chinese officials.
The unidentified couple and the attempted naming were cited Thursday by a Chinese government official as an example of bizarre names creeping into the Chinese language.
The father "said 'the whole world uses it to write e-mails and translated into Chinese it means 'love him,'"' Li Yuming, the vice director of the State Language Commission, said at a news conference.
The symbol pronounced in English as 'at' sounds like the Chinese phrase "love him."
Written Chinese does not use an alphabet but is comprised of characters, sometimes making it difficult to develop new words for new or foreign things and ideas.
In their quest for a different name, Li said that the parents of baby '@' were not alone. As of last year, only 129 surnames accounted for 87 percent of all surnames in China, Li said, suggesting that the uniformity drove people to find more individual given names.
"There was even a 'Zhao-A,' a 'King Osrina' and other extremely individualistic names," Li said, according to a transcript of the news conference posted on the government's main web site, .
Li did not say whether police, who are the arbiters of names because they issue identity cards, rejected baby '@' and the others. But nationwide last year there were 60 million people's names that used "unfamiliar characters," Li said.
www.gov.cn
Using a symbol like "@" reminds me of Prince. It's just a lame way to be named. Think about how much teasing this child may go through at school.
Of course, then I think about a friend of mine who complains that he can't write his own Chinese name because his dad had to pick the most complicated character for his first name. His dad is a very educated man who chose American names that had distinct meaning, but at least they were names you find in a baby book.
In this case, maybe it's a good thing the government can reject your paperwork.
---------------------------------------------
Couple Tries to Name Baby 'At' Symbol
Thursday, August 16, 2007
(08-16) 08:21 PDT BEIJING, China (AP) --
A Chinese couple seeking a distinctive and modern name for their child chose the commonly used Internet 'at' symbol, much to the consternation of Chinese officials.
The unidentified couple and the attempted naming were cited Thursday by a Chinese government official as an example of bizarre names creeping into the Chinese language.
The father "said 'the whole world uses it to write e-mails and translated into Chinese it means 'love him,'"' Li Yuming, the vice director of the State Language Commission, said at a news conference.
The symbol pronounced in English as 'at' sounds like the Chinese phrase "love him."
Written Chinese does not use an alphabet but is comprised of characters, sometimes making it difficult to develop new words for new or foreign things and ideas.
In their quest for a different name, Li said that the parents of baby '@' were not alone. As of last year, only 129 surnames accounted for 87 percent of all surnames in China, Li said, suggesting that the uniformity drove people to find more individual given names.
"There was even a 'Zhao-A,' a 'King Osrina' and other extremely individualistic names," Li said, according to a transcript of the news conference posted on the government's main web site, .
Li did not say whether police, who are the arbiters of names because they issue identity cards, rejected baby '@' and the others. But nationwide last year there were 60 million people's names that used "unfamiliar characters," Li said.
www.gov.cn
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Curious and suspicious
My mother passed this flyer along to me. On one hand, I could see that she knows I like the outdoors and is passing this along out of interest. On the other hand, when I saw that this is being marketed to children in their 30s and 40s, I couldn't help think this is some subtle way of giving me a way to meeting other potential single people (i.e. MEN).
The forwarding message reads, "One of our classmate (Jean Hsu) is volunteering her time and energy organizing a wonderful outing for our next generation.... those who are in their 30's and 40's. Please read the attached invitation."
Volunteering? They charge money for this... how is this considered volunteering?
Maybe I'm being overly suspicious. I just think is funny and peculiar. I don't think I'm the right target audience for this. Who needs someone to organize a trip like this? I'd just grab so friends and go myself. A trip to Sequoia does sound nice.
******
As for the dating front, I'm waiting to hear back from the last of the guys I contacted when I was going through "my consultant." Yes, I ended my subscription (for now).
My weekend dinner with 1of1 went fine. We ate so early (6:30pm) that there was no one in the restaurant. We walked through the downtown as we chatted. The evening was pleasant. I say that in a polite sort of way. It's not like I was excited to be there nor did I dread being in his presence. We get along; we probably have many similar qualities. At the same time, I wonder if our similarities are why things are a bit... boring? I feel very mellow around him. Where's the the playfulness, anticipation, a sense of energy?
I've tried to be very good about not analyzing the situation too much. He's a nice fellow and if I were simply looking for a mate, this would be something to pursue, but I'm not sure my heart's in it. He's definitely interested. During every date, I can tell he's searching for ideas to plan the next. He asked me if I ever go to museums. (Can you guess what he's proposed for this weekend?) Really, it's nice to see someone thoughtful about dating and insisting on paying for everything. It's unfortunately lost on me in his particular case.
At this point, the height issue still stands, but I think there's more to my lack of enthusiasm. I'm not finding that chemistry and connection I seek. When I think about continuing to go on dates with 1of1, I ask myself if I can imagine kissing him in the next month. Well, I can imagine him trying to kiss me, but it's not a pleasing thought. That's can't be a good sign. My gut tells me that this isn't going to work out. I'm trying to be open. People can grow on each other right? I will go on another date with him, but I need to figure things out before he gets too attached.
The Strategist has sent a couple more e-mails. He seems more interesting than 1of1, but he seems less interested than 1of1. Since our one phone call, nothing much has happened. There are long gaps in communication which I've learned naturally happen when you really purely on e-mails too long. I'm tired of just e-mailing; it's not going anywhere. So this time I wrote back and suggest we meet up for a drink or snack. His lack of interest (or indecision) makes me think it's time to answer the chemistry question. This should settle things once and for all; either we're done or we hang out more.
He wrote back saying the weekend would probably work. Okay, could you suggest a time or day? I wrote back saying my mornings were out and asked if there was another time that worked. Finally, he wrote back with two rough time slots. Do you think he'll actually be proactive enough to suggest a time and place to meet when I reply? I thought guys know they're supposed to date plans more than 24 hours ahead of time.
Peeve moment over. It's no big deal. I need to remember "just enjoy the ride." I'll survive regardless of whether or not either of these guys turn out to be anything good.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
What's culturally important
For whatever reason, the question of ethnicity was really on my mind the other day. In the melting pot we call home, I often wonder how future generations of Asian-Americans will identify with the ethnic background versus their homeland. Among the first-generation people I know and have met, there are still ties to their mother countries. It manifests itself in a variety of ways - choosing to live in ethnic neighborhoods, speaking something other than English at home, going to visit country X regularly, etc.
The second generation (that includes myself) gets the best and maybe the worst of both worlds. We adapt to the freedoms that living here provides. We appreciate a variety of foods and practices. For those of us who don't naturally blend into crowd (i.e. not white) we sometimes face discrimination. When we are among people who look like us, they often expect us to understand a foreign language fluently or share the same opinions. We grow up trying to reconcile differences between our American values and the values our parents pass down from their upbringing.
What happens as the generation pass? Those who remain within ethnic enclaves such as a Chinatown or Little Saigon might be more insulated from American cultural influences. I guess my thoughts look more towards upwardly mobile families that move to the suburbs to raise their families. How well are they able to instill an understanding and appreciation for cultural heritage among their children? Is it realistic to expect the 3rd, 4th, 5th generations to be Asian?
I ask this because taking my language course strengthens my desire to expose my future children to as much Asian culture as possible. The thing is, I don't consider myself very Asian sometimes. I have friends who speak to their parent only in their native tongue, are familiar with all the traditions and superstitions around events like Lunar New Year, Red Egg and Ginger parties, and the Autumn Moon Festival, and hold tight to family traditions. In my upbringing, my dad tried as much as possible to Americanize me, and therefore did not send to extra schooling on weekends. My dad would laugh if I told him how important the idea was to me because he knows how little I could teach to my kids and that it won't really matter in the long run.
It won't matter because over time, people will mix. In this part of country, it's probably unusually apparent. Among Asians, we are cross-marrying. Overall, the melting pot will take time and will probably more influenced by Hispanics than Asians.
All this setup brings me to my ruminations. For a long time now, I have pursued dating with the thought that I would marry someone of the same ethnicity. I thought it would make things easier in terms of family and raising kids. We would share similar values and encourage each other improve our language skills. It was a big plus with Ryan and KT. It's one of the reasons I was uncomfortable dating Tim.
I get mixed opinions from my friends. Some say I'm not being fair and limiting my chances for happiness. Other people say that if it's important that I should focus there.
But now, I stop to think about some of the guys I could potentially date. I've always been open myself to meeting all Asians, though perhaps I'm trying harder these days. That means I could end up liking someone who is a banana (yellow on the outside, white on the inside) or someone of another ethnicity who shares little background in common. How would that change what I can pass to my children? Would I really miss not being able to speak to someone in my parents' tongue?
When I go to my language class, I am reminded that there are men out there who are wanting to learn the language of their girlfriend/wife. It's a gesture I'd really admire. I don't know the reasons in each case, but I can tell you that if I had someone who learned for me (without me pushing him hard to do so), I would believe the man truly loves and understands me.
In the end, the language is not so important. I know that, but it's this feeling of familiarity, of connection that perhaps I'm afraid of losing which I associate with speaking the language. What matters is finding someone I love, who loves me, who share similar values and ideals about life and living. If I find that, maybe the rest will come naturally, and I won't have to worry about feeling like a lost soul.
The second generation (that includes myself) gets the best and maybe the worst of both worlds. We adapt to the freedoms that living here provides. We appreciate a variety of foods and practices. For those of us who don't naturally blend into crowd (i.e. not white) we sometimes face discrimination. When we are among people who look like us, they often expect us to understand a foreign language fluently or share the same opinions. We grow up trying to reconcile differences between our American values and the values our parents pass down from their upbringing.
What happens as the generation pass? Those who remain within ethnic enclaves such as a Chinatown or Little Saigon might be more insulated from American cultural influences. I guess my thoughts look more towards upwardly mobile families that move to the suburbs to raise their families. How well are they able to instill an understanding and appreciation for cultural heritage among their children? Is it realistic to expect the 3rd, 4th, 5th generations to be Asian?
I ask this because taking my language course strengthens my desire to expose my future children to as much Asian culture as possible. The thing is, I don't consider myself very Asian sometimes. I have friends who speak to their parent only in their native tongue, are familiar with all the traditions and superstitions around events like Lunar New Year, Red Egg and Ginger parties, and the Autumn Moon Festival, and hold tight to family traditions. In my upbringing, my dad tried as much as possible to Americanize me, and therefore did not send to extra schooling on weekends. My dad would laugh if I told him how important the idea was to me because he knows how little I could teach to my kids and that it won't really matter in the long run.
It won't matter because over time, people will mix. In this part of country, it's probably unusually apparent. Among Asians, we are cross-marrying. Overall, the melting pot will take time and will probably more influenced by Hispanics than Asians.
All this setup brings me to my ruminations. For a long time now, I have pursued dating with the thought that I would marry someone of the same ethnicity. I thought it would make things easier in terms of family and raising kids. We would share similar values and encourage each other improve our language skills. It was a big plus with Ryan and KT. It's one of the reasons I was uncomfortable dating Tim.
I get mixed opinions from my friends. Some say I'm not being fair and limiting my chances for happiness. Other people say that if it's important that I should focus there.
But now, I stop to think about some of the guys I could potentially date. I've always been open myself to meeting all Asians, though perhaps I'm trying harder these days. That means I could end up liking someone who is a banana (yellow on the outside, white on the inside) or someone of another ethnicity who shares little background in common. How would that change what I can pass to my children? Would I really miss not being able to speak to someone in my parents' tongue?
When I go to my language class, I am reminded that there are men out there who are wanting to learn the language of their girlfriend/wife. It's a gesture I'd really admire. I don't know the reasons in each case, but I can tell you that if I had someone who learned for me (without me pushing him hard to do so), I would believe the man truly loves and understands me.
In the end, the language is not so important. I know that, but it's this feeling of familiarity, of connection that perhaps I'm afraid of losing which I associate with speaking the language. What matters is finding someone I love, who loves me, who share similar values and ideals about life and living. If I find that, maybe the rest will come naturally, and I won't have to worry about feeling like a lost soul.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Vanity on the rise
I heard about this on the radio coming into work. Then I saw this article at CNN with more in-depth discussion of the study. I couldn't help be curious and think back to a posting where Anna May looked into this disorder.
I've always thought of narcissism as an extreme disorder. I'm sure everyone exhibits some elements of narcissism because it's natural to protect oneself over others. At the same time, I would agree that I think people are much more self-focused these days. We live alone longer which contributes to that. Being famous and having bling factor have (unfortunately) become an obsession for much of American society. Everyone seems to want their 15-minutes of fame be it through reality television or the Internet.
I was looking at some diagnosis guidelines for NPD. You are supposed to fit at least five of the descriptions to be diagnosed. Perhaps I act in some of these fashions once in awhile but never consistently.
Thinking about it, I wonder if my mix of Asian and American culture changes how I perceive things. I was probably subconsciously taught to be humble. My parents stressed good grades but never rewarded in a way that implied I was better than others. Maybe I'm suffering from low self-esteem and could have used a little "you're special" praise from time to time as a child.
Let's look at the three examples statements they gave from the inventory assessment were:
"If I ruled the world, it would be a better place."
I'd like to think I could offer more sensible and practical ways to live and treat each other, but I don't see myself as a ruler. However, my neighbor not blasting her surround sound after 12AM would be one public annoyance I'd like to enforce. x(
"I think I am a special person."
Yeah... no. I think I have unique talents, but that doesn't make me special in all cases. I hate people who think and act that way around others they don't know. Everyone deserves to feel special on occasion - that's why we pay money to go to the spa for a day or stay a night at a luxury hotel.
"I can live my life any way I want to."
This seems like a very dangerous attitude. To me, this reads I can do whatever I want regardless of how it may affect other people. You can't because you have to responsible and considerate of other people. If everyone had that attitude we'd have anarchy. Then again, maybe I'd live my life differently if I wasn't always considering what's expected of me.
I'd be curious to know how groups from other countries would score on this standardized inventory. How do they think in Europe and in Asia?
----------------------------------------------------------------
Study: Vanity on the rise among college students
NEW YORK (AP) -- Today's college students are more narcissistic and self-centered than their predecessors, according to a comprehensive new study by five psychologists who worry that the trend could be harmful to personal relationships and American society.
"We need to stop endlessly repeating 'You're special' and having children repeat that back," said the study's lead author, Professor Jean Twenge of San Diego State University. "Kids are self-centered enough already."
Twenge and her colleagues, in findings to be presented at a workshop Tuesday in San Diego on the generation gap, examined the responses of 16,475 college students nationwide who completed an evaluation called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory between 1982 and 2006.
The standardized inventory, known as the NPI, asks for responses to such statements as "If I ruled the world, it would be a better place," "I think I am a special person" and "I can live my life any way I want to."
The researchers describe their study as the largest ever of its type and say students' NPI scores have risen steadily since the current test was introduced in 1982. By 2006, they said, two-thirds of the students had above-average scores, 30 percent more than in 1982.
Narcissism can have benefits, said study co-author W. Keith Campbell of the University of Georgia, suggesting it could be useful in meeting new people "or auditioning on 'American Idol."'
"Unfortunately, narcissism can also have very negative consequences for society, including the breakdown of close relationships with others," he said.
The study asserts that narcissists "are more likely to have romantic relationships that are short-lived, at risk for infidelity, lack emotional warmth, and to exhibit game-playing, dishonesty, and over-controlling and violent behaviors."
Twenge, the author of "Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled -- and More Miserable Than Ever Before," said narcissists tend to lack empathy, react aggressively to criticism and favor self-promotion over helping others.
The researchers traced the phenomenon back to what they called the "self-esteem movement" that emerged in the 1980s, asserting that the effort to build self-confidence had gone too far.
As an example, Twenge cited a song commonly sung to the tune of "Frere Jacques" in preschool: "I am special, I am special. Look at me."
"Current technology fuels the increase in narcissism," Twenge said. "By its very name, MySpace encourages attention-seeking, as does YouTube."
Some analysts have commended today's young people for increased commitment to volunteer work. But Twenge viewed even this phenomenon skeptically, noting that many high schools require community service and many youths feel pressure to list such endeavors on college applications.
Campbell said the narcissism upsurge seemed so pronounced that he was unsure if there were obvious remedies.
"Permissiveness seems to be a component," he said. "A potential antidote would be more authoritative parenting. Less indulgence might be called for."
The new report follows a study released by UCLA last month which found that nearly three-quarters of the freshmen it surveyed thought it was important to be "very well-off financially." That compared with 62.5 percent who said the same in 1980 and 42 percent in 1966.
Yet students, while acknowledging some legitimacy to such findings, don't necessarily accept negative generalizations about their generation.
Hanady Kader, a University of Washington senior, said she worked unpaid last summer helping resettle refugees and considers many of her peers to be civic-minded. But she is dismayed by the competitiveness of some students who seem prematurely focused on career status.
"We're encouraged a lot to be individuals and go out there and do what you want, and nobody should stand in your way," Kader said. "I can see goals and ambitions getting in the way of other things like relationships."
Kari Dalane, a University of Vermont sophomore, says most of her contemporaries are politically active and not overly self-centered.
"People are worried about themselves -- but in the sense of where are they're going to find a place in the world," she said. "People want to look their best, have a good time, but it doesn't mean they're not concerned about the rest of the world."
Besides, some of the responses on the narcissism test might not be worrisome, Dalane said. "It would be more depressing if people answered, 'No, I'm not special."'
Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
I've always thought of narcissism as an extreme disorder. I'm sure everyone exhibits some elements of narcissism because it's natural to protect oneself over others. At the same time, I would agree that I think people are much more self-focused these days. We live alone longer which contributes to that. Being famous and having bling factor have (unfortunately) become an obsession for much of American society. Everyone seems to want their 15-minutes of fame be it through reality television or the Internet.
I was looking at some diagnosis guidelines for NPD. You are supposed to fit at least five of the descriptions to be diagnosed. Perhaps I act in some of these fashions once in awhile but never consistently.
Thinking about it, I wonder if my mix of Asian and American culture changes how I perceive things. I was probably subconsciously taught to be humble. My parents stressed good grades but never rewarded in a way that implied I was better than others. Maybe I'm suffering from low self-esteem and could have used a little "you're special" praise from time to time as a child.
Let's look at the three examples statements they gave from the inventory assessment were:
"If I ruled the world, it would be a better place."
I'd like to think I could offer more sensible and practical ways to live and treat each other, but I don't see myself as a ruler. However, my neighbor not blasting her surround sound after 12AM would be one public annoyance I'd like to enforce. x(
"I think I am a special person."
Yeah... no. I think I have unique talents, but that doesn't make me special in all cases. I hate people who think and act that way around others they don't know. Everyone deserves to feel special on occasion - that's why we pay money to go to the spa for a day or stay a night at a luxury hotel.
"I can live my life any way I want to."
This seems like a very dangerous attitude. To me, this reads I can do whatever I want regardless of how it may affect other people. You can't because you have to responsible and considerate of other people. If everyone had that attitude we'd have anarchy. Then again, maybe I'd live my life differently if I wasn't always considering what's expected of me.
I'd be curious to know how groups from other countries would score on this standardized inventory. How do they think in Europe and in Asia?
----------------------------------------------------------------
Study: Vanity on the rise among college students
NEW YORK (AP) -- Today's college students are more narcissistic and self-centered than their predecessors, according to a comprehensive new study by five psychologists who worry that the trend could be harmful to personal relationships and American society.
"We need to stop endlessly repeating 'You're special' and having children repeat that back," said the study's lead author, Professor Jean Twenge of San Diego State University. "Kids are self-centered enough already."
Twenge and her colleagues, in findings to be presented at a workshop Tuesday in San Diego on the generation gap, examined the responses of 16,475 college students nationwide who completed an evaluation called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory between 1982 and 2006.
The standardized inventory, known as the NPI, asks for responses to such statements as "If I ruled the world, it would be a better place," "I think I am a special person" and "I can live my life any way I want to."
The researchers describe their study as the largest ever of its type and say students' NPI scores have risen steadily since the current test was introduced in 1982. By 2006, they said, two-thirds of the students had above-average scores, 30 percent more than in 1982.
Narcissism can have benefits, said study co-author W. Keith Campbell of the University of Georgia, suggesting it could be useful in meeting new people "or auditioning on 'American Idol."'
"Unfortunately, narcissism can also have very negative consequences for society, including the breakdown of close relationships with others," he said.
The study asserts that narcissists "are more likely to have romantic relationships that are short-lived, at risk for infidelity, lack emotional warmth, and to exhibit game-playing, dishonesty, and over-controlling and violent behaviors."
Twenge, the author of "Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled -- and More Miserable Than Ever Before," said narcissists tend to lack empathy, react aggressively to criticism and favor self-promotion over helping others.
The researchers traced the phenomenon back to what they called the "self-esteem movement" that emerged in the 1980s, asserting that the effort to build self-confidence had gone too far.
As an example, Twenge cited a song commonly sung to the tune of "Frere Jacques" in preschool: "I am special, I am special. Look at me."
"Current technology fuels the increase in narcissism," Twenge said. "By its very name, MySpace encourages attention-seeking, as does YouTube."
Some analysts have commended today's young people for increased commitment to volunteer work. But Twenge viewed even this phenomenon skeptically, noting that many high schools require community service and many youths feel pressure to list such endeavors on college applications.
Campbell said the narcissism upsurge seemed so pronounced that he was unsure if there were obvious remedies.
"Permissiveness seems to be a component," he said. "A potential antidote would be more authoritative parenting. Less indulgence might be called for."
The new report follows a study released by UCLA last month which found that nearly three-quarters of the freshmen it surveyed thought it was important to be "very well-off financially." That compared with 62.5 percent who said the same in 1980 and 42 percent in 1966.
Yet students, while acknowledging some legitimacy to such findings, don't necessarily accept negative generalizations about their generation.
Hanady Kader, a University of Washington senior, said she worked unpaid last summer helping resettle refugees and considers many of her peers to be civic-minded. But she is dismayed by the competitiveness of some students who seem prematurely focused on career status.
"We're encouraged a lot to be individuals and go out there and do what you want, and nobody should stand in your way," Kader said. "I can see goals and ambitions getting in the way of other things like relationships."
Kari Dalane, a University of Vermont sophomore, says most of her contemporaries are politically active and not overly self-centered.
"People are worried about themselves -- but in the sense of where are they're going to find a place in the world," she said. "People want to look their best, have a good time, but it doesn't mean they're not concerned about the rest of the world."
Besides, some of the responses on the narcissism test might not be worrisome, Dalane said. "It would be more depressing if people answered, 'No, I'm not special."'
Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Fighting myself in the new year
To celebrate the Lunar New Year, my father's friend, Uncle invited me to join his family for dinner over the weekend. He lives nearby and has been trying to invite me over for several years. This is the first time I was available.
When I was a toddler, I used to play with his daughter, who is one year older. I remember watching old slide shows and wondering who the little girl was standing next to me at this park. We haven't met since those days when both families were in the Midwest.
I thought that it was just going to be eating with the family. It concerned me that dinner would feel intimidating and awkward. Still, I felt it somewhat of an obligation since it is a my father's good friend. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that it was a larger group. There were other "kids" invited who's fathers went to school with Uncle or are neighbors. Our ages probably ranged from 26 to 37. We were strangers, linked by a parental six degrees of separation.
Feminist is the daughter. She and her now husband were together 11 years before they married. My mother thought Feminist was uncomfortable marrying Orange because he isn't Chinese. What I learned is that she simply didn't feel it necessary to conform to the expectations of society. It had nothing to do with her commitment to Orange. When someone asked why they finally did marry, she said the influence of her family changed her mind, though she didn't expand on the exact reasons. Hearing all this made me realize how skewed my mother's conclusions about people can be and that I should be careful in presenting and accepting opinions.
AussieMBA and SDTeach are high school classmates and neighbors of the son, LowInc. It was slow to make conversation at first. Thank goodness for food. When two brothers arrived, I naturally took notice of them. Part of me wondered if there was some setup involved though how could Uncle know whether I was single. The taller of the two wore glasses, Disorganized, appeared slightly more attractive and seemed more outgoing. The brother, Emerald, seemed average and turned out to be pretty quiet. His face seemed familiar, maybe I've seen his picture on a dating website in the past. Disorganized turned out to be the younger brother.
Naturally, the conversations began by asking each other about our professions and where we live. Feminist is very active in her academic pursuits and Asian-American ideals. She was dressed in a fashionable yet eccentric wearing an overlength, fitted tee that had bell sleeves over another t-shirt and fitted pants. Her black-rimmed glasses gave her that intellectual look.
The brothers are both physicians. Feminist grew up with them as her neighbor in NY. She hadn't seen them since secondary school and was curious to hear about them. Both are more recent transplants to California (past 2-3 years). Their older brother still lives in NY. As she inquired more about them, I got the sense that they haven't developed many friends or resources here. I would imagine their busy schedules don't allow for much time to socialize like I do.
Part of me was naturally curious about the younger brother given he was more sociable and attractive. Another part of me felt wary of lavishing too much attention towards the guys. Growing up, there has always been that image of the ideal boy to match up daughters with - a doctor being one of the biggest trophies among mothers. I think part of me shies away from these types because of my mother. Ah, rebellion. I've seen her swoon over other perceived "good catches." I can't stand the idea of my mother boasting to all her friends about me dating a doctor even though she knows nothing about him. It's a real struggle within myself because I want my mother to approve and yet I don't want to conform to her expectations. Do I end up sabotaging myself because of her?
I, myself, fear wanting to date a doctor more for what he makes than who he is. Financial security is a nice thing, but I worry about putting that before other things or allowing the fact to compensate for a personality flaw that I normally might not put up with. I'd love to be able to afford to be a stay-at-home mother for those early years. Judging someone on paper facts is natural, but I don't like that it can cloud my judgement.
Another reason I tend to be skeptical of dating doctors is because they are doctors. Besides the potential for cockiness and related personalty quirks, they're just plain busy people. This is probably more of an issue to me than anything else. They are controlled by their schedules and patients, not the other way around. Then again, maybe it'd all be alright because I like having some time to myself. It would take a lot of communication and patience to live with the unpredictability and inflexibility.
Basically, I did my best to treat them as I did other people. SDTeach was the one who showcased them a bit. She's really into "Grey's Anatomy" and was curious to hear about the real life of doctors. She asked the guys if anything from the show is like their work. The brother chuckled at the question. Both have heard of the show but never really watched it. From what they'd heard, they explained that their work is much more boring and routine than anything on tv. Still, she continued to ask questions about what types of illness they see and the interactions they have with their staff. She wanted to know if it's true that doctors have close relationships with their nurses, though nothing like all the sex we see on the show. It was amusing to see her so intrigued and curious.
Her job and stories were actually much more interesting. SDTeach works with high-risk teenagers. She's taught at juvenile hall. It's always impressive to hear about people who are willing to risk themselves and thrive on working with trouble youth. I can't imagine she looks that tough and authoritative and yet she manages to generate respect among the kids.
The evening went pretty well. People slowly broke off into different conversations as the night progressed. At one point, Disorganized sat on the same couch as me. When he found out where I live, he asked for recommendations on where he might look for a place to buy. I racked my brain and suggested this new development that would be a good location between where he works and where he likes to hang out.
All seemed to be going well until I made one out of place comment. After describing the housing development, I cautioned that the condos could be a bit pricey. I should have left it there. But then, as usual, my mouth accelerated past my common sense circuits and said, "but you're a doctor so you should be fine." That seemed to cool the conversation a bit. OOPS, oh well. (I really need to learn to NOT think aloud.)
It was getting late, so I said my thanks yous and goodbyes. Feminist said that she'd collect everyone's e-mails and keep us all in touch with each other. Alas, she's never shared everyone's e-mails. It's seems she's keeping them for herself. I don't know if I actually want anything from either of the brothers. Maybe I'm just disappointed that I don't seem to generate much attention from guys in general. It was nice to meet some new people. I hope that maybe Feminist and I can become better acquainted though I'm not sure how much we have in common.
When I was a toddler, I used to play with his daughter, who is one year older. I remember watching old slide shows and wondering who the little girl was standing next to me at this park. We haven't met since those days when both families were in the Midwest.
I thought that it was just going to be eating with the family. It concerned me that dinner would feel intimidating and awkward. Still, I felt it somewhat of an obligation since it is a my father's good friend. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that it was a larger group. There were other "kids" invited who's fathers went to school with Uncle or are neighbors. Our ages probably ranged from 26 to 37. We were strangers, linked by a parental six degrees of separation.
Feminist is the daughter. She and her now husband were together 11 years before they married. My mother thought Feminist was uncomfortable marrying Orange because he isn't Chinese. What I learned is that she simply didn't feel it necessary to conform to the expectations of society. It had nothing to do with her commitment to Orange. When someone asked why they finally did marry, she said the influence of her family changed her mind, though she didn't expand on the exact reasons. Hearing all this made me realize how skewed my mother's conclusions about people can be and that I should be careful in presenting and accepting opinions.
AussieMBA and SDTeach are high school classmates and neighbors of the son, LowInc. It was slow to make conversation at first. Thank goodness for food. When two brothers arrived, I naturally took notice of them. Part of me wondered if there was some setup involved though how could Uncle know whether I was single. The taller of the two wore glasses, Disorganized, appeared slightly more attractive and seemed more outgoing. The brother, Emerald, seemed average and turned out to be pretty quiet. His face seemed familiar, maybe I've seen his picture on a dating website in the past. Disorganized turned out to be the younger brother.
Naturally, the conversations began by asking each other about our professions and where we live. Feminist is very active in her academic pursuits and Asian-American ideals. She was dressed in a fashionable yet eccentric wearing an overlength, fitted tee that had bell sleeves over another t-shirt and fitted pants. Her black-rimmed glasses gave her that intellectual look.
The brothers are both physicians. Feminist grew up with them as her neighbor in NY. She hadn't seen them since secondary school and was curious to hear about them. Both are more recent transplants to California (past 2-3 years). Their older brother still lives in NY. As she inquired more about them, I got the sense that they haven't developed many friends or resources here. I would imagine their busy schedules don't allow for much time to socialize like I do.
Part of me was naturally curious about the younger brother given he was more sociable and attractive. Another part of me felt wary of lavishing too much attention towards the guys. Growing up, there has always been that image of the ideal boy to match up daughters with - a doctor being one of the biggest trophies among mothers. I think part of me shies away from these types because of my mother. Ah, rebellion. I've seen her swoon over other perceived "good catches." I can't stand the idea of my mother boasting to all her friends about me dating a doctor even though she knows nothing about him. It's a real struggle within myself because I want my mother to approve and yet I don't want to conform to her expectations. Do I end up sabotaging myself because of her?
I, myself, fear wanting to date a doctor more for what he makes than who he is. Financial security is a nice thing, but I worry about putting that before other things or allowing the fact to compensate for a personality flaw that I normally might not put up with. I'd love to be able to afford to be a stay-at-home mother for those early years. Judging someone on paper facts is natural, but I don't like that it can cloud my judgement.
Another reason I tend to be skeptical of dating doctors is because they are doctors. Besides the potential for cockiness and related personalty quirks, they're just plain busy people. This is probably more of an issue to me than anything else. They are controlled by their schedules and patients, not the other way around. Then again, maybe it'd all be alright because I like having some time to myself. It would take a lot of communication and patience to live with the unpredictability and inflexibility.
Basically, I did my best to treat them as I did other people. SDTeach was the one who showcased them a bit. She's really into "Grey's Anatomy" and was curious to hear about the real life of doctors. She asked the guys if anything from the show is like their work. The brother chuckled at the question. Both have heard of the show but never really watched it. From what they'd heard, they explained that their work is much more boring and routine than anything on tv. Still, she continued to ask questions about what types of illness they see and the interactions they have with their staff. She wanted to know if it's true that doctors have close relationships with their nurses, though nothing like all the sex we see on the show. It was amusing to see her so intrigued and curious.
Her job and stories were actually much more interesting. SDTeach works with high-risk teenagers. She's taught at juvenile hall. It's always impressive to hear about people who are willing to risk themselves and thrive on working with trouble youth. I can't imagine she looks that tough and authoritative and yet she manages to generate respect among the kids.
The evening went pretty well. People slowly broke off into different conversations as the night progressed. At one point, Disorganized sat on the same couch as me. When he found out where I live, he asked for recommendations on where he might look for a place to buy. I racked my brain and suggested this new development that would be a good location between where he works and where he likes to hang out.
All seemed to be going well until I made one out of place comment. After describing the housing development, I cautioned that the condos could be a bit pricey. I should have left it there. But then, as usual, my mouth accelerated past my common sense circuits and said, "but you're a doctor so you should be fine." That seemed to cool the conversation a bit. OOPS, oh well. (I really need to learn to NOT think aloud.)
It was getting late, so I said my thanks yous and goodbyes. Feminist said that she'd collect everyone's e-mails and keep us all in touch with each other. Alas, she's never shared everyone's e-mails. It's seems she's keeping them for herself. I don't know if I actually want anything from either of the brothers. Maybe I'm just disappointed that I don't seem to generate much attention from guys in general. It was nice to meet some new people. I hope that maybe Feminist and I can become better acquainted though I'm not sure how much we have in common.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Bouncing everywhere
Just venting today...
What is it about 2007 that's causing so many people to be pregnant? I don't think it has anything to do necessarily with the Golden Pig year, though I'm sure people are happy about it if their family is Asian.
I'm happy for them all, just a little sad inside for me. I hate always feeling like I've been left out. I don't want to believe that I'm never going to have children because it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it just feels that way more and more.
Jan: Les (2nd)
Feb: Professor (1st), EV (1st)
March: Sister (1st), Eeyore (2nd), Bragh (1st)
May: Bball (3rd), EH (2nd)
June: Nvy (2nd)
And I'm thinking there will be another three in the second half of the year (all firsts). [sigh]
I have three birthday party invites and one offer to go skiing for the next two weekends. All of which are from couples. Whooppeee (you can't see my face but it's a smirk). I feel like an outcast because the majority of the people who attend these things are now couples. I hate it, but I feel like I should go to the parties because they are my friends. It's lonely despite the smiles and laughs they see when I'm there.
Enough self-pity, I've got work to do. (Note, when you move a meeting up by a day, you might want to tell the presenter before you decide to move it so that she'll have it ready in time!!)
What is it about 2007 that's causing so many people to be pregnant? I don't think it has anything to do necessarily with the Golden Pig year, though I'm sure people are happy about it if their family is Asian.
I'm happy for them all, just a little sad inside for me. I hate always feeling like I've been left out. I don't want to believe that I'm never going to have children because it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it just feels that way more and more.
Jan: Les (2nd)
Feb: Professor (1st), EV (1st)
March: Sister (1st), Eeyore (2nd), Bragh (1st)
May: Bball (3rd), EH (2nd)
June: Nvy (2nd)
And I'm thinking there will be another three in the second half of the year (all firsts). [sigh]
I have three birthday party invites and one offer to go skiing for the next two weekends. All of which are from couples. Whooppeee (you can't see my face but it's a smirk). I feel like an outcast because the majority of the people who attend these things are now couples. I hate it, but I feel like I should go to the parties because they are my friends. It's lonely despite the smiles and laughs they see when I'm there.
Enough self-pity, I've got work to do. (Note, when you move a meeting up by a day, you might want to tell the presenter before you decide to move it so that she'll have it ready in time!!)
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
San Mateo man defeats Asian stereotypes to win 'Survivor'
It's interesting that CBS had to recruit people for Survivor. You'd think the show's popularity would be enough to entice thousands of people to apply from which they could form a diverse cast. The other thing I wonder is what channels they used to recruit people?
San Mateo man defeats Asian stereotypes to win 'Survivor'
- Vanessa Hua, Chronicle Staff Writer
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
On his way to winning reality show "Survivor," Y-- K--- solved puzzles, earned the nickname "The Godfather" for his skillful maneuvering -- and helped smash stereotypes about Asian American men in the media.
In the finale that aired Sunday, San Mateo resident K---, 31, won the CBS show's 13th season, which began by pitting African Americans, Asian Americans, Latinos and whites against one another. In the end, K--- made deals and alliances with people from different backgrounds for his victory.
Producers of the show recruited him to boost the number of Asian Americans in the selection pool, K--- said. On the weekly series, contestants are divided into tribes that compete in challenges to win rewards and to avoid being voted off the show. This season, the four teams combined into two ethnically mixed ones after two episodes, and eventually merged into one.
When K--- learned about the racial component of the show the night before it was to begin, he said, he almost backed out because he did not want to be a part of anything that cemented stereotypes.
But the producers said they wouldn't manipulate any racial strife. He also decided to stay to round out the men on the Asian American team. Anh-Tuan "Cao Boi," for example, could have played into a "crazy Mr. Miyagi" stereotype, said K---, referring to the enigmatic mentor in the "Karate Kid" movie. And Brad Virata, a fashion director, could have become typecast as a gay Asian, a la Lloyd on the HBO show "Entourage."
"At that point, I felt a sense of obligation to try my best," K--- said. The tribe also had two women, one a lawyer, the other a real estate agent.
"I'm proud of my Asian culture, and obviously we are shaped by our heritage, but it's not all who we are," K--- said by phone on Monday from Los Angeles, on a marathon day of interviews.
"When I was growing up, I did not see people like me as positive role models. I always saw Asian computer geeks who couldn't get a date, or a kung fu guy who couldn't speak English," he said. "I wanted America to see Asian Americans as they truly are."
K--- cut against the mainstream media's caricature of Asian males as geeky, wimpy or else invisible, community observers said. "He's tall, athletic, staggeringly handsome," said Jeff Yang, a consultant on Asian American consumer culture and a frequent contributor to SFGate.com.
In some ways, K--- seemed to exhibit some of the flip side of the stereotype of Asian Americans -- as the model minority -- in that he was quiet and worked hard behind the scenes. "You almost wish he'd do or say something inappropriate," Yang said.
But friend MQuoc, 31, of San Francisco said K---'s true personality emerged on the show. "He's one of the most brilliant, considerate and kind people I have ever known."
K--- held his own in swimming, strength, balance and agility challenges, never far behind the competition's clear physical dominator, Ozzy Lusth, a Mexican American who also said he wanted his participation in the show to challenge viewers' stereotypes.
Sunday's finale was the top-rated television show in the Bay Area and nationally, though it had lower ratings than "Survivor's" 12 previous season finales. The show has aired since May 2000 and this year faced new competition in its usual Thursday night slot.
K--- grew up in Concord, the younger of two sons of Korean immigrants. His father, a naval engineer who designs ships, and his mother, a homemaker, live in the same three-bedroom, one-story house they've owned since he was little.
Their family was never extravagant, driving a 1973 Olds Cutlass and 1973 Dodge Colt for years, said older brother Paul K---, 36, now a clinical scientist.
Their father, who wanted his two sons to excel, prepared extra assignments in math, English, history and other subjects on top of school homework, said Paul K---.
Y-- K--- graduated from Northgate High in Walnut Creek, where he was valedictorian and was on the water polo and varsity track teams. Jane Liaw, who attended high school and college with him, recalled how he pulled out a lawn chair and a Pepsi during his graduation speech.
"You watch 'Survivor' and you see he has a lot of integrity, but you don't get how goofy he is," said Liaw, an environmental researcher at UC Berkeley who attended viewing parties each week with K---'s many friends.
At Stanford, he majored in symbolic systems, an interdisciplinary degree program that includes cognitive science, computer science, logic and philosophy.
After graduating from Yale Law School, he clerked for a federal judge on the Second Circuit Court of Appeals, was a legislative aide to Connecticut Sen. Joe Lieberman, worked as a consultant for McKinsey & Co. and joined the business strategy group at Internet search firm Google.
On his own again before he went on the show, K--- took a break while it aired, traveling, learning Brazilian martial arts and reconnecting with friends.
"He still hasn't found his true calling. As can probably be seen on the show, it takes a lot to keep him occupied and he hasn't found that yet," his brother said.
YLai, 30, a college girlfriend of K---'s, said, "He's a very idealistic individual. He's trying to find the right place for himself to make a difference."
Lai, who works at a venture capital firm in New York, said K--- was both thoughtful and practical -- giving her jumper cables for Christmas one year when she was having trouble with her car or a better chair when he noticed the one in her dorm room was uncomfortable.
"I hope he finds a wife," she added. "He deserves a great woman, and hopefully his increased celebrity will help that."
Through the years, K--- has bleached his hair and pierced his ears, and in college he wore flip-flops everywhere. When the strap broke, he substituted a pair of furry house slippers, which he wore for weeks, biking around campus, Liaw said.
He appeared in a campus Asian American fashion show and became famous for strutting the catwalk in a vest, his chest bare -- a fitting experience for K---, whom People magazine last month called a "sexy man in sexy surroundings."
He also launched a major campaign to raise awareness on campus of the need for minority bone marrow donors when his best friend, Evan Chen, was suffering from leukemia. Chen died from complications related to his bone marrow transplant in 1996.
"He's one of the most loyal friends you'll ever find," said friend ALim, a medical student at Boston University. "He drops everything he's doing at the time if a friend is in trouble. That's the thing I admire about him the most; that's stayed true today."
Lim bonded with K--- at Stanford, where they played all-night marathons of Risk, a strategy game, and swapped tips on a super-low-fat, high-vegetable diet that included egg-white omelets, cheeseless pizzas and blotting oil off of grilled chicken.
It paid off. K---'s abs were on constant display on "Survivor."
For now, K--- has no specific plans, though he said he wants to use this opportunity to work on behalf of his community.
He's still thinking about what he wants to do with his $1 million in winnings but knows he wants to help take care of his parents, who made many sacrifices for him and his brother.
He doesn't want to be an actor but has pondered being a television host. "I love asking questions, and the media has the power to shape people's opinions and awareness of issues."
Bill Bonvillian, his former boss at Lieberman's office, said his two young sons -- who became close to K--- -- know what he should do next.
"They've been joking they're going to volunteer for Y--'s campaign for governor of California," he said. "The 'Survivor' is a logical successor to the 'Terminator.' "
San Mateo man defeats Asian stereotypes to win 'Survivor'
- Vanessa Hua, Chronicle Staff Writer
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
On his way to winning reality show "Survivor," Y-- K--- solved puzzles, earned the nickname "The Godfather" for his skillful maneuvering -- and helped smash stereotypes about Asian American men in the media.
In the finale that aired Sunday, San Mateo resident K---, 31, won the CBS show's 13th season, which began by pitting African Americans, Asian Americans, Latinos and whites against one another. In the end, K--- made deals and alliances with people from different backgrounds for his victory.
Producers of the show recruited him to boost the number of Asian Americans in the selection pool, K--- said. On the weekly series, contestants are divided into tribes that compete in challenges to win rewards and to avoid being voted off the show. This season, the four teams combined into two ethnically mixed ones after two episodes, and eventually merged into one.
When K--- learned about the racial component of the show the night before it was to begin, he said, he almost backed out because he did not want to be a part of anything that cemented stereotypes.
But the producers said they wouldn't manipulate any racial strife. He also decided to stay to round out the men on the Asian American team. Anh-Tuan "Cao Boi," for example, could have played into a "crazy Mr. Miyagi" stereotype, said K---, referring to the enigmatic mentor in the "Karate Kid" movie. And Brad Virata, a fashion director, could have become typecast as a gay Asian, a la Lloyd on the HBO show "Entourage."
"At that point, I felt a sense of obligation to try my best," K--- said. The tribe also had two women, one a lawyer, the other a real estate agent.
"I'm proud of my Asian culture, and obviously we are shaped by our heritage, but it's not all who we are," K--- said by phone on Monday from Los Angeles, on a marathon day of interviews.
"When I was growing up, I did not see people like me as positive role models. I always saw Asian computer geeks who couldn't get a date, or a kung fu guy who couldn't speak English," he said. "I wanted America to see Asian Americans as they truly are."
K--- cut against the mainstream media's caricature of Asian males as geeky, wimpy or else invisible, community observers said. "He's tall, athletic, staggeringly handsome," said Jeff Yang, a consultant on Asian American consumer culture and a frequent contributor to SFGate.com.
In some ways, K--- seemed to exhibit some of the flip side of the stereotype of Asian Americans -- as the model minority -- in that he was quiet and worked hard behind the scenes. "You almost wish he'd do or say something inappropriate," Yang said.
But friend MQuoc, 31, of San Francisco said K---'s true personality emerged on the show. "He's one of the most brilliant, considerate and kind people I have ever known."
K--- held his own in swimming, strength, balance and agility challenges, never far behind the competition's clear physical dominator, Ozzy Lusth, a Mexican American who also said he wanted his participation in the show to challenge viewers' stereotypes.
Sunday's finale was the top-rated television show in the Bay Area and nationally, though it had lower ratings than "Survivor's" 12 previous season finales. The show has aired since May 2000 and this year faced new competition in its usual Thursday night slot.
K--- grew up in Concord, the younger of two sons of Korean immigrants. His father, a naval engineer who designs ships, and his mother, a homemaker, live in the same three-bedroom, one-story house they've owned since he was little.
Their family was never extravagant, driving a 1973 Olds Cutlass and 1973 Dodge Colt for years, said older brother Paul K---, 36, now a clinical scientist.
Their father, who wanted his two sons to excel, prepared extra assignments in math, English, history and other subjects on top of school homework, said Paul K---.
Y-- K--- graduated from Northgate High in Walnut Creek, where he was valedictorian and was on the water polo and varsity track teams. Jane Liaw, who attended high school and college with him, recalled how he pulled out a lawn chair and a Pepsi during his graduation speech.
"You watch 'Survivor' and you see he has a lot of integrity, but you don't get how goofy he is," said Liaw, an environmental researcher at UC Berkeley who attended viewing parties each week with K---'s many friends.
At Stanford, he majored in symbolic systems, an interdisciplinary degree program that includes cognitive science, computer science, logic and philosophy.
After graduating from Yale Law School, he clerked for a federal judge on the Second Circuit Court of Appeals, was a legislative aide to Connecticut Sen. Joe Lieberman, worked as a consultant for McKinsey & Co. and joined the business strategy group at Internet search firm Google.
On his own again before he went on the show, K--- took a break while it aired, traveling, learning Brazilian martial arts and reconnecting with friends.
"He still hasn't found his true calling. As can probably be seen on the show, it takes a lot to keep him occupied and he hasn't found that yet," his brother said.
YLai, 30, a college girlfriend of K---'s, said, "He's a very idealistic individual. He's trying to find the right place for himself to make a difference."
Lai, who works at a venture capital firm in New York, said K--- was both thoughtful and practical -- giving her jumper cables for Christmas one year when she was having trouble with her car or a better chair when he noticed the one in her dorm room was uncomfortable.
"I hope he finds a wife," she added. "He deserves a great woman, and hopefully his increased celebrity will help that."
Through the years, K--- has bleached his hair and pierced his ears, and in college he wore flip-flops everywhere. When the strap broke, he substituted a pair of furry house slippers, which he wore for weeks, biking around campus, Liaw said.
He appeared in a campus Asian American fashion show and became famous for strutting the catwalk in a vest, his chest bare -- a fitting experience for K---, whom People magazine last month called a "sexy man in sexy surroundings."
He also launched a major campaign to raise awareness on campus of the need for minority bone marrow donors when his best friend, Evan Chen, was suffering from leukemia. Chen died from complications related to his bone marrow transplant in 1996.
"He's one of the most loyal friends you'll ever find," said friend ALim, a medical student at Boston University. "He drops everything he's doing at the time if a friend is in trouble. That's the thing I admire about him the most; that's stayed true today."
Lim bonded with K--- at Stanford, where they played all-night marathons of Risk, a strategy game, and swapped tips on a super-low-fat, high-vegetable diet that included egg-white omelets, cheeseless pizzas and blotting oil off of grilled chicken.
It paid off. K---'s abs were on constant display on "Survivor."
For now, K--- has no specific plans, though he said he wants to use this opportunity to work on behalf of his community.
He's still thinking about what he wants to do with his $1 million in winnings but knows he wants to help take care of his parents, who made many sacrifices for him and his brother.
He doesn't want to be an actor but has pondered being a television host. "I love asking questions, and the media has the power to shape people's opinions and awareness of issues."
Bill Bonvillian, his former boss at Lieberman's office, said his two young sons -- who became close to K--- -- know what he should do next.
"They've been joking they're going to volunteer for Y--'s campaign for governor of California," he said. "The 'Survivor' is a logical successor to the 'Terminator.' "
Saturday, November 25, 2006
ASIAN POP / Do you think we're sexy?
Just thought this was funny after my mention previously of Koreans in the celebrity spotlight.
So I guess the question is... with Yul being such a great guy and all... will the fame and fortune go to his head? Will he become a "jerk" despite the charms and down-to-earth attitude that have made him so popular?
ASIAN POP / Do you think we're sexy?
By Jeff Yang, Special to SF Gate
Thursday, November 22, 2006
As George Clooney celebrates his second time around as People's "Sexiest Man Alive," Jeff Yang looks at the status of Asian men in American culture. From Gedde Watanabe in "16 Candles" to Daniel Dae Kim in "Lost," it seems like the image of the Asian male has come a long way, baby. Or ... has it?
Flipping through my glossy copy of People's annual "Sexiest Man Alive" issue (Double sized! Over 200 hunks-a hunks-a burnin' love inside!) has led me to a couple of quick conclusions. The first is that George Clooney is, indeed, a piping-hot serving of manwich. I mean, I'm a straight, married male with a kid, but I can still see how if I were of a different gender or sexual orientation, I'd have great difficulty throwing Clooney out of bed for eating whole-grain Tuscan crostini.
The second is that, even so, Clooney is not even close to my pick for the Sexiest Man Alive. In fact, I wouldn't even call him the sexiest man in the Nov. 27 edition of People. That's because the issue also contains Y-- Kwon, described by People's editors in interviews as a Sexiest Man Alive "finalist" and profiled in the mag's section on "Sexy Men in Sexy Environments."
Clooney is smart, funny, owns an Italian villa, and is the kind of sharply dressed man that ZZ Top correctly noted every woman's crazy 'bout. But Kwon is another creature entirely -- a genetic specimen so undeniably ideal (at least in comparison to yours truly, as both wife and mother have hinted) that he prompts thoughts of the classic comedy "Twins."
This is Y--: classically sculpted features, egg-carton abs, able to reconstruct civilization on a desert island with nothing more than a pair of coconuts and a feral chicken. And this is me: laughably doughy features, egg-shaped physique, desperately trying to file a piece on sexy Asian guys before my editor sends burly men to snap my fingers like takeout chopsticks. It shouldn't be difficult to identify who's the Arnie and who's the Danny in this comparison.
"The thing about Y-- that's compelling is that he's smart, he's strong, he's a leader, but he knows when to show strength and when to be restrained, and God, look at those abs," says Cynthia Wang, People's associate L.A. bureau chief. "Everyone was saying, 'Wow, we can't miss that man, the way he looks, the way he behaves -- he's got to be part of this issue.' And as both an Asian American and, admittedly, a reality TV junkie, it's great to see that."
There are other Asian men in the "Sexiest Man Alive" issue, too -- including "Harold and Kumar"'s John Cho, "Lost"'s Daniel Dae Kim and Hong Kong pop idol/"Grudge 2" star Edison Chen. In fact, if you take it at face value that People magazine is a reflection of, well, people and their attitudes toward mainstream popular culture, you'd have to say that the image of Asian men has taken an enormous leap forward in the two decades since the "Sexiest Man" issue was inaugurated (with the original honor going to Mel Gibson -- lo, how the mighty have fallen).
Not So Fast, a Bit More Furious?
Of course, not everyone buys into that line of reasoning. Take for example Ethan Lee, UC Berkeley grad and creator of a buzzed-about new Web comic called "Single Asian Female," which he calls an attempt to encapsulate some of what he learned in his Asian American Studies classes into "a form that's easy to read and understand."
If it seems a little weird for guy to be writing a strip called "Single Asian Female," well, Lee says it's because he wanted to talk about issues that could only be effectively expressed from the point of view of an Asian American woman -- "like the story about Asian females getting hit on by white guys with Asian fetishes."
Also, as some on the Web have suggested, people are a lot more likely to read a strip with an Asian American female protagonist -- just like they're more willing to watch news with an Asian American anchor, or more likely to accept an Asian woman as a romantic lead.
"Asian men are still stereotyped as geeky, sexless losers, including by some Asian American women," says Lee. "I remember that even in my Asian American Studies classes, there were two or three Asian women who bragged how they only date white men. I distinctly remember one of them saying, 'I'm afraid an Asian man might beat me,' and another saying, 'Well, I've always been attracted to the Abercrombie and Fitch model type.'"
But, I ask him, is that really representative? Even if there are attitudes like that out there, it's hard to think that those are really the norm today. Certainly things have changed in the past 20 years, with society moving -- slowly -- toward a more progressive, inclusive standard of beauty, right?
Lee doesn't think so. "Go to any newsstand, and just stand back and look at the magazine rack," he says. "Over 90 percent of the people looking back are going to be white. If you exclude Beyonce, Oprah and a bunch of athletes, you're talking more like 99 percent. That's what Asian Americans internalize when they think about who's sexy, about who they want to get with. They think: 'White people are sexy, and we want to get it on with a guy like George Clooney.'"
Jeff Adachi, San Francisco public defender and producer/director of "The Slanted Screen," a documentary exploring the evolution of the Asian male image in film and television, is somewhat more sanguine. "Slanted Screen" also makes the case that representation in media both reflects and impacts societal attitudes -- but Adachi believes that the worst excesses of Hollywood history are behind us, and a new breed of Asian American actors, producers and directors is crashing the show-biz gates in a way that's not only increasing the number of Asians in film and on TV but reframing the way we're being portrayed as well.
"Historically, it's true, Hollywood tended to take three steps forward and two steps back," he says. "But we're positioned now to make much larger gains than in the past. You look at this younger generation of Asian Americans, who didn't grow up immersed in civil rights, and the idea of being constrained by race is completely foreign to them. ["Mad TV" cast member] Bobby Lee, he told me he never auditions for an Asian role, because he knows he's not going to get it -- it's going to go to the really good-looking Asian guy. So he only auditions for 'white' roles -- and he gets them, because he's funny and talented and doesn't have any baggage. He went out for a commercial that was looking for a 'mountain man,' a guy living out by himself in the wilderness, and he said he was the only person of color to show up for the audition. Everyone else was a big, bearded Caucasian guy. And he got the role."
I'm Too Sexy (for This Column)
That brash, damn-the-torpedoes, what-do-I-have-to-lose sensibility isn't just a blueprint for storming the gates of Hollywood; it's also a critical ingredient in the recipe for masculine sex appeal, regardless of race, ethnicity and culture. A nation of emo boys notwithstanding, being comfortable with who you are, even defiantly so, can make the gnarliest of dudes a lovebeast of epic proportions. It's what makes mirror-shattering rock stars like Mick Jagger, Steve Tyler and Ric Ocasek such model magnets (well, that and a few million in the bank).
"I think if you compare the general demeanor and attitudes of young Asian American men now versus a generation ago -- when people like you and me were coming of age -- you'll find a lot more self-confidence," says Oliver Wang, cultural critic, assistant professor of sociology at California State University, Long Beach, and fellow blogger at the Asian American papa community Rice Daddies. "Not that we've reached the promised land of secure masculinity yet. Hell, what men have?"
Karin Chien, producer of "The Motel" and "Robot Stories," agrees. "Sexiness comes from within," she says. "It's confidence and power and success and humor all rolled up into one big package. Sexiness is knowing that you're hot, no matter what anyone else in the room -- or anyone at People magazine -- says."
Which brings me to my biggest reflection upon perusing this year's "SMA." Clooney isn't the sexiest man in the issue. But Y-- Kwon, for all of his drop-forged perfection, isn't, either. From my humble perspective, 2006's Sexiest Man Alive is none other than Masi Oka, breakout star of the hit show "Heroes."
I've dropped a lot of love on "Heroes" recently, not only because I'm an addict of the program but because I think it captures the zeitgeist in a way that other series -- including the desperate denizens of Wisteria Lane and the Other-haunted castaways of "Lost" -- do not. We live in a time when we're searching for heroes. But in searching for them, we're also redefining them, casting them in new and more mundane images. We don't want flash, we want familiarity. We're seeking the extraordinary, but with an accent on the ordinary.
The heroic quest of Oka's character, Hiro Nakamura, isn't just saving the world; it's reframing the cultural dialogue on masculinity and sexual appeal, and reinventing the notion of heroism itself. Recent episodes have shown a new side to Hiro -- his romantic streak -- and my friends and I hope that the show's writers let him succeed in his chivalrous journey to save his perky soul mate, a Texas greasy-spoon waitress with superhuman mnemonic powers. (And yes, she's white, though interracial relationship issues seem refreshingly abstracted in "Heroes" -- there are at this count three significant trans-ethnic couples in the series, with nary a single reference yet to race, which, depending on your perspective, is either a sign of more tolerant times or proof positive that the show exists in a parallel universe.)
Hiro is a doughy, bespectacled and flamboyant out-of-the-cubicle geek -- a manga addict, a comic book fanboy, a hard-core Trekker. But he's so at one with his inner dork (which is also his outer dork) that it all ultimately proves irresistibly charming -- even, you know, sexy.
"I was talking to Tim Kring, the show's creator, and he told me that Hiro's character is completely the work of Masi," says People's Wang. "The way Hiro was written, the character wasn't nearly as funny and interesting as Masi's made him. The way Masi decided to play him has actually changed the direction of how the season's playing out. Did you know that all the Japanese dialogue in the show -- Masi does the translations himself. The script is written in English, and Masi converts the lines that are supposed to be in Japanese into phrases that are appropriate, slangwise. And that's kind of lost on people who don't speak the language. But it's part of what has made his character so authentic and appealing."
That's the ticket, right? It's always been out there -- it's the moral of every made-for-teens TV movie, the end zone of every sitcom's "Very Special Episode": Be at home in your own skin -- don't try to reformat yourself to the world's expectations, be yourself, love yourself, and just maybe, the world will follow.
Of course, we -- and the cast of "Heroes" -- have a long way to go before we can fix the world's problems. For one thing, the online poll at People's Web site, asking readers to vote on the show's sexiest male cast member, has Masi Oka stuck at 2 percent; floppy-haired Milo Ventimiglia is in the lead at 30 percent. I'm not saying that everyone who reads this should head over and crash the vote. But on the other hand, on behalf of Masi, me and hundreds of thousands of other happily (extra)ordinary dweebs, I leave you with this cryptic message:
Save the fanboy. Save the world.
Jeff Yang forecasts new Asian and Asian American consumer trends for the market-research company Iconoculture (www.iconoculture.com). He is the author of "Once Upon a Time in China: A Guide to the Cinemas of Hong Kong, Taiwan and Mainland China" (Atria Books) and co-author of "I Am Jackie Chan: My Life in Action" (Ballantine) and "Eastern Standard Time" (Mariner/Houghton Mifflin). He lives in New York City. Go to www.ouatic.com/mojomail/mojo.pl to join Jeff Yang's biweekly mailing list offering updates on this column and alerts about other breaking Asian and Asian American pop-culture news.
So I guess the question is... with Yul being such a great guy and all... will the fame and fortune go to his head? Will he become a "jerk" despite the charms and down-to-earth attitude that have made him so popular?
ASIAN POP / Do you think we're sexy?
By Jeff Yang, Special to SF Gate
Thursday, November 22, 2006
As George Clooney celebrates his second time around as People's "Sexiest Man Alive," Jeff Yang looks at the status of Asian men in American culture. From Gedde Watanabe in "16 Candles" to Daniel Dae Kim in "Lost," it seems like the image of the Asian male has come a long way, baby. Or ... has it?
Flipping through my glossy copy of People's annual "Sexiest Man Alive" issue (Double sized! Over 200 hunks-a hunks-a burnin' love inside!) has led me to a couple of quick conclusions. The first is that George Clooney is, indeed, a piping-hot serving of manwich. I mean, I'm a straight, married male with a kid, but I can still see how if I were of a different gender or sexual orientation, I'd have great difficulty throwing Clooney out of bed for eating whole-grain Tuscan crostini.
The second is that, even so, Clooney is not even close to my pick for the Sexiest Man Alive. In fact, I wouldn't even call him the sexiest man in the Nov. 27 edition of People. That's because the issue also contains Y-- Kwon, described by People's editors in interviews as a Sexiest Man Alive "finalist" and profiled in the mag's section on "Sexy Men in Sexy Environments."
Clooney is smart, funny, owns an Italian villa, and is the kind of sharply dressed man that ZZ Top correctly noted every woman's crazy 'bout. But Kwon is another creature entirely -- a genetic specimen so undeniably ideal (at least in comparison to yours truly, as both wife and mother have hinted) that he prompts thoughts of the classic comedy "Twins."
This is Y--: classically sculpted features, egg-carton abs, able to reconstruct civilization on a desert island with nothing more than a pair of coconuts and a feral chicken. And this is me: laughably doughy features, egg-shaped physique, desperately trying to file a piece on sexy Asian guys before my editor sends burly men to snap my fingers like takeout chopsticks. It shouldn't be difficult to identify who's the Arnie and who's the Danny in this comparison.
"The thing about Y-- that's compelling is that he's smart, he's strong, he's a leader, but he knows when to show strength and when to be restrained, and God, look at those abs," says Cynthia Wang, People's associate L.A. bureau chief. "Everyone was saying, 'Wow, we can't miss that man, the way he looks, the way he behaves -- he's got to be part of this issue.' And as both an Asian American and, admittedly, a reality TV junkie, it's great to see that."
There are other Asian men in the "Sexiest Man Alive" issue, too -- including "Harold and Kumar"'s John Cho, "Lost"'s Daniel Dae Kim and Hong Kong pop idol/"Grudge 2" star Edison Chen. In fact, if you take it at face value that People magazine is a reflection of, well, people and their attitudes toward mainstream popular culture, you'd have to say that the image of Asian men has taken an enormous leap forward in the two decades since the "Sexiest Man" issue was inaugurated (with the original honor going to Mel Gibson -- lo, how the mighty have fallen).
Not So Fast, a Bit More Furious?
Of course, not everyone buys into that line of reasoning. Take for example Ethan Lee, UC Berkeley grad and creator of a buzzed-about new Web comic called "Single Asian Female," which he calls an attempt to encapsulate some of what he learned in his Asian American Studies classes into "a form that's easy to read and understand."
If it seems a little weird for guy to be writing a strip called "Single Asian Female," well, Lee says it's because he wanted to talk about issues that could only be effectively expressed from the point of view of an Asian American woman -- "like the story about Asian females getting hit on by white guys with Asian fetishes."
Also, as some on the Web have suggested, people are a lot more likely to read a strip with an Asian American female protagonist -- just like they're more willing to watch news with an Asian American anchor, or more likely to accept an Asian woman as a romantic lead.
"Asian men are still stereotyped as geeky, sexless losers, including by some Asian American women," says Lee. "I remember that even in my Asian American Studies classes, there were two or three Asian women who bragged how they only date white men. I distinctly remember one of them saying, 'I'm afraid an Asian man might beat me,' and another saying, 'Well, I've always been attracted to the Abercrombie and Fitch model type.'"
But, I ask him, is that really representative? Even if there are attitudes like that out there, it's hard to think that those are really the norm today. Certainly things have changed in the past 20 years, with society moving -- slowly -- toward a more progressive, inclusive standard of beauty, right?
Lee doesn't think so. "Go to any newsstand, and just stand back and look at the magazine rack," he says. "Over 90 percent of the people looking back are going to be white. If you exclude Beyonce, Oprah and a bunch of athletes, you're talking more like 99 percent. That's what Asian Americans internalize when they think about who's sexy, about who they want to get with. They think: 'White people are sexy, and we want to get it on with a guy like George Clooney.'"
Jeff Adachi, San Francisco public defender and producer/director of "The Slanted Screen," a documentary exploring the evolution of the Asian male image in film and television, is somewhat more sanguine. "Slanted Screen" also makes the case that representation in media both reflects and impacts societal attitudes -- but Adachi believes that the worst excesses of Hollywood history are behind us, and a new breed of Asian American actors, producers and directors is crashing the show-biz gates in a way that's not only increasing the number of Asians in film and on TV but reframing the way we're being portrayed as well.
"Historically, it's true, Hollywood tended to take three steps forward and two steps back," he says. "But we're positioned now to make much larger gains than in the past. You look at this younger generation of Asian Americans, who didn't grow up immersed in civil rights, and the idea of being constrained by race is completely foreign to them. ["Mad TV" cast member] Bobby Lee, he told me he never auditions for an Asian role, because he knows he's not going to get it -- it's going to go to the really good-looking Asian guy. So he only auditions for 'white' roles -- and he gets them, because he's funny and talented and doesn't have any baggage. He went out for a commercial that was looking for a 'mountain man,' a guy living out by himself in the wilderness, and he said he was the only person of color to show up for the audition. Everyone else was a big, bearded Caucasian guy. And he got the role."
I'm Too Sexy (for This Column)
That brash, damn-the-torpedoes, what-do-I-have-to-lose sensibility isn't just a blueprint for storming the gates of Hollywood; it's also a critical ingredient in the recipe for masculine sex appeal, regardless of race, ethnicity and culture. A nation of emo boys notwithstanding, being comfortable with who you are, even defiantly so, can make the gnarliest of dudes a lovebeast of epic proportions. It's what makes mirror-shattering rock stars like Mick Jagger, Steve Tyler and Ric Ocasek such model magnets (well, that and a few million in the bank).
"I think if you compare the general demeanor and attitudes of young Asian American men now versus a generation ago -- when people like you and me were coming of age -- you'll find a lot more self-confidence," says Oliver Wang, cultural critic, assistant professor of sociology at California State University, Long Beach, and fellow blogger at the Asian American papa community Rice Daddies. "Not that we've reached the promised land of secure masculinity yet. Hell, what men have?"
Karin Chien, producer of "The Motel" and "Robot Stories," agrees. "Sexiness comes from within," she says. "It's confidence and power and success and humor all rolled up into one big package. Sexiness is knowing that you're hot, no matter what anyone else in the room -- or anyone at People magazine -- says."
Which brings me to my biggest reflection upon perusing this year's "SMA." Clooney isn't the sexiest man in the issue. But Y-- Kwon, for all of his drop-forged perfection, isn't, either. From my humble perspective, 2006's Sexiest Man Alive is none other than Masi Oka, breakout star of the hit show "Heroes."
I've dropped a lot of love on "Heroes" recently, not only because I'm an addict of the program but because I think it captures the zeitgeist in a way that other series -- including the desperate denizens of Wisteria Lane and the Other-haunted castaways of "Lost" -- do not. We live in a time when we're searching for heroes. But in searching for them, we're also redefining them, casting them in new and more mundane images. We don't want flash, we want familiarity. We're seeking the extraordinary, but with an accent on the ordinary.
The heroic quest of Oka's character, Hiro Nakamura, isn't just saving the world; it's reframing the cultural dialogue on masculinity and sexual appeal, and reinventing the notion of heroism itself. Recent episodes have shown a new side to Hiro -- his romantic streak -- and my friends and I hope that the show's writers let him succeed in his chivalrous journey to save his perky soul mate, a Texas greasy-spoon waitress with superhuman mnemonic powers. (And yes, she's white, though interracial relationship issues seem refreshingly abstracted in "Heroes" -- there are at this count three significant trans-ethnic couples in the series, with nary a single reference yet to race, which, depending on your perspective, is either a sign of more tolerant times or proof positive that the show exists in a parallel universe.)
Hiro is a doughy, bespectacled and flamboyant out-of-the-cubicle geek -- a manga addict, a comic book fanboy, a hard-core Trekker. But he's so at one with his inner dork (which is also his outer dork) that it all ultimately proves irresistibly charming -- even, you know, sexy.
"I was talking to Tim Kring, the show's creator, and he told me that Hiro's character is completely the work of Masi," says People's Wang. "The way Hiro was written, the character wasn't nearly as funny and interesting as Masi's made him. The way Masi decided to play him has actually changed the direction of how the season's playing out. Did you know that all the Japanese dialogue in the show -- Masi does the translations himself. The script is written in English, and Masi converts the lines that are supposed to be in Japanese into phrases that are appropriate, slangwise. And that's kind of lost on people who don't speak the language. But it's part of what has made his character so authentic and appealing."
That's the ticket, right? It's always been out there -- it's the moral of every made-for-teens TV movie, the end zone of every sitcom's "Very Special Episode": Be at home in your own skin -- don't try to reformat yourself to the world's expectations, be yourself, love yourself, and just maybe, the world will follow.
Of course, we -- and the cast of "Heroes" -- have a long way to go before we can fix the world's problems. For one thing, the online poll at People's Web site, asking readers to vote on the show's sexiest male cast member, has Masi Oka stuck at 2 percent; floppy-haired Milo Ventimiglia is in the lead at 30 percent. I'm not saying that everyone who reads this should head over and crash the vote. But on the other hand, on behalf of Masi, me and hundreds of thousands of other happily (extra)ordinary dweebs, I leave you with this cryptic message:
Save the fanboy. Save the world.
Jeff Yang forecasts new Asian and Asian American consumer trends for the market-research company Iconoculture (www.iconoculture.com). He is the author of "Once Upon a Time in China: A Guide to the Cinemas of Hong Kong, Taiwan and Mainland China" (Atria Books) and co-author of "I Am Jackie Chan: My Life in Action" (Ballantine) and "Eastern Standard Time" (Mariner/Houghton Mifflin). He lives in New York City. Go to www.ouatic.com/mojomail/mojo.pl to join Jeff Yang's biweekly mailing list offering updates on this column and alerts about other breaking Asian and Asian American pop-culture news.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Day exchange
I have Friday off because I'm working (traveling) for work starting this weekend. In a way it's kind of nice having my "weekend" while everyone else is working. It's quiet. My plan is to do a little Xmas shopping once I fix my sprinkler system this morning and sweep up the yellowed birch leaves (ah the joys of having a small patio with plants.)
I'll be headed to the Midwest for the week. The weather report says the highs will be in 40s. Burrrr! I'm disappointed, however, to report there is no snow in the forecast. While I don't want it to affect my flights, I certainly wouldn't mind walking down the streets with a light dusting of snowing falling when I have a little time to myself. These are the simple things I enjoy.
"Survivor" was fun to watch. It's the first chance I've had to see a full episode in a month. Being three degrees removed from Yul makes it interesting. I'll likely never meet the guy in person, but it adds some sense of realism knowing I could. He seems like a sensible guy, and it's fun to root for a smart, attractive Asian person for a change. (And as I've said before, I'm a sucker for a man who looks sharp in glasses.)
Between "Survivor" and "Amazing Race" it's nice to see more diversity in the groups. The Cho brothers haven't been too impressive lately in their choices, but I'm still rooting for them. The other day, someone joked about how Koreans seems to be dominating television these days. Yul, Becky, Erwin and Godwin, Sandra Oh, Daniel Dae Kim, Yoon-jin Kim. Do they have some secret "in" that other Asians don't know about?
And before I go, how about them Scarlet Knights! Wow! What a win!
I'll be headed to the Midwest for the week. The weather report says the highs will be in 40s. Burrrr! I'm disappointed, however, to report there is no snow in the forecast. While I don't want it to affect my flights, I certainly wouldn't mind walking down the streets with a light dusting of snowing falling when I have a little time to myself. These are the simple things I enjoy.
"Survivor" was fun to watch. It's the first chance I've had to see a full episode in a month. Being three degrees removed from Yul makes it interesting. I'll likely never meet the guy in person, but it adds some sense of realism knowing I could. He seems like a sensible guy, and it's fun to root for a smart, attractive Asian person for a change. (And as I've said before, I'm a sucker for a man who looks sharp in glasses.)
Between "Survivor" and "Amazing Race" it's nice to see more diversity in the groups. The Cho brothers haven't been too impressive lately in their choices, but I'm still rooting for them. The other day, someone joked about how Koreans seems to be dominating television these days. Yul, Becky, Erwin and Godwin, Sandra Oh, Daniel Dae Kim, Yoon-jin Kim. Do they have some secret "in" that other Asians don't know about?
And before I go, how about them Scarlet Knights! Wow! What a win!
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Where to spend the winter holidays
At lunch the other day, people started talking about the holidays. It came up because one woman wishes we had a company-wide shut down for the holidays. I immediately disagreed. Stupidly, and perhaps inappropriately, I provided my reasons.
The fact is the holidays are boring for me. I didn't mean to make them feel sorry for me. It was simply meant as fact (or maybe I had an unconscious need for attention).
Growing up with first-generation Asian parents means that they don't quite understand American holiday traditions. I never had an Easter egg hunt except one year when we visited someone else's house. We had Thanksgiving turkey every other year or so? My father's relative were mostly on the East Coast; my mother's family is in the South. We were the lone family an usually spend the holidays as a single family unit.
Xmas means putting up a little fake tree with some pretty glass balls and arranging a few random, half-wrapped gifts under the tree. We eat dinner the night before as if it's just another night. In the morning, we spend about 30 minutes opening gifts and then move on like it's a Sunday morning.
While it's nice to see my parents, I don't exactly look forward to going home. Xmas doesn't mean anything unless you're a kid, a parent, an aunt/uncle or a grandparent. It's all about family, and mine is kind of disfunctional about this holiday. I could visit home any time of the year and sit around watching movies and eating my mom's cooking.
Things would be completely different if I were married with kids. I'd be exhausted shopping for gifts and trying to make the house festive with lights and poinsettias. Maybe I'd be grumbling under my breath about ignorant travellers while waiting to go through airport security. I'd complain about having to host my brother or parents for the week. The kitchen would be filled with the scent of cakes and cookies, along with the hint of sauted onions as garlic as I prepared dinner. It would be crazy and frustrating at times, but it would be fun.
Instead, I'm 35 and have nothing to do. It's painful to be at home. My parents usually attend a Xmas party or two hosted by friends. It's mostly just adults now and the few kids under 25 who come. All the other "kids" are married and elsewhere - except me. It's so humiliating sitting at the kids' table now.
Mom always asks me to stay until New Year's, but I'm always itching to go home. What does she expect me to do at home for a week? One of these years, I'm thinking I'll go on vacation instead. It's the peak of summer in the other half of the world. It would be nice to get away from all the holiday expectations and reminders of what's missing from my life.
The irony is that I have all the Xmas stuff I need in my closets. I have three boxes of decorations and ornaments that I have amassed over the years. Last year, I bought decorative mantel hooks for the stockings I bought at the Macy's After Christmas clearance. I was very discriminating about buying items that weren't religious in nature. I settled on ones that looked like a snowflake and a wrapped gift box. Is it all because I long for those romantic family images or am I just a shopaholic?
So, here comes another fabulous holiday break of sitting at home with my folks...
The fact is the holidays are boring for me. I didn't mean to make them feel sorry for me. It was simply meant as fact (or maybe I had an unconscious need for attention).
Growing up with first-generation Asian parents means that they don't quite understand American holiday traditions. I never had an Easter egg hunt except one year when we visited someone else's house. We had Thanksgiving turkey every other year or so? My father's relative were mostly on the East Coast; my mother's family is in the South. We were the lone family an usually spend the holidays as a single family unit.
Xmas means putting up a little fake tree with some pretty glass balls and arranging a few random, half-wrapped gifts under the tree. We eat dinner the night before as if it's just another night. In the morning, we spend about 30 minutes opening gifts and then move on like it's a Sunday morning.
While it's nice to see my parents, I don't exactly look forward to going home. Xmas doesn't mean anything unless you're a kid, a parent, an aunt/uncle or a grandparent. It's all about family, and mine is kind of disfunctional about this holiday. I could visit home any time of the year and sit around watching movies and eating my mom's cooking.
Things would be completely different if I were married with kids. I'd be exhausted shopping for gifts and trying to make the house festive with lights and poinsettias. Maybe I'd be grumbling under my breath about ignorant travellers while waiting to go through airport security. I'd complain about having to host my brother or parents for the week. The kitchen would be filled with the scent of cakes and cookies, along with the hint of sauted onions as garlic as I prepared dinner. It would be crazy and frustrating at times, but it would be fun.
Instead, I'm 35 and have nothing to do. It's painful to be at home. My parents usually attend a Xmas party or two hosted by friends. It's mostly just adults now and the few kids under 25 who come. All the other "kids" are married and elsewhere - except me. It's so humiliating sitting at the kids' table now.
Mom always asks me to stay until New Year's, but I'm always itching to go home. What does she expect me to do at home for a week? One of these years, I'm thinking I'll go on vacation instead. It's the peak of summer in the other half of the world. It would be nice to get away from all the holiday expectations and reminders of what's missing from my life.
The irony is that I have all the Xmas stuff I need in my closets. I have three boxes of decorations and ornaments that I have amassed over the years. Last year, I bought decorative mantel hooks for the stockings I bought at the Macy's After Christmas clearance. I was very discriminating about buying items that weren't religious in nature. I settled on ones that looked like a snowflake and a wrapped gift box. Is it all because I long for those romantic family images or am I just a shopaholic?
So, here comes another fabulous holiday break of sitting at home with my folks...
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Wanting... something
I finally borrowed the movie Saving Face over the weekend. Everyone who has seen it enjoyed it. Finding and watching films that successfully weave American and Asian culture is a rare thing (though happily, hopefully happening more often with the growing number of Asian filmmakers).
At the start of the movie, I could not have predicted how much emotion it would stir inside me. The very first awkward piece of the movie with the person who played Vivian. She reminded me of Ryan's wife, Vi. I've only ever seen her in photos, like from their wedding. I wouldn't say Vi's as pretty (I really don't know), but there something in the eyes that made it feel like I was looking at her throughout the movie. It was disturbing, as if I was cruelly being taunted. I hate being reminded of Ryan, what I helped him accomplish, and how I ended up with nothing.
Tim and my brother watched the movie with me. In hindsight, I don't know that watching a movie about a lesbian Asian couple with two guys is the best company. It was interesting, though, to ask them who they considered cuter - Wil or Vivian. The guys agreed that it was difficult to choose. When I proposed Vivian as the hotter choice, my brother observed that she has a sexier look but that Wil's looks offered a different attractiveness that was just as appealing. I thought it reassuring and hopeful that guys see more than just the sultry, sexy looks. (And Joan Chen looks incredible as always.)
Alice Wu did a wonderful job capturing the little details and attitudes of Asian-American culture. While I identify with everything I saw, the true skill of writers is being able to identify these seemingly minor actions and demonstrate how they shape who we are. There's an "oh yeah" in my head every movie. My communications skills need some development.
The movie also highlighted the intimacy I miss in my life. Wil's discomfort and inability to fully engage feels a little like me. Her reasons are different than mine, but result is the same. I fail to take risks or ask questions and then don't develop better relationships with friends. My heart ached at the sight of the two of them happily laying on the floor, Vivian patting Wil's stomach. I want to be in that place again where I get to hole up with a man I love and talk about simple things. I don't know that I have it in me anymore. Thank goodness the guys ignore me when I cried during the movie. Why can't I enjoy a movie without thinking about myself?
Tim made silly ooos and woos during the topless scene. He had jokingly asked earlier whether there'd be any nude, cute women in the movie. He got what he wanted. Is it odd to watch a lesbian love scene with two guys, especially you're little brother? ;)
The other aspect of the movie that was touching was the mother/daughter relationship. It began as the typical, difficult relationship balancing traditional Chinese expectations with the society in which we second-generation live. I appreciated the breakthrough moment when Wil realizes that she must adjust her approach to preparing her mother for a date. In the end, some truths emerge and they build some understanding of each other.
My own relationship with my mom is strained. We're still in this struggle to become something more than the mom who tells me what to do, seeks me out to voice her complaints and concerns, and thinks that she knows better how I my life should be. I am the impatient and ambivalent oldest child who dreads spending more than a couple days with mom because there is no way to please her. I wish there was a way we could help each other respect the lives we lead and be supportive. My family does not have an innate talent for interpersonal communication. If a class ever appears on how to characterize people and the best way to interact with them, I'll be one of the first to sign up. How much better would my life be if I felt like I had better harmony in my family?
Mostly, I just wanted to talk about how much my heart got tugged around by this movie. Maybe it's just me, I get emotional easily when it comes to movies.
At the start of the movie, I could not have predicted how much emotion it would stir inside me. The very first awkward piece of the movie with the person who played Vivian. She reminded me of Ryan's wife, Vi. I've only ever seen her in photos, like from their wedding. I wouldn't say Vi's as pretty (I really don't know), but there something in the eyes that made it feel like I was looking at her throughout the movie. It was disturbing, as if I was cruelly being taunted. I hate being reminded of Ryan, what I helped him accomplish, and how I ended up with nothing.
Tim and my brother watched the movie with me. In hindsight, I don't know that watching a movie about a lesbian Asian couple with two guys is the best company. It was interesting, though, to ask them who they considered cuter - Wil or Vivian. The guys agreed that it was difficult to choose. When I proposed Vivian as the hotter choice, my brother observed that she has a sexier look but that Wil's looks offered a different attractiveness that was just as appealing. I thought it reassuring and hopeful that guys see more than just the sultry, sexy looks. (And Joan Chen looks incredible as always.)
Alice Wu did a wonderful job capturing the little details and attitudes of Asian-American culture. While I identify with everything I saw, the true skill of writers is being able to identify these seemingly minor actions and demonstrate how they shape who we are. There's an "oh yeah" in my head every movie. My communications skills need some development.
The movie also highlighted the intimacy I miss in my life. Wil's discomfort and inability to fully engage feels a little like me. Her reasons are different than mine, but result is the same. I fail to take risks or ask questions and then don't develop better relationships with friends. My heart ached at the sight of the two of them happily laying on the floor, Vivian patting Wil's stomach. I want to be in that place again where I get to hole up with a man I love and talk about simple things. I don't know that I have it in me anymore. Thank goodness the guys ignore me when I cried during the movie. Why can't I enjoy a movie without thinking about myself?
Tim made silly ooos and woos during the topless scene. He had jokingly asked earlier whether there'd be any nude, cute women in the movie. He got what he wanted. Is it odd to watch a lesbian love scene with two guys, especially you're little brother? ;)
The other aspect of the movie that was touching was the mother/daughter relationship. It began as the typical, difficult relationship balancing traditional Chinese expectations with the society in which we second-generation live. I appreciated the breakthrough moment when Wil realizes that she must adjust her approach to preparing her mother for a date. In the end, some truths emerge and they build some understanding of each other.
My own relationship with my mom is strained. We're still in this struggle to become something more than the mom who tells me what to do, seeks me out to voice her complaints and concerns, and thinks that she knows better how I my life should be. I am the impatient and ambivalent oldest child who dreads spending more than a couple days with mom because there is no way to please her. I wish there was a way we could help each other respect the lives we lead and be supportive. My family does not have an innate talent for interpersonal communication. If a class ever appears on how to characterize people and the best way to interact with them, I'll be one of the first to sign up. How much better would my life be if I felt like I had better harmony in my family?
Mostly, I just wanted to talk about how much my heart got tugged around by this movie. Maybe it's just me, I get emotional easily when it comes to movies.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Added details
The conversation is a bit faded but here's a snapshot of a few conversational moments with Midwest the other evening... . Obviously, I can't remember exact words, but this should be pretty close.
P: So did you ask to work in Europe?
M: [shaking his head] No, not at all. I would have preferred go to Asia - Hong Kong, Japan, Taiwan maybe. The company didn't have big production facilities there to justify sending anyone. But if you're company offers, why not. Does your company send people overseas?
P: No, our company doesn't currently sell outside the U.S. Our parent company does have programs for working abroad. It's something I wish I did when I was younger. Now... it's not a good time to go.
M: Yeah, I can understand. I was lucky I went when I was... around 28, no 30. Yeah. Of course, it's easy when you've got a company paying for everything. They gave me a credit card, and I never had to think about it.
***********
M: So you've always lived up here?
P: No, I grew up in SoCal. I came up here for college and decided to stay.
M: So you've never left the area since?
P: Well, I did move down for two years of grad school, but I visited here every other month.
M: Where did you go to school?
P: AntHill.
M: AntHill... blah, blah, blah, those are all places I've heard of but never knew exactly where they were. I've heard that BabyBlueU is almost 50% Asian.
P: I think it is already over 50%. Most of the CA universities are more than half Asian. If you group all non-whites as one group, virtually all the schools will have white as the minority.
M: Wow... that's amazing. You know being here, I notice there are a lot of Asians.
P: Yes, it's nice. After you're here for awhile, you begin to think it's normal. Then when you travel elsewhere, you realize that it's not.
M: When I lived in DT, I hardly saw any other Asians. It was a rare thing. Now, they're everywhere, and I feel like I'm just another person. It's so different. People even segment themselves by neighborhoods. If you're Taiwanese, you live around here. North of the airport, it's mostly Cantonese.
***********
P: Since you were in Europe for three years, were you able to become proficient at a second language?
M: [smile with embarrassment] You know, I must admit, I didn't. I should have with the intensive languages courses and private tutoring that my company had me take. It would have been nice, but I never needed to speak much besides English.
P: Everyone spoke English at the office?
M: Yeah. And if I needed something translated I'd just ask my secretary to do it for me.
P: What about when you went out?
M: Naw, most people knew English. If I needed to know a few phrases in French, Italian, or German, I'd give them to my secretary and ask her to translate them for me.
**************
M: Italy is great. I spent a lot of time in the northern cities, places like Milan and Verona. I should have gone down to Rome. Never go there in the summer.
P: Oh no, I went in May and September.
M: That's good. The other thing is that in August, nothing gets done. We couldn't schedule anything because everyone takes vacations. And when the Italians go on vacation, they're gone. It's the same for most of Europe.
P: But didn't you get 4 weeks of vacation like them?
M: Yeah, but I didn't usually take my vacation. I would use the time to go back to the states. You know, pick up supplies from home that I couldn't buy in Europe.
P: And I'm sure your parents were happy to see you.
M: Yeah, I saw the family. I've never done big vacation things. I probably should try take more vacation.
*******************
M: I saw cities in Europe usually because we had plants there. Have you been to Spain?
P: Yes, I visited Barcelona on one trip and Andalucia for another.
M: Andalucia? Where's that?
P: It's southern Spain - Seville, Cadiz, and Granada.
M: Oh, I haven't been down there. I've visited Madrid and Pamplona. Those guys were great to hang out with. They'd always take us(me) out. I'd always make sure to schedule meetings there on a Friday so that I could hang around.
******************
P: So what do you think of your new company?
M: [shrug shoulders] It's okay. It's very different from my old company. I didn't expect them to be so laid back.
P: Was your old company very conservative? You know, suits every day.
M: No, we'd wear shirt and tie everyday. They finally gave in on casual Fridays. It was an automotive company so they had a certain culture. This company gives us half-day Fridays, weekly lunches, blah, blah, blah. They give out these perks as a retention thing. You know, why stay with this company when there are all those high-tech companies to work for.
P: I guess that would depend on the department you work in because I would think the marketers like working on consumer goods. It's very different from working on B-to-B products.
M: That's true. You make a good point. Still, it's weird. I mean, you'd think people would stay until they get their work done. I thought people would leave maybe 1pm or 2pm today. But as soon as it was noon - gone.
P: It varies at my company. I think people work as long as they need to. Besides, it is going to be a hot weekend, so maybe people wanted to get out early.
M: Maybe. I wanted to come to California. I guess I need to get used to it and learn to take enjoy it.
***************
There was also a conversation later about visiting AT&T Park. I told him how fun it can be to see a game there, even if you're not into baseball. Midwest said that his department just learned that in a couple weeks they'll leave at noon to go watch a game. He seemed disturbed by the idea that they were going out during work hours for a baseball game.
Another conversation was about visiting his brother in Hong Kong. He arranged a meeting in Taiwan, even though it was not necessary, so that he could make the trip into a business expense. I guess everyone does these kinds of things on occasion, but I got tired of hearing it from him.
When it comes down to it, it's a difference in lifestyles. I've been in California most of my life. I am accustomed to the slower, casual pace of things. Clearly, he's not.
P: So did you ask to work in Europe?
M: [shaking his head] No, not at all. I would have preferred go to Asia - Hong Kong, Japan, Taiwan maybe. The company didn't have big production facilities there to justify sending anyone. But if you're company offers, why not. Does your company send people overseas?
P: No, our company doesn't currently sell outside the U.S. Our parent company does have programs for working abroad. It's something I wish I did when I was younger. Now... it's not a good time to go.
M: Yeah, I can understand. I was lucky I went when I was... around 28, no 30. Yeah. Of course, it's easy when you've got a company paying for everything. They gave me a credit card, and I never had to think about it.
***********
M: So you've always lived up here?
P: No, I grew up in SoCal. I came up here for college and decided to stay.
M: So you've never left the area since?
P: Well, I did move down for two years of grad school, but I visited here every other month.
M: Where did you go to school?
P: AntHill.
M: AntHill... blah, blah, blah, those are all places I've heard of but never knew exactly where they were. I've heard that BabyBlueU is almost 50% Asian.
P: I think it is already over 50%. Most of the CA universities are more than half Asian. If you group all non-whites as one group, virtually all the schools will have white as the minority.
M: Wow... that's amazing. You know being here, I notice there are a lot of Asians.
P: Yes, it's nice. After you're here for awhile, you begin to think it's normal. Then when you travel elsewhere, you realize that it's not.
M: When I lived in DT, I hardly saw any other Asians. It was a rare thing. Now, they're everywhere, and I feel like I'm just another person. It's so different. People even segment themselves by neighborhoods. If you're Taiwanese, you live around here. North of the airport, it's mostly Cantonese.
***********
P: Since you were in Europe for three years, were you able to become proficient at a second language?
M: [smile with embarrassment] You know, I must admit, I didn't. I should have with the intensive languages courses and private tutoring that my company had me take. It would have been nice, but I never needed to speak much besides English.
P: Everyone spoke English at the office?
M: Yeah. And if I needed something translated I'd just ask my secretary to do it for me.
P: What about when you went out?
M: Naw, most people knew English. If I needed to know a few phrases in French, Italian, or German, I'd give them to my secretary and ask her to translate them for me.
**************
M: Italy is great. I spent a lot of time in the northern cities, places like Milan and Verona. I should have gone down to Rome. Never go there in the summer.
P: Oh no, I went in May and September.
M: That's good. The other thing is that in August, nothing gets done. We couldn't schedule anything because everyone takes vacations. And when the Italians go on vacation, they're gone. It's the same for most of Europe.
P: But didn't you get 4 weeks of vacation like them?
M: Yeah, but I didn't usually take my vacation. I would use the time to go back to the states. You know, pick up supplies from home that I couldn't buy in Europe.
P: And I'm sure your parents were happy to see you.
M: Yeah, I saw the family. I've never done big vacation things. I probably should try take more vacation.
*******************
M: I saw cities in Europe usually because we had plants there. Have you been to Spain?
P: Yes, I visited Barcelona on one trip and Andalucia for another.
M: Andalucia? Where's that?
P: It's southern Spain - Seville, Cadiz, and Granada.
M: Oh, I haven't been down there. I've visited Madrid and Pamplona. Those guys were great to hang out with. They'd always take us(me) out. I'd always make sure to schedule meetings there on a Friday so that I could hang around.
******************
P: So what do you think of your new company?
M: [shrug shoulders] It's okay. It's very different from my old company. I didn't expect them to be so laid back.
P: Was your old company very conservative? You know, suits every day.
M: No, we'd wear shirt and tie everyday. They finally gave in on casual Fridays. It was an automotive company so they had a certain culture. This company gives us half-day Fridays, weekly lunches, blah, blah, blah. They give out these perks as a retention thing. You know, why stay with this company when there are all those high-tech companies to work for.
P: I guess that would depend on the department you work in because I would think the marketers like working on consumer goods. It's very different from working on B-to-B products.
M: That's true. You make a good point. Still, it's weird. I mean, you'd think people would stay until they get their work done. I thought people would leave maybe 1pm or 2pm today. But as soon as it was noon - gone.
P: It varies at my company. I think people work as long as they need to. Besides, it is going to be a hot weekend, so maybe people wanted to get out early.
M: Maybe. I wanted to come to California. I guess I need to get used to it and learn to take enjoy it.
***************
There was also a conversation later about visiting AT&T Park. I told him how fun it can be to see a game there, even if you're not into baseball. Midwest said that his department just learned that in a couple weeks they'll leave at noon to go watch a game. He seemed disturbed by the idea that they were going out during work hours for a baseball game.
Another conversation was about visiting his brother in Hong Kong. He arranged a meeting in Taiwan, even though it was not necessary, so that he could make the trip into a business expense. I guess everyone does these kinds of things on occasion, but I got tired of hearing it from him.
When it comes down to it, it's a difference in lifestyles. I've been in California most of my life. I am accustomed to the slower, casual pace of things. Clearly, he's not.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
APB's Dating Advice for Asian Men
First, I guess I shouldn't be surprised this world exists. After all, if you can learn how to make a bomb on the Internet, why wouldn't you be able to get some dating tips. There are all these relationship workshops for women, so why not a pickup session for men. It might even give some guys a needed boost of confidence. I just don't like the fact they use the term "game."
The question is whether I want to know about any of this... . Maybe it would be a good lesson for me so that I understand non-verbal cues better. (I'm a totally clueless girl. Who knows how many guys I missed out in my early twenties because I wasn't paying attention.)
Then again, considering how much I overanalyze things, knowing this stuff could turn me into a basket case. 8-}
Site Map: APB's Dating Advice for Asian Men
The question is whether I want to know about any of this... . Maybe it would be a good lesson for me so that I understand non-verbal cues better. (I'm a totally clueless girl. Who knows how many guys I missed out in my early twenties because I wasn't paying attention.)
Then again, considering how much I overanalyze things, knowing this stuff could turn me into a basket case. 8-}
Site Map: APB's Dating Advice for Asian Men
Monday, June 26, 2006
Weekend therapy
It's very unlike me, but I spent time with friends every day this entire week, including the weekend. As fun as it can be, it also means sleep deprivation at some point. I stayed out until 2am Friday night, got up at 8:30am Saturday. Then I stayed up until 1:35am on Saturday night and had to get up for a 9:30am hike. Thank goodness it's a four-day weekend coming!
I attended a self-spa bridal shower on Saturday afternoon. We started with a lovely brunch and a tour of the new house. Pku seems very happy but busy these days with the wedding and setting up house. I admit I was jealous seeing her life come together.
The house was a huge find. The interior of the house needed a little paint but otherwise is relatively new. The bathrooms have new Corian shower walls and sinks. The plush berber carpet was installed last fall. The kitchen and windows were redone within the past two years. It's perfect since they will probably try to start a family soon after getting married.
After the shower, Hula and I went downtown to shop. I wanted to check out some of the major sales at the department stores for dresses. When you want selection, going to the city is the only option. We hit three department stores plus H&M and Anthropologie during our four-hour spree. Alas, I came away with nothing.
We got a good kick out of Hula's new handbag purchase. She purchased it from a shopping mall kiosk. The man said it was a copy of a Ferragamo. She paid $50. Of course, she was curious to know if it really passed as a Ferragamo. We spotted her bag in the Ferragamo store window. Since she was wearing the purse, however, we were too embarrassed to go inside. Luckily, the purse was also at Saks. We peaked at the price tag of a slightly smaller version and read $560. She wanted to tell Drummer how much she "saved."
Originally, I thought I'd be home in the late evening. Hula convinced me to stay and have dinner with her and Drummer. We walked over to a nice Italian place near 2nd St. The dinner conversation turned into what felt like a huge therapy session.
It started innocently enough just talking about dating in general. (I wonder if I must blame myself for taking that path since it's been on my mind.) After discussing the lessons from "How to Get a Guy" and online dating, the conversation turned towards our single male friends who make little attempt to date, namely Ig and Tim.
Drummer was pretty blunt in his questioning how they could go so long without sex. Isn't that why men date? We know they're interested in women... so what happened to the natural drive to procreate? I revealed to them a little about the dating experience Ig had last summer. The first weekend they spent together, she praised him, saying he was intelligent and how she saw him accomplishing great things in his career. His translation was that because she is a Wharton graduate she socializes with ambitious, business people and would expect him to make a significant salary. Based on the details I provided, Drummer's conclusion is that Ig is sabotaging himself before the relationship starts. I personally think he was uncomfortable from the indirect pressure her compliment implied. He felt that he would disappoint her. I'm not totally clear on why the relationship came apart, but you have to think that his attitude contributed to it.
Ig tends to spend a lot of his time with Suna and Sh since they live down the street. There is a running theory about Ig and Sh because they spend so much time together. When Sh fell asleep on his couch, he apparently just left her there until morning. Um, hello, wouldn't you want to wake the person so they could go home and sleep in their own bed. Many of us single women hang out with Ig, so Drummer calls us the harem. He believes that the comfort and ease of spending time with us makes him lazy about dating. There's always an activity made available to him so he never needs to plan. I shared my opinion that Ig does not feel ready to date until he accomplishes certain goals. The problem is that they aren't very important goals. For example, one of them is to rent a house and have 3-4 roommates. (Come on, you're 38 years old... that's a living situation for your twenties.) We all want to see Ig happy, but we just don't understand the logic behind his motivations.
From that topic, we moved to Tim (and me). I know Hula and Drummer have always been curious about us since they were the first to see us together. It's clear that Tim and I are close and get along well. Drummer asked if I would ever consider getting back together. I told him that it wasn't possible for several reasons (besides the fact that I don't feel that way):
- Tim would not believe me
- Tim would think I was just desperate to be married
- He would tease me about it all the time and it would upset me too much
I felt like the discussion was very clinical. They asked me why not get married. I felt like they forgot about having love and attraction in the marriage. Perhaps they felt that it would develop in time. I also told them how I felt it would be unfair to Tim to be married and not be able to love him the way he deserves. It was difficult to make this happily married couple see that the marrying Tim, at this point in time, would mean I was giving up my dream of a happy ending. Someday, maybe I'll see him as the right man, but I'm not going to try and convince myself; it has to happen on its own.
Drummer shared his own enlightenments on dating. Just before he met Hula, he and his buddies came up with some dating philosophies. The one he shared at dinner was that there you must commit to one of three types of approaches soon after you meet a woman and make it clear: 1) casual fun, 2) friendship, or 3) long-term potential. His thought is that this helps the guy to focus and not waste time.
The biggest, most emotional part of the evening was talking about Chinese mothers. Hula mentioned how she hopes, someday, her brother and mother will talk again. Their relationship has been strained ever since he decided to marry a non-Chinese girl. She tried to tell him he was making a mistake, and he went through with it(duh). I don't know ML, but they said she is the sweetest woman in the world. It's all because he failed to meet their mother's expectations. Hula somehow felt better knowing that my own brother and mom are not on good terms as well. My brother's issues are a little different, nevertheless, it's about the clash of cultures and expectations.
We had a big discussion about the gap between American and Asian culture. Hula and I both have that inner sense that we will never make our mothers happy. There's always something to be disappointed about in our lives (she married a white guy and has forgotten much of her Chinese upbringing and I'm not married). No matter how we try, our mothers will always complain and want better. Neither side will ever fully accept the other's opinion or choices. It's a terrible balance to try and maintain. Drummer seems the same pattern among many of his Asian friends. There's no winner in this. You have to say to hell with it and live your life, but it's hard when human nature is to want your parents' love and approval.
It was really weird to get into such a lengthy conversation with them. So much for my personal privacy policy. I like talking too much about myself (sorry ;) ). I think I always hope that by explaining things, people will leave me alone. But what I've learned is that it often only creates more questions. Who knows... .
I attended a self-spa bridal shower on Saturday afternoon. We started with a lovely brunch and a tour of the new house. Pku seems very happy but busy these days with the wedding and setting up house. I admit I was jealous seeing her life come together.
The house was a huge find. The interior of the house needed a little paint but otherwise is relatively new. The bathrooms have new Corian shower walls and sinks. The plush berber carpet was installed last fall. The kitchen and windows were redone within the past two years. It's perfect since they will probably try to start a family soon after getting married.
After the shower, Hula and I went downtown to shop. I wanted to check out some of the major sales at the department stores for dresses. When you want selection, going to the city is the only option. We hit three department stores plus H&M and Anthropologie during our four-hour spree. Alas, I came away with nothing.
We got a good kick out of Hula's new handbag purchase. She purchased it from a shopping mall kiosk. The man said it was a copy of a Ferragamo. She paid $50. Of course, she was curious to know if it really passed as a Ferragamo. We spotted her bag in the Ferragamo store window. Since she was wearing the purse, however, we were too embarrassed to go inside. Luckily, the purse was also at Saks. We peaked at the price tag of a slightly smaller version and read $560. She wanted to tell Drummer how much she "saved."
Originally, I thought I'd be home in the late evening. Hula convinced me to stay and have dinner with her and Drummer. We walked over to a nice Italian place near 2nd St. The dinner conversation turned into what felt like a huge therapy session.
It started innocently enough just talking about dating in general. (I wonder if I must blame myself for taking that path since it's been on my mind.) After discussing the lessons from "How to Get a Guy" and online dating, the conversation turned towards our single male friends who make little attempt to date, namely Ig and Tim.
Drummer was pretty blunt in his questioning how they could go so long without sex. Isn't that why men date? We know they're interested in women... so what happened to the natural drive to procreate? I revealed to them a little about the dating experience Ig had last summer. The first weekend they spent together, she praised him, saying he was intelligent and how she saw him accomplishing great things in his career. His translation was that because she is a Wharton graduate she socializes with ambitious, business people and would expect him to make a significant salary. Based on the details I provided, Drummer's conclusion is that Ig is sabotaging himself before the relationship starts. I personally think he was uncomfortable from the indirect pressure her compliment implied. He felt that he would disappoint her. I'm not totally clear on why the relationship came apart, but you have to think that his attitude contributed to it.
Ig tends to spend a lot of his time with Suna and Sh since they live down the street. There is a running theory about Ig and Sh because they spend so much time together. When Sh fell asleep on his couch, he apparently just left her there until morning. Um, hello, wouldn't you want to wake the person so they could go home and sleep in their own bed. Many of us single women hang out with Ig, so Drummer calls us the harem. He believes that the comfort and ease of spending time with us makes him lazy about dating. There's always an activity made available to him so he never needs to plan. I shared my opinion that Ig does not feel ready to date until he accomplishes certain goals. The problem is that they aren't very important goals. For example, one of them is to rent a house and have 3-4 roommates. (Come on, you're 38 years old... that's a living situation for your twenties.) We all want to see Ig happy, but we just don't understand the logic behind his motivations.
From that topic, we moved to Tim (and me). I know Hula and Drummer have always been curious about us since they were the first to see us together. It's clear that Tim and I are close and get along well. Drummer asked if I would ever consider getting back together. I told him that it wasn't possible for several reasons (besides the fact that I don't feel that way):
- Tim would not believe me
- Tim would think I was just desperate to be married
- He would tease me about it all the time and it would upset me too much
I felt like the discussion was very clinical. They asked me why not get married. I felt like they forgot about having love and attraction in the marriage. Perhaps they felt that it would develop in time. I also told them how I felt it would be unfair to Tim to be married and not be able to love him the way he deserves. It was difficult to make this happily married couple see that the marrying Tim, at this point in time, would mean I was giving up my dream of a happy ending. Someday, maybe I'll see him as the right man, but I'm not going to try and convince myself; it has to happen on its own.
Drummer shared his own enlightenments on dating. Just before he met Hula, he and his buddies came up with some dating philosophies. The one he shared at dinner was that there you must commit to one of three types of approaches soon after you meet a woman and make it clear: 1) casual fun, 2) friendship, or 3) long-term potential. His thought is that this helps the guy to focus and not waste time.
The biggest, most emotional part of the evening was talking about Chinese mothers. Hula mentioned how she hopes, someday, her brother and mother will talk again. Their relationship has been strained ever since he decided to marry a non-Chinese girl. She tried to tell him he was making a mistake, and he went through with it(duh). I don't know ML, but they said she is the sweetest woman in the world. It's all because he failed to meet their mother's expectations. Hula somehow felt better knowing that my own brother and mom are not on good terms as well. My brother's issues are a little different, nevertheless, it's about the clash of cultures and expectations.
We had a big discussion about the gap between American and Asian culture. Hula and I both have that inner sense that we will never make our mothers happy. There's always something to be disappointed about in our lives (she married a white guy and has forgotten much of her Chinese upbringing and I'm not married). No matter how we try, our mothers will always complain and want better. Neither side will ever fully accept the other's opinion or choices. It's a terrible balance to try and maintain. Drummer seems the same pattern among many of his Asian friends. There's no winner in this. You have to say to hell with it and live your life, but it's hard when human nature is to want your parents' love and approval.
It was really weird to get into such a lengthy conversation with them. So much for my personal privacy policy. I like talking too much about myself (sorry ;) ). I think I always hope that by explaining things, people will leave me alone. But what I've learned is that it often only creates more questions. Who knows... .
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Double Spring Year
Yesterday, the Wall Street Journal printed an article called "Marry This Year" talking about how the zodiac and lunar calendars converge this year for a very lucky year. While the WSJ version is not available yet, I found a (likely unauthorized) version of it here.
When I first saw this article, I thought - "I wonder if my mom knows about this."
The next thought that went through my mind was - "Thank goodness my parents aren't superstitious."
[sigh] Well, I've pretty much missed every milestone I ever unofficially set for myself when it came to marriage and family:
- get engaged at 28-29
- get married by 30
- get married around the same age as my cousin, Chris (who was about to turn 32)
- get married by 35
- get married with my grandma present
- get married before my brother (technically possible and would lead to many a wild rumor)
- have my first child before 32
- have my first child by 34
- have three kids before 40 (okay, technically still possible but really crazy)
- if still single at 35, adopt from China (hmmm, somehow that came up a little too fast for me... I'll wait)
Needless to say, I try not to plan anymore.
It depressed me for about 30 minutes and then I let it go. I have a Chinese friend who is getting married next month and will probably start trying for a baby soon. I guess she'll fit this success story perfectly. :)
What I've heard is that the dog year is a lucky year for marriages. I've also recall mention of people scheduling their weddings so it occurs when the moon is waxing. I had no idea that having a pig baby was such a good omen. I certainly don't feel I'm lucky given that I'm a pig and am still single. But I suppose in other aspects of my life, I do well.
Asian, and particularly Chinese, superstition is entertaining. Sometimes it's fun to incorporate it if you can, but I think it's crazy to go out of your way to accommodate for it. Besides, those Chinese businesses will probably try and milk you for every cent if they know there's more demand than supply.
**************************
The Wall Street Journal
Marry This Year: In China, All Signs Point to Wedded Bliss
Zodiac and Lunar Calendar
Smile on Happy Couples;
'We Can Have a Pig Baby'
By GORDON FAIRCLOUGH and LORETTA CHAO
June 19, 2006; Page A1
SHANGHAI -- Sun Lidong and Liu Weijia had been dating for about 18 months when they first heard that this year would be an especially auspicious time to get married. They decided to take the plunge.
"Getting married at the right time will bring you more happiness and more luck in the future," says Ms. Liu, 24 years old, a customer-service manager. "It's very important."
(Liu Weijia and Sun Lidong, seen here in one of their wedding photos, believe that a 2006 union bodes well for a successful marriage. Photo: wsj.com)
Liu Weijia and Sun Lidong, seen here in one of their wedding photos, believe that a 2006 union bodes well for a successful marriage.
A rare quirk of the lunar calendar -- and its alignment with the 12-year cycle of the Chinese zodiac -- has set off a wedding frenzy in China, as brides and grooms try to harness the forces of cosmic fortune to strengthen their marriages.
During the first three months of this lunar year, which began in late January, 44,000 couples registered their unions with the city authorities here. That is twice the number who registered during the same period in 2005. Couples often line up outside the city's marriage-registration centers on weekends and holidays by 5:30 a.m. so they can beat the rush when the doors open at 9.
The wedding mania is rippling across China and through the Chinese diaspora. Chris Chen, co-owner of wedding planner Dynasty Weddings in New York, which caters to the area's Chinese community, says his business has doubled from last year. "Everyone's just getting married like crazy," Mr. Chen says.
Yan Guiying is intent on finding a husband for her 27-year-old daughter. For more than two months, she has turned up every Saturday at People's Park in Shanghai for what is essentially a bustling market of parents trying to find mates for their children.
Clutching a hand-lettered sign with her daughter's vital statistics -- she's five-feet-three-inches tall, weighs 105 pounds, has white skin and earns $560 a month as a fashion designer for an Italian company -- Ms. Yan joined hundreds of other mothers and fathers trading their children's pictures and statistics.
"I'm very anxious," said Ms. Yan, a retired bank clerk. "Everyone wants their kids to get married this year."
Behind the boom: This lunar year, 4703 in the Chinese calendar, will last a longer-than-usual 385 days and contain two lunar springs. The advent of spring, or li chun, is considered especially propitious for starting a family. So, having two springs in a single year is doubly lucky.
[Yan Guiying (center, with glasses) is among the parents who gather at People's Park in downtown Shanghai hoping to find spouses for their children. Ms. Yan's sign touts the attributes of her daughter, a 27-year-old fashion designer.]
The extra-long year is a very uncommon event, tied to the complicated system used to keep lunar timekeeping roughly in sync with the solar calendar. The last one occurred in 1944, five years before the Communist Party took control of the country. People seem to have decided that the rarity will magnify the good fortune of the double spring.
Adding to the pressure, the years on either side of 2006 are considered exceptionally unlucky since they have no lunar spring. They are known as "widows' years." Many people believe women married in those years will lose their husbands at an early age. Marriage registrations in Shanghai were down nearly 20% last year.
Then there is the zodiac, which in Chinese culture holds that one's birth year helps determine his personality and prospects. This is the year of the dog, which is widely viewed as good for marriage. Next year is the year of the pig, which is seen as a time when fortune smiles on newborn babies.
The upshot of all the signs is that China is facing a demographic jolt as marriages that would have been spread over three years are being concentrated into one. At the same time, a significant spike in births is expected next year. Nielsen Media Research says it has already detected a surge in advertising for diapers and baby food on Chinese television and in magazines and newspapers.
"I've never seen anything like this," says veteran wedding planner Xu Hongliu, who has handled more than 100 weddings so far this year. "It's causing severe shortages" of everything from disc jockeys to photographers. Prices for roses and lilies have climbed as much as 30% in Shanghai's markets as demand has increased, she says.
Sociologists say that the wedding boom this year is part of a broader resurgence in traditional beliefs suppressed under Communist rule. They say it is fueled by the uncertainties of China's shift to a free market economy. "People feel like they are not in control," says Xu Anqi, a sociologist at the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences, and they "want to get help and blessings from [supernatural] forces for a good life."
Ms. Liu and Mr. Sun were married last month in a Shanghai hotel before hundreds of their friends and family members. In a short ceremony conducted by the DJ, the pair re-enacted their engagement -- with Mr. Sun on one knee -- before exchanging vows and rings. After Mr. Sun's boss made a toast, bubble machines were turned on as the DJ led the crowd in a rousing rendition of "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands."
"Of course, this is a good year. It's a year of the dog and a double spring," said Mr. Sun. "It's even better that we can have a pig baby" -- since 2007 is a year of the pig. Explained Ms. Liu: "Pigs are fat, they live a comfortable life. My pig friends are all doing quite well."
Seated to one side was Rei Wang, 25, and his new wife, Eva Chu, also 25, who were married on May 1. "I wanted to hold off for a couple of years," confided Mr. Wang. But, he said, "Our parents ordered us to get married this year."
The aunt of Ms. Liu, the bride, however, said she didn't understand what all the fuss was about. Weng Xiuzheng, 64, spent her career in the People's Liberation Army and didn't consider lucky dates when she got married in 1962.
"When the army decided it was OK, we moved to be together" in the barracks at a military hospital, she said. "People didn't worry too much about the timing in the old days, and we're all still doing OK."
Many young Chinese aren't taking any chances. Tang Yihuan and his then-fiancée, Cheng Ting, were all set to get hitched last year. The couple bought an apartment and filled it with furniture. They picked out rings and hired a photographer. Then, they found out about "the widows' year," and preparations screeched to a halt.
The wedding was put on hold until this past March. In the meantime, the couple lived with Ms. Cheng's parents to "keep everything new," says Mr. Tang. "If we got married last year, it would have been a disaster," he says.
Mr. Tang says the delay is already paying off. Shortly after his wedding, he says, he was offered a new job, with higher pay, at a public-relations company that handles big multinational clients.
That's the kind of story that inspires parents. "I want my son to get married this year," says Zhang Yongfang, who started coming to the People's Park matchmaking gatherings in February.
But, she says, she's worried. It's already June and she hasn't found any takers so far. She holds out photos of her 27-year-old son in a green vinyl portfolio. "We are running out of time," says Ms. Zhang. "He can't get married next year. That would be horrible. He'll have to wait until the year after that."
--Ellen Zhu contributed to this article.
LUCKY IN LOVE?
No li chun ("widow" year, or not good for marriage): 1956, 1959, 1962, 1964, 1967, 1970, 1972, 1975, 1978, 1981, 1983, 1986, 1989, 1991, 1994, 1997, 2000, 2002, 2005, 2008, 2010, 2013
Two li chun (good for marriage): 1995, 1957, 1960, 1963, 1966, 1968, 1971, 1974, 1976, 1979, 1982, 1984, 1987, 1990, 1993, 1995, 1998, 2001, 2004, 2006, 2009, 2012, 2014
Dog years with li chun: 1958, 1982, 1994, 2006
Astrologers warn people not to take these dates too seriously, because there are a number of other factors, including feng shui, zodiac compatibility, and element compatibility, that are considered when making matches; they also say those married in widow years should not think that all marriages in those years are doomed.
When I first saw this article, I thought - "I wonder if my mom knows about this."
The next thought that went through my mind was - "Thank goodness my parents aren't superstitious."
[sigh] Well, I've pretty much missed every milestone I ever unofficially set for myself when it came to marriage and family:
- get engaged at 28-29
- get married by 30
- get married around the same age as my cousin, Chris (who was about to turn 32)
- get married by 35
- get married with my grandma present
- get married before my brother (technically possible and would lead to many a wild rumor)
- have my first child before 32
- have my first child by 34
- have three kids before 40 (okay, technically still possible but really crazy)
- if still single at 35, adopt from China (hmmm, somehow that came up a little too fast for me... I'll wait)
Needless to say, I try not to plan anymore.
It depressed me for about 30 minutes and then I let it go. I have a Chinese friend who is getting married next month and will probably start trying for a baby soon. I guess she'll fit this success story perfectly. :)
What I've heard is that the dog year is a lucky year for marriages. I've also recall mention of people scheduling their weddings so it occurs when the moon is waxing. I had no idea that having a pig baby was such a good omen. I certainly don't feel I'm lucky given that I'm a pig and am still single. But I suppose in other aspects of my life, I do well.
Asian, and particularly Chinese, superstition is entertaining. Sometimes it's fun to incorporate it if you can, but I think it's crazy to go out of your way to accommodate for it. Besides, those Chinese businesses will probably try and milk you for every cent if they know there's more demand than supply.
**************************
The Wall Street Journal
Marry This Year: In China, All Signs Point to Wedded Bliss
Zodiac and Lunar Calendar
Smile on Happy Couples;
'We Can Have a Pig Baby'
By GORDON FAIRCLOUGH and LORETTA CHAO
June 19, 2006; Page A1
SHANGHAI -- Sun Lidong and Liu Weijia had been dating for about 18 months when they first heard that this year would be an especially auspicious time to get married. They decided to take the plunge.
"Getting married at the right time will bring you more happiness and more luck in the future," says Ms. Liu, 24 years old, a customer-service manager. "It's very important."
(Liu Weijia and Sun Lidong, seen here in one of their wedding photos, believe that a 2006 union bodes well for a successful marriage. Photo: wsj.com)
Liu Weijia and Sun Lidong, seen here in one of their wedding photos, believe that a 2006 union bodes well for a successful marriage.
A rare quirk of the lunar calendar -- and its alignment with the 12-year cycle of the Chinese zodiac -- has set off a wedding frenzy in China, as brides and grooms try to harness the forces of cosmic fortune to strengthen their marriages.
During the first three months of this lunar year, which began in late January, 44,000 couples registered their unions with the city authorities here. That is twice the number who registered during the same period in 2005. Couples often line up outside the city's marriage-registration centers on weekends and holidays by 5:30 a.m. so they can beat the rush when the doors open at 9.
The wedding mania is rippling across China and through the Chinese diaspora. Chris Chen, co-owner of wedding planner Dynasty Weddings in New York, which caters to the area's Chinese community, says his business has doubled from last year. "Everyone's just getting married like crazy," Mr. Chen says.
Yan Guiying is intent on finding a husband for her 27-year-old daughter. For more than two months, she has turned up every Saturday at People's Park in Shanghai for what is essentially a bustling market of parents trying to find mates for their children.
Clutching a hand-lettered sign with her daughter's vital statistics -- she's five-feet-three-inches tall, weighs 105 pounds, has white skin and earns $560 a month as a fashion designer for an Italian company -- Ms. Yan joined hundreds of other mothers and fathers trading their children's pictures and statistics.
"I'm very anxious," said Ms. Yan, a retired bank clerk. "Everyone wants their kids to get married this year."
Behind the boom: This lunar year, 4703 in the Chinese calendar, will last a longer-than-usual 385 days and contain two lunar springs. The advent of spring, or li chun, is considered especially propitious for starting a family. So, having two springs in a single year is doubly lucky.
[Yan Guiying (center, with glasses) is among the parents who gather at People's Park in downtown Shanghai hoping to find spouses for their children. Ms. Yan's sign touts the attributes of her daughter, a 27-year-old fashion designer.]
The extra-long year is a very uncommon event, tied to the complicated system used to keep lunar timekeeping roughly in sync with the solar calendar. The last one occurred in 1944, five years before the Communist Party took control of the country. People seem to have decided that the rarity will magnify the good fortune of the double spring.
Adding to the pressure, the years on either side of 2006 are considered exceptionally unlucky since they have no lunar spring. They are known as "widows' years." Many people believe women married in those years will lose their husbands at an early age. Marriage registrations in Shanghai were down nearly 20% last year.
Then there is the zodiac, which in Chinese culture holds that one's birth year helps determine his personality and prospects. This is the year of the dog, which is widely viewed as good for marriage. Next year is the year of the pig, which is seen as a time when fortune smiles on newborn babies.
The upshot of all the signs is that China is facing a demographic jolt as marriages that would have been spread over three years are being concentrated into one. At the same time, a significant spike in births is expected next year. Nielsen Media Research says it has already detected a surge in advertising for diapers and baby food on Chinese television and in magazines and newspapers.
"I've never seen anything like this," says veteran wedding planner Xu Hongliu, who has handled more than 100 weddings so far this year. "It's causing severe shortages" of everything from disc jockeys to photographers. Prices for roses and lilies have climbed as much as 30% in Shanghai's markets as demand has increased, she says.
Sociologists say that the wedding boom this year is part of a broader resurgence in traditional beliefs suppressed under Communist rule. They say it is fueled by the uncertainties of China's shift to a free market economy. "People feel like they are not in control," says Xu Anqi, a sociologist at the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences, and they "want to get help and blessings from [supernatural] forces for a good life."
Ms. Liu and Mr. Sun were married last month in a Shanghai hotel before hundreds of their friends and family members. In a short ceremony conducted by the DJ, the pair re-enacted their engagement -- with Mr. Sun on one knee -- before exchanging vows and rings. After Mr. Sun's boss made a toast, bubble machines were turned on as the DJ led the crowd in a rousing rendition of "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands."
"Of course, this is a good year. It's a year of the dog and a double spring," said Mr. Sun. "It's even better that we can have a pig baby" -- since 2007 is a year of the pig. Explained Ms. Liu: "Pigs are fat, they live a comfortable life. My pig friends are all doing quite well."
Seated to one side was Rei Wang, 25, and his new wife, Eva Chu, also 25, who were married on May 1. "I wanted to hold off for a couple of years," confided Mr. Wang. But, he said, "Our parents ordered us to get married this year."
The aunt of Ms. Liu, the bride, however, said she didn't understand what all the fuss was about. Weng Xiuzheng, 64, spent her career in the People's Liberation Army and didn't consider lucky dates when she got married in 1962.
"When the army decided it was OK, we moved to be together" in the barracks at a military hospital, she said. "People didn't worry too much about the timing in the old days, and we're all still doing OK."
Many young Chinese aren't taking any chances. Tang Yihuan and his then-fiancée, Cheng Ting, were all set to get hitched last year. The couple bought an apartment and filled it with furniture. They picked out rings and hired a photographer. Then, they found out about "the widows' year," and preparations screeched to a halt.
The wedding was put on hold until this past March. In the meantime, the couple lived with Ms. Cheng's parents to "keep everything new," says Mr. Tang. "If we got married last year, it would have been a disaster," he says.
Mr. Tang says the delay is already paying off. Shortly after his wedding, he says, he was offered a new job, with higher pay, at a public-relations company that handles big multinational clients.
That's the kind of story that inspires parents. "I want my son to get married this year," says Zhang Yongfang, who started coming to the People's Park matchmaking gatherings in February.
But, she says, she's worried. It's already June and she hasn't found any takers so far. She holds out photos of her 27-year-old son in a green vinyl portfolio. "We are running out of time," says Ms. Zhang. "He can't get married next year. That would be horrible. He'll have to wait until the year after that."
--Ellen Zhu contributed to this article.
LUCKY IN LOVE?
No li chun ("widow" year, or not good for marriage): 1956, 1959, 1962, 1964, 1967, 1970, 1972, 1975, 1978, 1981, 1983, 1986, 1989, 1991, 1994, 1997, 2000, 2002, 2005, 2008, 2010, 2013
Two li chun (good for marriage): 1995, 1957, 1960, 1963, 1966, 1968, 1971, 1974, 1976, 1979, 1982, 1984, 1987, 1990, 1993, 1995, 1998, 2001, 2004, 2006, 2009, 2012, 2014
Dog years with li chun: 1958, 1982, 1994, 2006
Astrologers warn people not to take these dates too seriously, because there are a number of other factors, including feng shui, zodiac compatibility, and element compatibility, that are considered when making matches; they also say those married in widow years should not think that all marriages in those years are doomed.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Regular nosy check
Saturday I went out with some girlfriends for some shopping. We hit a couple places, tried on a bunch of things, and basically came away with nothing. Wand bought a light knit sweater. Sh bought a jean skirt she's not sure about keeping. That was it. :( It was fun, but I'm disappointed I didn't find anything. At least I know there's supposedly some items getting marked down on Friday for a sale, so I'll go shopping then.
For the evening, we met up with some other gals for a girls' night. We enjoyed dinner at this kind of hip bar/restaurant in the gay part of the city. The menu was fun, best described as American tapas. We ordered various little plates so that we could all try a little - pizza, zucchini fries, tuna poke, roasted yukon potatoes with aioli, ricotta gnocchi with mushrooms, beet salad, Moroccan lamb, and white cheddar grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup dip.
Afterwards, we went out dancing for a couple hours. It was a charity even held at a local bar/restaurant in the clubbing area of town. Clearly, it was mostly Asians. We joked about the few white men there who clearly were scoping out the single chicks inside. I think Sh said she overheard a couple of them admit to someone at the bar they were at the party because they have an Asian fetish. No prospects for me, but it was fun to just get out and dance.
It was about 2am as we exited the freeway. Sh drove me home. We had chatted about various things like recycling, exercise, dance classes, people adopting babies from China, the dangerous imbalance of gender caused by tradition Chinese practices. It was all pretty interesting.
And then, she shifted gears on me. We must have been talking about my recent vacation with Tim. She then asked, "Do you think spending time with Tim impedes you from dating?"
(Here we go again. It seems she asks this every 6 months. Maybe I need to come back with a less polite response.)
"No, I don't think so. I mean I went on dates with KT and the one with Waby. I wanted to date KT."
"Well, do you feel that you have less interest in dating because of Tim?"
"Not at all. Honestly, if I wasn't hanging out with Tim, I'd probably just be at home by myself. It's not that he's replace that need, I'm just tired of dating."
(Should I have been more annoyed with her prying at this point?)
"What about Tim? I mean, do you think he's not dating because of you?"
"No, we've talked about it. He's says he's fine. For the most part, I believe him."
"But he's not trying to date or anything is he?"
"No, I've asked him about it before. I think he's busy with work and just happy with what he does right now. When we've talked about it, he doesn't seem very concerned about being alone. He'd like to be married if he finds the right person, but I don't think he feels like he *needs* to get married."
And with that, we drove into my complex. Yeah, sometimes I am very annoyed with what I consider to be meddling. I realize that Tim and I spend a lot of time together. We care about each other. There's no deception here, we're honest with each other. I don't understand why she always has to ask about this. It makes me uncomfortable; like I'm doing something wrong. It makes me think I should be more private about my life. I don't like being judged. (Which might be rather two-faced since I tend to do that... though at least I don't say it to them.)
I even told Tim the next day about the questions Sh asked. I don't know that he's bothered by it like I am. He understands her concern. He drove the point home by asking questions like, "how often do we talk to each other," and "who else do you talk to as much?" I might add that it's not always me making the calls. And when I push back by saying, "fine, I won't call you for awhile," he backs off saying he's just trying to make a point. It's not just me wanting to spend time together.
What the hell am I supposed to do? Why can't I enjoy this for what it is? Does it look that bad? If I stop hanging out with him, then I feel like I'm being controlled by someone else which is wrong. On the other hand, I hate feeling harassed. So, we'll see, maybe I'll purposely not hang around with him for a couple weeks and see.
For the evening, we met up with some other gals for a girls' night. We enjoyed dinner at this kind of hip bar/restaurant in the gay part of the city. The menu was fun, best described as American tapas. We ordered various little plates so that we could all try a little - pizza, zucchini fries, tuna poke, roasted yukon potatoes with aioli, ricotta gnocchi with mushrooms, beet salad, Moroccan lamb, and white cheddar grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup dip.
Afterwards, we went out dancing for a couple hours. It was a charity even held at a local bar/restaurant in the clubbing area of town. Clearly, it was mostly Asians. We joked about the few white men there who clearly were scoping out the single chicks inside. I think Sh said she overheard a couple of them admit to someone at the bar they were at the party because they have an Asian fetish. No prospects for me, but it was fun to just get out and dance.
It was about 2am as we exited the freeway. Sh drove me home. We had chatted about various things like recycling, exercise, dance classes, people adopting babies from China, the dangerous imbalance of gender caused by tradition Chinese practices. It was all pretty interesting.
And then, she shifted gears on me. We must have been talking about my recent vacation with Tim. She then asked, "Do you think spending time with Tim impedes you from dating?"
(Here we go again. It seems she asks this every 6 months. Maybe I need to come back with a less polite response.)
"No, I don't think so. I mean I went on dates with KT and the one with Waby. I wanted to date KT."
"Well, do you feel that you have less interest in dating because of Tim?"
"Not at all. Honestly, if I wasn't hanging out with Tim, I'd probably just be at home by myself. It's not that he's replace that need, I'm just tired of dating."
(Should I have been more annoyed with her prying at this point?)
"What about Tim? I mean, do you think he's not dating because of you?"
"No, we've talked about it. He's says he's fine. For the most part, I believe him."
"But he's not trying to date or anything is he?"
"No, I've asked him about it before. I think he's busy with work and just happy with what he does right now. When we've talked about it, he doesn't seem very concerned about being alone. He'd like to be married if he finds the right person, but I don't think he feels like he *needs* to get married."
And with that, we drove into my complex. Yeah, sometimes I am very annoyed with what I consider to be meddling. I realize that Tim and I spend a lot of time together. We care about each other. There's no deception here, we're honest with each other. I don't understand why she always has to ask about this. It makes me uncomfortable; like I'm doing something wrong. It makes me think I should be more private about my life. I don't like being judged. (Which might be rather two-faced since I tend to do that... though at least I don't say it to them.)
I even told Tim the next day about the questions Sh asked. I don't know that he's bothered by it like I am. He understands her concern. He drove the point home by asking questions like, "how often do we talk to each other," and "who else do you talk to as much?" I might add that it's not always me making the calls. And when I push back by saying, "fine, I won't call you for awhile," he backs off saying he's just trying to make a point. It's not just me wanting to spend time together.
What the hell am I supposed to do? Why can't I enjoy this for what it is? Does it look that bad? If I stop hanging out with him, then I feel like I'm being controlled by someone else which is wrong. On the other hand, I hate feeling harassed. So, we'll see, maybe I'll purposely not hang around with him for a couple weeks and see.
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