Over the weekend, Tim and I attended our first wedding as a married couple. It was also interesting because they got engaged two months before us but had six months longer to plan the event. For me, this was a significant outing because it actually meant that I got to dress up.
The bride, Chi, and I met years ago through mutual friends. We were both single gals living in the same city. She initiated the friendship by encouraging me to call her to go hiking and golfing. "Saving Face" came out around the time we met, so Chi often joked that she was worried I thought she was hitting on me. Oh, we were silly gals.
I've now been unemployed for over four months. That combined with cohabitation of my little place has made for a living situation that is new and unexpected. For one thing, my closet has filled up with various items that we've had to "hide" from visiting guests and numerous intrusions but construction or cleaning people. The problem is that I've had little reasons to clean up the closet since I've been wearing jeans and long sleeve knit shirts virtually everyday. The skirts, slacks, blouses, and sweaters neatly organized and hanging in my closet haven't seen daylight since last fall. Other than climbing around to get to my ski clothes, I forget that I own all that stuff.
I considered buying a new dress for the occasion but didn't find anything affordable. Besides, I realized after trying on some cute and sexy BCBG dresses that, sadly, I'm getting to old for them. I dug out all my cute floral dresses knowing that we would have decent spring weather. The dress I wanted to wear turned out to be a bit tight around the shoulders. Tim convinced me that I should wear this black dress with red and fushia flowers. It's a nice dress, but I was disappointed that the neckline came up to my collarbone and failed to show off any part of my chest. I felt like an old lady.
As hot rollers reprogrammed my hair to curl, I proceeded to prepare my face. While I'm someone who doesn't typically wear a lot of makeup each day, I have developed a better sense of what looks good on me over the years. I must say that going through the wedding process and having several trial makeup sessions at the department stores was very educational. I know to add a darker shade color in the far corners of my eyes and highlight my brow bones with a light color. When I first bought the my bottle of Le Blanc de Chanel Sheer Base, I felt some major buyer's remorse. How would someone like me possibly finish a $45 bottle of white liquid before it goes bad? I was thrilled to have purchase my Rouge Double Intensite lip colour in Violet Sapphire. More recently, however, I have come to appreciate my Chanel items more. I've been late to makeup party, but I'm here now.
An hour and one half later, after the eye liner, the eyebrow brush, concealer, foundation, an angle brush with powder, three colors of eyeshadow, a tug-of-war with many individual false eyelashes, and a quick brush of deep red nail polish on my toenails, my awesome lip colour, two egg-sized mounds of mousse, and dozens of spritzes of hair spray I felt confident that I looked HOT. (Okay, not a supermodel or anything that fantastic but damned cute and potentially sexy.) Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn't helped be impressed that I'd actually managed to figure out how to do this right.
Then my mind wondered how different my 20s could have been if I had made this kind of effort on a regular basis. Would I have been willing to sacrifice (invest) an hour of my life each day to look more attractive? It's difficult for me to imagine, but there are many women who go through this every day (and some are rich enough to pay someone to do it for them). It does look good, but I guess I never believed it was good use of my time (because I could be sleeping instead). I can't help be curious about the "what if." That confidence probably would have extended beyond my face and made me more comfortable wearing more flattering, fashionable clothing. What kind of men would I have attracted/dated? Would I have been married earlier? Would it have changed how my career experiences? Who might I be now? I browse places like Forever 21, Anthropologie, and H&M. Occaisionally, I find little gems that I love, but mostly I know they'd just look odd on me not only because of my body shape but because of my age. I feel like my interest peaked a decade late... oh well. ;)
I still don't wear makeup that often and have definitely been out of practice recently. I realize that even if I'm just running errands that it really is an ego boost to wear a little makeup and look good while one is out with people. A little bit of definition and color couldn't hurt.
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Monday, December 01, 2008
Barista dreams
Before going to college, I always heard about student spending large amounts of time studying at cafes and developing a palette and addiction to coffee. My older cousin was a big fan of good coffee. So I went to a few cafes in my college career. I spent several evenings with a dorm friend trying to study at cafes and drinking mochas, but it never stuck. Granted, part of the problem was that I simply had poor study habits, but I also never felt the caffeine boost that other people swore they *needed* to survive.
Today, I basically like the taste of coffee, lattes and mocha especially, but I don't regularly crave it. When I'm at a nice restaurant and order a scrumptious dessert, I definitely feel a strong desire to complement it with a hot and fragrant coffee drink. I'll splurge once in awhile if I have a gift card for some local coffee shop.
When it was time to create a wedding registry, I debated whether to ask for something coffee related. Given the limited amount of kitchen counter space, I was not going to ask for anything that would eat up space and collect dust. I opted for this cool looking gadget called the Bialetti Mukka. It came in a sleek aluminum finish and a cute spotted cow pattern. Since it's a stove top espresso and milk pot, I thought it would be a good compromise to have something that would let me make the occasional latte but not take up a lot of space.
We received the mukka more than one month before the wedding. Tim said it was okay to open the package to know what we'd received and make sure that nothing was damaged. I agreed, however, that we could not open and use anything until after the wedding. Still, I browsed the instructions and read up on other people's reviews of the product. While it can work very well, the comments definitely made me concerned about the skill required to make the mukka work perfectly. I decided we should return it.
My reasoning was this. Since we don't drink coffee regularly, buying drinks from the store was a reasonable expense. Alternatively, I still have a very old Krups espresso machine sitting somewhere in my parents' garage. I earned it long ago when I worked at Crate & Barrel part-time as part of a sales contest. It's probably not as much the coffee drink as operating a fancy machine that appeals to me. Assuming that's true, I'm sure I'll be happy playing with the older "toy."
Just before the wedding, we received a heavy package from Costco. My dad's cousin sent us a beautiful, $300 espresso machine. While it was a very generous gift, we hadn't asked for it. If we drank coffee regularly, I would have had a blast playing with this espresso machine. But practical me, I returned it and applied the credit towards our banquet costs. The bad thing is that they've asked a few times how we like the machine. At the post-wedding brunch, she asked if we drink coffee and whether we'd tried the machine yet. She commented how they use it every morning and have saved a lot of money the past two years. When they sent us copies of the wedding photos they took, the card asked if we were getting the hang of using the espresso machine and to be patient because it takes practice. We don't want to hurt their feelings, but it sucks to have to lie about it.
When my parents came up for the wedding, I asked them to dig out the old espresso machine. It's nothing fancy, but it's still in very good condition and simple to use. I finally took it out this morning and cleaned it up. Calcium deposits had really built up inside the water tank, so I spent some 1.5 hours flushing the system with dilute vinegar and then several cycles of water. I wiped down all the parts and refreshed myself with all the dials and accessories that make the machine work. I picked up some decaf Peet's on my way back from hiking.
I wish I had taken a picture, but I must say that my first attempt at a soy mocha latte turned out great! I had my doubts about getting soy milk to froth because I thought the fat content mattered, but it really came out nice. I used an Irish coffee style glass mug. It showed off the beautiful chocolate color of the latte topped off with a two-inch high, ivory mountain of foam and tiny bits of chocolate settling on the bottom. I overloaded the foam just enough so I had to slurp up the foam that began to spill over the side. No store could have made it look better. The latte had a pleasant and mild taste. I can't wait to make a mocha latte for my hubby tonight to eat with my homemade triple-chocolate brownies. Hmmm, maybe Starbucks will take me if my other career plans fall through!
Today, I basically like the taste of coffee, lattes and mocha especially, but I don't regularly crave it. When I'm at a nice restaurant and order a scrumptious dessert, I definitely feel a strong desire to complement it with a hot and fragrant coffee drink. I'll splurge once in awhile if I have a gift card for some local coffee shop.
When it was time to create a wedding registry, I debated whether to ask for something coffee related. Given the limited amount of kitchen counter space, I was not going to ask for anything that would eat up space and collect dust. I opted for this cool looking gadget called the Bialetti Mukka. It came in a sleek aluminum finish and a cute spotted cow pattern. Since it's a stove top espresso and milk pot, I thought it would be a good compromise to have something that would let me make the occasional latte but not take up a lot of space.
We received the mukka more than one month before the wedding. Tim said it was okay to open the package to know what we'd received and make sure that nothing was damaged. I agreed, however, that we could not open and use anything until after the wedding. Still, I browsed the instructions and read up on other people's reviews of the product. While it can work very well, the comments definitely made me concerned about the skill required to make the mukka work perfectly. I decided we should return it.
My reasoning was this. Since we don't drink coffee regularly, buying drinks from the store was a reasonable expense. Alternatively, I still have a very old Krups espresso machine sitting somewhere in my parents' garage. I earned it long ago when I worked at Crate & Barrel part-time as part of a sales contest. It's probably not as much the coffee drink as operating a fancy machine that appeals to me. Assuming that's true, I'm sure I'll be happy playing with the older "toy."
Just before the wedding, we received a heavy package from Costco. My dad's cousin sent us a beautiful, $300 espresso machine. While it was a very generous gift, we hadn't asked for it. If we drank coffee regularly, I would have had a blast playing with this espresso machine. But practical me, I returned it and applied the credit towards our banquet costs. The bad thing is that they've asked a few times how we like the machine. At the post-wedding brunch, she asked if we drink coffee and whether we'd tried the machine yet. She commented how they use it every morning and have saved a lot of money the past two years. When they sent us copies of the wedding photos they took, the card asked if we were getting the hang of using the espresso machine and to be patient because it takes practice. We don't want to hurt their feelings, but it sucks to have to lie about it.
When my parents came up for the wedding, I asked them to dig out the old espresso machine. It's nothing fancy, but it's still in very good condition and simple to use. I finally took it out this morning and cleaned it up. Calcium deposits had really built up inside the water tank, so I spent some 1.5 hours flushing the system with dilute vinegar and then several cycles of water. I wiped down all the parts and refreshed myself with all the dials and accessories that make the machine work. I picked up some decaf Peet's on my way back from hiking.
I wish I had taken a picture, but I must say that my first attempt at a soy mocha latte turned out great! I had my doubts about getting soy milk to froth because I thought the fat content mattered, but it really came out nice. I used an Irish coffee style glass mug. It showed off the beautiful chocolate color of the latte topped off with a two-inch high, ivory mountain of foam and tiny bits of chocolate settling on the bottom. I overloaded the foam just enough so I had to slurp up the foam that began to spill over the side. No store could have made it look better. The latte had a pleasant and mild taste. I can't wait to make a mocha latte for my hubby tonight to eat with my homemade triple-chocolate brownies. Hmmm, maybe Starbucks will take me if my other career plans fall through!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
One thousand, one hundred eighty-three and then some
For the past week, I've spent an enormous amount of time sorting through wedding photos. Weddings are one of those events where you are completely dependent on others to capture memories of the people, scenery, and action going on around you.
Our photographer sent us some teasers about a week after the wedding. We also encouraged guests to upload their photos onto a shared website Tim created through Shutterfly. Ten people took us up on the shared website. Two people posted pictures through Picasa, one set on Flickr, another on Photobucket, and two people sent us CDs with their photo files. We got to see many great shots of things we had no idea were going on while we visited with guests. The one thing I take away from what photos people sent is "remember to share photos of things other than the bride and groom." It's nice that we have dozens of angles of our ceremony, but it'd be better if we could see who was sitting next to whom and what was happening at the reception tables. I will definitely keep that in mind for the next wedding I attend.
Now comes the hard part of sorting through all these wonderful photos and decide on what will go into our final photo album. We'll probably have two, one informal book we'll print online, the other will be a fancy (and expensive) leather bound book with the thick pages that weighs 10 pounds. The big difference is how many pictures we will use. The online books tend to be 100 pages with 1 to 9 photos per page which you design yourself. The professional wedding books are a total of 55 photos over 30-40 pages where one chance to edit up to 10 photos is allowed before it goes to print.
As I go through and try to whittle down all these photographs into a tidy 500 to get from my official photographer, here are so fun pictures:
I could have imagined a more beautiful autumn day for a wedding. It had rained just two week earlier so we set up a whole Plan B timeline in case of weather. Good thing we didn't spend too much thought on it. Instead, Mother Nature graced us with a perfect 74F day, light wind, and clear skies. Not many people know about this place for some reason and yet it's so close by many things. I'm so glad we chose to have an outdoor ceremony. With all the activities we two enjoy, this was the place for us. Just before the ceremony, as the guests hid under the trees for shade, a light wind shook some leaves from the tall trees. It was like watching a romantic movie as I saw the golden leaves fall like golden confetti over everyone. I knew it would be a marvelous day.
I probably know little to nothing about florist. I can't say that I've ever bought anything from a shop. Naturally, I fretted constantly about the flowers. Having a proposal that list what flowers will be included in the wedding was not enough. Sure, we talked about ideas after looking at pictures, but how was I to be sure I'd end up with something I'd like? I have to say my breath was taken away by what was delivered to the hotel. The flowers were perfect, and she even managed to add flowers that I thought I couldn't get because they're normally out of season this time of year. (Hmmm, yeah, they're probably imported from somewhere and not "green" but I'll compensate for it somehow because it was worth it!)
My brother-in-law's girlfriend has just become a wedding photographer. We wanted her to enjoy the wedding, so she wasn't paid to do anything she didn't want to. Still, it was great to have a "second" photographer with a different artistic style. I really love some of her more artsy images.
I surprisingly did well in my $45 Naturalizer shoes (on sale with 20% friends and family discount - yes!). From the moment I found them, I was determined to wear them because I thought the style was perfect and the pearl white color matched my dress better than anything else. I thought for sure I'd have ten blisters on each feet and be walking bare foot after an hour. Luckily, they held up for a good 4 hours before I abandon them for slides and then 1-inch sandals.
But of all the details I shopped, fretted, fussed, and struggle over, my favorite is our cake topper. We're by no means the first to do it, although it has become a little harder now that you can't request them free from the company. Despite that, I wrote the company and told them of our love for the video game of their creation. I longed for the pieces I needed that I could not buy from the company without buy a set that cost $50 to $100. The customer service agent accepted my request and my obvious determination to obtain my cake topper and went so far as to give me a complete set of LEGOs from which I could created my bride and groom rather just the three pieces that I had requested. She has no idea how much that made my day.
Our photographer sent us some teasers about a week after the wedding. We also encouraged guests to upload their photos onto a shared website Tim created through Shutterfly. Ten people took us up on the shared website. Two people posted pictures through Picasa, one set on Flickr, another on Photobucket, and two people sent us CDs with their photo files. We got to see many great shots of things we had no idea were going on while we visited with guests. The one thing I take away from what photos people sent is "remember to share photos of things other than the bride and groom." It's nice that we have dozens of angles of our ceremony, but it'd be better if we could see who was sitting next to whom and what was happening at the reception tables. I will definitely keep that in mind for the next wedding I attend.
Now comes the hard part of sorting through all these wonderful photos and decide on what will go into our final photo album. We'll probably have two, one informal book we'll print online, the other will be a fancy (and expensive) leather bound book with the thick pages that weighs 10 pounds. The big difference is how many pictures we will use. The online books tend to be 100 pages with 1 to 9 photos per page which you design yourself. The professional wedding books are a total of 55 photos over 30-40 pages where one chance to edit up to 10 photos is allowed before it goes to print.
As I go through and try to whittle down all these photographs into a tidy 500 to get from my official photographer, here are so fun pictures:
I could have imagined a more beautiful autumn day for a wedding. It had rained just two week earlier so we set up a whole Plan B timeline in case of weather. Good thing we didn't spend too much thought on it. Instead, Mother Nature graced us with a perfect 74F day, light wind, and clear skies. Not many people know about this place for some reason and yet it's so close by many things. I'm so glad we chose to have an outdoor ceremony. With all the activities we two enjoy, this was the place for us. Just before the ceremony, as the guests hid under the trees for shade, a light wind shook some leaves from the tall trees. It was like watching a romantic movie as I saw the golden leaves fall like golden confetti over everyone. I knew it would be a marvelous day.
I probably know little to nothing about florist. I can't say that I've ever bought anything from a shop. Naturally, I fretted constantly about the flowers. Having a proposal that list what flowers will be included in the wedding was not enough. Sure, we talked about ideas after looking at pictures, but how was I to be sure I'd end up with something I'd like? I have to say my breath was taken away by what was delivered to the hotel. The flowers were perfect, and she even managed to add flowers that I thought I couldn't get because they're normally out of season this time of year. (Hmmm, yeah, they're probably imported from somewhere and not "green" but I'll compensate for it somehow because it was worth it!)My brother-in-law's girlfriend has just become a wedding photographer. We wanted her to enjoy the wedding, so she wasn't paid to do anything she didn't want to. Still, it was great to have a "second" photographer with a different artistic style. I really love some of her more artsy images.
I surprisingly did well in my $45 Naturalizer shoes (on sale with 20% friends and family discount - yes!). From the moment I found them, I was determined to wear them because I thought the style was perfect and the pearl white color matched my dress better than anything else. I thought for sure I'd have ten blisters on each feet and be walking bare foot after an hour. Luckily, they held up for a good 4 hours before I abandon them for slides and then 1-inch sandals.But of all the details I shopped, fretted, fussed, and struggle over, my favorite is our cake topper. We're by no means the first to do it, although it has become a little harder now that you can't request them free from the company. Despite that, I wrote the company and told them of our love for the video game of their creation. I longed for the pieces I needed that I could not buy from the company without buy a set that cost $50 to $100. The customer service agent accepted my request and my obvious determination to obtain my cake topper and went so far as to give me a complete set of LEGOs from which I could created my bride and groom rather just the three pieces that I had requested. She has no idea how much that made my day.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Crazy bridal fashion
I stopped by to give my catering manager and sales manager thanks gifts this week. Tim and I debated for a few days what would be good to give them for their efforts. We settled on a bottle of wine along with a stemless wine glass set. We figured that by having one food item and one useful item they'd at least get to enjoy one thing (in case they don't like the other).
Catching both of them at the hotel can be tricky. During the wedding planning phase, I definitely ran into days they were out of the office. The issue is that they don't have the same day off week to week. I was thrilled when the front desk person told me they were both present.
It was lovely to see them. I'm sure they were happy to know that I wasn't there to agonize over details or fret over things that weren't perfect. I can't help wonder how my bridal demands and hysterics compare to others they've worked with. The three of us had a fun chat.
While we talked a little about the wedding itself and looked at my Polaroid guestbook, the bulk of the conversation moved on to the crazy weddings out there. First, I mentioned a very popular local spot for pictures where we must have seen seven other wedding parties wandering about the grounds. What was eye catching were the number of *brightly* colored bridesmaids. Maybe it's a trend among the younger brides, but I just couldn't stand the hot pink bridesmaids along with their matching hot pink stretch Hummer. Eeck. The bridesmaid in chocolate and lavender looked fine. Then there was the fluorescent-like aqua and kelly green bridesmaids. Unique but how will one ever re-use those colors unless they come in a set?
From there we started talking about all kinds of crazy styles - tatoos, 1920s, hoop skirts, multi-color wedding gowns, big hats. The movie "29 Dresses" was cute and mostly just entertaining because I thought the bridesmaid dress they created for the movie were funny. I actually kind of like the goth wedding. The catering manager jumped in saying that she had just booked a woman for next year who will indeed be having a goth wedding at the hotel. She said the bride wears the style well and has purple hair they will be hyped up more for the wedding. Boy, I'd love to get a peek at that event.
The craziest wedding images were shared by the sales manager. The website address alone gives some idea of what to expect - Hot Ghetto Mess. (The website itself is quite an eye-opener for me.) She described a summer wedding where the bridal party wore LEATHER. Yes, imagine five to seven black women dress in tight leather dresses. This was a posh wedding where being in the bridal party meant each woman also received a 2 carat diamond Tiffany bracelet. To top it off, the bride wore a white leather gown trimmed with white fur. I haven't found a picture of the bride, but this might be the bridal party . The outfits look great, but in my circles there's no way anyone would go for this in a wedding.
To each their own. It definitely makes for great entertainment!
Catching both of them at the hotel can be tricky. During the wedding planning phase, I definitely ran into days they were out of the office. The issue is that they don't have the same day off week to week. I was thrilled when the front desk person told me they were both present.
It was lovely to see them. I'm sure they were happy to know that I wasn't there to agonize over details or fret over things that weren't perfect. I can't help wonder how my bridal demands and hysterics compare to others they've worked with. The three of us had a fun chat.
While we talked a little about the wedding itself and looked at my Polaroid guestbook, the bulk of the conversation moved on to the crazy weddings out there. First, I mentioned a very popular local spot for pictures where we must have seen seven other wedding parties wandering about the grounds. What was eye catching were the number of *brightly* colored bridesmaids. Maybe it's a trend among the younger brides, but I just couldn't stand the hot pink bridesmaids along with their matching hot pink stretch Hummer. Eeck. The bridesmaid in chocolate and lavender looked fine. Then there was the fluorescent-like aqua and kelly green bridesmaids. Unique but how will one ever re-use those colors unless they come in a set?
From there we started talking about all kinds of crazy styles - tatoos, 1920s, hoop skirts, multi-color wedding gowns, big hats. The movie "29 Dresses" was cute and mostly just entertaining because I thought the bridesmaid dress they created for the movie were funny. I actually kind of like the goth wedding. The catering manager jumped in saying that she had just booked a woman for next year who will indeed be having a goth wedding at the hotel. She said the bride wears the style well and has purple hair they will be hyped up more for the wedding. Boy, I'd love to get a peek at that event.
The craziest wedding images were shared by the sales manager. The website address alone gives some idea of what to expect - Hot Ghetto Mess. (The website itself is quite an eye-opener for me.) She described a summer wedding where the bridal party wore LEATHER. Yes, imagine five to seven black women dress in tight leather dresses. This was a posh wedding where being in the bridal party meant each woman also received a 2 carat diamond Tiffany bracelet. To top it off, the bride wore a white leather gown trimmed with white fur. I haven't found a picture of the bride, but this might be the bridal party . The outfits look great, but in my circles there's no way anyone would go for this in a wedding.
To each their own. It definitely makes for great entertainment!
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Up for air
Don't know if anyone's still out there, but I've returned for a little bit. I'm happy to say that I'm now married!
It was pretty those last few weeks before the big day. You always think you have more time and then suddenly you realize there are more things to do that weren't on the list. So yes, Tim and I spent every waking hour that wasn't spent at work, at home designing programs, sewing, typing up instructions, putting together gifts, handling last-minute requests.
The weather cooperated wonderfully. No one could have asked for more perfect weather. At the rehearsal, the sun felt like a heat lamp on the skin. Thankfully, the weather report was accurate in predicting that the temperature would drop to a very agreeable 74 F for Saturday. There was only the slightest breeze to blow papers, hair, or veils. Everyone was amazed at our beautiful backdrop.
The only wrenches thrown into the mix were the parents. Tim's family wanted to have a private lunch and did not want to come down to the hotel for photos in the morning. Because of this last-minute change, we did not think about the fact that the boutonnieres and corsages needed to be transported to the ceremony. Hence, only my family wore flowers during the wedding. We didn't realize this error until we got back to our hotel room and found a shopping bag full of flowers next to the door. Oops.
My mother was a more thorny problem. Basically, we accept the fact that she was looking for excuses to dislike Tim's family. (They aren't good enough for me in her eyes because they are a different ethnicity and she strongly holds to old country prejudices.) The rehearsal dinner was a nightmare. The Chinese banquet place essentially tried to squeeze out a little more money by short-changing my mother-in-law. We had been promised four tables seating about 10 people each. Instead, they squeezed us into three 12-15 person tables. Then they proceeded to only serve enough food for 10-12 people. My mother immediately came over and yelled at me for embarrassing her in front of the relatives.
Being at my breaking point from general wedding stress, I couldn't help but start crying. I lost my appetite for half the meal. It took numerous conversations between my dad, my mother-in-law, her Chinese friend, and my aunt before my mom could at least calm down. Did it even occur to her how much she was embarrassing me by making such a fuss? I think she blames my in-laws for being cheap rather than realizing the restaurant manager was trying to pull a fast one. I don't think I saw her smile all night. Thank goodness for my reasonable, patient, and loving father.
There's never enough time to talk to everyone, but I feel like I was at least able to say a few words to all my friends over the course of the evening. Tim and I did our best to make sure that we ate most of our dinner. We managed to stay on schedule and still have fun.
More details later...
It was pretty those last few weeks before the big day. You always think you have more time and then suddenly you realize there are more things to do that weren't on the list. So yes, Tim and I spent every waking hour that wasn't spent at work, at home designing programs, sewing, typing up instructions, putting together gifts, handling last-minute requests.
The weather cooperated wonderfully. No one could have asked for more perfect weather. At the rehearsal, the sun felt like a heat lamp on the skin. Thankfully, the weather report was accurate in predicting that the temperature would drop to a very agreeable 74 F for Saturday. There was only the slightest breeze to blow papers, hair, or veils. Everyone was amazed at our beautiful backdrop.
The only wrenches thrown into the mix were the parents. Tim's family wanted to have a private lunch and did not want to come down to the hotel for photos in the morning. Because of this last-minute change, we did not think about the fact that the boutonnieres and corsages needed to be transported to the ceremony. Hence, only my family wore flowers during the wedding. We didn't realize this error until we got back to our hotel room and found a shopping bag full of flowers next to the door. Oops.
My mother was a more thorny problem. Basically, we accept the fact that she was looking for excuses to dislike Tim's family. (They aren't good enough for me in her eyes because they are a different ethnicity and she strongly holds to old country prejudices.) The rehearsal dinner was a nightmare. The Chinese banquet place essentially tried to squeeze out a little more money by short-changing my mother-in-law. We had been promised four tables seating about 10 people each. Instead, they squeezed us into three 12-15 person tables. Then they proceeded to only serve enough food for 10-12 people. My mother immediately came over and yelled at me for embarrassing her in front of the relatives.
Being at my breaking point from general wedding stress, I couldn't help but start crying. I lost my appetite for half the meal. It took numerous conversations between my dad, my mother-in-law, her Chinese friend, and my aunt before my mom could at least calm down. Did it even occur to her how much she was embarrassing me by making such a fuss? I think she blames my in-laws for being cheap rather than realizing the restaurant manager was trying to pull a fast one. I don't think I saw her smile all night. Thank goodness for my reasonable, patient, and loving father.
There's never enough time to talk to everyone, but I feel like I was at least able to say a few words to all my friends over the course of the evening. Tim and I did our best to make sure that we ate most of our dinner. We managed to stay on schedule and still have fun.
More details later...
Thursday, September 11, 2008
STREESSSSS
Major stress week in progress. I had a Klondike bar, tater tots, and some red flame grapes for dinner. Not too healthy eh?
Anyhow, let's just say that while I think my dress is gorgeous, it's not the best choice for a petite woman given it's a sheath dress (meaning you can only hem the length at the bottom), and it has beading which makes alterations very tricky and expensive. Having a chiffon overlay is messy because the bustle is not easy, and the weight of the whole dress is causing a (lack of) cleavage issue. As much as I love my gown, if I had the opportunity to do it over, I'd pick something with no beading, that has sexy straps, and has a seam at the waist that can be altered.
On the bright side, my bridal shower is this weekend. I can't wait to just relax and enjoy a little time with my gal pals (and an hour with my dad). Oh yeah, and the presents are a nice bonus!!!
Anyhow, let's just say that while I think my dress is gorgeous, it's not the best choice for a petite woman given it's a sheath dress (meaning you can only hem the length at the bottom), and it has beading which makes alterations very tricky and expensive. Having a chiffon overlay is messy because the bustle is not easy, and the weight of the whole dress is causing a (lack of) cleavage issue. As much as I love my gown, if I had the opportunity to do it over, I'd pick something with no beading, that has sexy straps, and has a seam at the waist that can be altered.
On the bright side, my bridal shower is this weekend. I can't wait to just relax and enjoy a little time with my gal pals (and an hour with my dad). Oh yeah, and the presents are a nice bonus!!!
Friday, August 29, 2008
More or less?
I'm avoiding cleaning to do something more fun. Since I don't want anyone attending the wedding to guess at what it may look like, I'm asking you dear friends to help me with your opinion on colors.
The background that's important to know is that our wedding colors are burgundy and golden yellow. Our invitation were inspired by this illustration. Basically, we have a lot of color options.
Our reception's dance area is a beautiful glass ceiling. But as night falls, it will be black. I thought it would be nice to continue the outdoor feeling by adding some paper lanterns. Based on discussions with the hotel, it is only possible to hang lanterns on wires that will run the length of each pointed ceiling section (there are three sections, each with a chandelier).
For the sake of cost, I've decided that if I do decorate, I'll have them set up two wires in the middle section. The center or middle area where most people will dance since the left side is where the DJ will set up (see black speaker) and the right side is where people come in and out of the ballroom area through the arches. The lanterns I hang will be tied to different lengths of fishing wire to add dimension.
The big question that I must answer by the end of the weekend is what color lanterns to buy. So I've generated two mock ups of what the room might look like once set up. (Thank goodness for Photoshop!) Obviously there are caveats to keep in mind when looking at this. For example, I don't know that these are the actual sizes of the lanterns. These simply represent size proportional to other lanterns. All in all, I think this is a pretty good visualization of what is possible.
The difference here is that one color has been removed:
I don't have a preference at this point, just thoughts about why one might be better than the other. They both look nice, it's a question of what seems appropriate for a wedding evening.
The background that's important to know is that our wedding colors are burgundy and golden yellow. Our invitation were inspired by this illustration. Basically, we have a lot of color options.
Our reception's dance area is a beautiful glass ceiling. But as night falls, it will be black. I thought it would be nice to continue the outdoor feeling by adding some paper lanterns. Based on discussions with the hotel, it is only possible to hang lanterns on wires that will run the length of each pointed ceiling section (there are three sections, each with a chandelier).
For the sake of cost, I've decided that if I do decorate, I'll have them set up two wires in the middle section. The center or middle area where most people will dance since the left side is where the DJ will set up (see black speaker) and the right side is where people come in and out of the ballroom area through the arches. The lanterns I hang will be tied to different lengths of fishing wire to add dimension.
The big question that I must answer by the end of the weekend is what color lanterns to buy. So I've generated two mock ups of what the room might look like once set up. (Thank goodness for Photoshop!) Obviously there are caveats to keep in mind when looking at this. For example, I don't know that these are the actual sizes of the lanterns. These simply represent size proportional to other lanterns. All in all, I think this is a pretty good visualization of what is possible.
The difference here is that one color has been removed:
I don't have a preference at this point, just thoughts about why one might be better than the other. They both look nice, it's a question of what seems appropriate for a wedding evening.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Makeup is a Mystery
There are times when I seriously think I should have be sent to a workshop on why I need to do all the things that women do when planning a wedding. I’m a very organized person, so getting things done is not the issue. The big problem for me is understanding why certain things are done and in what manner I should do them.
Frankly, I probably rushed into a lot of things because I didn’t think my final choice would matter all that much. In some situations, I had the impression that I did not have the time to do the research I needed to do.
One of the most foreign subjects for me has been hair and makeup. I didn’t start moisturizing regularly until my mid-twenties. I didn’t start moisturizing before bedtime until five years ago. Eye cream is something I dabble in when I remember. Exfoliation is something I started doing only because of the wedding. Facials? I’ve never had one – ever. It’s been a very slowly evolving process.
As for makeup, the only thing I can say I consistently do is fill in my brows. That’s something I remember picking up after reading some Glamour magazine article talking about putting on a minimum every time one steps out of the house. The logic made sense to me and I’ve found that the few minutes it takes to add a bit of shadow is worth how it frames my plain face. Most work days, I’ll also throw on a bit of neutral eye shadow. Lipstick is unlikely because I’m not one to remember to apply it every couple of hours. I stand a better chance with tinted lip balms.
With all that, here’s what I have done in the past four months. In May, I had my first makeup test with a recommended Channel artist. She did a very nice job, but given that it was my first run. I just felt it average. Also, she charges $300 which was above what I had budgeted. After thinking about it for a month, I told her that I couldn’t go with her due to price.
In June, I went for a trial run with an Asian beautician who does both hair and makeup. I think she thought it a bit odd that I wanted to do a trial run of the makeup. It’s like she expected me to just show up on my wedding day and have perfect makeup. Yeah, right. Inside the salon, everything seemed to go well. I was a little frustrated with how long everything took but felt I couldn’t complain much for the price. Hair and makeup would be less than $150 though I’d have to drive 20 minutes to her salon. I felt like it was put on pretty thick to cover my freckles and blemishes. (There’s an Asian artist for you.) Unfortunately, when I recently looked back at the flash photos we took afterwards, I realize that I look like a ghost. No kidding! She tried to lighten my skin color and so my face doesn’t match my neck one bit. Yuck!
Technically, I’m still booked with her, but this week I need to tell her that I just want to do my hair. The debate is whether to bring a picture and tell her the truth to see if she can change things, or just say that I’ve decided to do my makeup myself?
Last month, my friends took me to Nordstrom’s to help with my frustrations over makeup. They sat me at the Bare Escentuals counter where a decent woman applied my makeup. It was an introductory job, and we all felt very satisfied with what she did. It looked natural and didn’t feel heavy. I talked with her and negotiate $100 for makeup (and she’d come to the hotel).
I went again this weekend to experiment with colors and try out my individual, false eyelashes. Since I wear very little makeup on a daily basis, it was hard to gauge what was the right amount of makeup, plus the store lighting was awful. I knew that I would need to go outside. Even just walking through the mall, I felt like a clown, probably due to the long false eyelashes. Driving home, I could see in my visor mirror that the pinkness of the makeup on my face did not match the natural color of my neck. It felt wrong.
I happened by another makeup store. I was curious to check out a new sheer foundation by a local makeup artist. The guy at the store approached me and we talked about the product. He offered to try some on me but I explained that I was already wearing makeup for a test run. I told him I was wearing Bare Minerals. I took advantage of the situation and asked what he thought of it. He said it looked fine for day wear and that the lipstick color was perfect for photos. He advised that you want to go a little more dramatic than normal for wedding photos. He cautioned me that Bare Minerals while a great everyday product, is not ideal for photos. He says it has a finish that shows up poorly in photos. He definitely encourage me to try the foundation that I picked up. When I left the store he also offered his services for my wedding.
Tim’s probably not the best person to ask for makeup opinion, but in the grand scheme of things, his opinion matters most because I want him to think I look beautiful at the wedding. He said it looked a bit dramatic. I asked if he recalled the other times I’d had makeup trials and he seemed to like those other times better.
We snapped a couple pictures. The ones in the shade looked fine. However, whenever we used flash, be it to reduce the harsh sunlight or illuminate the inside of a building, my face looked a bit shiny. Granted, I have oily skin, but it had only been a few hours since the makeup session. I can’t imagine I got that oily. Plus, the shine was consistent all over my face leading me to believe it was something about the makeup.
I looked at the pictures again later and checked my face in various lights. I felt uncomfortable. Wearing the makeup for more hours did not change the shine. I also noticed my eyes felt a little agitates and tired. I don’t know if it was the eye shadow products or the false eyelashes. When I took off the makeup, my skin felt slightly irritated. I don’t recall any of this happening as a result of the other two makeup trials. Am I imaging things? Am I allowing myself to be influenced by the concerns I’ve read on the Internet and by the makeup store guy?
I wrote the makeup gal late yesterday evening. I told her that I am not confident in the makeup and explained my concerns about the pinkness and shine. I asked her for suggestions on what might be done to correct the problem. Part of me wants to stick with her, but another part of me just wants to do it myself.
So now, I truly understand why it's so important to start shopping around early. I know that I shouldn't make commitments until I've experimented with many products and talked to several people. It's tiring, but not I see why it would have been better to have several sessions over a period of a couple weeks so I could compare more easily. Leaving it until two months before the wedding is stressing me out!
I hate confrontation and I’m getting *uncomfortable* telling these people that I’m unhappy and trying to give them direction on how to make things better. Do I give the Asian woman or Nordstrom gal another try? Should I grovel and try and get artist #1 to take me back for the $300? It just seems so expensive… . ARGH! Now I really wish I'd learned better techniques for applying makeup. HELP!
Frankly, I probably rushed into a lot of things because I didn’t think my final choice would matter all that much. In some situations, I had the impression that I did not have the time to do the research I needed to do.
One of the most foreign subjects for me has been hair and makeup. I didn’t start moisturizing regularly until my mid-twenties. I didn’t start moisturizing before bedtime until five years ago. Eye cream is something I dabble in when I remember. Exfoliation is something I started doing only because of the wedding. Facials? I’ve never had one – ever. It’s been a very slowly evolving process.
As for makeup, the only thing I can say I consistently do is fill in my brows. That’s something I remember picking up after reading some Glamour magazine article talking about putting on a minimum every time one steps out of the house. The logic made sense to me and I’ve found that the few minutes it takes to add a bit of shadow is worth how it frames my plain face. Most work days, I’ll also throw on a bit of neutral eye shadow. Lipstick is unlikely because I’m not one to remember to apply it every couple of hours. I stand a better chance with tinted lip balms.
With all that, here’s what I have done in the past four months. In May, I had my first makeup test with a recommended Channel artist. She did a very nice job, but given that it was my first run. I just felt it average. Also, she charges $300 which was above what I had budgeted. After thinking about it for a month, I told her that I couldn’t go with her due to price.
In June, I went for a trial run with an Asian beautician who does both hair and makeup. I think she thought it a bit odd that I wanted to do a trial run of the makeup. It’s like she expected me to just show up on my wedding day and have perfect makeup. Yeah, right. Inside the salon, everything seemed to go well. I was a little frustrated with how long everything took but felt I couldn’t complain much for the price. Hair and makeup would be less than $150 though I’d have to drive 20 minutes to her salon. I felt like it was put on pretty thick to cover my freckles and blemishes. (There’s an Asian artist for you.) Unfortunately, when I recently looked back at the flash photos we took afterwards, I realize that I look like a ghost. No kidding! She tried to lighten my skin color and so my face doesn’t match my neck one bit. Yuck!
Technically, I’m still booked with her, but this week I need to tell her that I just want to do my hair. The debate is whether to bring a picture and tell her the truth to see if she can change things, or just say that I’ve decided to do my makeup myself?
Last month, my friends took me to Nordstrom’s to help with my frustrations over makeup. They sat me at the Bare Escentuals counter where a decent woman applied my makeup. It was an introductory job, and we all felt very satisfied with what she did. It looked natural and didn’t feel heavy. I talked with her and negotiate $100 for makeup (and she’d come to the hotel).
I went again this weekend to experiment with colors and try out my individual, false eyelashes. Since I wear very little makeup on a daily basis, it was hard to gauge what was the right amount of makeup, plus the store lighting was awful. I knew that I would need to go outside. Even just walking through the mall, I felt like a clown, probably due to the long false eyelashes. Driving home, I could see in my visor mirror that the pinkness of the makeup on my face did not match the natural color of my neck. It felt wrong.
I happened by another makeup store. I was curious to check out a new sheer foundation by a local makeup artist. The guy at the store approached me and we talked about the product. He offered to try some on me but I explained that I was already wearing makeup for a test run. I told him I was wearing Bare Minerals. I took advantage of the situation and asked what he thought of it. He said it looked fine for day wear and that the lipstick color was perfect for photos. He advised that you want to go a little more dramatic than normal for wedding photos. He cautioned me that Bare Minerals while a great everyday product, is not ideal for photos. He says it has a finish that shows up poorly in photos. He definitely encourage me to try the foundation that I picked up. When I left the store he also offered his services for my wedding.
Tim’s probably not the best person to ask for makeup opinion, but in the grand scheme of things, his opinion matters most because I want him to think I look beautiful at the wedding. He said it looked a bit dramatic. I asked if he recalled the other times I’d had makeup trials and he seemed to like those other times better.
We snapped a couple pictures. The ones in the shade looked fine. However, whenever we used flash, be it to reduce the harsh sunlight or illuminate the inside of a building, my face looked a bit shiny. Granted, I have oily skin, but it had only been a few hours since the makeup session. I can’t imagine I got that oily. Plus, the shine was consistent all over my face leading me to believe it was something about the makeup.
I looked at the pictures again later and checked my face in various lights. I felt uncomfortable. Wearing the makeup for more hours did not change the shine. I also noticed my eyes felt a little agitates and tired. I don’t know if it was the eye shadow products or the false eyelashes. When I took off the makeup, my skin felt slightly irritated. I don’t recall any of this happening as a result of the other two makeup trials. Am I imaging things? Am I allowing myself to be influenced by the concerns I’ve read on the Internet and by the makeup store guy?
I wrote the makeup gal late yesterday evening. I told her that I am not confident in the makeup and explained my concerns about the pinkness and shine. I asked her for suggestions on what might be done to correct the problem. Part of me wants to stick with her, but another part of me just wants to do it myself.
So now, I truly understand why it's so important to start shopping around early. I know that I shouldn't make commitments until I've experimented with many products and talked to several people. It's tiring, but not I see why it would have been better to have several sessions over a period of a couple weeks so I could compare more easily. Leaving it until two months before the wedding is stressing me out!
I hate confrontation and I’m getting *uncomfortable* telling these people that I’m unhappy and trying to give them direction on how to make things better. Do I give the Asian woman or Nordstrom gal another try? Should I grovel and try and get artist #1 to take me back for the $300? It just seems so expensive… . ARGH! Now I really wish I'd learned better techniques for applying makeup. HELP!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Our take away
If you remember back a few months ago, I was researching the ideal wedding favor. I came up with something that spoke to our travel interests and doubled as a table card - luggage tags.
Unfortunately, the tags I thought I wanted were a bit outside of the budget. Most people I know budget less than $2 per favor, but I'm willing to go as high as $3 if I really like what I find. Now that I've revisited the task, I've found some appealing options. (I also wanted to share in case someone else is interested as it's hard to find well-priced, good choices.)
1) Two-tone leatherette tags: Tim tends to prefer these. I think it the design probably appeals to the males better. It's not the greatest material but it doesn't look like it will immediately fall apart. ($2.52/each + optional printing)
2) Color luggage tags: I like the idea of selecting tags that complement our colors - burgundy and gold (brown or tan). I'm waiting for the samples to arrive to see if I like the quality of the leather. (ranges $2.15 to $2.55 each)
Honestly, I like them both. I've been trying to picture how they will looks set up on the reception table. The luggage strap allows for the tags to sit upright so people will find their names. Either way, I think it'll look awesome. I just need to figure out which color scheme I prefer. I figure I have another week or so to make up my mind.
On a funny note, remember the Crate & Barrel tags that originally inspired the whole idea? Within two weeks I happened to visit four different stores last month. Someone seems to have bought out all the neon green luggage tags at the those stores. How much do you want to bet they'll appear at some one's wedding some time soon?
Unfortunately, the tags I thought I wanted were a bit outside of the budget. Most people I know budget less than $2 per favor, but I'm willing to go as high as $3 if I really like what I find. Now that I've revisited the task, I've found some appealing options. (I also wanted to share in case someone else is interested as it's hard to find well-priced, good choices.)
1) Two-tone leatherette tags: Tim tends to prefer these. I think it the design probably appeals to the males better. It's not the greatest material but it doesn't look like it will immediately fall apart. ($2.52/each + optional printing)
2) Color luggage tags: I like the idea of selecting tags that complement our colors - burgundy and gold (brown or tan). I'm waiting for the samples to arrive to see if I like the quality of the leather. (ranges $2.15 to $2.55 each)
Honestly, I like them both. I've been trying to picture how they will looks set up on the reception table. The luggage strap allows for the tags to sit upright so people will find their names. Either way, I think it'll look awesome. I just need to figure out which color scheme I prefer. I figure I have another week or so to make up my mind.
On a funny note, remember the Crate & Barrel tags that originally inspired the whole idea? Within two weeks I happened to visit four different stores last month. Someone seems to have bought out all the neon green luggage tags at the those stores. How much do you want to bet they'll appear at some one's wedding some time soon?
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Unusual ceiling
Help!!! How do I hang lanterns when the ceiling doesn't allow for hooks or clips? Anyone know if there is a magic way to attached fishing line so I can hang some paper lanterns so that they look like they're floating in mid-air?
(I've been told by the hold that they could use tape for my lanterns. Somehow I doubt tape can hold up a ton of lanterns and I don't like the idea of blue painter's tape all over the yellow cross beams.)
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Auctions and Crafts
Since my new job is keeping me pretty busy, I've adopted a policy of blogging almost never during work hours. Because of that, I have to admit that I've fallen quite a bit behind on logging what I've been up to.
Every time I'm supposed to be cleaning house, I'm inevitably doing one of four things... watching tv (mostly "Hell's Kitchen" and "So You Think You Can Dance"), play Lego Indiana Jones per the bidding a one carefree fiancee, surfing the Internet for wedding ideas, or wandering the local chain crafts stores. The results of my past month of auction bidding and craft store wandering have resulted in a couple of distractions. They've made for a very, very messy living room floor. My place is strewn with wedding related thing be it shoes, contracts, pictures, stamps, magazines,and now scrapbooking materials (especially with the awesome 4th of July sales). I can't imagine living like this for another three months. I desperately need to find a way to store this stuff in a more organized manner!
The first and key item I searched for is something that fits in the black bag you see there, an old-fashioned technology that makes me feel like a kid with a new toy. I have spent a grand total of $37 plus $30 shipping to purchase these awesome Polaroid cameras. The middle camera is one of the last consumer models sold by Polaroid, circa 2006? The other two cameras are lovely "antiques" that sold for some $200+ in 1980 and 1982. It's strange to think they're as old as my brother. Tim laughs at me when I coo and awe over how cute and interesting my "new" cameras are. Becoming a Polaroid junkie comes at a price, it's called $1 to $2 per shot. And since the film will stop being produced early next year, one either has to give up the hobby next spring or make room in the refrigerator for a lot of boxes.
The main purpose of buying a camera in the first place was to have a scrapbook guest book. Many brides select a photo booth or other delayed-gratification plan to capture all the guests. We thought this would be a fun way to allow people to express themselves not only through a photo but also in the way they dress it up on paper. We hope that my relatives and other older folks will tap their rusty, creative brain cells to come up with something that reveals their personality. (Okay, wishful thinking.) Among our friends, we're sure to get some great art.
The second part of this project means buying supplies with which people can make their scrapbook pages. I feel like that little girl who used to go to Paperdoll and buy a 10 cents tab of stickers when I was lucky enough to stray away from my mom at the mall. I'm not a scrapbook person, at least not in the past... seven years. Things have changed a lot since my simple but fun travel albums. The number of choices in paper, stickers, embellishments, etc. is totally overwhelming.
Every time I've walked into the local craft store my minimum wandering time has probably been 40 minutes. In the beginning, I didn't really have any strategy. I simply bought sheets of paper that fit two criteria - on sale and pretty. Over the past month (or two) I've collected a decent sample of papers that looked like they could make for a story. As Tim and I have worked through our wedding colors, invitation, and website, I've honed in on colors that fit the theme. Today, I was proud to finally finished amassing the color palette of background papers we will provide to our guests.
I'm SOOOOo excited. We're both incredibly happy with the colors that I came up with. It fits with colors that are very commonly "wedding" yet nothing is so girly individually that guys will stay far away like it's garlic to a vampire. There's burgundy which is Tim's favorite color, a fun word page with burgundy and yellow with orange tones, a warm yellow, ivy-embossed white, and a light beige/tan. I was aiming to match the hues of the wedding flowers, my bouquet in particular.
The next big challenge for me will be to create my own scrapbook. It's meant to chronicle our courtship and wedding planning process. Not only will it be a cute way to remember all that we've been through to get to this special day, but hopefully it will help people who are unfamiliar with scrapbooking some ideas on what to do with their Polaroids.
Every time I'm supposed to be cleaning house, I'm inevitably doing one of four things... watching tv (mostly "Hell's Kitchen" and "So You Think You Can Dance"), play Lego Indiana Jones per the bidding a one carefree fiancee, surfing the Internet for wedding ideas, or wandering the local chain crafts stores. The results of my past month of auction bidding and craft store wandering have resulted in a couple of distractions. They've made for a very, very messy living room floor. My place is strewn with wedding related thing be it shoes, contracts, pictures, stamps, magazines,and now scrapbooking materials (especially with the awesome 4th of July sales). I can't imagine living like this for another three months. I desperately need to find a way to store this stuff in a more organized manner!
The first and key item I searched for is something that fits in the black bag you see there, an old-fashioned technology that makes me feel like a kid with a new toy. I have spent a grand total of $37 plus $30 shipping to purchase these awesome Polaroid cameras. The middle camera is one of the last consumer models sold by Polaroid, circa 2006? The other two cameras are lovely "antiques" that sold for some $200+ in 1980 and 1982. It's strange to think they're as old as my brother. Tim laughs at me when I coo and awe over how cute and interesting my "new" cameras are. Becoming a Polaroid junkie comes at a price, it's called $1 to $2 per shot. And since the film will stop being produced early next year, one either has to give up the hobby next spring or make room in the refrigerator for a lot of boxes.The main purpose of buying a camera in the first place was to have a scrapbook guest book. Many brides select a photo booth or other delayed-gratification plan to capture all the guests. We thought this would be a fun way to allow people to express themselves not only through a photo but also in the way they dress it up on paper. We hope that my relatives and other older folks will tap their rusty, creative brain cells to come up with something that reveals their personality. (Okay, wishful thinking.) Among our friends, we're sure to get some great art.
The second part of this project means buying supplies with which people can make their scrapbook pages. I feel like that little girl who used to go to Paperdoll and buy a 10 cents tab of stickers when I was lucky enough to stray away from my mom at the mall. I'm not a scrapbook person, at least not in the past... seven years. Things have changed a lot since my simple but fun travel albums. The number of choices in paper, stickers, embellishments, etc. is totally overwhelming.
Every time I've walked into the local craft store my minimum wandering time has probably been 40 minutes. In the beginning, I didn't really have any strategy. I simply bought sheets of paper that fit two criteria - on sale and pretty. Over the past month (or two) I've collected a decent sample of papers that looked like they could make for a story. As Tim and I have worked through our wedding colors, invitation, and website, I've honed in on colors that fit the theme. Today, I was proud to finally finished amassing the color palette of background papers we will provide to our guests.
I'm SOOOOo excited. We're both incredibly happy with the colors that I came up with. It fits with colors that are very commonly "wedding" yet nothing is so girly individually that guys will stay far away like it's garlic to a vampire. There's burgundy which is Tim's favorite color, a fun word page with burgundy and yellow with orange tones, a warm yellow, ivy-embossed white, and a light beige/tan. I was aiming to match the hues of the wedding flowers, my bouquet in particular.
The next big challenge for me will be to create my own scrapbook. It's meant to chronicle our courtship and wedding planning process. Not only will it be a cute way to remember all that we've been through to get to this special day, but hopefully it will help people who are unfamiliar with scrapbooking some ideas on what to do with their Polaroids.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
No wonder it seemed long
Two weeks ago, I was surprised by a message left on my answering machine. I had just come home from work and was tossing a few groceries into the refrigerator as I listen to the mystery messages. The bridal store was calling. I figured it was simply an update of my predicted gown delivery date. Part of me wondered if there was some change I'd have to worry about. Instead, I was happily surprised to hear they had received my gown and would be shipping it to me shortly.
Wow! That's six weeks early! I was pretty impressed and rather anxious to see the gown. And sure enough, just four days later, I eyed a long, cardboard box resting against my front door. I dragged it into the kitchen and took a photo with my digital camera to mark the momentous occasion.
Given that it was dusk and I was standing in dim, fluorescent light, I must say I was a little horrified by the color of the dress. I had ordered ivory thinking that it would simply look off-white. On the floor of the kitchen, however, it looks more cream than white. The yellowness was a big disappoint, and I questioned whether I had made a major miscalculation.
On the other hand, I was still very happy with my choice. I love the style of this dress, chiffon, beading, embroidery and all. It's more princessy than I would have imagined myself choosing, and yet, it was the most beautiful thing.
I immediately went upstairs to try it one. I was surprise to find that the gown was much longer than I had been led to believe it would fall. Since the skirt section has beading, we had very carefully discussed how it would be altered without destroying more embroidery than necessary. The plan was to remove the bottom trim and bare chiffon areas, but the length would stop just below the begin of the embroidery. In this case, with more than four inches dragging on the ground, I saw that the embroidery would have to be cut into. What had gone wrong with the calculations?
I fretted for many days over the dress. I love it, but felt like I was going to be in for some tough decisions and alterations more complicated than I had imagines. Thinking this might take more time, I immediately set up a consultation with an alterations person for the following weekend.
This past Wednesday, I got a random call on my cell phone. I didn't recognize the area code. The woman on the phone said she was from the bridal store. In my mind, I figured she was following up to check that I had received the gown. You know, good customer service.
"Hi, this is xxxx from the bridal store. How are you?"
"Good, and how are you doing?"
With some hesitation, "not so good this morning. I wanted to ask if you have your gown?"
"Yes," now feeling suspicious and curious, "I've tried it on twice but it's actually sitting in the box right now."
"Oh good. I'm afraid there's been a slight error. It's hard to believe, but you and another woman both happened to order the same dress in the same color during the same week. The only difference was the length of the gown, she ordered the standard size and you have the shorter length. I'm afraid I made a mistake and sent you her gown. When the other woman called about her dress, the manufacturer said they'd already sent the dress to me. That's when I realized I had made the mistake. Since hers is a standard length, it was much faster to make. Your gown is considered a special order."
"Oh, okay. I guess that explains why it seemed a bit long."
Awkward pause. "I wanted to ask if you've done anything with your gown such as alterations?"
"No, not yet. I was actually going to take it for alterations this weekend."
"Thank goodness. Can I ask you to send the dress back to me?"
"Uh, sure."
"I'll go ahead and send you a UPS shipping label and you can use that to send it back."
"Okay, that means I'll probably drop it off at UPS on Saturday."
"Oh, great, that's wonderful. I really apologize for the mistake. I'll call and double check on when yours is expected to arrive."
Once I hung up the phone, I couldn't help but laugh. I mean, what else are you supposed to do in this kind of situation. It was nice having the dress early, but the length was certainly not ideal. She's just lucky I took good care of the dress and hadn't altered it yet. Who would have imagined this could happen!
I dropped off the dress after running some errands this morning. It's kind of sad not to have it here. I really want to see my dress. At least I got to match up my shoes before sending it off! :)
Wow! That's six weeks early! I was pretty impressed and rather anxious to see the gown. And sure enough, just four days later, I eyed a long, cardboard box resting against my front door. I dragged it into the kitchen and took a photo with my digital camera to mark the momentous occasion.
Given that it was dusk and I was standing in dim, fluorescent light, I must say I was a little horrified by the color of the dress. I had ordered ivory thinking that it would simply look off-white. On the floor of the kitchen, however, it looks more cream than white. The yellowness was a big disappoint, and I questioned whether I had made a major miscalculation.
On the other hand, I was still very happy with my choice. I love the style of this dress, chiffon, beading, embroidery and all. It's more princessy than I would have imagined myself choosing, and yet, it was the most beautiful thing.
I immediately went upstairs to try it one. I was surprise to find that the gown was much longer than I had been led to believe it would fall. Since the skirt section has beading, we had very carefully discussed how it would be altered without destroying more embroidery than necessary. The plan was to remove the bottom trim and bare chiffon areas, but the length would stop just below the begin of the embroidery. In this case, with more than four inches dragging on the ground, I saw that the embroidery would have to be cut into. What had gone wrong with the calculations?
I fretted for many days over the dress. I love it, but felt like I was going to be in for some tough decisions and alterations more complicated than I had imagines. Thinking this might take more time, I immediately set up a consultation with an alterations person for the following weekend.
This past Wednesday, I got a random call on my cell phone. I didn't recognize the area code. The woman on the phone said she was from the bridal store. In my mind, I figured she was following up to check that I had received the gown. You know, good customer service.
"Hi, this is xxxx from the bridal store. How are you?"
"Good, and how are you doing?"
With some hesitation, "not so good this morning. I wanted to ask if you have your gown?"
"Yes," now feeling suspicious and curious, "I've tried it on twice but it's actually sitting in the box right now."
"Oh good. I'm afraid there's been a slight error. It's hard to believe, but you and another woman both happened to order the same dress in the same color during the same week. The only difference was the length of the gown, she ordered the standard size and you have the shorter length. I'm afraid I made a mistake and sent you her gown. When the other woman called about her dress, the manufacturer said they'd already sent the dress to me. That's when I realized I had made the mistake. Since hers is a standard length, it was much faster to make. Your gown is considered a special order."
"Oh, okay. I guess that explains why it seemed a bit long."
Awkward pause. "I wanted to ask if you've done anything with your gown such as alterations?"
"No, not yet. I was actually going to take it for alterations this weekend."
"Thank goodness. Can I ask you to send the dress back to me?"
"Uh, sure."
"I'll go ahead and send you a UPS shipping label and you can use that to send it back."
"Okay, that means I'll probably drop it off at UPS on Saturday."
"Oh, great, that's wonderful. I really apologize for the mistake. I'll call and double check on when yours is expected to arrive."
Once I hung up the phone, I couldn't help but laugh. I mean, what else are you supposed to do in this kind of situation. It was nice having the dress early, but the length was certainly not ideal. She's just lucky I took good care of the dress and hadn't altered it yet. Who would have imagined this could happen!
I dropped off the dress after running some errands this morning. It's kind of sad not to have it here. I really want to see my dress. At least I got to match up my shoes before sending it off! :)
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Loving Day
The never ending saga for Asian men is interesting to read here. I know I've had many male friends complain, complain, complain about how unfair the dating world is for them. Even here on the West coast where the Asian density is significantly higher than the national average, it seems Asian men struggle to earn an image that accurately describes their capabilities and personality.
Yul is probably one of the few "pure" Asian men who was able to publicly break the mold. Most of the "Asian" men who end of earning any sex symbol status are usually happas. It's really sad how much the American expectation and stereotypes have affected the confidence and self-esteem of good-hearted, caring men.
I am definitely not a "sexy" Asian female (though Tim would say otherwise ;)). I would have to agree that American culture and Hollywood have definitely promoted the exotic female personna and it's not always a good thing.
I had briefly heard of the Loving verdict on interracial marriage. At first I thought it was just some story. After all, how strange is it that the person in the legal battle had the last name "Loving?" Given everything that's been happy with gay marriage rights in California, how come this example has not been more often mentioned as a landmark shift in legal acceptance and change in attitudes. How long would an expert say that it trly took for general society to accept what the law had already made part of "normal" society?
****************************************
ASIAN POP
Opening the box
By Jeff Yang
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Where race meets sex, angels fear to tread. Jeff Yang dives into Asian America's favorite taboo topic: interracial romance and the "gender divide."
I remember when, the week before I left for college, my parents sat me down to tell me about the facts of life. The lecture wasn't about sex — my father, a physician, was prone to oversharing the grosser aspects of human anatomy, so I was horrifyingly aware of the mechanical aspects of reproduction as early as elementary school. No, the wisdom they sought to impart related to the Theory of Dating Relativity. Which is to say: The more similar your partner is to you without actually being a blood relative, the better.
Children of close family friends? Perfect. If that's not possible, try someone whose parents are from the same hometown. Taiwanese is better than mainlander or Hong Konger, Chinese of any type is better than other Asians, but if you must stray outside of Greater China, focus on East Asia before Southeast or South Asia ... and so on and so on, in an ever-expanding series of concentric circles.
My parents weren't being racist (or at least not maliciously so): Their beliefs were shaped by the reality in which they were brought up, and the culture to which they'd immigrated. They'd seen the challenges faced by people in mixed relationships, and they wanted my sister and me to have an easier life. Things weren't easy for mixed couples in the 1970s, particularly among immigrant groups, where social networks were critical yet fragile, and most community support systems were contingent on "insider" versus "outsider" status.
But have things changed? With last week marking the anniversary of Loving v. Virginia, the landmark June 12, 1967 Supreme Court decision that upheld the right for men and women of different races to marry, it seemed like an appropriate time to explore that question.
Statistics support the notion that interracial relationships are on the rise in the Asian American community: Mixed couples represented over a quarter of all marriages among Asian Americans in 1980, and over a third of Asian American marriages in 2006. And interracial couples with Asian partners are increasingly depicted in movies, TV and other popular entertainment, to the point where their racial differences are often not even germane to their characters' storylines.
What many commentators have pointed out, of course, is that both the numbers and popular culture reflect a reality in which only half the Asian American community — the female half — are players. Call it the doubletake test: Seeing an Asian American woman with a non-Asian man is no longer noteworthy, but an Asian American man with a non-Asian woman still turns heads. That gender gap is reflected in interracial marriage statistics as well: According to the U.S. Census' 2006 update, 19.5 percent of Asian American women outmarry, compared with 7.2 percent of Asian American men. And that, to some, speaks volumes about the sexual desirability and social status of Asian men in America.
As blogger Dialectic wrote on the popular Asian American online forum TheFighting44s (where four out of the top five most popular posts relate to interracial relationships): "If heterosexual white male patriarchy and what it did in the world were not so powerful, I think it would be fair to say that Asian American women and men would be 'out-dating' or 'out-marrying' at similar rates, and that we wouldn't elevate whites, denigrate ourselves, or worry about whether we're sexually and personally worthy of others to nearly the same extent that we do now."
Lover of another color
That's what makes it so intriguing that a small but thriving subculture has emerged (where else?) online, of non-Asian women whose expressed romantic preferences are for Asian men. They're represented by communities like AznLover.com, a social networking site dedicated to celebrating "AM/XF" relationships — romances between Asian men and women of any background.
The site is no recent novelty; it's been around since 2004, and, having expanded dramatically from blog to forum to full-fledged social networking community, now has over 6,000 active registered members and a constant flow of lurkers. According to Tom C., the site's owner, about 60 percent of the site's 30,000 unique visitors per month are Asian males, with the rest being "females who admire them." The site isn't unique — Tom admits that there is a surprisingly large number of online communities dedicated to similar interests — but AznLover is among the oldest and largest, and distinguishes itself, its members assert, by not being focused on making romantic connections.
"It goes without saying that relationships happen here," says Tom. "But AznLover's real mission is to help debunk the common stereotypes associated with Asian males, to provide community between people with similar issues, questions and curiosities, and to foster interaction between females of all races and Asian males, so that they realize that, yes, they too are 'sought after items.'"
Some who sign up for the site are women already part of AM/XF couples, seeking to become more informed on the cultural and social issues that they're confronting, and to connect with females in a similar situation. Kristina Nicholas of Santa Cruz joined AznLover hoping to better understand her Japanese American fiance: "We'd just become engaged, and I was looking for other women in my situation to gain insight and even support for the challenges that might arise from marrying into a different culture," she says.
Others, like San Francisco resident Elizabeth M., joined the site hoping to make new friends (and more). "I joined the site to find like-minded individuals who understood my love of Asian men," says Elizabeth. "In the process, I feel like I've grown a lot as a person — I've learned from many people's experiences in travel and relationships, I've learned more about different cultures. And I feel like I've made a difference in helping people cross boundaries that most people don't discuss and aren't even aware of."
That includes psychological boundaries, like the ones faced by Melissa Palmer, an AznLover from Detroit, MI who calls herself a "white chick from the whitest-white background imaginable." "My vast knowledge of the Asian male was based on John Hughes movies and influenced by the regional racism toward Japanese at the time, so I'd already made my decision regarding Asian men; I just wasn't attracted to them," she says. "But fast forward to the near present: What started as a friendship with a Chinese male grew into love. One day, it all came flooding out — we admitted to each other that the pull was there. God, I love that day!"
For Asian American men, AznLover feels like a kind of parallel dimension, where their status is inverted: Rather than being exiled to the margins, Asian males are at the center of this particular universe; not just "accepted," but revered. "I love the fact that people on the site acknowledge the beauty in Asian men," says Harry Li, a Malaysian American member living in Texas. "Society still makes women feel self-conscious about saying they like Asian features, or particularly, Asian guys, so even if they do, they won't let their attraction out in public. At AznLover, we all know why we're there — we share a common bond, in that one group has the qualities, physical and otherwise, that the other appreciates."
The politics of desire
Appreciation can be a double-edged sword, of course. Being rejected is problematic, but so is being objectified. "There's a type of privilege in being sexually desirable, but that can come at a cost," says Carmen Van Kerkhove, proprietor of Racialicious.com and host of the podcast "Addicted to Race." "Asian women have been dehumanized by being put on a pedestal, and I'm wary of the same thing happening to Asian men. Some guys may roll their eyes and say, it'll take a long time to get to that point, but there's a fine line you have to tread in not trading one set of racist assumptions for another." (That's something that's long been an issue in the LGBT community, where activists have long protested the exotic imagery that pervades the depiction of Asian men — imagery all too similar to how Asian women have historically been stereotyped in mainstream media.)
And objectification, meanwhile, is a two-way street: There's also the question of whether some Asian men who seek to level the romantic playing field are less motivated by racial justice than male entitlement: the desire to jump to the top of the social totem pole by bagging sexual big game. "I do find it disturbing that some of the more extreme views I've seen are focused less on social equality than on Asian men attaining the same set of privileges as white males, whom they see as having the pick of women," says Van Kerkhove.
The "pick of women" generally has its own racial dimension. As Alicia Powell, a 24-year-old, black female AznLover member says, "I think Asian men are brainwashed to want white women. And it's too bad, because I'm attracted to Asian men, and I think black female / Asian male couples are beautiful. It's messed up that many Asian American men dismiss women of other races. But they see stereotypes of black women in the media, and they see white women depicted as glamorous, so that's what they think is right for them."
Honeybee love
If the central concern of Asian American men were truly equality and universality rather than social status, Asian male/black female couplings would seem to be natural, given that the black community has its own gender disparity in outmarriage rates — in the other direction: Black men are twice as likely as black women to have a nonblack spouse. Yet statistics show that "Asian man/black woman" is the least common of all interracial combinations, representing less than 0.01 percent of all marriages in the United States — a total of just 6,000 couples across the entire country.
That's led some people to call for an active love connection between these two underrepresented romantic populations. In April, New York sex, dating and relationships columnist Twanna Hines decreed in a hilarious (and much quoted) post on her blog FunkyBrownChick that it was "time for the Asian American male community to get down with the brown."
"My inspiration for the post was a friend back in Chicago, who was always completely against dating anyone who wasn't black, period," says Hines. "I'd invite her to parties, and because my friends are such a diverse bunch of people, she'd always ask me first, 'Well, are any men whom I'd want to date going to be there?' Which was a code word for black men. Anyway, she called me up, and began the conversation, 'Guess what? I have a new boyfriend ... and he's Chinese.' And it really got me thinking, hey, if even Karen's doing it, maybe she's on to something. Maybe we're seeing the beginnings of a trend."
Maybe Hines is right: Small but vibrant informal social networks are springing up, like the "Black Woman and Asian Men Interracial Connections" group on Meetup; "Asian Men that love Black Women" on Facebook; and the Yahoo group "Asian Men Who Love Black Women" — which suggests in its introduction that "As the number of (available) Asian women and black men declines, the Asian man is left without a pool of wife material. The black woman is in the same category. It is only natural that the two should seek each other out to form a loving relationships."
Pop equals hot equals sexy
Ultimately, however, it's hard to see these disparities as being anything but temporary — and local. Any sexual imbalances that exist due to the unique alchemy of sex, race and class in the United States fade in the face of a globalized world; one in which the playing field is different, and so are the players and rules. In the Caribbean, for instance, intermarriages between black women and Asian men are relatively common. In fact, asserts AznLover member David Nghiem, a globetrotter who recently completed an epic bicycle trip across the entire length of Latin America, "Outside of the 'anglosphere' — North America, England, Australia and New Zealand — things are completely different. Asian men are in general seen as dateable, sexy and interesting. Most of the world has their own media, in their own languages and subtleties, and Hollywood's attempts to spread stereotypes about Asian men and their sexuality literally stops at the anglosphere's edge, simply because the rest of the world doesn't understand it and doesn't care."
There are, after all, billions of Asian men in Asia, and in the pop culture coming out of Japan, Korea, China and India — the pop culture that increasingly rules the universe — their sexual desirability is hardly in question. As the balance of economic and social power shifts outward beyond America's borders, the political aspects of race and romance inevitably become secondary to the personal. Which points the way to a new Grand Unified Field Theory of Dating, if you will, which I'll have ready for my sons when I send them off to college: Date whoever the hell you want, and stop worrying so much about what it means.
Susan Del Vecchio, a 31-year-old AznLover member in a long-term committed relationship with a San Jose-based Vietnamese American she met on the site, agrees. "I think people overthink and overanalyze the nature of romance," she laughs. "I grew up in a little 200-person town in Missouri, where there wasn't an Asian person for hundreds of miles. But even as I was growing up I found myself preferring guys with dark hair, who had certain kinds of features. Once I got out and started to see the world, I narrowed my tastes down, and by the time I hit my 20s, I found myself only going out with Asian guys. It was a purely aesthetic choice: I just think Asian men are beautiful. And if you don't, too bad. As I used to say back in my dating days, 'That just means more men for me!'"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PopMail
For interracial couples of all backgrounds and combinations, June 12, the anniversary of the Loving v. Virginia decision, marks the day that made the consummation of their love possible. It's no wonder, then, that there are those who think it should be a day for rejoicing. Ken Tanabe, a graphic designer and biracial issues advocate living in Brooklyn, has been working for the past four years to do just that.
"My father is Japanese and my mother is Belgian," says Tanabe. "I first encountered the Loving case purely by accident. I was Googling something unrelated and it came up; I couldn't believe I had never heard of it. I was a good student, yet I never learned about it in school. And to me, the case was up there with Brown v. Board of Ed. The laws that Loving v. Virginia struck down could have easily prevented my own existence."
Inspired by the grassroots efforts that led to the creation of Juneteenth — June 19, Emancipation Day, now a holiday in 29 states, including California — Tanabe decided to build a campaign to establish June 12 as a holiday — Loving Day — remembering that landmark case, and celebrating freedom of the heart. Loving Day events have sprung up across the country (Tanabe has created a free celebration kit with materials to help people plan their own, downloadable as a .pdf file at the LovingDay.org Web site), but the largest is still in New York: Last week, over 1,000 people attended the festivities, presided over by renowned DJs Spooky and Rekha and sponsored by Asahi beer, Zipcar and Puma.
But Loving Day isn't just about having a party. "Things are getting better for interracial couples and multiracial individuals," says Tanabe. "However, social acceptance might not matter that much to you if your best friend or your mother is threatening to cut you out of their lives. We hear a lot of those stories: Racism against couples often occurs behind closed doors. The Loving Day Project is about counteracting the prejudice you might not immediately see."
That prejudice extends far beyond interracial couples, as those fighting for the full legalization of same-sex marriage know. Those advocates will also readily affirm that Loving v. Virginia is a critical precedent in the road map guiding that fight as well. Love knows no color, no shape or size, no age or gender — in fact, love knows nothing but love. Which maybe makes Loving Day something all of us should celebrate.
Yul is probably one of the few "pure" Asian men who was able to publicly break the mold. Most of the "Asian" men who end of earning any sex symbol status are usually happas. It's really sad how much the American expectation and stereotypes have affected the confidence and self-esteem of good-hearted, caring men.
I am definitely not a "sexy" Asian female (though Tim would say otherwise ;)). I would have to agree that American culture and Hollywood have definitely promoted the exotic female personna and it's not always a good thing.
I had briefly heard of the Loving verdict on interracial marriage. At first I thought it was just some story. After all, how strange is it that the person in the legal battle had the last name "Loving?" Given everything that's been happy with gay marriage rights in California, how come this example has not been more often mentioned as a landmark shift in legal acceptance and change in attitudes. How long would an expert say that it trly took for general society to accept what the law had already made part of "normal" society?
****************************************
ASIAN POP
Opening the box
By Jeff Yang
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Where race meets sex, angels fear to tread. Jeff Yang dives into Asian America's favorite taboo topic: interracial romance and the "gender divide."
I remember when, the week before I left for college, my parents sat me down to tell me about the facts of life. The lecture wasn't about sex — my father, a physician, was prone to oversharing the grosser aspects of human anatomy, so I was horrifyingly aware of the mechanical aspects of reproduction as early as elementary school. No, the wisdom they sought to impart related to the Theory of Dating Relativity. Which is to say: The more similar your partner is to you without actually being a blood relative, the better.
Children of close family friends? Perfect. If that's not possible, try someone whose parents are from the same hometown. Taiwanese is better than mainlander or Hong Konger, Chinese of any type is better than other Asians, but if you must stray outside of Greater China, focus on East Asia before Southeast or South Asia ... and so on and so on, in an ever-expanding series of concentric circles.
My parents weren't being racist (or at least not maliciously so): Their beliefs were shaped by the reality in which they were brought up, and the culture to which they'd immigrated. They'd seen the challenges faced by people in mixed relationships, and they wanted my sister and me to have an easier life. Things weren't easy for mixed couples in the 1970s, particularly among immigrant groups, where social networks were critical yet fragile, and most community support systems were contingent on "insider" versus "outsider" status.
But have things changed? With last week marking the anniversary of Loving v. Virginia, the landmark June 12, 1967 Supreme Court decision that upheld the right for men and women of different races to marry, it seemed like an appropriate time to explore that question.
Statistics support the notion that interracial relationships are on the rise in the Asian American community: Mixed couples represented over a quarter of all marriages among Asian Americans in 1980, and over a third of Asian American marriages in 2006. And interracial couples with Asian partners are increasingly depicted in movies, TV and other popular entertainment, to the point where their racial differences are often not even germane to their characters' storylines.
What many commentators have pointed out, of course, is that both the numbers and popular culture reflect a reality in which only half the Asian American community — the female half — are players. Call it the doubletake test: Seeing an Asian American woman with a non-Asian man is no longer noteworthy, but an Asian American man with a non-Asian woman still turns heads. That gender gap is reflected in interracial marriage statistics as well: According to the U.S. Census' 2006 update, 19.5 percent of Asian American women outmarry, compared with 7.2 percent of Asian American men. And that, to some, speaks volumes about the sexual desirability and social status of Asian men in America.
As blogger Dialectic wrote on the popular Asian American online forum TheFighting44s (where four out of the top five most popular posts relate to interracial relationships): "If heterosexual white male patriarchy and what it did in the world were not so powerful, I think it would be fair to say that Asian American women and men would be 'out-dating' or 'out-marrying' at similar rates, and that we wouldn't elevate whites, denigrate ourselves, or worry about whether we're sexually and personally worthy of others to nearly the same extent that we do now."
Lover of another color
That's what makes it so intriguing that a small but thriving subculture has emerged (where else?) online, of non-Asian women whose expressed romantic preferences are for Asian men. They're represented by communities like AznLover.com, a social networking site dedicated to celebrating "AM/XF" relationships — romances between Asian men and women of any background.
The site is no recent novelty; it's been around since 2004, and, having expanded dramatically from blog to forum to full-fledged social networking community, now has over 6,000 active registered members and a constant flow of lurkers. According to Tom C., the site's owner, about 60 percent of the site's 30,000 unique visitors per month are Asian males, with the rest being "females who admire them." The site isn't unique — Tom admits that there is a surprisingly large number of online communities dedicated to similar interests — but AznLover is among the oldest and largest, and distinguishes itself, its members assert, by not being focused on making romantic connections.
"It goes without saying that relationships happen here," says Tom. "But AznLover's real mission is to help debunk the common stereotypes associated with Asian males, to provide community between people with similar issues, questions and curiosities, and to foster interaction between females of all races and Asian males, so that they realize that, yes, they too are 'sought after items.'"
Some who sign up for the site are women already part of AM/XF couples, seeking to become more informed on the cultural and social issues that they're confronting, and to connect with females in a similar situation. Kristina Nicholas of Santa Cruz joined AznLover hoping to better understand her Japanese American fiance: "We'd just become engaged, and I was looking for other women in my situation to gain insight and even support for the challenges that might arise from marrying into a different culture," she says.
Others, like San Francisco resident Elizabeth M., joined the site hoping to make new friends (and more). "I joined the site to find like-minded individuals who understood my love of Asian men," says Elizabeth. "In the process, I feel like I've grown a lot as a person — I've learned from many people's experiences in travel and relationships, I've learned more about different cultures. And I feel like I've made a difference in helping people cross boundaries that most people don't discuss and aren't even aware of."
That includes psychological boundaries, like the ones faced by Melissa Palmer, an AznLover from Detroit, MI who calls herself a "white chick from the whitest-white background imaginable." "My vast knowledge of the Asian male was based on John Hughes movies and influenced by the regional racism toward Japanese at the time, so I'd already made my decision regarding Asian men; I just wasn't attracted to them," she says. "But fast forward to the near present: What started as a friendship with a Chinese male grew into love. One day, it all came flooding out — we admitted to each other that the pull was there. God, I love that day!"
For Asian American men, AznLover feels like a kind of parallel dimension, where their status is inverted: Rather than being exiled to the margins, Asian males are at the center of this particular universe; not just "accepted," but revered. "I love the fact that people on the site acknowledge the beauty in Asian men," says Harry Li, a Malaysian American member living in Texas. "Society still makes women feel self-conscious about saying they like Asian features, or particularly, Asian guys, so even if they do, they won't let their attraction out in public. At AznLover, we all know why we're there — we share a common bond, in that one group has the qualities, physical and otherwise, that the other appreciates."
The politics of desire
Appreciation can be a double-edged sword, of course. Being rejected is problematic, but so is being objectified. "There's a type of privilege in being sexually desirable, but that can come at a cost," says Carmen Van Kerkhove, proprietor of Racialicious.com and host of the podcast "Addicted to Race." "Asian women have been dehumanized by being put on a pedestal, and I'm wary of the same thing happening to Asian men. Some guys may roll their eyes and say, it'll take a long time to get to that point, but there's a fine line you have to tread in not trading one set of racist assumptions for another." (That's something that's long been an issue in the LGBT community, where activists have long protested the exotic imagery that pervades the depiction of Asian men — imagery all too similar to how Asian women have historically been stereotyped in mainstream media.)
And objectification, meanwhile, is a two-way street: There's also the question of whether some Asian men who seek to level the romantic playing field are less motivated by racial justice than male entitlement: the desire to jump to the top of the social totem pole by bagging sexual big game. "I do find it disturbing that some of the more extreme views I've seen are focused less on social equality than on Asian men attaining the same set of privileges as white males, whom they see as having the pick of women," says Van Kerkhove.
The "pick of women" generally has its own racial dimension. As Alicia Powell, a 24-year-old, black female AznLover member says, "I think Asian men are brainwashed to want white women. And it's too bad, because I'm attracted to Asian men, and I think black female / Asian male couples are beautiful. It's messed up that many Asian American men dismiss women of other races. But they see stereotypes of black women in the media, and they see white women depicted as glamorous, so that's what they think is right for them."
Honeybee love
If the central concern of Asian American men were truly equality and universality rather than social status, Asian male/black female couplings would seem to be natural, given that the black community has its own gender disparity in outmarriage rates — in the other direction: Black men are twice as likely as black women to have a nonblack spouse. Yet statistics show that "Asian man/black woman" is the least common of all interracial combinations, representing less than 0.01 percent of all marriages in the United States — a total of just 6,000 couples across the entire country.
That's led some people to call for an active love connection between these two underrepresented romantic populations. In April, New York sex, dating and relationships columnist Twanna Hines decreed in a hilarious (and much quoted) post on her blog FunkyBrownChick that it was "time for the Asian American male community to get down with the brown."
"My inspiration for the post was a friend back in Chicago, who was always completely against dating anyone who wasn't black, period," says Hines. "I'd invite her to parties, and because my friends are such a diverse bunch of people, she'd always ask me first, 'Well, are any men whom I'd want to date going to be there?' Which was a code word for black men. Anyway, she called me up, and began the conversation, 'Guess what? I have a new boyfriend ... and he's Chinese.' And it really got me thinking, hey, if even Karen's doing it, maybe she's on to something. Maybe we're seeing the beginnings of a trend."
Maybe Hines is right: Small but vibrant informal social networks are springing up, like the "Black Woman and Asian Men Interracial Connections" group on Meetup; "Asian Men that love Black Women" on Facebook; and the Yahoo group "Asian Men Who Love Black Women" — which suggests in its introduction that "As the number of (available) Asian women and black men declines, the Asian man is left without a pool of wife material. The black woman is in the same category. It is only natural that the two should seek each other out to form a loving relationships."
Pop equals hot equals sexy
Ultimately, however, it's hard to see these disparities as being anything but temporary — and local. Any sexual imbalances that exist due to the unique alchemy of sex, race and class in the United States fade in the face of a globalized world; one in which the playing field is different, and so are the players and rules. In the Caribbean, for instance, intermarriages between black women and Asian men are relatively common. In fact, asserts AznLover member David Nghiem, a globetrotter who recently completed an epic bicycle trip across the entire length of Latin America, "Outside of the 'anglosphere' — North America, England, Australia and New Zealand — things are completely different. Asian men are in general seen as dateable, sexy and interesting. Most of the world has their own media, in their own languages and subtleties, and Hollywood's attempts to spread stereotypes about Asian men and their sexuality literally stops at the anglosphere's edge, simply because the rest of the world doesn't understand it and doesn't care."
There are, after all, billions of Asian men in Asia, and in the pop culture coming out of Japan, Korea, China and India — the pop culture that increasingly rules the universe — their sexual desirability is hardly in question. As the balance of economic and social power shifts outward beyond America's borders, the political aspects of race and romance inevitably become secondary to the personal. Which points the way to a new Grand Unified Field Theory of Dating, if you will, which I'll have ready for my sons when I send them off to college: Date whoever the hell you want, and stop worrying so much about what it means.
Susan Del Vecchio, a 31-year-old AznLover member in a long-term committed relationship with a San Jose-based Vietnamese American she met on the site, agrees. "I think people overthink and overanalyze the nature of romance," she laughs. "I grew up in a little 200-person town in Missouri, where there wasn't an Asian person for hundreds of miles. But even as I was growing up I found myself preferring guys with dark hair, who had certain kinds of features. Once I got out and started to see the world, I narrowed my tastes down, and by the time I hit my 20s, I found myself only going out with Asian guys. It was a purely aesthetic choice: I just think Asian men are beautiful. And if you don't, too bad. As I used to say back in my dating days, 'That just means more men for me!'"
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PopMail
For interracial couples of all backgrounds and combinations, June 12, the anniversary of the Loving v. Virginia decision, marks the day that made the consummation of their love possible. It's no wonder, then, that there are those who think it should be a day for rejoicing. Ken Tanabe, a graphic designer and biracial issues advocate living in Brooklyn, has been working for the past four years to do just that.
"My father is Japanese and my mother is Belgian," says Tanabe. "I first encountered the Loving case purely by accident. I was Googling something unrelated and it came up; I couldn't believe I had never heard of it. I was a good student, yet I never learned about it in school. And to me, the case was up there with Brown v. Board of Ed. The laws that Loving v. Virginia struck down could have easily prevented my own existence."
Inspired by the grassroots efforts that led to the creation of Juneteenth — June 19, Emancipation Day, now a holiday in 29 states, including California — Tanabe decided to build a campaign to establish June 12 as a holiday — Loving Day — remembering that landmark case, and celebrating freedom of the heart. Loving Day events have sprung up across the country (Tanabe has created a free celebration kit with materials to help people plan their own, downloadable as a .pdf file at the LovingDay.org Web site), but the largest is still in New York: Last week, over 1,000 people attended the festivities, presided over by renowned DJs Spooky and Rekha and sponsored by Asahi beer, Zipcar and Puma.
But Loving Day isn't just about having a party. "Things are getting better for interracial couples and multiracial individuals," says Tanabe. "However, social acceptance might not matter that much to you if your best friend or your mother is threatening to cut you out of their lives. We hear a lot of those stories: Racism against couples often occurs behind closed doors. The Loving Day Project is about counteracting the prejudice you might not immediately see."
That prejudice extends far beyond interracial couples, as those fighting for the full legalization of same-sex marriage know. Those advocates will also readily affirm that Loving v. Virginia is a critical precedent in the road map guiding that fight as well. Love knows no color, no shape or size, no age or gender — in fact, love knows nothing but love. Which maybe makes Loving Day something all of us should celebrate.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Etsy
I just have to write an express my interest and excitement at finding this fun website. Maybe I'm just behind the times, but I had never heard of this.
We're in the midst of trying to design our wedding invitation. It's been a bit of a struggle to find good ideas as we don't generally like any of the offerings we've looked through at various invitation websites (or we didn't want to pay a fortune).
I have spent countless hours scanning through images on Google to find idea close to what I want. I've looked at plum blossoms, peonies, gingko leaves, blossoms, etc. Honestly, since neither of us are real artists, we've been looking something we can either "borrow" or copy easily. If we had more time and more artistic talent we'd try and design something related to the outdoors or travel.
During one of my searches, I ran across an image located at Etsy. I was amazed at all the handcrafted items that people have posted for sale. I spent most of my time in the Art section but occasionally linked to other items like cute paper decorations, quirky jewelry, and hand-knit items. I just love looking at all the styles and ideas people have. For me, it reminds me there's a whole world out there that I don't run into in my daily life. I feel like just browsing helps me broaden my outlook and view of the world.
Etsy also has some cool search mechanisms. You can search by tags, colors, styles. Even Tim was very curious after I exposed him to the website. If we do find an image that works for our invitations, I'll buy a copy of the art to hang at home. That way we'll always have a fond memory of our wedding invitation.
We're in the midst of trying to design our wedding invitation. It's been a bit of a struggle to find good ideas as we don't generally like any of the offerings we've looked through at various invitation websites (or we didn't want to pay a fortune).
I have spent countless hours scanning through images on Google to find idea close to what I want. I've looked at plum blossoms, peonies, gingko leaves, blossoms, etc. Honestly, since neither of us are real artists, we've been looking something we can either "borrow" or copy easily. If we had more time and more artistic talent we'd try and design something related to the outdoors or travel.
During one of my searches, I ran across an image located at Etsy. I was amazed at all the handcrafted items that people have posted for sale. I spent most of my time in the Art section but occasionally linked to other items like cute paper decorations, quirky jewelry, and hand-knit items. I just love looking at all the styles and ideas people have. For me, it reminds me there's a whole world out there that I don't run into in my daily life. I feel like just browsing helps me broaden my outlook and view of the world.
Etsy also has some cool search mechanisms. You can search by tags, colors, styles. Even Tim was very curious after I exposed him to the website. If we do find an image that works for our invitations, I'll buy a copy of the art to hang at home. That way we'll always have a fond memory of our wedding invitation.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Unexpected beauty
It's definitely easy to get sucked into the messages thrown at you once you start the wedding planning process. Buying a dress can be very emotional because there are so many things that look good. At the same time, the better they look the more expensive they tend to be.
I took my girlfriends with me last month and found a dress that I preferred within the first day. I really did have the "this is the one" kind of feeling when the sales person zipped it up. It's strapless, chiffon over satin, and has a cascade of beads and embroidery that gradually fade away at the hip. Still, I fretted over it because it wasn't what I expected to like. But it was less than $800 which was good. I have given myself a very reasonable budget of $1,000 (including alterations). A dress I really liked is over $2,000 which I knew was totally crazy given the dress had a 12-hour life. I searched website after website to get an idea of what real prices are for dresses versus what the tags say at the stores.
Honestly, if you are the right size, there are deals to be had. Whether it be a used gown, a sample dress, or someone who just changed their minds, the prices can be great. The trick is either finding a way to try the dress before you buy the cheaper one or you trust that you will be able to alter it to fit.
Being someone who is particularly small and has lopsided measurements, I didn't want to try altering something that was 2-3 sizes bigger. Without a good seamstress, it's challenging to retain the shape and intended style.
In terms of auctions, I saw many dresses I liked and even tried to bid on a few, but I was never willing to go high enough to win. I don't have a good sense of what is a fair price to bid (that and my innate desire to get a deal). Also, it just seemed a little scary to not know if and when I'd find and win a dress that I want. Yeah, that'd be stupid to be dressless one month before the wedding and have to wear something I didn't like.
I hate indecision, so in the end, I found a store that had a better price on the $800 gown and ordered. Knowing that all my girlfriends AND my mother like it easy my worries. It will be here in July. In the meantime, I've been cruising the sites to see what kinds of deals pop up.
Since I already have a dress, I'm not too serious about bidding. However, if I could get something cheap, I thought it'd be a good backup or practice dress. There are a couple vendors that regularly post sample dresses for cheap. These dress typically have a "retail" tag between $600-$900. The bids usually end up going as high as $30-$60 plus shipping. It's a price I could stand to spend for entertainment.
For weeks, I've bid on some, but always lost out to someone who wanted it more. That's fine. But one weekend, I forgot that I'd thrown in a maximum bid of $15 on a gown. At the last minute, someone raised the current bid from $11.49 to $13. Because I had bidder earlier, the price increased to $13.49.
Let me tell you how surprised I was to see my e-mail the next day saying I won the auction! I had been expecting to lose the auction so really didn't know what I was even buying except that it might be a little tight at the waist. (It's probably also why there were so few people bidding on that particular gown.) I remember looking at the pictures again and thinking that the sweetheart neckline wasn't appealing.
The package showed up a week later at my door. I have to say the gown was in great condition. It only has two faint streaks of dirt, no doubt from someone trying it on. But otherwise it's clean and brand new! It's definitely tight at the waist. I don't feel like I can bend over without exploding. It also weighs a ton. (That's why more expensive silk dress are nicer than satin polyester.) Ignoring that, I think it's quite lovely for it's simple design. The lace and beading at the high waist is elegant and helps make the bottom half of me look longer and taller.
I'm not one of those bridezilla types that has to have everything exactly perfect. Yes it's nice to have a dress that you feel beautiful in and want to see in pictures. I've learned from talking to many people that few people beyond the bride, groom, and family will remember the dress in any great detail. Many dresses will look good. I probably could be happy with this sample dress.
Now, I'm thinking why didn't I just take the risk and buy a couple different dresses for cheap? If I bought three for $50-$70 each, I'd still save an amazing amount of money. How fun it would be to run around the house in three different dresses. :)
I took my girlfriends with me last month and found a dress that I preferred within the first day. I really did have the "this is the one" kind of feeling when the sales person zipped it up. It's strapless, chiffon over satin, and has a cascade of beads and embroidery that gradually fade away at the hip. Still, I fretted over it because it wasn't what I expected to like. But it was less than $800 which was good. I have given myself a very reasonable budget of $1,000 (including alterations). A dress I really liked is over $2,000 which I knew was totally crazy given the dress had a 12-hour life. I searched website after website to get an idea of what real prices are for dresses versus what the tags say at the stores.
Honestly, if you are the right size, there are deals to be had. Whether it be a used gown, a sample dress, or someone who just changed their minds, the prices can be great. The trick is either finding a way to try the dress before you buy the cheaper one or you trust that you will be able to alter it to fit.
Being someone who is particularly small and has lopsided measurements, I didn't want to try altering something that was 2-3 sizes bigger. Without a good seamstress, it's challenging to retain the shape and intended style.
In terms of auctions, I saw many dresses I liked and even tried to bid on a few, but I was never willing to go high enough to win. I don't have a good sense of what is a fair price to bid (that and my innate desire to get a deal). Also, it just seemed a little scary to not know if and when I'd find and win a dress that I want. Yeah, that'd be stupid to be dressless one month before the wedding and have to wear something I didn't like.
I hate indecision, so in the end, I found a store that had a better price on the $800 gown and ordered. Knowing that all my girlfriends AND my mother like it easy my worries. It will be here in July. In the meantime, I've been cruising the sites to see what kinds of deals pop up.
Since I already have a dress, I'm not too serious about bidding. However, if I could get something cheap, I thought it'd be a good backup or practice dress. There are a couple vendors that regularly post sample dresses for cheap. These dress typically have a "retail" tag between $600-$900. The bids usually end up going as high as $30-$60 plus shipping. It's a price I could stand to spend for entertainment.
For weeks, I've bid on some, but always lost out to someone who wanted it more. That's fine. But one weekend, I forgot that I'd thrown in a maximum bid of $15 on a gown. At the last minute, someone raised the current bid from $11.49 to $13. Because I had bidder earlier, the price increased to $13.49.
Let me tell you how surprised I was to see my e-mail the next day saying I won the auction! I had been expecting to lose the auction so really didn't know what I was even buying except that it might be a little tight at the waist. (It's probably also why there were so few people bidding on that particular gown.) I remember looking at the pictures again and thinking that the sweetheart neckline wasn't appealing.
The package showed up a week later at my door. I have to say the gown was in great condition. It only has two faint streaks of dirt, no doubt from someone trying it on. But otherwise it's clean and brand new! It's definitely tight at the waist. I don't feel like I can bend over without exploding. It also weighs a ton. (That's why more expensive silk dress are nicer than satin polyester.) Ignoring that, I think it's quite lovely for it's simple design. The lace and beading at the high waist is elegant and helps make the bottom half of me look longer and taller.I'm not one of those bridezilla types that has to have everything exactly perfect. Yes it's nice to have a dress that you feel beautiful in and want to see in pictures. I've learned from talking to many people that few people beyond the bride, groom, and family will remember the dress in any great detail. Many dresses will look good. I probably could be happy with this sample dress.
Now, I'm thinking why didn't I just take the risk and buy a couple different dresses for cheap? If I bought three for $50-$70 each, I'd still save an amazing amount of money. How fun it would be to run around the house in three different dresses. :)
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Misdirection
About one month ago, Tim and I attended a bridal fair. It was held at a local hotel and featured a couple rooms full of wedding vendors for cakes, locations, photographers, formal wear, flowers, etc.
The minute we entered the area, I knew this was all about collecting names. That's how these folks make their money. It's like those cars you see parked at shopping malls. Nearby is a box with some poster touting how you can "win this car!" Of course, who knows if anyone actually wins it. The whole point is that they want you to fill out that little slip so they can sell your name to other parties.
As we stood in line, I joked to Tim about how our name is going to end up everywhere. He agreed. So we devised a plan on how to fill out the forms. Since there is that one in a million chance of winning something, we didn't want to give totally fake names and addresses. First, we wanted to track all the mail we would receive so we each changed one letter in our last names. Since Tim will be moving out of his apartment in the summer, I claimed his address as mine. When it's time for him to forward his mail, he'll do for "name only" and all the junk will stay at the apartment (and some poor person will get all my crap).
It's taken about three weeks for the wedding junk mail and spam to trickle into our mailboxes. At first it was a bunch of e-mails congratulating us and speaking as if we'd inquired about using their services. I get almost daily e-mails from vendors trying to sell me invitations and favors. I make sure to unsubscribe myself the minute I get each of these e-mails. Long-term, it won't matter with the e-mails because I purposely created a separate e-mail account for all our wedding communications. If the spam gets out of hand, we simply cancel the account the year after we get married. Ha!
In terms of snail mail, man, these vendors spend some big money trying to get your attention. Tim brought over a large, cardboard package the other day. Inside was three, full-size, color brochures about Sandals resort. One was about their standard vacation packages, another talked about getting married at the resort, and the smallest had inviting pictures of their exclusive wedding packages. Just the postage alone was $4. We've gotten interactive CDs from a couple other venues. I also get various catalogs for invitations, gifts, and favors. The catalogs are great for ideas, but I doubt I'll be buying anything.
Bridal fairs are fun in terms of the freebies but watch out for the blitz of unwanted attention. At least, it makes for entertaining experiments to trace what happens to the information you hand out.
The minute we entered the area, I knew this was all about collecting names. That's how these folks make their money. It's like those cars you see parked at shopping malls. Nearby is a box with some poster touting how you can "win this car!" Of course, who knows if anyone actually wins it. The whole point is that they want you to fill out that little slip so they can sell your name to other parties.
As we stood in line, I joked to Tim about how our name is going to end up everywhere. He agreed. So we devised a plan on how to fill out the forms. Since there is that one in a million chance of winning something, we didn't want to give totally fake names and addresses. First, we wanted to track all the mail we would receive so we each changed one letter in our last names. Since Tim will be moving out of his apartment in the summer, I claimed his address as mine. When it's time for him to forward his mail, he'll do for "name only" and all the junk will stay at the apartment (and some poor person will get all my crap).
It's taken about three weeks for the wedding junk mail and spam to trickle into our mailboxes. At first it was a bunch of e-mails congratulating us and speaking as if we'd inquired about using their services. I get almost daily e-mails from vendors trying to sell me invitations and favors. I make sure to unsubscribe myself the minute I get each of these e-mails. Long-term, it won't matter with the e-mails because I purposely created a separate e-mail account for all our wedding communications. If the spam gets out of hand, we simply cancel the account the year after we get married. Ha!
In terms of snail mail, man, these vendors spend some big money trying to get your attention. Tim brought over a large, cardboard package the other day. Inside was three, full-size, color brochures about Sandals resort. One was about their standard vacation packages, another talked about getting married at the resort, and the smallest had inviting pictures of their exclusive wedding packages. Just the postage alone was $4. We've gotten interactive CDs from a couple other venues. I also get various catalogs for invitations, gifts, and favors. The catalogs are great for ideas, but I doubt I'll be buying anything.
Bridal fairs are fun in terms of the freebies but watch out for the blitz of unwanted attention. At least, it makes for entertaining experiments to trace what happens to the information you hand out.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Cheap and creative don't always go together
Based on my postings of late, you might think all I do is think about wedding stuff. It's really not all that's going on, but certainly it tends to be the most interesting things going on in my life. I apologize for anyone who doesn't want to hear it.
Tim and I have been thinking about the wedding favors here and there. It's not something that needs to be done right away, but it's definitely one of the more fun tasks on our list. Since our theme is adventure given all the vacations and camping trips we've taken, I had been racking my brain for something relevant, affordable, and somewhat practical (because that's how I work).
I've been to plenty of parties where I've received something that just ends up collecting dust on a bookshelf or in a drawer. Food treats such as chocolate and moon cakes are always an option, but I wanted something more unique.
To complicate matters, I set my hopes on finding something that would not only serve as a favor gift, but an object that could serve as the name card for the reception. Pku used these cute sliver fortune cookies that held our name cards, but obviously we didn't want to copy that.
Next, I thought it would be fun to find miniature gift boxes in the shape of suitcases. The paper boxes are 50 cents each and a little candy goes a long way. That way I could label the name on the outside and put a treat on the inside. For a little more, I actually found these great aluminum cases that have wheels and a handle so as to look like roll-on luggage. Tim thought they were nice but wasn't thrilled with the candy idea. I'm sure he'd go with it if it was the best choice we could find.
My next idea was giving luggage tags. First, they could be laid out as the place cards easily (or hang from a tree branch for a great effect). And then, people could take them home and use them. We wouldn't engrave them with anything silly like our wedding date. Unfortunately, finding tags that won't crack or fall apart after a few uses is pretty difficult. We've budgeted for about $3 per favor and that doesn't buy you much other than cheap plastic tags. The nice leather ones (other than black) run $8 and up which is way too much for a favor.
I came across some cute silver dolphins that function that same way as Pku's favor. Tim liked them right away. We both fret about the fact that no one but us would understand why we chose dolphin favors (we saw Hector's dolphins in southern New Zealand). They are pretty and can be reused as a paper weight or picture holder. It's not perfect, but they're $2 each and nice.
Then I happened to be at Crate & Barrel the other day. On a desk display, they had a bowl full of colorful, faux leather tags that would be perfect. Each tag is $3.95. That go me wondering whether I could find these same tags for less online. Alas, I've only found them one other place for $6 each.
What do you suppose the chance are I can pick them up for less come August when the stores are stuck with dozens unsold and move them to the outlet store? ;)
Tim and I have been thinking about the wedding favors here and there. It's not something that needs to be done right away, but it's definitely one of the more fun tasks on our list. Since our theme is adventure given all the vacations and camping trips we've taken, I had been racking my brain for something relevant, affordable, and somewhat practical (because that's how I work).
I've been to plenty of parties where I've received something that just ends up collecting dust on a bookshelf or in a drawer. Food treats such as chocolate and moon cakes are always an option, but I wanted something more unique.
To complicate matters, I set my hopes on finding something that would not only serve as a favor gift, but an object that could serve as the name card for the reception. Pku used these cute sliver fortune cookies that held our name cards, but obviously we didn't want to copy that.
Next, I thought it would be fun to find miniature gift boxes in the shape of suitcases. The paper boxes are 50 cents each and a little candy goes a long way. That way I could label the name on the outside and put a treat on the inside. For a little more, I actually found these great aluminum cases that have wheels and a handle so as to look like roll-on luggage. Tim thought they were nice but wasn't thrilled with the candy idea. I'm sure he'd go with it if it was the best choice we could find.
My next idea was giving luggage tags. First, they could be laid out as the place cards easily (or hang from a tree branch for a great effect). And then, people could take them home and use them. We wouldn't engrave them with anything silly like our wedding date. Unfortunately, finding tags that won't crack or fall apart after a few uses is pretty difficult. We've budgeted for about $3 per favor and that doesn't buy you much other than cheap plastic tags. The nice leather ones (other than black) run $8 and up which is way too much for a favor.
I came across some cute silver dolphins that function that same way as Pku's favor. Tim liked them right away. We both fret about the fact that no one but us would understand why we chose dolphin favors (we saw Hector's dolphins in southern New Zealand). They are pretty and can be reused as a paper weight or picture holder. It's not perfect, but they're $2 each and nice.
Then I happened to be at Crate & Barrel the other day. On a desk display, they had a bowl full of colorful, faux leather tags that would be perfect. Each tag is $3.95. That go me wondering whether I could find these same tags for less online. Alas, I've only found them one other place for $6 each.
What do you suppose the chance are I can pick them up for less come August when the stores are stuck with dozens unsold and move them to the outlet store? ;)
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
When being too nice makes for no plans
I *really* *really* should be working right now, but I need to get this off my mind for a little while.
Despite the fact that the main wedding planning is going well, I seem to be sprouting bits of bad luck when it comes to bridesmaids and bridal showers. First, there was the uncomfortable situation of my childhood best friend wanting to be a bridesmaid despite learning that she'd be 8.5 months pregnant by the time of the wedding. Without outright telling her I changed my mind, I had to give her strong reasons to consider not attending the wedding 400 miles away from her doctor and hospital. The logic of not coming to my wedding only started to sink in after discussing it with her husband and local friends. In the end, it worked out because her due date was moved up and she's staying put.
Now, I've got another sticky wicket. Nvy was the first to offer to throw me a shower. This was back in March when I first told her the good news. The following week, Childhood BF also offered. When I found out there was a risk CBF could not attend, I asked my other close friend to be in the wedding. She also offered to host. I really can't complain about having three wonderful friends offer to host a shower for me except for one fact, none of them live within four hours of me.
I thought I had it all worked out. CBF and alternate bridesmaid would host near my home town and I'd ask Nvy to come up and host here with the help of a local friend. It seemed the like the best arrangement seeing as how I want to avoid making CBF travel during pregnancy and AltBM is traveling from the East Coast so I want her to be able to see her family during here trip to the West Coast. That would create a small 5-7 person away shower and a 14-18 person local shower.
Now, now that's not quite what's going to happen. Nvy and her husband were in a business with another person. This other person, RzrBurn, has gone a little psycho over the years. We all know each other from grad school. Suffice to say, RzrBurn married psycho wife who married him for his money, realized he wasn't really rich, and drove him nuts. Now that the divorce is not going his way, he's doing all he can to bankrupt himself so that she gets nothing. (He's also going to be defaulting on his child support.)
Unfortunately, that means he dragged down his business partners with him. Nvy and hubby are now struggling to run the business themselves without stretching themselves thin (did I mention they have two small kids). So, she obviously can't help plan a bridal shower with all that's going on. She feels awful about it, but it's no one's fault. How could anyone possibly predict such a crappy outcome from a man who was once considered a friend?
So now what? I already suggested to AltBM that I'd make it convenient by having a shower near home for her. But that means that I don't have anyone to give me a shower where I live now, where most of my friends live. I feel awkward at the thought of asking her to change her plans and come here for the shower. Yet, I feel like I should have a litte leeway as the bride to do what works best for me.
The alternative is to ask a friend here to help out. But the whole point of a shower is for someone to offer. I can't ask, that's not proper etiquette. I feel completely awkward doing that. ARGH. I have had a couple people offer to help me with the "anything" for wedding in general, but I don't know if that amounts to permission to ask them to organize the shower versus simply stuffing invitation envelopes.
I'm kind of kicking myself for trying so hard to accommodate everyone else since now I feel like I've left myself in a pathetic position. So what's the politically correct, Emily Post way to make things work?
Despite the fact that the main wedding planning is going well, I seem to be sprouting bits of bad luck when it comes to bridesmaids and bridal showers. First, there was the uncomfortable situation of my childhood best friend wanting to be a bridesmaid despite learning that she'd be 8.5 months pregnant by the time of the wedding. Without outright telling her I changed my mind, I had to give her strong reasons to consider not attending the wedding 400 miles away from her doctor and hospital. The logic of not coming to my wedding only started to sink in after discussing it with her husband and local friends. In the end, it worked out because her due date was moved up and she's staying put.
Now, I've got another sticky wicket. Nvy was the first to offer to throw me a shower. This was back in March when I first told her the good news. The following week, Childhood BF also offered. When I found out there was a risk CBF could not attend, I asked my other close friend to be in the wedding. She also offered to host. I really can't complain about having three wonderful friends offer to host a shower for me except for one fact, none of them live within four hours of me.
I thought I had it all worked out. CBF and alternate bridesmaid would host near my home town and I'd ask Nvy to come up and host here with the help of a local friend. It seemed the like the best arrangement seeing as how I want to avoid making CBF travel during pregnancy and AltBM is traveling from the East Coast so I want her to be able to see her family during here trip to the West Coast. That would create a small 5-7 person away shower and a 14-18 person local shower.
Now, now that's not quite what's going to happen. Nvy and her husband were in a business with another person. This other person, RzrBurn, has gone a little psycho over the years. We all know each other from grad school. Suffice to say, RzrBurn married psycho wife who married him for his money, realized he wasn't really rich, and drove him nuts. Now that the divorce is not going his way, he's doing all he can to bankrupt himself so that she gets nothing. (He's also going to be defaulting on his child support.)
Unfortunately, that means he dragged down his business partners with him. Nvy and hubby are now struggling to run the business themselves without stretching themselves thin (did I mention they have two small kids). So, she obviously can't help plan a bridal shower with all that's going on. She feels awful about it, but it's no one's fault. How could anyone possibly predict such a crappy outcome from a man who was once considered a friend?
So now what? I already suggested to AltBM that I'd make it convenient by having a shower near home for her. But that means that I don't have anyone to give me a shower where I live now, where most of my friends live. I feel awkward at the thought of asking her to change her plans and come here for the shower. Yet, I feel like I should have a litte leeway as the bride to do what works best for me.
The alternative is to ask a friend here to help out. But the whole point of a shower is for someone to offer. I can't ask, that's not proper etiquette. I feel completely awkward doing that. ARGH. I have had a couple people offer to help me with the "anything" for wedding in general, but I don't know if that amounts to permission to ask them to organize the shower versus simply stuffing invitation envelopes.
I'm kind of kicking myself for trying so hard to accommodate everyone else since now I feel like I've left myself in a pathetic position. So what's the politically correct, Emily Post way to make things work?
Monday, May 05, 2008
Smile fatigue
This weekend will probably be the closest we'll come to knowing what it will feel like on the wedding day.
Every Saturday seems to start with me struggling to wake up in the morning. Shifting to a "real" work schedule after more than a year of easy commuting. Friday night is my boring and simple chance to get some rest.
The first thing on the Saturday agenda was my makeup trial. I had to be at the mall by 10am to meet with Painter. I also had to be ready to meet for lunch at noon and then take off to the city for engagement photos. Getting out of bed at 9am gave me about 40 minutes to wash up and curl my hair. While I was out, Tim had to iron his shirts.
I'm not one who wears much makeup on a daily basis. A typical morning for me includes brushing my teeth, washing my face, brushing my hair, and moisturizing my face. My makeup regimen involves brushing a little color over my brows and adding eye shadow to the corners of my eye lids. (Okay, when I'm feeling particularly bare, I use some liquid eye liner to compensate for my miniature eyelashes.) In other words, I know virtually nothing about hair and makeup. This part of the wedding process makes me feel absolutely helpless.
Painter is a referal from my former co-worker, Hen. Her sister and Painter once worked together. My concern is that she's rather expensive, $300 for the wedding day. At least I didn't have to pay for the consultation. Since she works at a cosmetics counter I simply get a from makeover. It's a great way to test things out.
She seemed like a nice, friendly person. I was a little worried about the amount of eyeliner Painter wore under her eyes. It's definitely too dramatic for me.
It's amazing how many layers of cleansers, moisturizer and base a face must have before putting on foundation and powder. How did someone come up with all this stuff? This is how Painter assured me that the makeup would last throughout the day. (There's also the option of paying more to have her come back midway through the wedding for a touch-up.)
Overall, she did a pretty good job. I loved the lip color she chose. The eye shadow was a bit stronger than I wanted. She was very easy going about softening the color a little. The one noticeable issue for both me and Tim was that the makeup seemed to enhance the fine wrinkles around my eyes. The last thing I want is for close ups of my wrinkles during the wedding. I have this problem when I try to apply makeup to myself. Shouldn't a makeup expert do better?
As soon as I returned from the mall, I picked up Tim and we went to sample our wedding dinner. The salad was tasty but I was a little disappointed with the small and tightly packed leaves. I guess I'm used to going to restaurants where one gets medium to big sized whole leaves. It just looks more appetizing. The salad did taste good.
The next part was interesting. The waiter brought out three large plates. The fish, New York tip, and chicken breast were quite generous in size. While I was looking forward to tasting the fish, the presentation wasn't appealing. The filet sat upon a bed of colored greens and small white beans in a ragu sauce. Honestly, I thought I was eating BBQ baked beans. It looked totally casual and not wedding-like. I don't need to pay $10,000 if I just want to serve my guests BBQ beans. Tim thought the food was good. I told him I felt it was okay but nothing fancy. In the grand scheme of things, I figure no one will remember the meal unless it's really bad. This will probably be fine (but I'm sad we won't get to have the Chinese banquet dinner.)
With that done, I headed home for a quick touch up of my fading curls and just enough time to iron one shirt. We each packed five outfits for the photo shoot not knowing what kind of weather or backgrounds to expect.
It turned out to be quite a tiring afternoon. Our photographer is a family friend who is just getting into wedding photography. We get a good deal on the photos, but I have to say it was probably much more time consuming and required some patience as she's still learning. I'm sure a seasoned photographer would have had us done in a couple hours. We went from 3pm to almost 8pm.
We tried to take pictures in front of city hall and in the major shopping and tourist area. It's funny how many people will stop and stare to try and figure out what you're doing with a photographer who's carrying two fancy cameras. We also found a few colorful buidling facades against which we did some poses and jumps.
Our last stop was at the beach. The location is a VERY popular one for engagement photos. We couldn't help but laugh when we arrived because it was so easy to spot the four other couples walking about with their photographers. Still, it's a beautiful location so what else can one expect.
Since it was already 7pm, it's was getting rather cold. It's challenging faking being happy and in love when you're body is telling you to put on a jacket and run back to the car. The incoming high tide also made it challenging to shoot shots along the shore because someone always needed to keep an eye on the waves and signal if it was time to run away from the fast waters. It made for some close calls and good laughs.
Naturally, we were all hungry and cold once the sun disappeared. I quickly suggested we find the nearest hot pot restaurant. It wasn't the greatest food, but it was reasonable, plentiful, and WARM.
Tim and got home around 11pm. Needless to say, we quickly showered and immediately went to sleep. I can't believe how solidly I slept considering I did get any exercise. I was so deeply asleep that I accidentally elbowed Tim early in the morning because I forgot he was there.
[Yawn...] Okay, now I'm tired from reliving that. Time for bed. :)
Every Saturday seems to start with me struggling to wake up in the morning. Shifting to a "real" work schedule after more than a year of easy commuting. Friday night is my boring and simple chance to get some rest.
The first thing on the Saturday agenda was my makeup trial. I had to be at the mall by 10am to meet with Painter. I also had to be ready to meet for lunch at noon and then take off to the city for engagement photos. Getting out of bed at 9am gave me about 40 minutes to wash up and curl my hair. While I was out, Tim had to iron his shirts.
I'm not one who wears much makeup on a daily basis. A typical morning for me includes brushing my teeth, washing my face, brushing my hair, and moisturizing my face. My makeup regimen involves brushing a little color over my brows and adding eye shadow to the corners of my eye lids. (Okay, when I'm feeling particularly bare, I use some liquid eye liner to compensate for my miniature eyelashes.) In other words, I know virtually nothing about hair and makeup. This part of the wedding process makes me feel absolutely helpless.
Painter is a referal from my former co-worker, Hen. Her sister and Painter once worked together. My concern is that she's rather expensive, $300 for the wedding day. At least I didn't have to pay for the consultation. Since she works at a cosmetics counter I simply get a from makeover. It's a great way to test things out.
She seemed like a nice, friendly person. I was a little worried about the amount of eyeliner Painter wore under her eyes. It's definitely too dramatic for me.
It's amazing how many layers of cleansers, moisturizer and base a face must have before putting on foundation and powder. How did someone come up with all this stuff? This is how Painter assured me that the makeup would last throughout the day. (There's also the option of paying more to have her come back midway through the wedding for a touch-up.)
Overall, she did a pretty good job. I loved the lip color she chose. The eye shadow was a bit stronger than I wanted. She was very easy going about softening the color a little. The one noticeable issue for both me and Tim was that the makeup seemed to enhance the fine wrinkles around my eyes. The last thing I want is for close ups of my wrinkles during the wedding. I have this problem when I try to apply makeup to myself. Shouldn't a makeup expert do better?
As soon as I returned from the mall, I picked up Tim and we went to sample our wedding dinner. The salad was tasty but I was a little disappointed with the small and tightly packed leaves. I guess I'm used to going to restaurants where one gets medium to big sized whole leaves. It just looks more appetizing. The salad did taste good.
The next part was interesting. The waiter brought out three large plates. The fish, New York tip, and chicken breast were quite generous in size. While I was looking forward to tasting the fish, the presentation wasn't appealing. The filet sat upon a bed of colored greens and small white beans in a ragu sauce. Honestly, I thought I was eating BBQ baked beans. It looked totally casual and not wedding-like. I don't need to pay $10,000 if I just want to serve my guests BBQ beans. Tim thought the food was good. I told him I felt it was okay but nothing fancy. In the grand scheme of things, I figure no one will remember the meal unless it's really bad. This will probably be fine (but I'm sad we won't get to have the Chinese banquet dinner.)
With that done, I headed home for a quick touch up of my fading curls and just enough time to iron one shirt. We each packed five outfits for the photo shoot not knowing what kind of weather or backgrounds to expect.
It turned out to be quite a tiring afternoon. Our photographer is a family friend who is just getting into wedding photography. We get a good deal on the photos, but I have to say it was probably much more time consuming and required some patience as she's still learning. I'm sure a seasoned photographer would have had us done in a couple hours. We went from 3pm to almost 8pm.
We tried to take pictures in front of city hall and in the major shopping and tourist area. It's funny how many people will stop and stare to try and figure out what you're doing with a photographer who's carrying two fancy cameras. We also found a few colorful buidling facades against which we did some poses and jumps.
Our last stop was at the beach. The location is a VERY popular one for engagement photos. We couldn't help but laugh when we arrived because it was so easy to spot the four other couples walking about with their photographers. Still, it's a beautiful location so what else can one expect.
Since it was already 7pm, it's was getting rather cold. It's challenging faking being happy and in love when you're body is telling you to put on a jacket and run back to the car. The incoming high tide also made it challenging to shoot shots along the shore because someone always needed to keep an eye on the waves and signal if it was time to run away from the fast waters. It made for some close calls and good laughs.
Naturally, we were all hungry and cold once the sun disappeared. I quickly suggested we find the nearest hot pot restaurant. It wasn't the greatest food, but it was reasonable, plentiful, and WARM.
Tim and got home around 11pm. Needless to say, we quickly showered and immediately went to sleep. I can't believe how solidly I slept considering I did get any exercise. I was so deeply asleep that I accidentally elbowed Tim early in the morning because I forgot he was there.
[Yawn...] Okay, now I'm tired from reliving that. Time for bed. :)
Saturday, April 19, 2008
I like it!
That was Tim's conclusion as we hopped into the car. It's also so cute to see him excited. We've been tasting cakes this past week, and the last place turned out to be the best.
Cake testing is probably one of the most fun parts of wedding planning (unless you're on a diet). Comparing the three places we've been to, it's incredibly helpful to sit with people who are the actual bakers. They should be able to tell you what's a good idea and what's not rather than just say "yes, we can do that" to everything you ask.
We visited the first cake maker last weekend. When you walk in, there's no question they're in the wedding cake business. That's all they do. We really like having a cream cheese filling between layers of white and chocolate cake. Their cakes are definitely tasty. The problem was the consultant was a young guy who probably has no involvement in the cake making process. We didn't feel he answered questions well if they weren't on the handouts in front of us. My guess he's the office manager and delivery guy.
Tim and I met up for lunch to visit the second place. It's a favorite bakery of mine. I like stopping by for their flakey and crispy palmiers. I've also tasted a few of the sheet cakes which are yummy. Sadly, the wedding cakes were awful. They sweetened everything with simple syrup and the fillings were a bit greasy tasting. My stomach didn't sit well afterwards.
Our third place was a bakery I found using Yelp several months ago. I'm always up for trying new French pastry places. I had bought a sampler box for a lunch party and had decent results. My only fear was that they'd be pricier. I can't totally speak for Tim, but I'm pretty sure that we enjoyed the cakes here more almost immediately.
The samples were wonderfully generous. Unlike the other two bakers, we were given full wedding-size slices. It made it much easier to understand portion size. (Of course, you can't tell from this pictures since we already took some healthy-sized bites.) There was red velvet (cupcake), banana, hummingbird, chocolate ganache, and lemon with blackberry jam. The cakes were pretty dense but delicious. The flavors and texture were well balanced, not oily, dry or too sweet.
We have also been toying with the idea of serving individual desserts rather than slices of cake. So she gave us a chocolate mousse to try. We bought the raspberry mouse to have a fruit test. We've seen pictures of cupcake wedding cakes. They're cute, but a little too casual for us. The individual desserts would be fun for color and variety. The only danger is people taking more than one before everyone's had a chance to get theirs. But it's understand when you taste how yummy they are.
What a breakfast eh?!!
Cake testing is probably one of the most fun parts of wedding planning (unless you're on a diet). Comparing the three places we've been to, it's incredibly helpful to sit with people who are the actual bakers. They should be able to tell you what's a good idea and what's not rather than just say "yes, we can do that" to everything you ask.
We visited the first cake maker last weekend. When you walk in, there's no question they're in the wedding cake business. That's all they do. We really like having a cream cheese filling between layers of white and chocolate cake. Their cakes are definitely tasty. The problem was the consultant was a young guy who probably has no involvement in the cake making process. We didn't feel he answered questions well if they weren't on the handouts in front of us. My guess he's the office manager and delivery guy.
Tim and I met up for lunch to visit the second place. It's a favorite bakery of mine. I like stopping by for their flakey and crispy palmiers. I've also tasted a few of the sheet cakes which are yummy. Sadly, the wedding cakes were awful. They sweetened everything with simple syrup and the fillings were a bit greasy tasting. My stomach didn't sit well afterwards.
Our third place was a bakery I found using Yelp several months ago. I'm always up for trying new French pastry places. I had bought a sampler box for a lunch party and had decent results. My only fear was that they'd be pricier. I can't totally speak for Tim, but I'm pretty sure that we enjoyed the cakes here more almost immediately.
The samples were wonderfully generous. Unlike the other two bakers, we were given full wedding-size slices. It made it much easier to understand portion size. (Of course, you can't tell from this pictures since we already took some healthy-sized bites.) There was red velvet (cupcake), banana, hummingbird, chocolate ganache, and lemon with blackberry jam. The cakes were pretty dense but delicious. The flavors and texture were well balanced, not oily, dry or too sweet.We have also been toying with the idea of serving individual desserts rather than slices of cake. So she gave us a chocolate mousse to try. We bought the raspberry mouse to have a fruit test. We've seen pictures of cupcake wedding cakes. They're cute, but a little too casual for us. The individual desserts would be fun for color and variety. The only danger is people taking more than one before everyone's had a chance to get theirs. But it's understand when you taste how yummy they are.
What a breakfast eh?!!
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