You want my job?

The other evening, I met up with a friend. We're not super close, but we try to catch up with girlfriends for various job and personal chat. She was particularly interested in meeting this time for job search ideas. Her internship ends this summer and it's time to find a permanent job. Since I recently had success with my job search, she was curious to hear if I came across any interesting companies and how I searched.

While we work in the same overall industry, we touch different types of products and are familiar with different corporate structures. At one point, I mentioned something about missing my old job, the one where I was laid off at the end of last year. She asked me to describe what I enjoyed about the job. At the end of my description, she asked if the company was hiring.

Ouch? I must say I was really put off by her question. Maybe she wasn't thinking. Hello? They laid me off six months ago. Wouldn't it be odd if they were hiring? It was awkward responding to that. I mean, if they were hiring, I'd hope my manager likes me enough to give me first shot at an opening. Otherwise, that would be telling me I'm being lied to about why I was let go. That's a fact that I don't want to be true. It was my dream job, and I was there less than one year.

I realize that I've said plenty of stupid things in my life. My friend deserves the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't thinking how it would sound to me. Also, there's part of me that doesn't want to get involved with helping a company considering how cruelly they cut me.

Back to the cube

It's my third day on the job. I hate starting new jobs, not because I don't like the job but because I hate feeling like a stranger. Ever had that strange feeling that people aren't telling you something?

My cube is decent, not fancy. The area is a mix of engineers, strategic planning, IT, and marketing. The cube farm is surrounded by conference rooms and offices. It's very frustrating because *all* the windows are in the offices which means those of us in cubes get no sunlight unless we physically step outside the building. At least in my old offices, they building had skylights which helped compensate.

My new boss comes across as a very quiet, gentle soul. I keep wondering if there's tiger hiding inside that I'll only see when she gets crossed the wrong side. She keeps hinting that we have a lot of work ahead of us so I keep waiting for the big wave to come crashing down on me.

Because this company sells something more technology related, it's exciting and yet foreign. I like that I can walk into the demonstration room and actually play with the equipment we sell. Then again, it doesn't have that same "save the world" feel that my old company had. In my old job I always worried that staying in the field would niche me into a narrow career. I know that this job will give me more flexibility for future jobs. Still, there's something less exciting about it. Maybe it's because the people are less geeky here. (Yeah, I know, that normally isn't a bad thing.)

I just can't wait to get my first paycheck!

One quick swoop

I stepped out for a bit. At the last minute, I joined my family for a trip to China. Since my brother's never been, my parents decided to take him on a basic group tour. We haven't had a family trip since who knows when.

At the time I bought the plant ticket, I decided that I might as well since no job offer was near. Suddenly, the day before the trip, I got an offer. I tried to negotiate a little, first on vacation, next on stock options, then on job title, but the HR person wouldn't budge. What I don't understand is that if none of these things are negotiable, then why even ask me what benefits I got at my previous jobs? It would seem she already had her mind made up.

I felt a little at a disadvantage knowing that I was leaving the next day. Normally, I would have liked to mull over the details for a day or two and get advice from friends. Compared to my last jobs, I'm taking a 9% pay cut, one week less vacation, a job title two steps below my previous job, and the rest is about par. On the other hand, my commute is now 12 minutes instead of one hour each way. If one were to count that commute time as part of work hours, I'm making up maybe $10,000 of my salary by being able to sleep in and get home a little earlier (assuming the hours in the office are comparable). I really do want to like this job, it's just a little frustrating to know I could be compensated better. I suppose if I don't like the job, I'll just switch in two years when the economy is better.

It is a relief to know I'll be working again. As much as I enjoy the free time, my mind craves a bit more challenge. I'm the type of person that needs some structure. Every one's dream is to be their own boss, but I'd have a hard time doing that at home. There are way too many distractions.

The trip was pretty good. The biggest concern both me and Tim had was how Mom and I would get along. The thought of being nagged 24/7 for 10 days wasn't appealing. For the most part, she behaved. The one time we had a fight was early in the trip. She came over to our hotel room while my brother was in the shower. We chatted and I mentioned that I hoped to find a little something for Tim. My mother immediately questioned why I would do that. She reasoned that guys don't care and don't need anything. I shouldn't be spending money when I don't have a job. Besides, she felt I already had too much stuff and didn't possibly have any space in the house for more junk.

This really made me mad considering we had just spent the day looking at inexpensive pearls to buy for my sister-in-law. My mom had been asking what my brother had been asked to buy for her. It felt really unfair that we should spend all this time thinking about the shopping list for everyone else and not Tim. After a few minutes of bickering, I got up and told her that I felt she was being totally unreasonable. I never said that I needed to buy something expensive for Tim, it could be something as cheap as $1. Also, I told her this is why I never tell her anything. When I can't even share a simple comment or thought without getting nagged or criticized, there's no reason to say anything. She retorted that she feels it's her right to express her opinion when I'm wrong. Great.

So, I stored out of the room. Unfortunately, I left knowing that I couldn't take the room key with me. It was in the slot that provides power to the room. I wasn't going to leave my brother to shower in the dark. I spent the next 10 minutes wandering the hotel hallways, hoping my mom would go back to her own room. Sure enough, just as I returned to the 8th floor, I heard a door shut. As I walked past my parents' room, I could hear her tell my dad that we had just fought and why. He immediately scolded her for doing so and ask her why she would do such a thing. Her explanation made it sound like she had done nothing wrong and she nervously laughed off the situation. My mom just doesn't get it.

The next day my dad encourage me to find something nice to give Tim. He's great. I don't know how he has the patience for my mom sometimes.

Finally, a couple quick notes about China:

1) Automobiles (especially buses) don't have to stop when making right hand turns; don't assume anything in the crosswalk no matter what the light says.

2) The Chinese have a sitcom which my dad described as their version of the Cosby show. It seemed strange to me to have a show with a family that included three children when Chinese couples can generally one have one. How do people related to the show?

3) The Chinese are learning to use trash cans. There are commercials and billboards trying to demonstrate the idea. As you may know, spitting and other mucus disposal actions are very common. One guy came over to the trash can behind us, pinched one nostril, and proceeded to blow out some mucus. It was not very appetizing. My brother was very disgusted by it all. I said, "at least he put it in the trash and not on the sidewalk." He agreed.

4) Being a flight attendant on a flight to/from China must be one of the worst jobs ever. A large Chinese tour group boarded my plane. When they boarded the plane, they talked loudly and bustled about trying to switch seats with each other. The attendants had a tough time getting them to sit down and buckle in so that we could depart. During the flight they constantly ignored the seat belt sign and announcements, having cell phones on, gathering in the aisles to chat, and using the restroom. During meal services, they never listened to what was being served. For example, the breakfast choices were eggs or noodles. The woman in front of me kept asking for rice. And this group was flying to five different cities during their tour of the U.S.?

5) When it comes to lines, one must be pushy or you'll never get anywhere.

The search may be over

It's amazing to think that I've not been working for nearly six months. Granted the first two I was still getting paid, but it was still time I didn't know what to do with myself.

During the past month, I've had interview with two companies. The first company is a well-respected company in the area. They've been around for more than 25 years and accomplished huge things for their industry. As great as it is to have this company on one's resume, working there can be less than satisfactory depending on which department. In a former life, I probably would have been quite happy there. In my current type of work, however, the culture and expectations are molded to certain types of people. Former specialty consultants, ivy leaguers, and what I would describe as somewhat sorority personalities can do well here. Unfortunately, that's not me.

Several people I've know over the years have gone there thinking this was a dream job and company only to realize within six months that they were unhappy. The hiring process is very rigorous. You must pass two phone interviews, one of which includes a mock scenario. Then, you are asked to take a personality test which they use to assess your fit with the group and customize interview questions to test you ability to respond to negative situations. Hiring is done by consensus so all members of the management team must agree. If another manager wants to hire you, you must also interview with them. I suppose if one manager had a grudge with another person, they could mess with your candidacy.

Being a darling of the industry is also what has caused a major change. A big, foreign company has just offered to buyout the remaining share for the company. Basically they know this U.S. company and its products are worth major moolah and don't want to split profits anymore. They swear there will be no major changes to the company as they want preserve the positive culture and retain employees.

I have my doubts. Wanting to keep employees likely has to do more with the research and development arms of the company as opposed to G&A. Even the interviewing managers, although positive, reveal some concern in their pauses.The last thing I need to start a job where I'll get laid off at the end of the summer.

The second job has been going well. I interviewed with the hiring manager and then visited the company to interview with a handful of others. A week passed and I met again with the hiring manager at a local cafe. It was just a light conversation checking whether I had any additional questions, and obviously it was a chance for me to reinforce my interest in the position.

I'm still not completely sure why, but she then suggested I meet with her boss, the VP, so that I could ask her any additional questions about the department and company. I just went in and had a 45 minute chat with the VP. She asked me twice about why I wanted to join the company. The rest of the time was really me asking questions about her vision for the department and company going forward. I feel like she has a solid vision for the group and how it will help transform the company. It should be a good growth opportunity if I am willing to assert myself.

Tick tock, now I wait for HR to call me and tell me what the next steps are. I get a good sense there planning to offer me a job (unless I did something horribly wrong while talking with the VP). The only question is whether the package will be decent. Admittedly, I've gotten kind of comfortable lounging around in my pjs until 11am and playing with the cats for a hour each day. Then again, it would be nice to have a juicy paycheck every month!

Good for now

I had a phone interview the other day. It's for a fairly large, well-respected company in my industry. This was my second interview with the department, specifically I was talking with who I presume would be my supervisor.

At the end of the interview, she wanted to assess my interest level in the job. This department and a sister department combined would basically described the job I've been doing the past several years. At this company, it's divided into two functional areas of expertise. Her assessment of my resume is that I look better as a candidate for the other department. She asked, "given a choice between the two departments which position would you be more interested in?"

Gulp.

There's a part of me that knows I should say what she wants to hear so that I can land a job. However, there's also the part of me that wants both sides to find the right fit for the job. In this case, I feel I'm a good short-term fit, but I can't say that I'd want to do this particular job for years to come. It's a little too specific and I prefer a bit more variety.

I caveated my answer and said, "If you were to ask me which I want to do for the next five years, I'd have to choose [the other department] job because I like being involved in product decisions. If the horizon is two years, I'd say I'm open to both. This job is very interesting to me because I like the opportunity to work with many other departments. I also think this is a good place to extend my skills and learn how to better predict future trends and how to strategize."

She seemed satisfied with my response and appreciated my honesty, but I couldn't help wonder if that means it's now back to start with HR finding me a position to interview for. Did I do the right thing?

If you were asked to choose between two job positions, how would you answer?

Emerging nuggets

Part of my severance package includes two months of services from a career services firm. I was offered this at my last layoff as well, but never had a chance to try it out. Seeing as how much longer my unemployment could last, I figured I might as well explore what the firm had to offer.

The two months of service include access to their online resources, free workshops, and eight hours of one-on-one career counseling. In the few weeks I've be "active" I've simply met with the counselor. I fully intend to start attending workshops now that other projects have wrapped up.

The first counseling session was a tug-of-war. While I'm sure she is generally knowledgeable and helpful, I didn't feel like she had a good grasp of my industry. For years, I've read resume advice about how each bullet point of a job description should detail how a responsibility translated into metrics, i.e. how did you make or save the company $$$. With a majority of jobs, I can understand this. A sales job is pretty obvious, did this, sold $$$. If you're a computer programmer, created this program, translated into %xx increase in customers or website hits. In manufacturing, an employee could improve a process to complete production faster or negotiate a vendor contract to decrease costs. I digress... the point is that my job, my area of expertise is difficult to measure most of the time. It's more of a consultancy type role where my analysis and conclusions help support other people's decisions and provide direction (when they listen). My work does not lead to a direct outcome in most cases.

She kept pressing me saying there had to be a way to rewrite my resume statements to show how my work translated into tangible results. I pointed out a couple places on my resume where my statements matched her request, but they didn't seem to meet her expectations. I honestly thought about it a bit and could not create a satisfactory outcome. It was frustrating that my explanation of my work could not convince her that my resume holds up well as it is. At one point she even asked if I had been using this resume and how many responses I had received. I told her that prior to this job loss, I had received a call for almost every job I'd applied for. Needless to say she didn't seem to have a response immediately ready after hearing my answer.

I also expressed my feelings that there are times when these formats seem full of crap to me. I'm not the type of person to use a bunch of business jargon to make me sound important. When I've reviewed resumes, I can see the difference between someone who appropriately uses business terms and some one who's simply copied them to make their job appear bigger than it is. Maybe I'm hurting my changes at landing a job, but that's not my style.

To be fair, I asked a couple of colleagues about their resumes. I explained my impression of the resume guidelines. It was a relief to hear they had similar feelings about the stance of career counselors. For most jobs, it's a helpful and certainly can strengthen a candidacy. I just don't like being pushed to do something because it's the *only* way.

In the following visit, we agreed to let my resume remain as is for that particular career track. She probably thinks I'm just being impossibly stubborn, but I know my resume works. Why else would I get two phone interviews. On the other hand, I will acknowledge that I need to have a couple alternate versions of my resume that are less specialized if I want to have a shot at jobs that are less analytical and outside of my current profession.

Not human

I'm sitting here wanting to write something but find unsure what to say. At any given moment, I seem like a totally normal, happy person. I pay my bills, run errands, watch tv, cook, clean, chat with friends, eat, play with the neighbor's cat, and search for jobs. But when I stop to take in my surroundings and think about who I am, there's nothing there. I'm just going through the motions of what I'm supposed to be doing.

There are many things that make up our identity. Cancer patients, women especially, go through incredible anguish because of the hair loss associated with chemotherapy. It's strange how thousands of strands of dead cells are so strongly tied to image and identity.

One of the key components of identity for people is their job. I have now been unemployed for four months. It's now equivalent to the time I spent looking for a job after grad school. This time, however, it's harder because I'm more established, more experienced, and more specialized. My expectations for income and responsibility are different as is the willingness of employers to hire me. There are few jobs in my expertise right now. As much as I like what I do, I wonder whether or not my industry has a stable, long-term future in this part of the country. Each day that passes, I question how much longer I should continue to search for something in my current profession versus shifting to something else. The upside is that I may have more flexibility in finding a job. The downside is that I will have to take a significant pay cut and potentially start with a job that is not stimulating. The struggle between taking a job for the income versus taking a job that will build a career is a frustrating choice. I don't feel like I can have both in this economic environment. The fact of the matter is that I don't know whether my career profile reflects who I want to be.

Not having a job didn't seem to bother me so much when I thought I was pregnant. I think it was because I knew that I had the role of mother to play. Being a mother is a huge responsibility that I know would be challenging, frustrating, yet fulfilling. I didn't worry so much about my unemployment because the time off would be used to make things better for the baby. But now that there is no baby, that part of my identity has been taken away (at least for awhile). True, I am still a wife, but frankly Tim would be fine without me. It adds to who I am, but I don't feel it defines any part of me.

They say being unemployed is an opportunity to do something for yourself. The truth is that it's scary for me because I realize I have no interest in pursuing anything. Everything sounds interesting, but I lack the motivation to do anything or I talk myself out of it because my interest is not financially sustainable (coming from the Asian perspective). What's wrong with me? I know I'm smart and responsible. Nothing I did contributed to this current economic crisis. I know I have many unique skills, but I have no idea what to do with myself. I feel so worthless when I see my friends are doing fine. While I know it's not reality, inside, I wonder if I've done something wrong in my life to end up here. I'm a logical person, and I need a logical reason to explain what is happening. Of course, there probably isn't any explanation that is going to satisfy my frustration and questions. I feel totally lost, and I need to do something to feel like a human being again and not just some automaton.

To tell or not to tell

With the job market in such rosy condition, I've been assuming that finding a job may not produce any results for six months or more. This combined with my soon-to-be growing belly doesn't seem to bode well for my chances of landing full-time employment in 2009.

On the off chance I come close to being offered a job before I start showing, one *big* question looms. Anti-discrimination laws do not allow hiring companies to ask, not am I obligated to tell them that I may need to take maternity leave before I have been with the company for one year. However, I can't help wonder what kind of mistrust this could create coming into a new job.

I want and intend to demonstrate that I am a valuable employee. Is it wrong to not say anything during the hiring process? If it a job I am truly excited about, I want to be a good employee and show integrity. How much does it jeopardize my chances if I am upfront about the situation? Let's face it, it's going to be difficult to prove discrimination if they don't hire me, and I am unlikely to do anything about it.

Anyone know of any friends who have been in this position? Thoughts?

Sunnier days

Once again, I disappeared for awhile. I have a partial excuse... I was on my belated honeymoon!

The honeymoon was great. We headed to Latin America to experience a little culture and a lot of nature. One starts to realize how plain and a little boring the local animals can be after experiencing the amazing diversity of the tropical area. It also makes me wonder what interesting wildlife used to exist in my home area before humans chased it all away.

We spent a little time on a small cruise. It was amazing that all the tourist on our boat got along. We even exchanged e-mails and shared photos afterwards. How cool is it to have a diversity of people come together, enjoy spending time together, and learn from each other. It's also wonderful to know that I can spend three straight weeks with my hubby and enjoy (almost) every moment.

We had it all, hiking, snorkeling, close encounters with animals, ancient ruins, colonial history and architecture, local artisan crafts, local New Year's customs, indigenous cultural tour, illegal payment to leave the country with the correct documentation, a lost hotel confirmation, a lost library book, crazy taxi cab drivers, horseback riding, rafting, zip-line, and a 6.2 earthquake. I'm sure I've missed something.

The best thing is that this really helped to lift my spirits. I must admit that being laid off from my job only two weeks after my wedding was a real blow. I know we're fortunate to be financially secure for awhile. Tim still has his job and feels pretty secure about it.

Still, part of me can't help feel unlucky and extremely frustrated. We had been planning to escape our two-bedroom condo and buy a real house. With our two incomes and a decent down payment, we could take advantage of the market and get a house we could live in for twenty years. Losing my job changed all that.

The job market is rough to say the least. It was scary to watch the job listings dry up as the holidays approached. I managed to get that one interview, but in the end, they went with someone else. I have to admit that my enthusiasm for the job waned as they dragged their feet and saw how disorganized they were. Still, I really want *a* job. I also didn't think things would dry up so badly.

I'm not religious but certainly the loss of the job makes me question my self-esteem. I can't help wonder what I've done to deserve such bad luck. I'm the type of person who tends to dwell on the bad and feel like I'm not good enough. I'm embarrassed and feel a bit like a loser. Not only can we not buy a house, I can't even refinance my current place. The rate dropped just weeks after I lost my job. No income, no loan; it's as simple as that. This combined with the fact that we're trying to start a family is disheartening. Had I just had a few more months of work, we could have done something to make our financial situation so much better. It feels unfair when the friends we know are all (at least on the surface) in a much better place than us.

We're not holding back on getting pregnant. After all, I'm no spring chicken. As long as there is nothing wrong with my parts, I assume we'll be pregnant in the next couple months. The money part is a little scary. Let's face it, I will have a hard time landing a job if I start showing before I can get hired. I can't imagine 12-16 months with only one income in this expensive region we live. Ouch.

On the bright side, I've been putting off remodeling parts of the house since I moved in. It seems a little counter-intuitive to spend money when no income is coming in, but I do have the time. I never realized that managing major improvements can be like having a full-time job. We're getting new countertops, new flooring for the high-traffic areas, energy-efficient windows, and new appliances. The prices are decent given the slow economy. Tim will be the first to say he's happy that we'll finally have a fully functioning microwave and toilets. I like the idea of having a flat kitchen counter top. Hopefully a good chunk of the expense will be earned back when it comes time to sell the condo.

Temporary insanity is back

After almost a year, I dread it's return. This morning, I noticed a few drops of blood in the toilet. The monthly monster is back.

Along with the physical aspects of it all so too are the side effects. For me, the biggest inconvenience is the mental toll. I seriously believe that I suffer some significant synaptic misfirings for a few days each month.

I was a bit down on Friday. When Tim got home, I just cried for awhile. The loss of my job, the stress of interviewing, and all the depressing news about the economy was too much. I haven't had a breakdown like that in quite some time. Seriously, I can't remember the last time I felt so miserable (though I can remember many times feeling like this through the years).

And then last night, I found myself in a dark funk. A panic set in as I sat down to research my interview presentation.

Boredom set in

Honestly, I like not having to get up early, commute, work for 8 hours (okay I probably do non-work stuff for at least an hour), commute again, and they scramble to find dinner before crashing on the couch for the rest of the evening. It's nice to be able to escape the house whenever I choose and do whatever I need to. On the other hand, the boredom is growing.

The truth is that I'm a lazy and very simple person. While some friends who have been unemployed have volunteered, quilt and knit, read books, go cycling for days on end, I don't have any hobbies that I could do day after day and be content. I have a pile of cards, gifts, scrapbooking supplies and laundry all around the house, but all I can do is sit here and feel sad and bored.

I have now been jobless for one month. While the time definitely passes by, I can't say it's been very fulfilling. I also find that I'm at a bit of a crossroad in what would be an ideal job. There's still part of me that is hungry for a challenge and to feel important. On the other hand, I don't want to work from 7am to 7pm every day to get ahead. I want a job where I have some interesting projects but where it's okay to put everything down at 5:30pm and go home. I don't feel like that's possible with what I do now. The problem is that I like what I do.

I just had another phone interview with a hiring manager. This is the same company that I've been talking to off and on for several weeks now. I must say that it was a much more productive conversation. We connected better this time and were straight forward with our concerns about each other. It was revealed to me that the group wasn't sure about whether to continue interviewing with me. Apparently I was very "difficult to read" during the interviews. They couldn't tell how interested I was in the job as opposed to just having decent hours and getting a paycheck . I am on the borderline as a candidate. Argh... .

This was very eye opening and great feedback. When I meet people, I think I tend to be a bit reserved. Coming into this particular interview, I was also overly scrutinizing since the initial contact had been so confusing. The concern on their part centered around how structured I seemed to want things to be. I guess I must have seemed robotic? The company is not in a situation to be a hierarchical place. I was asked to clarify my behavior in case they had misinterpreted. I explained that my mind had already shifted into a mode of trying to assess what actions I would take as the new person on the team. I emphasize my experience in different stages of a company and how that could help the group step up their current practices.

It felt better talking to the hiring manager because I felt like we had a much more personable talk. I don't want to work with someone who's very serious. It must be part of the getting older problem. I was naive and open-minded when I first got out of college. I think now I am very easily suspicious, doubtful and make too many assumptions about things. It's a very difficult habit to remind myself to break. I see from this that I need to improve on that otherwise it's going to take a lot longer to find a job!

My discussion seemed to alleviate the hiring manager's concerns enough to have me come in for a final presentation interview. There are two other candidates who have already completed the entire process. A third person will be presenting the same day as I will. We all have unique strengths though none of us have the perfect resume for the job (so I was told). I am hopeful, but I know not to set my expectations to high.

A last-minute, second interview

Coinciding with my layoff notice was an e-mail from company recruiter asking if I was interested in a job opening. Curiously, this was a position I had hoped for way back in January. The company did in fact post an opportunity of interest the same week I accepted my now former job.

I couldn't help think it kind of odd that they've been unable to fill the position for over six months, still it seemed like great timing for my new job search. They seemed quite interested in my resume and eager to schedule a time for me to interview. It's always nice to feel wanted.

Finding a new job is going to be challenging. My most recent job really was ideal because it matched so much of my search criteria. I wanted something in a new product area, something that challenged me to be more strategic, and an environment where the people I worked with were more similar in background to me. We were a small group of similar age, experiences, interests, and we could also laugh and have fun together. This on top of being smart people who were comfortable consulting and learning from each other. With all my work history, I've learned that it's nice to like the products you work on, but the key is to respect and enjoy being around the people with whom you'll spend forty hours of your week.

The interview with the company seemed to go well. I'm very excited about the company and its products. They have a very cutting-edge and impactful product. I've been interested in the company since I went to an association meeting where the president talked about the company. The three department people I talked with all seemed intelligent and friendly. The challenge was figuring out the work style of my potential manager and whether or not we'd be compatible. While she is probably incredibly competent, I worry that she could be pretty intense. I want to learn, but I don't want to feel like I have to be serious all the time.

That was two weeks ago. This week, at the last minute, I received a call asking if I could come in the next day and meet with the SVP for one hour. It felt a bit unnerving to have to sit with management for that long. Would I be grilled with technical questions and have to endlessly discuss my qualifications?

The hour felt like it was mostly spend listening to him talk. He repeated much of the information we discussed before though with more detail. I felt somewhat like an analyst listening to a investment presentation. It was like trying to be sold on the product. In my mind I kept wondering whether he was expecting me to interrupt with critical questions to demonstrate my strategic thinking and vision of my responsibilities. He stated that the next step in the interview process depended on whether I was still interested in the position. He tossed out the rhetorical question of whether I might be happier in a larger, more stable company rather than this start up (of 350 employees). They want to be sure I'm interested and prepared to take on the responsibility of managing a new department.

At the end, I was told that if I expressed interest that they'd consider me in the pool for a 2nd round where candidates would be asked to give a presentation to demonstrate speaking skills and analysis techniques. I'm excited about the job but still a bit unsure whether this is a group of people I will be happy working with.

Overall, I'm just still trying to understand the point of this interview. Granted, I had only spoken to the SVP via phone. This was probably his chance to confirm his stamp of approval. Are they unsure of whether to continue with me or are they unsure of my level of interest? And was I supposed to talk more? I mean it was strange how much of the hour he talked. Why not also touch base briefly with the hiring manager? I know I'm very intelligent and have a great resume, but I suck at reading people. I never know what to make of interviews.

Potholes and detours

I've been kind of letting the whole thing sink in so I didn't bother to mention that I got laid off last week. Everyone at the company knew something was coming. I kind of figured I'd get laid off in January; I was a couple months off.

During my honeymoon, I was a little frustrated to be missing two important events. First, our company was holding their earnings call. The next day, an all company meeting was scheduled for the afternoon. This meeting had been moved around three times and finally settled on the day before I returned home.

As soon as I got back to work, my colleagues filled me in. The earnings call was more than people expected. An analyst asked point-blank when the company would be having layoffs. The executives must not have been prepared because my manager said they poorly answered the questions. Our president didn't dodge the question and instead said that a first round of layoffs would be in the next few weeks. Imagine hundreds of employees listening to this teleconference at their desks and learning this. Such as critical announcement should be first made to employees in person, not during a call with financial analysts.

The next day, our president confirmed that HR was busy preparing for layoffs. The financial situation of the company is not dire but clearly spending needs to be curbed. No plans were spelled out. It definitely put a damper on the rest of the week. To make matters worse, HR sent out an e-mail cancelling a planned happy hour in the cafeteria schedule for two day later. Come on, if you knew that spending was an issue, cancel it earlier, not after scaring everyone with looming layoffs.

A director send out an e-mail to form an unofficial happy hour in his department to make up for HR's cancellation. It was a good way for everyone to get together despite HR. When my colleague left the party, he thanked the director for organizing. The director wished him a good weekend and added, "good luck on Tuesday."

"Tuesday, what's on Tuesday?" My colleague couldn't figure out what he was talking about. After a few seconds, he realize that it must be a reference to coming layoffs. It was just so strange that the guy had been so open about it. Clearly, he had warned his whole department. I wish our manager had given us some warning.

Tuesday seemed like a very regular morning. Still, I was keeping my eye out for anything unusual. At my last company, I saw six layoffs over the span of two years. I learned all the signals and knew the procedure. The question was how my new company would conduct the layoff - call only affected employees to a meeting or call everyone to different meetings. So when I received an e-mail at 9:30am that read, "mandatory HR meeting" I wasn't sure what to think.

My gut told me that I was getting laid off, but I wanted proof. My colleagues had gone off to a meeting so I couldn't ask them. Instead, I sat quietly listening to passers by. I figured if anyone else received the e-mail I might overhear them mention it in the cubes nearby or at the copier. Nothing, it seemed like a regular day for all the people sitting around me. I knew that could only mean one thing.

At least I'm getting paid through the end of the year. We were given our walking papers and a cab voucher to take all of our belongings home (for those who use public transportation). I consolidated my files, erased my personal files, and packed up all my personal effects. I said a brief goodbye to my manager who had to leave for the airport. She also gave permission to my counterpart to go home early. It wasn't exactly the most fun day to hang around the office.

It's a really frustrating situation. On the one hand, it's good timing because it gives me the opportunity to wrap up all the post-wedding stuff. You wouldn't believe how much of time is filled with wedding and cohabitation related errands. On the other hand, this is fairly bad timing as it's not easy to find a job right before Xmas, and we had been hoping to start looking for a house. It's so frustrating to not be able to buy a house when we really want to have more space and start planning for a baby. We've decided we'll probably still try for a baby starting January whether or not I have a job. I just hope that I can find a new job before any bump starts to show (if we're lucky enough). Added to all this is the fact that I really liked my job. It was challenging, but I really felt like I was part of a great team of people whom I respected, could learn from, and had fun with. That's a hard thing to find.

I have a job interview coming up. I'm hopeful but not as enthusiastic as I would like to be. I plan to volunteer once a week to get myself out of the house. I also carpool with Tim and spend a day at the local library and then go to the gym before picking Tim up to go home. We're extending our holiday vacation now that I have more spare time. I'm making the best of it.

Different but good so far

I'm on work week number five now. I can't believe the time has flown so fast.

While I'm doing day-to-day tasks that are similar to what I used to do, the environment is a bit different. We have a minimal team compared to the full-blown staff we had to support the sales team at my old job. Since we don't have a sales force we don't have to deal with all their demands and requests.

I miss the people at my old job. Since it was a bigger team, there was a nice variety of people to talk to. We had years to develop a good rapport. At the same time, I felt like few understood me well. The truth is I was probably the geek of the group. Most of the people were older, married, and with kids, or my age and drinker/partiers. I was the odd ball who liked to go swing dancing, play board and video games with friends, or watch sci-fi movies. It's not like anyone picked on me, but I could imagine them doing so if we were back in high school.

At work, I primarily work alongside two people who are both a couple years younger than me. My boss, DNA, is a newly wed and seems pretty friendly. She's yuppie-ish and what I would label a little sorority-like. So far, I like her, but I definitely need more time to get to know her.

My other co-worker is Boston. He's very friendly with everyone, easy to talk to, and has this subtle geeky way of talking. It's a funny situation because I know some of his friends through a friend of mine. We're two degrees of separation from each other socially.

Other than that, I'm still trying to get a read on people. Our assistant, Kitty, is sweet and green. Her counterpart is a tougher-skinned woman who gives you the impression that she's a no nonsense type of person you don't want to mess with. She's helpful yet I find it a little annoying that she had to give input over the cubicle wall whenever I have a question for Kitty.

I was telling Tim over the weekend about how the job is going. I'm happy so far, just drowning in work already. It's hard to be productive when you feel like you'd be better off locking yourself in a library with a stack of books and periodicals. The amount of detail I need to understand in the coming weeks is overwhelming.

The one thing that I am happy about, as I describe to Tim, is that I finally feel like I'm in an environment where I can relate to people I work with. My boss and I grew up in the same town, just a couple miles down the road from each other (weird coincidence). Boston is someone I could totally see hanging out with. I told Tim that Boston's last three Fridays have been spent either playing Settlers of Catan or holding "Battlestar Galactica" marathons. Tim immediately exclaimed that Boston should come play sports with him on Saturday and join his group for movies and video games. And I thought the only place I'd run into these kinds of people are at the high-tech and dot-com companies.

Granted, we're co-workers so I don't know how weird it would be to hang out in social groups outside of work, but it's nice to know that we understand each other on some levels. I do hope that I continue to build good relationships with my colleagues so that I feel more part of the group rather than a spectator.

Real Hours

Having a *real* full-time job is quite an adjustment. For the past year, I have been getting up at 7:30am and getting home by 5pm. Now, it's back to a schedule I haven't had probably in five years. I actually have to get up like everyone else around 6:30am and return home before 6pm if I'm lucky. (I know, little violins playing in the background full of insincere pity.)

It's totally normal and I'll get used to it. Right now, however, it's darn weird.

If it weren't for virtual files, I'd have a pile of reports and articles to read that stands taller than me (and that's not too hard). Everything feels laid back because my new boss knows that my first month is going to be slow. Still, there's this unsaid pressure to get up to speed and contribute to meetings. Yikes, what did I get myself into?

Throughout my life, I've shied away from big challenges because I hate failing or letting others down. I fear I've put myself in that situation. Everyone I've worked with has always had incredible confidence and faith in my abilities. But I've been away from serious work for so long, I don't know if I remember how to do any critical thinking. And honestly, the wedding is quite distracting.

My group is very friendly. I just hope I can make them like me and not say anything blunt and stupid that's going to make them realize how geeky and awkward I really am. :p

On to the next chapter

Whoops, wow I didn't realize it's been two weeks since my last post. But not to fear, I plan to catch you all up in the coming week.

Today is a big day because in a few hours, I will no longer have this computer. It's my last day at my job and I'll be checking out with HR soon. I've been wrapping up all sorts of little projects and administrative things. I've also done my best to transition my work to people on the opposite coast who, frankly, probably don't really care much about my stuff and are likely hoping to pass it off on someone else.

People here at work will be dropping like flies in the coming weeks and months. Already there is another person leaving next month. My counterpart is looking at his options to get out of here sooner than later. Our temporary big boss will be out of here by the end of May. Everyone else is shoring up their resumes and networking. It's time to abandon ship.

I'm all smiles today because I know I will have the next week off. There's plenty of wedding stuff to do but the bigger stuff is already out of the way. Next week will be floral and cake related. In the meantime, we're going to have an awesome going away lunch for me and the person leaving nextr Friday. Then tonight, Tim is going to take me on a "date" to celebrate my next job and birthday! Ah, spring time!

Wrapping it up

As of Friday, I have accepted a job offer. What I didn't realize is that that was the easy part.

For the past day or so, I've been stressing myself out over when to quit. It turns out that it's rather complicated when you factor in getting time off between jobs, health insurance, and personal standards of etiquette.

My new boss would like me to start as soon as possible. She'll be gone for vacation in May and wants to make sure we have enough time to get me started with the new work. The drop dead time to start would be April 28th. We both agree, however, that starting the 14th would be ideal. (I will be getting stock options, so if I start before the 15th, I may get a better strike price.)

Somewhere in this time frame I'd like to take a little time off. Honestly, a relative is visiting and I need to clean house. Plus, I need to do my taxes. Then, it might be nice to use some of that time to do *fun* wedding stuff like shopping for dresses, invitations, and favors. I'm realizing that one week might not be enough.

As for where I'm sitting now, I've always been of the standard approach of giving two weeks notice. I was supposed to go on a business trip this weekend to take around my colleague who have never been to conference before. I'm on the fence about going as it is. I feel bad about not being there for her. I presume that if I give notice, they'll tell me not to go.

I still have more than one week of vacation accrued that I'd prefer to use than cash out. I know from others who have left the company, however, that HR is highly unlikely to allow me to take vacation after I give notice. Complicating matters, I have learned that my health insurance ends the same day I exit the company. There could be time off where I am technically on my own if I have an accident. I would have the option for COBRA but the forms don't come for a month. Therefore you pay out of pocket and then get retroactively reimbursed for any claims.

As I see it (unless someone's got a better idea) these are my options:

1) Resign immediately giving one week's notice (3rd), take one week off (with COBRA backup), and start work on the 14th.

2) Go on the business trip, take next week off, give one week's notice, and start work on the 14th.

3) Give notice today to leave by the 10th, still take 4th off, and start new job on the 14th.

4) Any of the above options but not start the new job until the 21st and risk needing the COBRA insurance and letting go on the stock price.

Even though I have every right to quit at any time, I feel a little weird about not saying anything or giving barely a weeks notice. After all, you also have to think about possibly running into these higher ups at some workplace in the future. Sometimes it sucks to have such a strong conscience.

ARGH. I think too much don't I?

Two Cents

Don't get me wrong, I'm really thankful for all the good news that has graced my world in the past couple weeks. I'm now happily engaged and have a company that would like to hire me.

Still it's really frustrating because there are SO many variables and so little time. For example, I started interviewing for two jobs in January. Both managers implied they needed someone ASAP. Now, it's nearing the end of March and only one has made me an offer. When I called the 2nd company back, she wanted to chat with me for a 3rd time. After explaining my situation but expressing my interest in being able to consider them, she couldn't extend me an offer. She explained that they felt they were still early in the hiring process although I certainly has a friendly personality that would fit well with the company. It's been two months... how long are they expecting this to take?

Oh well, so I will be accepting the other job offer. Really, it's a job that I'm excited about, just not the commute part. I'll be going from using one tank of gas per two weeks to probably more than one tank per week. Ouch! It also means much more time away from home. That's something I haven't had to deal with for more than two years. I'm spoiled, I admit it. There are also some other extenuating issues that I have not been able to negotiate to my satisfaction, but I'll have to live with losing those perks.

Meanwhile, the wedding drama continues. Just when I thought Tim and I agreed on everything, we found a place we liked even better. They are both beautiful sites. Though when I asked Tim, he said, "on a 10-point scale the guild is a 9 and the tribute is a 4." I didn't think they were THAT dramatically different, but it's nice to see that something impacted him.

Now, we're trying to rearrange to get this place. It means losing our preferred photographer and shelling out a couple thousand more, but we'll both be happy. The drama is that I can't talk to the dinner manager because it's his day off. I have to wait until tomorrow. In the meantime, there is another couple looking at the ceremony site. If they choose to submit an application AND payment before I can get there tomorrow, we're out of luck! ARGH!

Then there's this dreaded feeling inside that I might be encroaching upon Chi's wedding. I haven't talked to her in over one month. She was just beginning the wedding site selection process when I left for New Zealand. Imagine the horror if we chose the same date, or the unthinkable, the same location! I see her Sunday and I pray that we're not on the same wedding wavelength.

I want to work here

I'd like to know more about the people who run this company. Kudos to them for coming up with such great time off!

Man, this would have been a nice thing many years ago. Of course, with the way I handle very traumatic breakups, I'd need one week off. Then again, I think crying for a day or two would be fine but getting back to work would be better as it takes the mind off dwelling on negative and crazy thoughts.

The one thing I wonder is whether this reflects negatively in the eyes of the boss for taking such a day off? There are definitely some bosses who wouldn't be so sympathetic.

Japanese firm offers "heartache leave" for staff
Mon Jan 28, 2008 2:51pm GMT

TOKYO (Reuters) - Lovelorn staff at a Japanese marketing company can take paid time off after a bad break-up with a partner, with more "heartache leave" on offer as they get older.

Tokyo-based Hime & Company, which also gives staff paid time off to hit the shops during sales season, says heartache leave allows staff to cry themselves out and return to work refreshed. "Not everyone needs to take maternity leave but with heartbreak, everyone needs time off, just like when you get sick," CEO Miki Hiradate, whose company of six women markets cosmetics and other goods targeted for women, told Reuters by telephone.

Staff aged 24 years or younger can take one day off per year, while those between 25 and 29 can take two days off and those older can take three days off, the company said.

"Women in their 20s can find their next love quickly, but it's tougher for women in their 30s, and their break-ups tend to be more serious," Hiradate said.

Hime & Company staff can also take two mornings off twice a year as "sales shopping leave", so they can race to stores to hunt for bargains.

"Before, women could take half-days off to go to sales, but you'd have to hide your shopping bags in lockers by the train station," Hiradate said.

"But with paid leave, we don't have to feel guilty about bringing our shopping bags to work, and we can enjoy the best part about sales shopping -- talking about our purchases afterwards."

(Reporting by Chisa Fujioka)

3 for 4

It's a weird time here at work. Some people are leaving next month, others have up to six months, some people have to decide whether to move, some have to decide whether this is all worth it. Because of all the changes, responsibilities are all over the place. The fact is the company is telling us dates but not providing any information with which to make a decision on how to proceed.

Most of us are doing what we need to do to wrap things up. We're loyal to each other in that we want to make sure we help as much as possible to make the transition smooth. At the same time, it's hard to focus with the lack of leadership. I know it's impossible to not go through something like this a few times in one's working career, but I certainly hope to avoid experiencing this confusion and frustration for some years to come.

My situation is like a black hole - information goes in but nothing comes out. I expected to be out of here in a couple months but was officially told that I was to leave in six months. While it's always nice to know you're valued and needed, it doesn't make sense when management failed to give me a heads up or even ask what I wanted. Frankly, I don't have the sense they had any plan for how to use my time. Who's running the show here?

Over the past week, I've been open to exploring what they had to offer me. While it would have been interesting to work on this project, the downsides were bigger than the upsides. I'd gain some new work experience for my resume and remain employed for half a year. On the other hand, I'd have to continue working in an unstable environment and have to pass up potential jobs if they wanted me to start in the next few months or give up a substantial severance for leaving early. The idea of not having income coming in is scary, but I decided that I'd rather collect my severance and have the freedom to apply for jobs that pop up. I've made a request to have my departure date moved up, but I don't know whether they'll be able to change it for me.

The first week of January, I submitted my resume for three positions. One, I had no expectations of hearing back since my qualification are a stretch. Within 36 hours, I received a call on the second resume - wow. I had a quick screening interview with HR after which he said he'd speak with the hiring manager about setting up a phone interview.

The process went surprisingly fast. I went in and interviewed with seven people the following week. While I prepared for the interviews, I set low expectations. After all, I haven't interviewed for a job in over five year; I'm rusty. While I felt it went pretty well, the hiring manager made a comment which leads me to believe that I'm not going to be there first choice. After some initial icebreaking conversation, she said, "I believe there are things that people can be taught and there are skills that people must possess. I have no doubt that you have the skills [to perform the analytical tasks of the job], but I want to make sure you've fully [thought through the demands of the job]."

I was a little caught off guard by her comment. I appreciated her straight forwardness but was at a loss for how to interpret her opinion. I did my best to respond (though now my friend points out I was too honest about my weakness) and demonstrate that I was ready to step up to the challenge. Basically, the company is going through a transition where her department is trying to establish a presence and leadership position and the person coming into the position needs to have strong interpersonal skills. I admit that I could be better, but I'd like to think that I've learned over the years how to build relationships.

Afterwards, I did all the appropriate follow up. I sent thank you e-mails to everyone. I also had a brief conversation with the hiring manager regarding a few questions that developed from talking with everyone. She was very gracious in talking to me, but I'm not sure I took full advantage of the opportunity to sell myself as the best candidate. At the end I asked what the timing was on a decision. She let me know that they are waiting to fly someone in for interviews and would notify me either way sometime in the next couple weeks. For someone who initially indicated they were in a rush to fill the position, she's taking her time which leads me to believe I'm not the best candidate. We shall see.

The following week, I was excited to hear from the third place where I had submitted a resume. Again, I did a phone screening with HR. I was one of three candidates from the masses of resumes they received. Now I am hoping to hear back that the hiring manager wants to speak with me. That same week, I put my resume out for another posting and immediately heard back the next afternoon. The recruiter told me more about the position and asked me a couple questions regarding my skills and interests.

The past week has been quiet. I fear that I'm not the top choice for any of the jobs where I've interview. (sniff) There was this frantic flow of calls and now it feels like I'm drifting in space. I do hope I get some good news next week about a new interview.

What is a positive for me is knowing that I've done something right with my resume. It's nice to know that I'm 75% on getting bites for job postings.