Tuesday, March 28, 2006

My bad attitude?

(If you're in a bad mood today, don't read this.)

Over lunch today, my co-worker was mentioning how excited she is about having a reservation to go to Santa Barbara with her husband for her birthday. I suppose maybe I was a bit of a bad sport in "ruining" the mood by saying that I still haven't decided whether or not to do anything for mine.

My birthday is some two weeks away and I'm ambivalent about it. Last year, I skipped it completely by escaping to NYC for a fun weekend with my best friend. We saw "Spamalot" and "The Late Show," ate lunch at Jean George, had dessert at Serendipity 3, and went to the Met and the MOMA. Only a few close friends called or sent me cards to mark the occasion. Surprisingly, none of my local friends remembered or asked. It's what I wanted, but still it was weird. I'd have to say my favorites among my last decade of birthdays would be last year's and back on 2002 when we went sailing and played board games and poker until 5am. I doubt I'll say anything to people about it this year either.

I wavered between not saying a word and making a reservation at a favorite restaurant. I joked with my lunch group about how it's time to start going backwards or freezing one's age as many of my friends have started doing. Then a couple people took the optimistic viewpoint and said how they always make sure to celebrate every birthday. I know that's the "better" attitude to have. In my mind as they talked about the specialness of the day, all I could think was, "easy for you to say because [Ort] you're getting married and [Nia] you just had a baby." Of course it's easy for them to celebrate, they've got their families. Let's see if they'd say the same being single and 35. This isn't where I thought I'd be at 35, but I'm doing a damn good job. I didn't rain on their parade by saying anything rude or spiteful. I simply said that I can enjoy life any day and celebrate. I don't think you should have to wait for a special day.

I'll probably take the day off. A girlfriend of mine suggested I go downtown and shop. She said she'd join me since that's her "work from home" day. It's just another day to me. I've felt 35 since before Xmas. The only reason I don't want to go to work is because I don't want to have to pretend to be happy around my co-workers. Frankly, I'll probably just sleep in, get comfy on my couch, and watch some fun movies or read. There's nothing I need or want that I can buy at the store. In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, what I want is the intangible. I need companionship, love and self-esteem. Only I can make these things happen.


teahouse said...

Your plan sounds like a great one to me! I'd add lots of wine, and maybe a nice couple of hours at a spa doing stuff like mani/pedi, massage...

Pandax said...

Spa might be a good idea. I did that a couple of years ago with a few girlfriend and we had a great time. Nothing like quality time with good friends!