Thursday, March 23, 2006

Removing all traces

I cleaned out all of KT's e-mail to me this morning. I tucked them in a folder so that they are no longer in clear view. It just irked me whenever I saw his name in my inbox list. I got obsessive about rereading his writings hoping to discover some inkling that would tell me what the hell is going on in that jumbled (or barren) brain of his.

I have a problem letting go sometimes. For months after I broke up with Ryan, I still had him on my YM list. It was my way of knowing where he has, feeling like I still had a link to him. It's amazing how much better I focused on work once hit "delete." Of course, I admittedly still have all his phone numbers programmed into my cell phone. I haven't call the dork in two years and don't foresee ever calling unless alcohol magically ends up becoming an enabler for me rather than a indirect sleep aid and heat source (Asian drinking curse). Why can't I delete those numbers? Does it give me some feeling of power?

Excuses for KT...

- he just wants to be friends
- he wants someone Catholic
- I'm too independent for him
- he's planning the perfect date (eh, yeah right, and my name is Elmer Fudd and I own a mansion and a yacht)
- he's still not sure he's interested
- he's shy (yeah, I think we've proved that theory wrong)
- he wants to go slow because he got burned the last time
- he doesn't feel professionally/personally secure yet to be serious (i.e. he needs to move out of his parents house so that he can get down with a woman)
- he still wants to "play" (doesn't sound like the case)
- he wants to make friends through me
- he's really busy
- Mama's boy
- he's dating several other women
- he's scared/intimidated of/by me
- he's a selfish bastard who thinks he can get whatever he wants (too harsh of me?)
- I'm too old for him :(( (just put me out of my misery now)

Oh this is getting fun... but I'd better get back to work.

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