Monday, April 17, 2006

To train or not to train

Saturday night, I had some friends over for catching up and board games. Half the folks hadn't seen each other in many weeks. At first, there were multiple one-on-one conversations as people reacquainted themselves with little things. I put out several plates of snacks to keep everyone happy. (I'm still amazed at how much food we went through.) Eventually, we all got into a cozy circle in my living room.

It must be because the majority of the people present are married or part of a couple because the conversation steered, once again, towards my dating adventures. We all seem to enjoy living vicariously through others. I had turned to Hula joking about whether she might spot Waby the next time she and C3 go salsa dancing. Over hearing that, I was asked to summarize the weirdly honest Saturday date I had so that everyone could catch up. It turned into a funny little thing because the guys had such hilarious side comments about all the quirky details. Hula joked that should she end up dancing with the guy, she'll make sure to ask about what car he drives and how much he makes. ;) I wish I could be there to see how that one plays out. It can be entertaining when you know how to push people's buttons. >:) We're so bad.

Since TJ and Hula's husband knew little about KT, I resummarized my pre-birthday dinner. This time, I gave a more detailed description of the birthday card writing. Everyone agreed that it was a positive sign and that women probably read to much into these things. C3 even said that, now knowing he'd written more than just a signature, she felt he was interested in me since he took the time to write in the card. Still, the guys were harsh on KT and his lameness. Ja said the next time I invite him to a group event, the guys would take him aside and give him a bit of date training. That could be a very scary experience... .

So that was a big question put forth to me. Do I want to be a trainer? TJ's former girlfriend was an expert in this area. She has apparently trained many ex-boyfriend's. KT knows the little things like paying, doors, coats, etc., but he lacks vision of the greater expectations (LIKE CALLING ME OCCASIONALLY). Being somewhat clueless myself, I don't know that I could give him the proper guidance. (Besides, I'm not that great at teaching without criticizing and I fear it would give the wrong impression or turn me into some kind of MonsTeR. I just want to be me.) One of the guys said exactly what I have been thinking... that this is a chance to polish a gem in the rough. It's just hard to know if you can be successful with a 34-year-old man and whether you get to keep the prize or whether someone else will reap the rewards. I suppose I still feel burned by my ex, Ryan, and how someone else took the spoils.

Chi inadvertently started out next conversation as she approached the guest bathroom and commented, "speaking of training, someone needs to learn about toilet seats."

It was a good laugh. Ja was laying on his stomach. He is the sweetest, big and smart guy you'll meet. He turns into a big teddy bear around his wife. C3 gave him an affectionate pat on the head and said, "he still needs work in that area. That's been a low priority at home."

We laughed about how they've found a compromise in that there's one bathroom in their house where he needs to remember to put the seat back down while in the other bathroom he's allowed to leave it up.

TJ put in his own story. A couple of years ago, when he was trying online dating, he created a profile that used a Q&A to be different. Apparently one of the questions was whether he remembers to put the toilet seat down. The answer: "I've never had anyone fall in yet."

For the past year, he's been dating a younger, energetic woman, Giggles. A few months ago, she was at TJ's. I guess she wasn't paying attention and fell into the toilet. (Can you imagine if larger toilets become mainstream? I'm going to completely fall in rather than just get stuck - YUCK! ;)) TJ is now sad because if he ever has to resurrect that dating profile, he can't use that Q&A.

So back to my own dilemma. TJ asked how much I like this guy. He gave me a 1 to 10 scale. Chi added that for reference she equated 10 to wanting to marry the guy. That set off a bunch of jokes about where the sex part came in. Now that I think back to that night, I think we were using different scales. My response was somewhere between a 7 or 8, ignoring the cluelessness issue. TJ was really surprised that I would give the guy an '8.' But in my mind, I saw '5' as a middle point where I could go either way and anything less would have meant that I wasn't that interested. You'd think in my line of work I'd remember to set a proper frame of reference for the scale before providing an answer.

I think among the girlfriends who have heard me talk about this in detail, they can tell I really like him. The thing that gets me is that I don't feel like I can accurately describe why. There's still a lot of attraction based on first impression. KT and I still have many layers to peel back and learn about each other. I just know that I am willing to spend that time with him.

I have unleashed a monster called my well-meaning friends... . I had told them about KT inviting me to IM him online. I reminded them that I can't chat online at work because all communication applications are blocked. They then offered that I give them KT's ID and they could talk to him for me. Now there's a scary thought. It's all in good fun, but I can't help wonder what will slip out in conversation if and when they all meet KT. How upset would he be if he knew I'd been spilling all the details to my friends? Poor guy, just imagine, if he likes me, how concerned he is about making a good impression with all my friends. :) I can just imagine him sweating it out in his head. This will only make him more nervous (which is hard to imagine).

KT should be back from his weekend trip. I am anxious to hear from him. Why did my friends have to reassure me that he *is* interested in me? I need to find myself a distraction until then.

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