Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Stand still

As I expected, my therapist wanted me to take more action. She could see I was visibly aggravated the more we discussed the current situation. I even told her that I feel like I'll be better off if I don't hear from KT this week. It seems easier at this point to forget about him than to deal with more torture.

Even she was perplexed by the behavior I described during my Tuesday dinner date. She really didn't have anything to offer. His actions are "date-like" and yet he doesn't seem to know what he wants.

We tossed around the ideas about hugging or joking about kissing me? Then she asked how I would feel about kissing him. WHAT??!!! Me? Make *the* move? Yeah, ha, now she's gone off the deep end. I don't think so! I tossed that idea out right quick.

If I'm so hesitant to ask him what is happening, she asked if I would send him an e-mail. My opinion is that these types of conversations need to be done in person to be able to see their face. I need to know, but I feel that this is a no-win situation. Asking him will make him uncomfortable, but not saying anything will keep me unhappy. I was reminded that if I don't forsee being friends with KT, then I have nothing to lose. I reminded my therapist about Waby's opinion that if the situation is not clear, there's nothing going on. Basically, at the end of the session, she cautioned that I say something before my anger taints my attitude. I nodded.

Tim says what's the harm in being friends with KT. He also reminded me of something that's occurred to me - that I'm really in love with the idea of KT but not the actual guy. (Sad but could be true... reminds me of Billy Crystal's line in "When Harry Met Sally" about Helen. The idea scares me because it makes me worry that I'll never get married because of this fixation on ideals.) Ig thinks I should just say "no" if KT asks me out again. Unless I feel that there's a real connection, he doesn't think it's worth my time. I'm kind of feeling that way. It's fine, probably better I don't date someone from that scary other school. ;p

Whatever... it's time to start thinking about what to pack for my vacation. :)

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