Friday, April 21, 2006

Closing the books on this one

So around 10:15am this morning, I reread the e-mail one last time and pushed the "Send" button. If you could read my mind at the time, you'd hear "adios, ya big loser!"

It did feel good to send it and get this huge elephant off my chest. I had a ton of work to do to since this was my last day before vacation which helped keep my mind off of it.

Hi KT,

I'm a little confused about things and need to ask your opinion. It
seems like we enjoy spending time together. There have been a couple
times we've gone out and I've had the impression that it was more of
a date - like the time we went to dinner and the movie. On the other
hand, I get signals that you think of me only as a friend.

I was wondering how you feel about us? I feel like I'm getting mixed
signals and would like to understand how you see things.


Much to my surprise, an e-mail popped up only half an hour later. I was preparing for a meeting and didn't allow myself to open it. I didn't want to be distracted during my meeting. Still, I considered that his quick response meant that he didn't need much time to compose his response. He knows where he stands.

Dear P,

First of all, I apologize for the confusion. I’ve wanted to discuss this topic, but didn’t quite know how to bring it up.

To cut to the chase, I do think of you as a friend. I do enjoy spending time together. However, honestly, I don’t think of us in a romantic sense.

I hope this is okay with you, since I do enjoy being friends with you.


Yeah... he didn't know how to bring it up... what a surprise. (Excuse me, my 3rd personality, Jaded Bitter Lady stepped into the room for a second.) I wonder how long he's been thinking about this? I'm not surprised, I knew this is the answer I'd be getting. (Thank God I don't do this in person.) At least he didn't try and squirm his way out of this with some cheesy joke. I appreciate that he seems honest. Don't you find it interesting that he used the formal "Dear" to address this e-mail? The tone has completely changed. Interesting... . I don't know what else to say.

There were some moments in the afternoon when I thought my hands were trembling. Mostly, I just felt a little glum. On the way home, I felt a huge weight lifted off me (okay, I know trite, but true). I kept thinking how I can go back to just being... alone. Does that sound sad? What I mean is that my mind can now be at peace because I don't have to fret and worry about someone else. Life is so much better without the drama (for me and everyone around me).

The one thing left to figure out is whether to reply and what to say. (The one thing I do know is that he ain't getting my friends' e-mail address... I asked them.)


cajohnson said...

Don't reply... As a guy saying this to you, don't reply.

Pandax said...

And being a girl, I'm curious to know - why I shouldn't reply? Do you think I'm goin to say something mean or try and win him back? I was just thinking of thanking him for his honest reply, nothing else - a courtesy.

Anna May Won't said...

i always appreciate a "thanks for your honesty," which to me shows there are no hard feelings.