Sunday, April 09, 2006

Am I jumping to conclusions?

I never heard from KT yesterday which wasn't a surprise. Frankly, I just sat at home watching a couple old episodes of "Gilmore Girls" and writing in my blog. It was a very simple, peaceful night.

I raised some concerns about the date because KT's questions and comments made me feel like he was more interested in my friends than me. It's really hard to determine how serious this is or whether my imagination and paranoia are getting the better of me.

Well, now some louder alarm bells are going off. I'm feeling really sick to my stomach. He replied to my e-mail from yesterday late last night. Judge for yourself:

"I JUST checked my e-mail tonight. Video was/would have been a good idea. I hope you had a good night anyway. Got a chance just to relax today. Had lunch with a friend, looked at an open house, went to church (Palm Sunday mass on saturday). Tomorrow looks like a good open day for me to just be kinda random. I understand you have some "retail therapy" to catch up on ;-)

Are you and your friends still planning to meet to watch amazing race? It looks like from the website that the show/season might be over. Guess I'll have to wait until next season...

By the way...I apologize if I offended anyone regarding my comment about board games. I thought the comment my friend made about board games and the Christian Right was pretty funny at the time he said it, but then after retelling it last night I realized that it sounded like I was putting down board games and/or Christianity ( and that some of your friends may be Christian). Hope I didn't step on anyone's toes. And seriously, yes, I do have fun playing games and I would be interested in a games night. Ok...just wanted to get that off my chest.

Have a good Sunday, and feel free to give me a call."

I feel like he now, all of a sudden, thinks he's been accepted into our group. I mean, see, he's inviting himself to our regular Amazing Race gathering??? These are my really close friends and I consider it pretty significant to add someone to our cozy little group.

Would you believe I'm getting upset right now to the point I feel like crying? Does this make any sense? I don't understand how hanging out with my friends for one night, and mind you mostly dancing not talking, makes him feel like he's now part of the group? We've never even held hands or kissed!!! I'm not even clear how he feels about me. He hasn't even asked me out for another date!!! What the hell is going on here? I feel like a fool. I hate being taken advantage of. (One of my insecurities is that people always want something from me rather than actually want to be friends.) My God, could this be one BIG and PAINFUL misunderstanding?

[So to be fair, let's try and think about the potential, opposite perspective... . He thinks that it must a good sign of our relationship that I want to get my friends' approval of him. Hence why he seems to be so worried about saying something about our board games. It sounds like if I had called yesterday he would have come over last night. He's showing that he'd like to see me today if possible. (I don't think I have time.)]

Am I jumping to conclusions or do I have a right to be suspicious?

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