Friday, April 07, 2006

Limiting my addiction

So I've always been into writing. I have hand written journals dating back as far as when I was 10 years old. I still remember the first journal I was given as a birthday gift. It was a pink and white checkered journal with Hello Kitty on the front. At first I wasn't sure what to do with it. I used to love writing about running to the arcade next door to play Ms. Pac Man while my mom went grocery shopping.

The thing about writing by hand is you can read some impression out of the handwriting itself. Small letters, sloppy loops, careening lines, the pressure indents in the paper can indicate the joy, the anger, the urgency behind the subject matter. It means a lot because it summarizes thoughts that have built up and need to be sifted and sorted. I love pulling out an old journal once a year and reading a few of the entries. It's amazing the emotions it conjures and the perspective it can provide about who you were and who you are. I still try and write in one today, but I find that my hand gets tired very quickly and the entries can be spotty.

Blogging is very instantaneous. Sometimes it captures random thoughts from the heat of the moment. Reading through some of my entries the past few weeks, I realize how wild my thoughts and emotions can be from one moment to the next. I worry that recording these swings in mood encourages my mind to run amuck. I should be enjoying dating not overanalyzing it.

So, as of today, I'm going to try something. I'm still going to complain, theorize, and bubble with joy, just maybe only once a day. :) I want to see if this will help me get a grip and not take things so seriously (or jump to conclusions) when I should just be enjoying life. I seem to remember an article or blog entry somewhere the described how it's a bad sign if you're spending more time writing about the relationship than having it.

I'll hear from KT eventually. I'll work out a date with striped shirt guy for Saturday. And somewhere in between all that, maybe I'll get some work done... because I like getting a paycheck.

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