At lunch the other day, people started talking about the holidays. It came up because one woman wishes we had a company-wide shut down for the holidays. I immediately disagreed. Stupidly, and perhaps inappropriately, I provided my reasons.
The fact is the holidays are boring for me. I didn't mean to make them feel sorry for me. It was simply meant as fact (or maybe I had an unconscious need for attention).
Growing up with first-generation Asian parents means that they don't quite understand American holiday traditions. I never had an Easter egg hunt except one year when we visited someone else's house. We had Thanksgiving turkey every other year or so? My father's relative were mostly on the East Coast; my mother's family is in the South. We were the lone family an usually spend the holidays as a single family unit.
Xmas means putting up a little fake tree with some pretty glass balls and arranging a few random, half-wrapped gifts under the tree. We eat dinner the night before as if it's just another night. In the morning, we spend about 30 minutes opening gifts and then move on like it's a Sunday morning.
While it's nice to see my parents, I don't exactly look forward to going home. Xmas doesn't mean anything unless you're a kid, a parent, an aunt/uncle or a grandparent. It's all about family, and mine is kind of disfunctional about this holiday. I could visit home any time of the year and sit around watching movies and eating my mom's cooking.
Things would be completely different if I were married with kids. I'd be exhausted shopping for gifts and trying to make the house festive with lights and poinsettias. Maybe I'd be grumbling under my breath about ignorant travellers while waiting to go through airport security. I'd complain about having to host my brother or parents for the week. The kitchen would be filled with the scent of cakes and cookies, along with the hint of sauted onions as garlic as I prepared dinner. It would be crazy and frustrating at times, but it would be fun.
Instead, I'm 35 and have nothing to do. It's painful to be at home. My parents usually attend a Xmas party or two hosted by friends. It's mostly just adults now and the few kids under 25 who come. All the other "kids" are married and elsewhere - except me. It's so humiliating sitting at the kids' table now.
Mom always asks me to stay until New Year's, but I'm always itching to go home. What does she expect me to do at home for a week? One of these years, I'm thinking I'll go on vacation instead. It's the peak of summer in the other half of the world. It would be nice to get away from all the holiday expectations and reminders of what's missing from my life.
The irony is that I have all the Xmas stuff I need in my closets. I have three boxes of decorations and ornaments that I have amassed over the years. Last year, I bought decorative mantel hooks for the stockings I bought at the Macy's After Christmas clearance. I was very discriminating about buying items that weren't religious in nature. I settled on ones that looked like a snowflake and a wrapped gift box. Is it all because I long for those romantic family images or am I just a shopaholic?
So, here comes another fabulous holiday break of sitting at home with my folks...
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11 comments:
while ideally it's nice to think that the holidays would be more fun if you were married, it could also mean more stress and having to deal with not only your dysfunctional family but your spouse's as well.
having to deal with my in-laws made me hate thanksgiving and xmas, when before i loved the holidays. thanksgiving meant being forced to cook for and clean up after 15 people i didn't even know while xmas meant shopping like crazy for the "perfect" gifts that mostly went unappreciated (stupid princessy sister-in-law).
now i can buy gifts, if i choose, for people i really love - my parents and brother, my dear friends - and not just for show. on thanksgiving i don't have to do anything since my mom and brother are the chefs in the family and prefer that my father and i stay out of their way.
but i guess the grass is always greener.
anna may took my comment.
the grass is always greener.
Of course it is... and always will be no matter where one stands. I guess I'd take the stress over the solitude and pity.
Yeah, gift buying is incredibly stressful. I put A LOT of thought into my choices so it becomes a bit of work. I've always known that when I have to shop for more people, it's going to be three months of crankiness. It's mostly about the kids... everyone else is if I find the time.
Go somewhere. Take the time for you. Do something you really want, so the satisfaction overwhelms the holiday sadness.
Next year... I've already taken two vacations (6 and 13 days) this year and have a big one in the works for next spring. Besides, I go home for Xmas because I know my parents want to see me. If it's dry for Thanksgiving, maybe I'll go car camping or something.
you can see your parents another time of year. it sounds like you need to start creating your OWN christmas/holidays of your own tradtitions. you can make your place festive and bake and stay home and see friends. if the holidays aren't important to your parents as such, why deal with the stress of traveling there?
I appreciate all of the positive advice. It's nice to hear that people can do other things. However, as I mentioned, most of my friends are attached. They all have their own families to be with then. Staying around for Xmas means being home and hanging out by myself. I can do that any time.
Perhaps Xmas in my house should simply be called "Family Days." The holiday is an opportunity to get together - there's simply less commercialization and no religion involved. I'd prefer to prep my parents a little during the coming year about not visiting for Xmas.
I'm not a big fan of the holidays anymore either...just 'cause Christmas leads to New Year's Eve and right around the corner is Valentine's Day, and I guess it's just this trifecta of holidays that mean more when you've got someone in your life.
I'm gonna be in at work over the holidays, too, and I'm looking forward the distraction of that. Getting through New Year's Eve is hard enough. What would I need two weeks off for?
Ah, remembered a reason it's nice to go home for the holidays - to catch up with old friends who come back home to be with their family. We usually manage to arrange a time to meet up for a lunch. I do look forward to that.
My parents are first generation Asian Americans as welll, and we always had very simple holidays. But we're Catholic, so Christmas and Easter were always about the religion and not much else. In that way I always looked forward to those holidays with my family...but to this day we still keep it simple food and presents-wise, because over consumerism is contrary to our religious beliefs, and (we think) not what the holidays should be about...
i always just go home and sit at home for a week. it's pretty boring, but it's become the one time during the year that i get to see my parents ... so i endure the boredom to make them happier. we don't really celebrate christmas either, so the whole thing seems rather silly. we also put up a fake plastic tree with shiny ornaments that we bought years ago and just reuse year to year ...
oh well
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