Wednesday, October 11, 2006

That weird dinner thing

I'm finally having dinner with Limey this week. We've exchanged brief e-mails every couple of days, but nothing definite is planned to dinner just yet. I only have a day and rough time.

It's been so long since the time I met him for coffee, this dinner seems almost anti-climactic. He sent me a brief text message Saturday night after the college football game was won. That was cute.

So the one thing about dinner dates I'm TERRIBLE with is the bill. I never know whether to let the guy pay or to offer to split the bill. If the guy is quick to grab the check, then there's no question, no problem.

It's when the check tray is allowed to linger on the table that my mind wanders. The conversation may be going great, but a little twitched begins to develop in my side. I try not to draw attention to the black plastic try (or billfold), but it's like a little kid jumping up and down yelling "look at me!"

My guy friends are all very clear that if they ask, they pay. Anything else would be bad etiquette. When the guy is slow to look at the bill, I can't help wonder if I'm being tested. Maybe it's because he is totally spellbound by our conversation? ;) When the guy is fumbling through his wallet for cash or a credit card I don't know whether to say anything. It's such an awkward moment. But I do always say "thank you" when they put the payment down. (Or is that awkward to point out?)

And what happens on the second date, the third date, or so on? At what point is it appropriate to offer to pay for something like dessert or tickets for a movie as a reciprocal gesture? You'd think I'd have this down pat after all these years.

5 comments:

zerodoll said...

my approach was let the guy pay the bill (he should offer!), but offer to pay the tip. then if there's a second date, switch. that way, the guy feels chivalrous, but you still are offering some. of course, if you ask for the date, you pay. and of course you should say thank you!

Pandax said...

In my question about "thank you" I am wondering about saying it when the check is taken away or saving it for the end of the date. I don't want to over do it (dinner, end of date, e-mail follow up).

Clinton said...

My rule of thumb as a guy (which gives me peace of mind) is to pay for the first dinner, regardless of who asked who. First date (or two), I expect to pay. I see it as the cost of dating.

If I meet resistance, I won't make a big deal out of it. I'll usually relent and let my date pay the tip or dessert or coffee elsewhere later that evening. If they keep pushing, I'll agree to split, although that doesn't inspire a lot of confidence in how well the date's going!

jayfish said...

i totally agree with clinton.

as for the "thank you", thank him when he offers to pay the entire bill and thank him again as you say goodbye.

i think after the second or third date (when you plan the date) you can pay without any issue.

have fun!

shan said...

awww, you left me a comment about this exact dilemma! what i've come to do is if the black billfold thing sits on the table for too long, i start reaching for my purse, indicating to the guy that i'm ready to deal with the check. then i reach for the billfold as nonchalantly as i can ... usually at this point, the guy says "i've got this, don't worry about it." ... i pretentiously offer "are you sure?", and he's too committed now to retract, so he'll always say "yeah, totally". and then i say "thank you"

and i thank him again at the end of the date when we're saying goodbye. "thanks again for dinner. i had a great time" or something like that

have fun with limey!!