Behind the alter

My brother's wedding was a success. Ignoring the minor little glitches and unnecessary bits of family drama, everyone had a great time.

We rehearsed the ceremony three times the day before the wedding. On the first run through, I got a little teary-eyed during the procession of the bridesmaids and bride. My emotion was not from sentimentality, however, it was from my own broken heart. My mind wandered from the moment to my own situation and how awkward it felt to be officiating my brother's wedding but not be married myself. If you had told me ten years ago that I'd be single at my only brother's wedding (who is almost a decade younger than me), I would have thought it a joke.

I clamped down hard on my tongue to hold back the emotion. The last thing I wanted to do was "steal" the show and cry about my own pathetic situation during their wedding. Whenever I felt tingling in my nose, I distracted myself by looking at the hotel windows or think about cleaning at home, anything to not imagine myself in their place. I got over it after the first practice.

In the evening, my parents hosted a rehearsal dinner for Ricer's family and our extended families - one table with the parents, one table of the wedding party, one table for my father's side, one table for my mother's side. Wow, all my relatives in one place. It was great to see everyone.

My dad was so nervous about entertaining everyone, he forgot his camera. Being the dutiful daughter, I went around with my camera and made sure to take a picture of everyone in attendance. During his speech, he took the liberty of introducing people. He went around the wedding table and acknowledged the bride, groom, bridesmaids, and groomsmen, and wedding coordinator. He didn't mention me. I thought it a bit odd, but then I figured that everyone in the room knows me.

Afterwards, however, all my cousins couldn't help comment to me how I had been forgotten. I shook it off as not important. Someone must have said something to my dad because the next thing I heard was him saying that he did not know what my title was for the wedding and introduced me as I clarified to everyone that I was the officiant. Later that night, my dad explained that he didn't forget me, he simply assumed there was no need since everyone present knew who I was. (totally logical reason)

As the officiant, I am a key component of the wedding and yet am not considered part of the wedding party. I wasn't invited to the pre-wedding pictures because that was just the wedding party plus parents. The thing is that that was basically all the immediate family except me since Ricer's two sisters were the bridesmaids. Yeah, it hurt a little even though I know it wasn't intentional. We took family pictures after the ceremony.

I did pretty well with the actual ceremony. The microphone was placed a little too high so when my brother and Ricer read their vows, it was difficult for people to hear. I probably should have picked up the microphone from its stand, but I was concerned about being able to juggle everything without dropping something.

After they completed their vows, I tripped on a word confirming their marriage and started to crack from the emotion of realizing that I was really marrying the two of them. I could see in their faces the knowledge that this was really happening as they slid the rings on each others fingers. It was beautiful to be standing there with them. (I'm such a big sap.) My voice squeaked and trembled as I read the pronouncement of the legal jargon. I regained my composure just in time to present them as husband and wife to their family and friends.

During the pictures, the maid of honor failed to do her duties. She rarely helped her sister with her train unless directed and left for the reception before the pictures were finished. Come on, don't people realize that you are basically a servant for the day? The best man did much of the train carrying. I stayed through all the group photos so I could have copies to give to my parents.

No surprise I missed all the hors d'oeuvres. I grabbed a drink and sat down just in time for the entrance of the wedding party. For some reason, all of the cousins were seated in the back of the room. With over 300 people in attendance that means our view SUCKED. I had to run up with my camera and stand behind my parents to capture some shots. My dad said he was just too nervous to take pictures. Again, I took responsibility to make sure I snapped shots throughout the evening.

Most of my night was spent taking pictures. I knew coming into this wedding that my primary responsibility was to make sure my parents were happy and safe. Any fun I got to have was an added bonus. Wearing three inch heels didn't help matters. I sat down in other people's chairs whenever I had a chance.

Ricer's dad spoke first, half in Cantonese, half in English. Only half the group understood Cantonese, so many of us just sat there waiting for it to be over (my family included). My father gave an awesome speech. People commented afterwards that my dad was the "winner" of the father's speeches. I'll have to write about his comments later.

It's been awhile since I attended a family wedding. Towards the end of the night, the dancing picked up. I barely say my brother during the reception. He was dancing with his friends. I totally understand wanting to do that. They're all young and having fun. The older generation also took their turn on the dance floor. I think many of us cousins found it visually shocking to see our parents try and dance to "YMCA" and other 80s standards. My cousin said she was traumatized when her dad tried to spell out the letters. ;)

Overall, people were very supportive of me. I received many a "good job" for my performance. One family friend said I should be a radio host after hearing me speak. The surprising thing was not getting a lot of pressure or pity comments about being single. I'm sure there was plenty of discussion happening in the corners, but I'm fine with not hearing it. My aunts made some comments about "for your wedding...," but they were neutral in tone. My cousin got a little annoyed about comments from some to her about "heating up the oil and get cooking" to find a man. Some older cousins took the opposite approach and cheered me for enjoying singlehood, assuring me that marriage isn't what it's cracked up to be. I can't help wonder if my mother will get renewed offers from other mothers about setting me up?

My feet were killing me by the end of the night. It felt like the arch of my foot had snapped in two when I walked. I was shocked to see my feet swollen when I pulled of the strappy shoes. They had left welts on my bloated feet.

No matter. My parents looked content. I took more than 100 photos that I knew they would be happy to see. It was weird to see my brother wearing a wedding band. I was happy for him.