Dreams about the ex

I overslept a bit this morning. Two nights of barely five hours of sleep finally caught up with me. I woke up this morning after having a dream about my ex, Ryan. I'm thinking this happened because when I was going to the airport yesterday, I spotted someone who, from a distance, looked like him.

I dreamed about visiting his home. I don't know why I went there. Without ringing the door bell, I remember opening the front door myself. No one knew that I was there and I felt awkward. I could hear voices coming from the down hallway in front of me that veered left. The house was very clean, decorated with dark wood furnishings and chrome, modern but classy. I vaguely remember thinking about the shiny features around the console table in the foyer.

I must have walked into a study room or something on the first floor. I picked up a package of photos and a pen off a table or desk. The photos were in one of those yellow development envelopes from a store. I ventured upstairs holding them in my hand. (I think this package represents the photos that I never picked up from him just after we broke up.)

At some point, his wife, Vi, greeted me. She seemed a little annoyed but friendly. I think Ryan must have been busy on the phone. I was allowed to wait in the house. That led me to wander the upstairs. I was curious to see what the rest of the house looked like. The first bedroom I came across was painted a bright color. The room was furnished with the items that Ryan had once had in his master bedroom. I recognized the Baronet bedframe and dresser. My thought was that she chose to buy them new furniture for their bedroom.

I needed to use the restroom and entered the bathroom across the hall. The sink area was clearly decorated for a child. I can't recall if they were art on the tiles or actual toys, but there were little people everywhere on the counter. They didn't have children (somehow I knew this), but clearly she was preparing for the day.

I went back downstairs. Ryan was still on the phone. It must have been an important call for him not to come talk to me. Somehow though, I didn't care. Like I said, I don't remember the reason I went there in the first place. But I do remember that after waiting, I decided that I didn't need to talk to him and prepared to leave. I left the photos and pen I had been carrying amongest a stack of other photo envelopes. I debated whether or not they'd notice that I had touched it. I never looked at the photos.

Next, I let Vi know that I was leaving. She was friendly, and I recall seeing a "REI" label on the cropped jeans she was wearing. I didn't think they flattered her. I peaked around the corner to see into the kitchen. Ryan looked up, still talking to someone on the phone, non-chalantly waived to me, and then continued with his conversation.

Then, I left, making sure I pulled the front door closed.

Huh, only one other time have I had such a detailed dream about him in the past two years. It must be because of that guy I saw while waiting for the shuttle to the airport. When I saw the guy, it took me a few seconds to determine that it was not Ryan. Frankly, I knew it was highly unlikely since it wouldn't make sense to run into him there. As I stood there, I couldn't help wonder how I would react if I actually were to bump into him. Initially, I felt a little freaked by seeing the "fake" ex 20 feet away, but I didn't feel panicked. I have no desire to bump into him. Perhaps the good thing is that I didn't feel the desire to punch him. As much as I feel healthier today about what happened, he broke my heart and that will never change.