Monday, May 22, 2006

Regular nosy check

Saturday I went out with some girlfriends for some shopping. We hit a couple places, tried on a bunch of things, and basically came away with nothing. Wand bought a light knit sweater. Sh bought a jean skirt she's not sure about keeping. That was it. :( It was fun, but I'm disappointed I didn't find anything. At least I know there's supposedly some items getting marked down on Friday for a sale, so I'll go shopping then.

For the evening, we met up with some other gals for a girls' night. We enjoyed dinner at this kind of hip bar/restaurant in the gay part of the city. The menu was fun, best described as American tapas. We ordered various little plates so that we could all try a little - pizza, zucchini fries, tuna poke, roasted yukon potatoes with aioli, ricotta gnocchi with mushrooms, beet salad, Moroccan lamb, and white cheddar grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup dip.

Afterwards, we went out dancing for a couple hours. It was a charity even held at a local bar/restaurant in the clubbing area of town. Clearly, it was mostly Asians. We joked about the few white men there who clearly were scoping out the single chicks inside. I think Sh said she overheard a couple of them admit to someone at the bar they were at the party because they have an Asian fetish. No prospects for me, but it was fun to just get out and dance.

It was about 2am as we exited the freeway. Sh drove me home. We had chatted about various things like recycling, exercise, dance classes, people adopting babies from China, the dangerous imbalance of gender caused by tradition Chinese practices. It was all pretty interesting.

And then, she shifted gears on me. We must have been talking about my recent vacation with Tim. She then asked, "Do you think spending time with Tim impedes you from dating?"

(Here we go again. It seems she asks this every 6 months. Maybe I need to come back with a less polite response.)

"No, I don't think so. I mean I went on dates with KT and the one with Waby. I wanted to date KT."

"Well, do you feel that you have less interest in dating because of Tim?"

"Not at all. Honestly, if I wasn't hanging out with Tim, I'd probably just be at home by myself. It's not that he's replace that need, I'm just tired of dating."

(Should I have been more annoyed with her prying at this point?)

"What about Tim? I mean, do you think he's not dating because of you?"

"No, we've talked about it. He's says he's fine. For the most part, I believe him."

"But he's not trying to date or anything is he?"

"No, I've asked him about it before. I think he's busy with work and just happy with what he does right now. When we've talked about it, he doesn't seem very concerned about being alone. He'd like to be married if he finds the right person, but I don't think he feels like he *needs* to get married."

And with that, we drove into my complex. Yeah, sometimes I am very annoyed with what I consider to be meddling. I realize that Tim and I spend a lot of time together. We care about each other. There's no deception here, we're honest with each other. I don't understand why she always has to ask about this. It makes me uncomfortable; like I'm doing something wrong. It makes me think I should be more private about my life. I don't like being judged. (Which might be rather two-faced since I tend to do that... though at least I don't say it to them.)

I even told Tim the next day about the questions Sh asked. I don't know that he's bothered by it like I am. He understands her concern. He drove the point home by asking questions like, "how often do we talk to each other," and "who else do you talk to as much?" I might add that it's not always me making the calls. And when I push back by saying, "fine, I won't call you for awhile," he backs off saying he's just trying to make a point. It's not just me wanting to spend time together.

What the hell am I supposed to do? Why can't I enjoy this for what it is? Does it look that bad? If I stop hanging out with him, then I feel like I'm being controlled by someone else which is wrong. On the other hand, I hate feeling harassed. So, we'll see, maybe I'll purposely not hang around with him for a couple weeks and see.


zerodoll said...

I would not let your friend Sh push you into not hanging out with Tim. If he's your best friend, so be it. If he were a girl, would things be any different? Do you have interest in Tim? Don't punish yourself to make someone else happy!

Pandax said...

Well, I must admit we cross the line sometimes... not in the extreme way. I tease him about his growing tummy by poking him or kiss him on the cheek. He likes to sit so that my feet rest in his lap when we watch tv together. None of our friends see this stuff, we're only this comfy when we're alone.

We dated two summers ago, but I called it off. You'll see me mention it here and there. I love him dearly, but not like that.

zerodoll said...

Hmmm, that does sounds like it could cause issues for either one of you. How would you explain that to the new person either of you starts dating? If you don't act like that with each other in front of your other friends, you might ask yourself why you feel like you have to hide it.

Pandax said...

I suppose we're like two people dating each other who know they have no future together... but we're not dating. Call it what you want.

Believe me, I've had many conversations about this. I've learned to just accept what it is. All either of us need to do is say the word and we stop. There'd be nothing to explain to the new person.

Pandax said...
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