Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Dreams about the ex

I overslept a bit this morning. Two nights of barely five hours of sleep finally caught up with me. I woke up this morning after having a dream about my ex, Ryan. I'm thinking this happened because when I was going to the airport yesterday, I spotted someone who, from a distance, looked like him.

I dreamed about visiting his home. I don't know why I went there. Without ringing the door bell, I remember opening the front door myself. No one knew that I was there and I felt awkward. I could hear voices coming from the down hallway in front of me that veered left. The house was very clean, decorated with dark wood furnishings and chrome, modern but classy. I vaguely remember thinking about the shiny features around the console table in the foyer.

I must have walked into a study room or something on the first floor. I picked up a package of photos and a pen off a table or desk. The photos were in one of those yellow development envelopes from a store. I ventured upstairs holding them in my hand. (I think this package represents the photos that I never picked up from him just after we broke up.)

At some point, his wife, Vi, greeted me. She seemed a little annoyed but friendly. I think Ryan must have been busy on the phone. I was allowed to wait in the house. That led me to wander the upstairs. I was curious to see what the rest of the house looked like. The first bedroom I came across was painted a bright color. The room was furnished with the items that Ryan had once had in his master bedroom. I recognized the Baronet bedframe and dresser. My thought was that she chose to buy them new furniture for their bedroom.

I needed to use the restroom and entered the bathroom across the hall. The sink area was clearly decorated for a child. I can't recall if they were art on the tiles or actual toys, but there were little people everywhere on the counter. They didn't have children (somehow I knew this), but clearly she was preparing for the day.

I went back downstairs. Ryan was still on the phone. It must have been an important call for him not to come talk to me. Somehow though, I didn't care. Like I said, I don't remember the reason I went there in the first place. But I do remember that after waiting, I decided that I didn't need to talk to him and prepared to leave. I left the photos and pen I had been carrying amongest a stack of other photo envelopes. I debated whether or not they'd notice that I had touched it. I never looked at the photos.

Next, I let Vi know that I was leaving. She was friendly, and I recall seeing a "REI" label on the cropped jeans she was wearing. I didn't think they flattered her. I peaked around the corner to see into the kitchen. Ryan looked up, still talking to someone on the phone, non-chalantly waived to me, and then continued with his conversation.

Then, I left, making sure I pulled the front door closed.

Huh, only one other time have I had such a detailed dream about him in the past two years. It must be because of that guy I saw while waiting for the shuttle to the airport. When I saw the guy, it took me a few seconds to determine that it was not Ryan. Frankly, I knew it was highly unlikely since it wouldn't make sense to run into him there. As I stood there, I couldn't help wonder how I would react if I actually were to bump into him. Initially, I felt a little freaked by seeing the "fake" ex 20 feet away, but I didn't feel panicked. I have no desire to bump into him. Perhaps the good thing is that I didn't feel the desire to punch him. As much as I feel healthier today about what happened, he broke my heart and that will never change.

3 comments:

pizzicatto said...

I enjoyed reading your entry about your dream on your ex. Everything was so vivid in details. I could walk through your dream with your narrative.

Do you know that when you dream of the person who had been a part of you~ it simply means that he/she is thinking of you as well? It's intuition and sort of a response to a query and does manifest in dreamform.

Hey, so sorry about your ex and that he broke your heart. We all go through that.

You sound like a wonderful person with a lot of passion within. Good luck! Mr. Right might just be closer next time *smile* Cheers!

teahouse said...

If you ask me, I think the dream was a very good sign. In fact, it indicates that you're over him!

He was in the other room, and it didn't bother you. He was on the phone, and waved at you, and you were fine with that. You didn't feel a desire to look at the photos. All good things, I say..

I'd guess that you've moved on! You feel no anger or resentment. I'd be proud if I were you. I'm not sure I can say that about my most recent ex yet... :o)

Pandax said...

Teahouse, I agree that it feels like a good sign. I guess I initially tend to question why I'm thinking of him at all. Next month, it'll be three years since we broke up. Only in the past year can I say I've been much better.

I do have to admit, I'm still fear running into him (and his wife). It makes visiting my college town, a favorite local place, a little uncomfortable since he lives there.