Monday, May 08, 2006

Old thoughts

If there's one thing I've come to accept, it's that memories will always be there. It's just a matter of what you do with them.

I caught up on the two episodes of "Gilmore Girls" that I missed while I was on vacation. The last scene with Lorelai and her mom (minor spoiler alert) made me think about my relationship with my own mother. Despite their difficult relationship, I was so touched to see her parents want to give her such a wonderful and generous wedding gift. It shows that deep down, her mother loves her very much (but we've always known that).

(And on a trivia note, I Lorelai mentioning Molly Ringwald funny. If you don't know, Lauren Graham, Jenna Elfman, and Molly Ringwald all once starred together in a short lived sitcom called "The Townies." I've always thought that Graham and Elfman ("Dharma & Greg") both have very similar, perky and quirky characters in their shows.)

I guess I kind of know that about my own mother. I know that if and when I get married, she will be a kind and thoughtful person (not on the scale of buying a house or anything but helping pay for a decent wedding). I know my parents want the best for me. I don't seek it out because I believe in being able to take care of myself.

It broke my heart to see her have to cry (and presumably explain) to her mother about the wedding being cancelled. It's so hard because you want it to happen, and you want your parents to not be disappointed. I'm very anxious to see tomorrow's episode.

Driving to work this morning, thoughts of that scene reminded me of this time, three years ago. I was about to go on a two-week holiday with my then boyfriend, Ryan. People didn't say it, but I know many people thought that he'd propose on the trip. We had been together for over a year. The fantasy had crossed my own mind, but I knew there was no chance of it happening. We were moving apart, and only we could sense it. I suppose neither of us was ready to admit it.

By the end of the summer, when we had broken up, memories of the trip especially stung because both he and I had friends who went to almost the exact same cities for their honeymoons that summer. I felt bitter that everyone else's trips to that region had been a celebration. It seemed as if fate were making fun of me.

Okay, enough wallowing... . At least I'm not waiting around for a reason to travel. Life's too short to work all the time. It's beautiful day. I'm going to try and get outta here early today!

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