My girlfriend invited me to a "Survivor" viewing last night. This wasn't just any viewing, this was a real fan club viewing with THE survivor (at least, that'd be cool is he is the winner). If you know the about cast, you can probably guess which one. We'll just refer to him here as K.
The bar was showing an NFL game which probably made up most of the patrons towards the front half of the bar. It grew very contentious as 8pm drew near because several of the tvs were changed to CBS and the volume overwhelmed the football game at times. The two crowds were quite different. Having only one bartender serving drink didn't help the situation.
The back area was all about K. Any available see was taken. My connection is that my girlfriend's boyfriend, BeerMan, is a high school friend of K's. And not just an acquaintance mind you, they were reminiscing about prom before we arrived. I did recognize a few other people who came but they're connections to K seemed almost as weak as mine.
K was constantly busy hugging friends and being introduced to others. If you just walked into the bar, you'd never suspect anything. You'd just see this guy holding a glass of water dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans. What you see on tv is what you see in person.
It didn't feel it appropriate to take a picture though I would have loved it. I don't want to seem like another crazed fan. BeerMan took us over to meet K. My girlfriend had met him once before at a party, so K said "yes, I remember you," and they hugged. I got introduced and shook hands with K. It was firm handshake, dry but a little cool from holding his drink. I should have thought of something more to say or a question to ask to keep the conversation going. Before I knew it, another friend drew his attention away to introduce K to her friend.
K was, as his friend put it, "the classic politician." He worked the room throughout the evening, moving between the different sections of the bar to chat with friends. The best part was being able to watch the reactions on his face as part of the episode highlight the survivors' comments. There were a lot of "oooos" when Parvati and the guys were naked in the jacuzzi.
On one of the tables there was a folder full of photos. Inside were dozens of glossy 8x11 photos of K during various times of the show. I'm not sure where they were from, but my guess is that CBS provided them to K as a souvenir of the time on the island. They were very good shots. So if you're K, do you frame them and put them on display? Do you make a mural to remember the experience? Do you organize them into a special photo album that goes on the shelf? The whole idea of being a celebrity seems so surreal at times.
I had dressed up a little nicer for the bar, but I was realistic about getting any chance to talk to K. My thought was maybe with all the girls focused on K, I might meet some nice single men. Well... okay, I should have tried harder to mingle and not stand with my attached girlfriend all night.
What was funny was seeing how dressed up other women were. Maybe some of them are just very fashion conscious. Considering we were in a dive bar in the suburbs, however, I'm sure many were trying to impress K. Several 20-something women wore stylish knit caps and boots. One woman came dressed in a cream, sleeveless dress with f* boots. Come on, you couldn't possibly have worn that to work.
The other thing that was surprising was seeing several infants. I know it's fun to be out, but why bring a small child, who should be sleeping, to a noisy bar?
It was great to watch with such an enthusiastic crowd. It was fun. Why is it so much fun to be "in" on a celebrity event? Part of me hates getting sucked into the whole pop culture thing, but it makes watching the show that much more interesting because it brings the experience closer to home.
And the best part?t I've added to the invite for the finale viewing. This is really awesome because the group will get to watch on a special live feed along with the East Coast. Cameras will be there to show us cheering K on at the end of the show. So if you watch, you may seem me among the hundred some people rooting for K to win the million!
Friday, December 15, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Ratatouille - the dish
I decided to forego my workout so that I could cook those fresh veggies I bought at the farmers' market. I had been thinking about this one version by Alice Waters sometime ago as there was a bookmark that led me immediately to the page.
Before I left work, I jotted down the ingredients I needed to pick up from the store. I tried double checking the recipe online. The funny thing was that the first couple listing that appeared in the search had nothing to do with food. The first few searches implied there is a movie coming out next year called "Ratatouille." It looks like Pixar's next movie is about a rat who is a foodie... not quite the French vegetable saute I was looking for. I'm not excited about the movie title, but the animation looks nice.
So after baking, sauting, and simmering, I produced this lovely looking dish. It was also a good way to break in my new 3.5 quart buffet casserole.
The thing is, this took me more than an hour - start to finish. How are two working parents supposed to feed their family a healthy dinner with everything there is to do? It makes me appreciate the fact that my mom was able to get home at a decent time and cook fresh food (almost) every night. And then there's the cleanup part!
I toasted some sweet baguette slices and cut myself a piece of soft cheese. I topped off the vegetables with chopped parsley, chopped olives, and minced garlic as the recipe instructed. Topping the bread slices with the ratatouille tasted great. The only thing I'd change is sprinkling the raw garlic - yikes that was strong! I barely managed to eat a quarter of it. Yummy leftovers tonight!
I must do more cooking like this, and with more people around next time. This is one of those simple things that are so enjoyable.
Before I left work, I jotted down the ingredients I needed to pick up from the store. I tried double checking the recipe online. The funny thing was that the first couple listing that appeared in the search had nothing to do with food. The first few searches implied there is a movie coming out next year called "Ratatouille." It looks like Pixar's next movie is about a rat who is a foodie... not quite the French vegetable saute I was looking for. I'm not excited about the movie title, but the animation looks nice.
So after baking, sauting, and simmering, I produced this lovely looking dish. It was also a good way to break in my new 3.5 quart buffet casserole.
The thing is, this took me more than an hour - start to finish. How are two working parents supposed to feed their family a healthy dinner with everything there is to do? It makes me appreciate the fact that my mom was able to get home at a decent time and cook fresh food (almost) every night. And then there's the cleanup part!
I toasted some sweet baguette slices and cut myself a piece of soft cheese. I topped off the vegetables with chopped parsley, chopped olives, and minced garlic as the recipe instructed. Topping the bread slices with the ratatouille tasted great. The only thing I'd change is sprinkling the raw garlic - yikes that was strong! I barely managed to eat a quarter of it. Yummy leftovers tonight!
I must do more cooking like this, and with more people around next time. This is one of those simple things that are so enjoyable.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
A log of search terms...
Wow, didn't think it would happen today. I logged in to see that my blog had it's 5000th visit today thanks to someone who's service resides in Connecticut.
While the blog is almost two years old, I didn't really start writing regularly until earlier this year.
To mark the visit to my blog (mostly thanks to a small group of regulars), I thought it would be fun to show some of the search terms that have brought random visitors here whether it be for less than a second or for several minutes. I wished I had saved some of the ones from earlier in the year - there were a couple strange ones.
General dating questions:
"meaning of mixed signals in romance"
"'match.com' 'my place: no answer'"
"what is the normal time to date before becoming boyfriend and girlfriend??"
"eharmony criticism"
"formal way of saying 'paying for dinner'"
"cynical about relationship"
"'have an asian fetish' yuck"
"relationship with liar and mommys boy"
"dating 'he never asks me any questions '"
"women seeking Asian men in nyc"
"'dear abby' 'meeting people' volunteering"
"prefer dating younger women"
"interracial asian"
"wingman responsibilities"
"charisma arts"
Marriage stuff:
"spring chinese good weddings"
"the secret widows"
General social questions:
"sift through people"
"social butterfly wedding consultant started 2006"
"underestimating yourself"
Cultural topics:
"taiwanese are lazy"
"what does winter holidays mean"
"yul people magazine's sexiest men"
"clothing short pants asian woman 0 'extra small'"
"spitty baby"
"rh negative supernatural"
"poking yourself with a needle during a polygraph test"
"sex trans"
Random mystery topics:
"juggler method vs mystery method"
"chemistry comes alive hmtd pictures"
"TEASING NEEDLES MANUFACTURES IN EUROPE"
And the one where more context would be helpful (and how did this match my blog?):
"'cousin' 'naked with each other'"
While the blog is almost two years old, I didn't really start writing regularly until earlier this year.
To mark the visit to my blog (mostly thanks to a small group of regulars), I thought it would be fun to show some of the search terms that have brought random visitors here whether it be for less than a second or for several minutes. I wished I had saved some of the ones from earlier in the year - there were a couple strange ones.
General dating questions:
"meaning of mixed signals in romance"
"'match.com' 'my place: no answer'"
"what is the normal time to date before becoming boyfriend and girlfriend??"
"eharmony criticism"
"formal way of saying 'paying for dinner'"
"cynical about relationship"
"'have an asian fetish' yuck"
"relationship with liar and mommys boy"
"dating 'he never asks me any questions '"
"women seeking Asian men in nyc"
"'dear abby' 'meeting people' volunteering"
"prefer dating younger women"
"interracial asian"
"wingman responsibilities"
"charisma arts"
Marriage stuff:
"spring chinese good weddings"
"the secret widows"
General social questions:
"sift through people"
"social butterfly wedding consultant started 2006"
"underestimating yourself"
Cultural topics:
"taiwanese are lazy"
"what does winter holidays mean"
"yul people magazine's sexiest men"
"clothing short pants asian woman 0 'extra small'"
"spitty baby"
"rh negative supernatural"
"poking yourself with a needle during a polygraph test"
"sex trans"
Random mystery topics:
"juggler method vs mystery method"
"chemistry comes alive hmtd pictures"
"TEASING NEEDLES MANUFACTURES IN EUROPE"
And the one where more context would be helpful (and how did this match my blog?):
"'cousin' 'naked with each other'"
Monday, December 11, 2006
Packed weekend
My weekend felt like it lasted 72+ hours.
I attended my company holiday party on Friday night. On the way to the hotel, I passed a performance being given by school-age children. It was so cute to see them dressed as ginger bread people!
This year I went stag. My plan was to say "hello" to everyone, eat, and be gone. Going alone is fun when your co-workers are similar in age and life stage. In my case, sitting around with couple that have kids and/or are pregnant is challenging. Naturally they all want to compare notes and share stories about child rearing. What am I supposed to do?
All in all it was nice to meet my co-workers' spouses. It's important to put on a happy face and be seen. I high-tailed it out of there once the dancing started and I'd had my fill of dessert.
Saturday morning was a volunteer event. I love being able to help give underprivileged children gifts. Some of us talked about the unrealistic expectations some kids have these days. One person recalled seeing a child ask for an iPod, another wanted an XBox in other locations. When a family is not in good financial health, how can these kids think to ask for something so expensive from strangers? How does a kid learn to be humble versus demanding?
We started talking about all these examples of people who have their priorities in the wrong place. I remember a news segment fifteen years ago where they interviewed people standing in a food line in the Bronx. The reported asked each person if they owned a microwave, had a telephone, had cable tv. Many said "yes." In another example, someone shared how she was unable to reach a single mother for a charity donation meeting. The woman could not pay her phone bill, and service had been cut. Yet, she had premium cable and a family season tickets to an amusement park. One guy volunteered with a group that did repairs for low-income families. They were sent to repair a hole in the roof over the children's bedroom. He was surprised to walk through their living to see a huge projection tv and stereo system. Maybe some of these people had a good explanation, but it just doesn't look good.
In the afternoon, I was supposed to watch my friend's annual holiday performance, but I skipped it in light of the weather and traffic. Instead, I went home and took a nap before heading out for another holiday gathering.
My friend's business school friend was having a big party at a local club. Although I knew no one but her, I thought it would be good to get to know new people. Parking took forever. It's one of those neighborhood's where you know there's NEVER any parking. After 30 minutes of driving in circles, I paid $8 at a garage.
I tried my best to meet people, but it's hard when you know many are not sober and have been smoking something. Still, they were a fun group. Dancing was great because the DJ picked the best 80s songs. It was cool to seem him get into the music as much as the crowd.
On Sunday morning I slept in as long as I could. I found someone on Ebay who had been unable to sell some cookware that I had been eyeing. I asked her to consider selling it to me for less after no one matched the price she wanted.
We agreed to meet at a cafe downtown. I arrived early in hopes of writing some Xmas cards, but the cafe was packed. I decided to walk over to the Farmers' market for a bit. This is the last week for persimmons, so I wanted to buy a bagful. I marveled at all the beautiful vegetables - leeks, celery root, squash, trumpet mushrooms, radishes, etc. I wanted to buy some but realized that I have no idea how to cook some of them. Maybe it'd be fun to buy something and then look up on the Internet for ways to prepare it. This way I'd learn something new and hopefully have a tasty meal to show for it. Next time... for now, I settled on some beautiful bell peppers and Japanese eggplant that I'll saute in my new pan. :)
I had just enough time to drop off the groceries at home before running to my next event. A friend of my cousin's arranged for free makeovers by a woman launching her own line of cosmetics geared towards Asian faces - Thi Cosmetics. I'm not big into makeup, but it's always fun to see what they suggest and learn new techniques. It turned out to be rather fun, except for getting my brows plucked. The makeup felt light and highlighted my features well while looking natural. I did buy a couple items like the Soy cream and Quinn lipstick. I've been needing a new red lipcolor.
The next activity of the day would have been Jew's annual White Elephant party. I was sad that she chose a Sunday evening for it. With all my running around, I really wanted a quieter night and wasn't in the mood for driving almost 70 miles each way to be there. She was very understanding about it.
I've been meaning to bake cookies to take to work. I love making desser recipes. It's been challenging to find the time. I thought I'd start out by at least making the dough since it refrigerates well and finishing the baking another night after work. I guess I was on a roll, because I spent the entire evening baking. There was some 1.5 pounds of butter, 2.5 cups of sugar, and 5 cups of flour involved.
I ran over to the television between steps to watch "The Amazing Race." The finale was rather disappointing. The last part seemed way too simple. I wonder if they edited out some of the final challenges. The "Survivor" finale next Sunday will hopefully be much more interesting.
All in all I spent 5+ hours measuring, mixing, and baking. Towards the end I developed a pretty good system of preparing one sheet of tea cakes while the ginger cookies baked and vice versa. The only tricky part was alternating the oven temperature between 300F and 325F. The pizzelles probably are the most time consuming since only two came be made at a time and it requires constant attention. I ended up making four dozen chewy ginger cookies, two dozen chocolate pizzelles, and three dozen tea cakes. Yum!
Whatever cookies don't get eaten at work will go with me to my next volunteer event tonight. I'll be wrapping more gifts for kids. Whee!
I attended my company holiday party on Friday night. On the way to the hotel, I passed a performance being given by school-age children. It was so cute to see them dressed as ginger bread people!
This year I went stag. My plan was to say "hello" to everyone, eat, and be gone. Going alone is fun when your co-workers are similar in age and life stage. In my case, sitting around with couple that have kids and/or are pregnant is challenging. Naturally they all want to compare notes and share stories about child rearing. What am I supposed to do?
All in all it was nice to meet my co-workers' spouses. It's important to put on a happy face and be seen. I high-tailed it out of there once the dancing started and I'd had my fill of dessert.
Saturday morning was a volunteer event. I love being able to help give underprivileged children gifts. Some of us talked about the unrealistic expectations some kids have these days. One person recalled seeing a child ask for an iPod, another wanted an XBox in other locations. When a family is not in good financial health, how can these kids think to ask for something so expensive from strangers? How does a kid learn to be humble versus demanding?
We started talking about all these examples of people who have their priorities in the wrong place. I remember a news segment fifteen years ago where they interviewed people standing in a food line in the Bronx. The reported asked each person if they owned a microwave, had a telephone, had cable tv. Many said "yes." In another example, someone shared how she was unable to reach a single mother for a charity donation meeting. The woman could not pay her phone bill, and service had been cut. Yet, she had premium cable and a family season tickets to an amusement park. One guy volunteered with a group that did repairs for low-income families. They were sent to repair a hole in the roof over the children's bedroom. He was surprised to walk through their living to see a huge projection tv and stereo system. Maybe some of these people had a good explanation, but it just doesn't look good.
In the afternoon, I was supposed to watch my friend's annual holiday performance, but I skipped it in light of the weather and traffic. Instead, I went home and took a nap before heading out for another holiday gathering.
My friend's business school friend was having a big party at a local club. Although I knew no one but her, I thought it would be good to get to know new people. Parking took forever. It's one of those neighborhood's where you know there's NEVER any parking. After 30 minutes of driving in circles, I paid $8 at a garage.
I tried my best to meet people, but it's hard when you know many are not sober and have been smoking something. Still, they were a fun group. Dancing was great because the DJ picked the best 80s songs. It was cool to seem him get into the music as much as the crowd.
On Sunday morning I slept in as long as I could. I found someone on Ebay who had been unable to sell some cookware that I had been eyeing. I asked her to consider selling it to me for less after no one matched the price she wanted.
We agreed to meet at a cafe downtown. I arrived early in hopes of writing some Xmas cards, but the cafe was packed. I decided to walk over to the Farmers' market for a bit. This is the last week for persimmons, so I wanted to buy a bagful. I marveled at all the beautiful vegetables - leeks, celery root, squash, trumpet mushrooms, radishes, etc. I wanted to buy some but realized that I have no idea how to cook some of them. Maybe it'd be fun to buy something and then look up on the Internet for ways to prepare it. This way I'd learn something new and hopefully have a tasty meal to show for it. Next time... for now, I settled on some beautiful bell peppers and Japanese eggplant that I'll saute in my new pan. :)
I had just enough time to drop off the groceries at home before running to my next event. A friend of my cousin's arranged for free makeovers by a woman launching her own line of cosmetics geared towards Asian faces - Thi Cosmetics. I'm not big into makeup, but it's always fun to see what they suggest and learn new techniques. It turned out to be rather fun, except for getting my brows plucked. The makeup felt light and highlighted my features well while looking natural. I did buy a couple items like the Soy cream and Quinn lipstick. I've been needing a new red lipcolor.
The next activity of the day would have been Jew's annual White Elephant party. I was sad that she chose a Sunday evening for it. With all my running around, I really wanted a quieter night and wasn't in the mood for driving almost 70 miles each way to be there. She was very understanding about it.
I've been meaning to bake cookies to take to work. I love making desser recipes. It's been challenging to find the time. I thought I'd start out by at least making the dough since it refrigerates well and finishing the baking another night after work. I guess I was on a roll, because I spent the entire evening baking. There was some 1.5 pounds of butter, 2.5 cups of sugar, and 5 cups of flour involved.
I ran over to the television between steps to watch "The Amazing Race." The finale was rather disappointing. The last part seemed way too simple. I wonder if they edited out some of the final challenges. The "Survivor" finale next Sunday will hopefully be much more interesting.
All in all I spent 5+ hours measuring, mixing, and baking. Towards the end I developed a pretty good system of preparing one sheet of tea cakes while the ginger cookies baked and vice versa. The only tricky part was alternating the oven temperature between 300F and 325F. The pizzelles probably are the most time consuming since only two came be made at a time and it requires constant attention. I ended up making four dozen chewy ginger cookies, two dozen chocolate pizzelles, and three dozen tea cakes. Yum!
Whatever cookies don't get eaten at work will go with me to my next volunteer event tonight. I'll be wrapping more gifts for kids. Whee!
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Car stereotyping
I did some volunteering this weekend. At the after lunch, I chatted with this guy, Sour. He looked kind of familiar though I'd never met him. I figured out that I'd seen his picture on an online dating site earlier in the year.
I remember his picture because it was rather pathetic. Usually, you'd think people put up a good picture of themselves for dating. This guy's picture looks like he held out a camera in front of himself. He's not smiling and looks like he has bags under his eyes. The comparison that comes to mind is the look of a bloodhound. Needless to say, it's an unattractive first impression.
Sour looks a little more normal in person. I reminded myself that people can be different than what you see in words. I try to keep an open mind when meeting guys in these random settings. He seemed like a normal person when we interacted while grabbing food and drinks. Based on the questions he asked me, I couldn't help wonder if he was interested in me.
Later, as I was talking with a friend, he came up and asked, "are you the one who has the station wagon?"
How did he know that??? This question comes up from strangers once or twice a year. If I drove *anything* else, I bet I'd never hear a thing about my choice. I was suspicious, but calmly replied, "yes."
For some reason, he seem bewildered. After a pause, he followed with, "do you have kids?"
I non-chalantly answered, "no."
Still apparently in a state of confusion, he then inquired, "is there some fond family reason?"
Is it fair at this point that I felt a bit annoyed? I started by just responding with a "no," but then added that it's a great car for camping, skiing, and other hobbies.
Another guy who was listening to the conversation then joined in and asked, "you drive a wagon up to the snow?"
Almost in unison, they asked me if I have four-wheel drive.
"No, but I can fit everyone and their gear easily. It's great having the space. I've fit five people in my car plus our backpacks."
Still, they didn't seem satisfied. I gave up. Maybe Sour was interested in getting to know me until he heard about the wagon. Yeah, whatever. I think I scared a guy off last year when he walked me to my car and realized it was a wagon. Lame. I laugh that a guy is scared by my car. Sure, it'd be nice if I could use the car to transport my kids around town... someday. Right now, it's because I love being able to fit anything and everything in it.
There were moments I considered defending my car by adding that many SUVs are basically raised wagons but held myself back. Their incredulous attitude towards everything I said was frustrating. Had I been driving a Toyota Highlander, would anyone question me? I'm short, I don't want to have to climb up into my car. I don't always like what other people drive, say a Hummer, but it's not my place to say anything unless they directly ask me.
I'm not sure what to think of this. Everyone makes assumptions based on the information available to them. That's understandable. I just didn't like the way he presented it. It's a good reminder that I should also choose my words carefully.
I mentioned the incident to Wand afterwards. She was at the event with me and was present when Sour later eased dropped on our conversation about work. After I left, he asked her if we were friends. She was pretty sure that he was interested in me. Her impression of him was not very good either. They were in the same task group. When unloading supplies from her car, he passed by. The rest of the group, who happened to all be women, went over to offer a hand carrying the stuff. Sour continued to walk towards the meeting room. Wand implied that he clearly heard the gals ask if she needed help, but he didn't seem to pay attention. She was disappointed he didn't join in to help. Could it be he needs a little training from female friends?
As I drove home from the volunteer event, I thought about whether I should put something into my next online dating profile. Where they leave you a space asking "Is there anything you want to let people know," maybe I could write something in like "I like a man who thinks wagons are cool." ;)
I remember his picture because it was rather pathetic. Usually, you'd think people put up a good picture of themselves for dating. This guy's picture looks like he held out a camera in front of himself. He's not smiling and looks like he has bags under his eyes. The comparison that comes to mind is the look of a bloodhound. Needless to say, it's an unattractive first impression.
Sour looks a little more normal in person. I reminded myself that people can be different than what you see in words. I try to keep an open mind when meeting guys in these random settings. He seemed like a normal person when we interacted while grabbing food and drinks. Based on the questions he asked me, I couldn't help wonder if he was interested in me.
Later, as I was talking with a friend, he came up and asked, "are you the one who has the station wagon?"
How did he know that??? This question comes up from strangers once or twice a year. If I drove *anything* else, I bet I'd never hear a thing about my choice. I was suspicious, but calmly replied, "yes."
For some reason, he seem bewildered. After a pause, he followed with, "do you have kids?"
I non-chalantly answered, "no."
Still apparently in a state of confusion, he then inquired, "is there some fond family reason?"
Is it fair at this point that I felt a bit annoyed? I started by just responding with a "no," but then added that it's a great car for camping, skiing, and other hobbies.
Another guy who was listening to the conversation then joined in and asked, "you drive a wagon up to the snow?"
Almost in unison, they asked me if I have four-wheel drive.
"No, but I can fit everyone and their gear easily. It's great having the space. I've fit five people in my car plus our backpacks."
Still, they didn't seem satisfied. I gave up. Maybe Sour was interested in getting to know me until he heard about the wagon. Yeah, whatever. I think I scared a guy off last year when he walked me to my car and realized it was a wagon. Lame. I laugh that a guy is scared by my car. Sure, it'd be nice if I could use the car to transport my kids around town... someday. Right now, it's because I love being able to fit anything and everything in it.
There were moments I considered defending my car by adding that many SUVs are basically raised wagons but held myself back. Their incredulous attitude towards everything I said was frustrating. Had I been driving a Toyota Highlander, would anyone question me? I'm short, I don't want to have to climb up into my car. I don't always like what other people drive, say a Hummer, but it's not my place to say anything unless they directly ask me.
I'm not sure what to think of this. Everyone makes assumptions based on the information available to them. That's understandable. I just didn't like the way he presented it. It's a good reminder that I should also choose my words carefully.
I mentioned the incident to Wand afterwards. She was at the event with me and was present when Sour later eased dropped on our conversation about work. After I left, he asked her if we were friends. She was pretty sure that he was interested in me. Her impression of him was not very good either. They were in the same task group. When unloading supplies from her car, he passed by. The rest of the group, who happened to all be women, went over to offer a hand carrying the stuff. Sour continued to walk towards the meeting room. Wand implied that he clearly heard the gals ask if she needed help, but he didn't seem to pay attention. She was disappointed he didn't join in to help. Could it be he needs a little training from female friends?
As I drove home from the volunteer event, I thought about whether I should put something into my next online dating profile. Where they leave you a space asking "Is there anything you want to let people know," maybe I could write something in like "I like a man who thinks wagons are cool." ;)
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Balancing thoughts and actions
At the end of "Gilmore Girls" Emily gave Lorelai some marriage advice. She cautioned that it's not all fun and that, in fact, sometimes it's not easy at all. Lorelai tried to use a snarky reply to lessen the serious tone. Noting Lorelai's need to always have her way, Emily said that sometimes it will be important to let Christopher have his way if the relationship is to survive.
Ironically, I had the newest issue of "Real Simple" in my lap when I was watching and was reading an article titled, "When being right is wrong." The article used one woman as an example of how the need to be right can distract a person's from finding happiness.
It makes me think about my own communication style. I wonder how many people have been turned off my unwitting attitude, especially people I have dated. Being single for so long, it's tough to remember the importance of listening and compromise.
There are moments when I catch myself, after the fact, being too strongly opinionated. I worry that I've been independent for so long, lived alone for so long that it's become hard for me to see other people's points of view. Day to day (outside of work), there's little need to compromise; there's no waiting for other people's input to take action. I have grown accustomed to making a decision without a word and moving forward. It seems decisions can take longer as a couple because one has to wait for the other. When I am in a situation where I am working with others, it's hard to realize that I need to shift gears.
I had lightly touched upon the subject when my brother and sister-in-law were over the other night. We were sharing stories about kitchen habits. I told Ricer how it's easy to develop unique cleaning habits as a single person. She understood when I described to her how I hate watching people wash my good knives because I'm afraid they'll unknowingly use the abrasive side of the sponge and scratch the blade.
As the conversation progressed, Ricer mentioned how she thinks I'm brave to live alone. She's never lived alone in her life. She said she'd be too scared to stay in a place by herself and won't know what to do. Part of me couldn't imagine what life would be like being so dependent and was thankful that I am self-sufficient. While I appreciated her praise, I also assured her that it has it's downsides. I confessed my own worries about how it becomes difficult to know how to cooperate with others. It's not in my nature to ask for help because I normally have to do things myself. Being independent backfires sometimes because the skills it forces me to learn can increase my isolation.
I showed Tim the article I read and asked if it sounded like me. He said, "no." It was reassuring to hear that though I must admit I can't help think his opinion is a little skewed. ;) I'll have to give this some more thought to determine whether I'm simply obsessing or whether this is something that watch out for.
Ironically, I had the newest issue of "Real Simple" in my lap when I was watching and was reading an article titled, "When being right is wrong." The article used one woman as an example of how the need to be right can distract a person's from finding happiness.
It makes me think about my own communication style. I wonder how many people have been turned off my unwitting attitude, especially people I have dated. Being single for so long, it's tough to remember the importance of listening and compromise.
There are moments when I catch myself, after the fact, being too strongly opinionated. I worry that I've been independent for so long, lived alone for so long that it's become hard for me to see other people's points of view. Day to day (outside of work), there's little need to compromise; there's no waiting for other people's input to take action. I have grown accustomed to making a decision without a word and moving forward. It seems decisions can take longer as a couple because one has to wait for the other. When I am in a situation where I am working with others, it's hard to realize that I need to shift gears.
I had lightly touched upon the subject when my brother and sister-in-law were over the other night. We were sharing stories about kitchen habits. I told Ricer how it's easy to develop unique cleaning habits as a single person. She understood when I described to her how I hate watching people wash my good knives because I'm afraid they'll unknowingly use the abrasive side of the sponge and scratch the blade.
As the conversation progressed, Ricer mentioned how she thinks I'm brave to live alone. She's never lived alone in her life. She said she'd be too scared to stay in a place by herself and won't know what to do. Part of me couldn't imagine what life would be like being so dependent and was thankful that I am self-sufficient. While I appreciated her praise, I also assured her that it has it's downsides. I confessed my own worries about how it becomes difficult to know how to cooperate with others. It's not in my nature to ask for help because I normally have to do things myself. Being independent backfires sometimes because the skills it forces me to learn can increase my isolation.
I showed Tim the article I read and asked if it sounded like me. He said, "no." It was reassuring to hear that though I must admit I can't help think his opinion is a little skewed. ;) I'll have to give this some more thought to determine whether I'm simply obsessing or whether this is something that watch out for.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Dear Abby posting on parenthood
This was part of a recent Dear Abby. Scary to think teenagers are becoming single parents.
It's a good reference for future reflection. Her choice of wording is better than my list though they cover many of the same things.
*********************************************
DEAR ABBY: I have two children, 15 and 17. Many of their friends are becoming single parents. Not wanting that for my children, I talk to them and urge them not to have babies until they're ready to be good parents.
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You are so good at coming up with lists for things, Abby. Could you compile a list of criteria for what makes a really good parent? It would be nice to show them what that adds up to. -- NANCY IN FLAGSTAFF, ARIZ.
DEAR NANCY: I'm pleased to help. However, I'm sure my readers will want to add to the list, which is a short one.
ARE YOU READY FOR PARENTHOOD?
(1) Can you support the child financially? Children are expensive. I always urge people to complete their education and delay parenthood until they are self-supporting, in case they should find themselves in the role of sole provider.
(2) Can you support the child emotionally? Babies are cute, but they are also completely helpless and emotionally needy. While some young women say they want a baby so they'll have someone to love them, the reality is it's the parent's responsibility to love and sacrifice for the child. In plain English, this means the end of a normal teenage social life because babies are extremely time-consuming.
(3) Are you prepared to be a consistent parent? Children learn by example -- both good and bad. Are you prepared to be a role model for the behaviors you want your child to mimic? Because mimic they do. They learn more from what they observe than what they're told.
(4) Have you read up on child development? Are your expectations of what a child should be able to accomplish as he or she reaches various chronological milestones realistic? Ditto for your partner, whether or not he or she is the child's biological parent.
(5) Are you prepared to put someone else's needs before your own for the next 18 to 21 years? Remember, babies can't be returned to the manufacturer for a refund if you're not 100 percent satisfied. Sometimes they come with serious challenges. Can you cope with those realities?
If the answer to any of these questions is no, I strongly advise postponing parenthood.
It's a good reference for future reflection. Her choice of wording is better than my list though they cover many of the same things.
*********************************************
DEAR ABBY: I have two children, 15 and 17. Many of their friends are becoming single parents. Not wanting that for my children, I talk to them and urge them not to have babies until they're ready to be good parents.
story continues below
advertisement
You are so good at coming up with lists for things, Abby. Could you compile a list of criteria for what makes a really good parent? It would be nice to show them what that adds up to. -- NANCY IN FLAGSTAFF, ARIZ.
DEAR NANCY: I'm pleased to help. However, I'm sure my readers will want to add to the list, which is a short one.
ARE YOU READY FOR PARENTHOOD?
(1) Can you support the child financially? Children are expensive. I always urge people to complete their education and delay parenthood until they are self-supporting, in case they should find themselves in the role of sole provider.
(2) Can you support the child emotionally? Babies are cute, but they are also completely helpless and emotionally needy. While some young women say they want a baby so they'll have someone to love them, the reality is it's the parent's responsibility to love and sacrifice for the child. In plain English, this means the end of a normal teenage social life because babies are extremely time-consuming.
(3) Are you prepared to be a consistent parent? Children learn by example -- both good and bad. Are you prepared to be a role model for the behaviors you want your child to mimic? Because mimic they do. They learn more from what they observe than what they're told.
(4) Have you read up on child development? Are your expectations of what a child should be able to accomplish as he or she reaches various chronological milestones realistic? Ditto for your partner, whether or not he or she is the child's biological parent.
(5) Are you prepared to put someone else's needs before your own for the next 18 to 21 years? Remember, babies can't be returned to the manufacturer for a refund if you're not 100 percent satisfied. Sometimes they come with serious challenges. Can you cope with those realities?
If the answer to any of these questions is no, I strongly advise postponing parenthood.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Even them
As I have noted before, it seems the 2007 baby challenge is growing. I received a holiday card from a college friend of mine. Let's call him Professor. I met him during a summer serving as campus counselors. He is two years older than me.
We made for good friends and naturally others in the group thought we were a pair. Eventually, he revealed to me that he was interested in dating me. At the time, however, I was interested in someone else. Honestly, although he was a good guy, I can't say that I would have wanted to date him. (On the other hand, my mother was very keen on this guy being that he was Chinese and incredibly intelligent.) One of the other reasons I didn't see him as boyfriend material was because he had mentioned that he did not want to have children.
After college we kept in touch. He dated a woman, HK, for some four years. At one point, he proposed, but she turned him down. He kept the ring in a safety deposit box. The following year, they got married. That was 2001.
I saw them once or twice. I don't remember much about her. While I never directly asked him about their plans, I never got the impression he had changed his mind about having a family. They seemed quite content living their lives, sleeping in on weekends, and traveling occasionally. He promised to invite me over to their place for dinner sometime but never did.
Yesterday I received their annual card. He's always incredibly prompt with his cards. I get it the week after Thanksgiving every year. So it was strange it came a week later this time. Inside was a typed letter rather than the couple of handwritten sentences of past cards. The stationary was cute and included thumbnail photos next to the text.
In one picture, there's a picture of them, HK with a chubby tummy area. I knew immediately that they must be expecting. It explains the stomach and the delayed of the usually early card.
Being my pessimistic and cynical self, I can't help wonder why the change. What in their lives caused this sudden change? Is it because next year is a lucky year to have children? After five years of marriage did they realize they need something fulfilling? Was HK feeling the guilt of approaching 40 and felt this was her last chance? Family pressure?Was it an accident they decided to keep?
I genuinely hope they are excited about this baby. I know they will be good parents. I'll have to meet up with him for lunch or dinner soon and get the whole scoop.
In my current situation, I'm naturally jealous. I seem to harbor a resentment towards anyone who contradicts what I understand or expect of them, especially when it means achieving something I haven't. I hate that in this world there are people who have what I want but don't necessarily want it like I do or have tried so hard to get it. Life's unfair, I know, I just keep wondering if it'll EVER be my turn.
When Tim came over the other night, he saw the packages I'm preparing to send out for the holidays. I also have a jewelry craft toy I plan to donate. He hugged me and told me how sweet and thoughtful I am to send gifts to my cousin's family, my pregnant friend, and my brother and sister-in-law. All I could do was sniffle and reply, "that's because I have no one of my own."
We made for good friends and naturally others in the group thought we were a pair. Eventually, he revealed to me that he was interested in dating me. At the time, however, I was interested in someone else. Honestly, although he was a good guy, I can't say that I would have wanted to date him. (On the other hand, my mother was very keen on this guy being that he was Chinese and incredibly intelligent.) One of the other reasons I didn't see him as boyfriend material was because he had mentioned that he did not want to have children.
After college we kept in touch. He dated a woman, HK, for some four years. At one point, he proposed, but she turned him down. He kept the ring in a safety deposit box. The following year, they got married. That was 2001.
I saw them once or twice. I don't remember much about her. While I never directly asked him about their plans, I never got the impression he had changed his mind about having a family. They seemed quite content living their lives, sleeping in on weekends, and traveling occasionally. He promised to invite me over to their place for dinner sometime but never did.
Yesterday I received their annual card. He's always incredibly prompt with his cards. I get it the week after Thanksgiving every year. So it was strange it came a week later this time. Inside was a typed letter rather than the couple of handwritten sentences of past cards. The stationary was cute and included thumbnail photos next to the text.
In one picture, there's a picture of them, HK with a chubby tummy area. I knew immediately that they must be expecting. It explains the stomach and the delayed of the usually early card.
Being my pessimistic and cynical self, I can't help wonder why the change. What in their lives caused this sudden change? Is it because next year is a lucky year to have children? After five years of marriage did they realize they need something fulfilling? Was HK feeling the guilt of approaching 40 and felt this was her last chance? Family pressure?Was it an accident they decided to keep?
I genuinely hope they are excited about this baby. I know they will be good parents. I'll have to meet up with him for lunch or dinner soon and get the whole scoop.
In my current situation, I'm naturally jealous. I seem to harbor a resentment towards anyone who contradicts what I understand or expect of them, especially when it means achieving something I haven't. I hate that in this world there are people who have what I want but don't necessarily want it like I do or have tried so hard to get it. Life's unfair, I know, I just keep wondering if it'll EVER be my turn.
When Tim came over the other night, he saw the packages I'm preparing to send out for the holidays. I also have a jewelry craft toy I plan to donate. He hugged me and told me how sweet and thoughtful I am to send gifts to my cousin's family, my pregnant friend, and my brother and sister-in-law. All I could do was sniffle and reply, "that's because I have no one of my own."
Monday, December 04, 2006
Comedy of near misses
Update on the tickets...
Ig finally gave me a call but hadn't checked his e-mail until after lunch. (He probably didn't wake up until lunch.) I had to summarize all the events of the morning to him. He sensed how flustered I was about the whole situation, apologized for not being more on top of things, and then called Green to make sure everything was still on track.
Green indicated everything was fine. He said the FedEx form promised a 10:30am delivery. When Ig doubled checked, he learned that it's before 10:30 on *weekdays* and before NOON on Saturdays. Uh, okay that's not helpful. Green had misunderstood the guarantee.
The two of them talked again and put together a solution. Green agreed that once the package was picked up by FedEx (it was sitting in a drop box somewhere in L.A.), Green would call and request that the package be held at the local FedEx station. That way, we could pick it up earlier and make it in time for the noon start of the event. Everyone was prepared to get up and potentially leave my place no later 10am.
The next morning, I slept in and woke up at 8:30am. Out of curiosity, I turned on my computer and tracked the package. It showed that it had arrived at 7:44am at the airport (some 35 miles away) and was in-transit to the FedEx office. ARGH.
Ig spoke with the location office manager who verified that the package would be held and not delivered once it arrived. She estimated it would arrive before 10am. When we hung up on each other around 9:30am, Ig said he'd get ready and meet me at my place. I called Tim and he said he'd be out the door in a few minutes. I figured the guys would arrive by 9:45am and we could be at FedEx by 10am.
Tim showed up on time, but we waited some time for Ig. I got rather frustrated. Five minutes after 10am, I commented that "I know he tends to be late to thing, but you'd think this one time he'd understand trying to be prompt."
Ig showed up a few minutes later. I immediately started up the car and pulled out of the lot. As I finished backing out, I noticed in my rear view mirror a FedEx truck pulling into the neighborhood.
Feeling rather paranoid at this point, I hesitated and suggested that we double check that the driver didn't have our tickets. I mean, what are the chances that the FedEx guy was here to deliver to someone else on a Saturday.
With engine running, I thought about how long it would take us to get there while Tim watched Ig talk to the driver. I wasn't even watching because I didn't think anything would happen. Then Tim started laughing as Ig ran towards the car. He had an envelope in his hands!! We all just shook our heads in disbelief that FedEx had messed up and attempted to deliver the package. If Ig hadn't been late, we would have had to drive back to my place for the tickets. All we could do at this point was laugh.
After a stop for gas, we drove to a BART station. Knowing how late we were, it seemed like a smarter idea to ride the BART rather than try and park the car near the event. We bought our tickets and stood on the platform. The schedule said we had about five minutes before the next train. Perfect timing.
Ig was curious to see what time we would arrive and started to go back downstairs to locate a schedule. As he walked away, I was worried he'd miss the train and wanted my ticket in hand. Tim walked over to the stairs and yelled down to Ig to give us our tickets.
Tim's been particularly joking with me lately. He always tries to trick me by saying I didn't give him something or that he doesn't know what I'm talking about. It's gotten to the point where I'm not sure whether to believe him. It's kind of annoying sometimes. I looked up to see Tim walking towards me with his arm out stretch asking, "give me the car keys. Ig forgot the tickets."
I didn't believe him. My response was, "yeah, right."
"No, really, he doesn't have them."
"Oh crap! You're kidding?"
I fumbled through my bag for the keys. Tim went over to the stairs and threw them down to Ig. I yelled, "hurry," noticing that the sign was now blinking to alert us the train was incoming. After all we'd been through, I couldn't believe that he forgot the tickets. At least this didn't happen after we'd already arrived at the stadium.
I looked at Tim and indicated that Ig was not going to return in time. When the train opened it's doors, I wondered whether we should get on board. Tim was no help. He shrugged his shoulders. We debated whether one person should go ahead and buy some lunch food. I stepped into the car and asked one last time if I should go without them.
They met up with me just before noon. I had managed to buy some hot dogs and burritos before they arrived. In that sense, I guess it worked out. Still, I was pissed we were late. I also felt bad that we had this guy waiting for us at the stadium to get his $30 ticket. Considering how late we were, he would have been better off paying one of the scalpers on the street $10 or less for a ticket (which is what ticket were worth by that time).
So if you do the math, it came out to $26.66 for each of us, plus the gas and transportation. If we had not taken the tickets, Green would have gotten $90 for selling three tickets but spent $40 on FedEx. With our involvement, he got $90 for selling four tickets AND we paid him back for the $20 he spent on FedEx. That puts him $60 ahead of where he would have been (okay, he still took a loss on the tickets overall).
Sure, we had a good time, but I still think Green got a really good deal out of this. This is the last time I take a friend of a friend up on a "free" ticket offer.
Ig finally gave me a call but hadn't checked his e-mail until after lunch. (He probably didn't wake up until lunch.) I had to summarize all the events of the morning to him. He sensed how flustered I was about the whole situation, apologized for not being more on top of things, and then called Green to make sure everything was still on track.
Green indicated everything was fine. He said the FedEx form promised a 10:30am delivery. When Ig doubled checked, he learned that it's before 10:30 on *weekdays* and before NOON on Saturdays. Uh, okay that's not helpful. Green had misunderstood the guarantee.
The two of them talked again and put together a solution. Green agreed that once the package was picked up by FedEx (it was sitting in a drop box somewhere in L.A.), Green would call and request that the package be held at the local FedEx station. That way, we could pick it up earlier and make it in time for the noon start of the event. Everyone was prepared to get up and potentially leave my place no later 10am.
The next morning, I slept in and woke up at 8:30am. Out of curiosity, I turned on my computer and tracked the package. It showed that it had arrived at 7:44am at the airport (some 35 miles away) and was in-transit to the FedEx office. ARGH.
Ig spoke with the location office manager who verified that the package would be held and not delivered once it arrived. She estimated it would arrive before 10am. When we hung up on each other around 9:30am, Ig said he'd get ready and meet me at my place. I called Tim and he said he'd be out the door in a few minutes. I figured the guys would arrive by 9:45am and we could be at FedEx by 10am.
Tim showed up on time, but we waited some time for Ig. I got rather frustrated. Five minutes after 10am, I commented that "I know he tends to be late to thing, but you'd think this one time he'd understand trying to be prompt."
Ig showed up a few minutes later. I immediately started up the car and pulled out of the lot. As I finished backing out, I noticed in my rear view mirror a FedEx truck pulling into the neighborhood.
Feeling rather paranoid at this point, I hesitated and suggested that we double check that the driver didn't have our tickets. I mean, what are the chances that the FedEx guy was here to deliver to someone else on a Saturday.
With engine running, I thought about how long it would take us to get there while Tim watched Ig talk to the driver. I wasn't even watching because I didn't think anything would happen. Then Tim started laughing as Ig ran towards the car. He had an envelope in his hands!! We all just shook our heads in disbelief that FedEx had messed up and attempted to deliver the package. If Ig hadn't been late, we would have had to drive back to my place for the tickets. All we could do at this point was laugh.
After a stop for gas, we drove to a BART station. Knowing how late we were, it seemed like a smarter idea to ride the BART rather than try and park the car near the event. We bought our tickets and stood on the platform. The schedule said we had about five minutes before the next train. Perfect timing.
Ig was curious to see what time we would arrive and started to go back downstairs to locate a schedule. As he walked away, I was worried he'd miss the train and wanted my ticket in hand. Tim walked over to the stairs and yelled down to Ig to give us our tickets.
Tim's been particularly joking with me lately. He always tries to trick me by saying I didn't give him something or that he doesn't know what I'm talking about. It's gotten to the point where I'm not sure whether to believe him. It's kind of annoying sometimes. I looked up to see Tim walking towards me with his arm out stretch asking, "give me the car keys. Ig forgot the tickets."
I didn't believe him. My response was, "yeah, right."
"No, really, he doesn't have them."
"Oh crap! You're kidding?"
I fumbled through my bag for the keys. Tim went over to the stairs and threw them down to Ig. I yelled, "hurry," noticing that the sign was now blinking to alert us the train was incoming. After all we'd been through, I couldn't believe that he forgot the tickets. At least this didn't happen after we'd already arrived at the stadium.
I looked at Tim and indicated that Ig was not going to return in time. When the train opened it's doors, I wondered whether we should get on board. Tim was no help. He shrugged his shoulders. We debated whether one person should go ahead and buy some lunch food. I stepped into the car and asked one last time if I should go without them.
They met up with me just before noon. I had managed to buy some hot dogs and burritos before they arrived. In that sense, I guess it worked out. Still, I was pissed we were late. I also felt bad that we had this guy waiting for us at the stadium to get his $30 ticket. Considering how late we were, he would have been better off paying one of the scalpers on the street $10 or less for a ticket (which is what ticket were worth by that time).
So if you do the math, it came out to $26.66 for each of us, plus the gas and transportation. If we had not taken the tickets, Green would have gotten $90 for selling three tickets but spent $40 on FedEx. With our involvement, he got $90 for selling four tickets AND we paid him back for the $20 he spent on FedEx. That puts him $60 ahead of where he would have been (okay, he still took a loss on the tickets overall).
Sure, we had a good time, but I still think Green got a really good deal out of this. This is the last time I take a friend of a friend up on a "free" ticket offer.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Why I should just let things lie
My therapist's recommendation this week was to appreciate myself for all the good things I can do and stop punishing for myself for things I am not. No one's perfect, I recognize that. It's a hard habit to break to not nitpick and think less of myself for not doing better.
Such an example has just happened this morning that makes me want to bang my head against a wall.
Last night I talked with Ig about taking up on offer of some free tickets that a friend's friend, Green, cannot use. The tickets are for an event on Saturday. Green would have to FedEx them as he is a few hundred miles away (hence why he can't use the tickets).
Ig sent an e-mail last night to our friend expressing interest in the tickets. He didn't e-mail Green directly even though he had his e-mail address. Knowing that time was of the essence, I forwarded Ig's e-mail to Green and left my phone number.
Green called me and said he would send us the tickets. I added that we felt the least we could do was pay for the FedEx costs and perhaps pay a small token for the tickets. Apparently that opened up a can of worms. Green said he had planned to give them to another person at 2 tickets for $30. He then said, how about $60. The math seemed a bit funny to me, but I said "yes" wanting to be fair. He said he would e-mail me with the cost of the FedEx and how to Paypal him.
Five minutes later, Green called again, asking if we could do him a favor. I paused and said, "I'll try." He explained that another ticket was to be sold to a guy who lives near the event. He realized that sending it by FedEx would cost more than what the guy was paying him for the ticket. He asked if we could meet up with the guy to deliver the ticket and collect the money. I only said I'd try and he said that's fine if we were unable to connect with the buyer.
Once I got off the phone and back from a meeting, I started putting all this together. The initial momentum behind this whole thing was because the tickets were "FREE." Now, we're shelling out $80 and we have to act as his delivery person. I feel like I've been taken advantage of and am unhappy. I should have left this alone and let the deal fall apart when Ig sent the e-mail wrong. The tickets would have been given to someone else by now and I wouldn't be in this awkward position.
Ig is unreachable so I could not consult him for what to do next. Green just sent an e-mail with the tracking number, a list of what amount to send to his Paypal account, and the contact information of the one ticket buyer. I checked the estimated arrival time for the envelope. There is a possibility the tickets will not show up until just before the event starts. Given travel time, that means we could be late and miss half the event. Now it really seems lame to be paying all this money for the tickets.
I did my best to layout the situation and explain that I'm feeling like the amount is more than "what was originally intended." I asked if we could discuss making an adjustment.
I don't know what else to do. I HATE these situations. I struggle constantly between being fair, being polite, and getting what I want. Sometime I think I let people run all over me and it sucks. This is why I want to just forget the whole thing and stay away from these situations. I wish I had never written any e-mails this morning and just let Ig error play out. ARGH.
Addition: And now I feel bad that I sent him a response because in talking with Ig just now, I realize that when he said "2 at $30" he must have meant $30 EACH, not $30 total. Ugh, can I just end this day now? This is why I think people like Ryan don't stay with me - a build up of misinterpretations make me look like a really bitchy and selfish person. :(
Such an example has just happened this morning that makes me want to bang my head against a wall.
Last night I talked with Ig about taking up on offer of some free tickets that a friend's friend, Green, cannot use. The tickets are for an event on Saturday. Green would have to FedEx them as he is a few hundred miles away (hence why he can't use the tickets).
Ig sent an e-mail last night to our friend expressing interest in the tickets. He didn't e-mail Green directly even though he had his e-mail address. Knowing that time was of the essence, I forwarded Ig's e-mail to Green and left my phone number.
Green called me and said he would send us the tickets. I added that we felt the least we could do was pay for the FedEx costs and perhaps pay a small token for the tickets. Apparently that opened up a can of worms. Green said he had planned to give them to another person at 2 tickets for $30. He then said, how about $60. The math seemed a bit funny to me, but I said "yes" wanting to be fair. He said he would e-mail me with the cost of the FedEx and how to Paypal him.
Five minutes later, Green called again, asking if we could do him a favor. I paused and said, "I'll try." He explained that another ticket was to be sold to a guy who lives near the event. He realized that sending it by FedEx would cost more than what the guy was paying him for the ticket. He asked if we could meet up with the guy to deliver the ticket and collect the money. I only said I'd try and he said that's fine if we were unable to connect with the buyer.
Once I got off the phone and back from a meeting, I started putting all this together. The initial momentum behind this whole thing was because the tickets were "FREE." Now, we're shelling out $80 and we have to act as his delivery person. I feel like I've been taken advantage of and am unhappy. I should have left this alone and let the deal fall apart when Ig sent the e-mail wrong. The tickets would have been given to someone else by now and I wouldn't be in this awkward position.
Ig is unreachable so I could not consult him for what to do next. Green just sent an e-mail with the tracking number, a list of what amount to send to his Paypal account, and the contact information of the one ticket buyer. I checked the estimated arrival time for the envelope. There is a possibility the tickets will not show up until just before the event starts. Given travel time, that means we could be late and miss half the event. Now it really seems lame to be paying all this money for the tickets.
I did my best to layout the situation and explain that I'm feeling like the amount is more than "what was originally intended." I asked if we could discuss making an adjustment.
I don't know what else to do. I HATE these situations. I struggle constantly between being fair, being polite, and getting what I want. Sometime I think I let people run all over me and it sucks. This is why I want to just forget the whole thing and stay away from these situations. I wish I had never written any e-mails this morning and just let Ig error play out. ARGH.
Addition: And now I feel bad that I sent him a response because in talking with Ig just now, I realize that when he said "2 at $30" he must have meant $30 EACH, not $30 total. Ugh, can I just end this day now? This is why I think people like Ryan don't stay with me - a build up of misinterpretations make me look like a really bitchy and selfish person. :(
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Too old for "modern romance"
Myabe I'm just getting old and can no longer keep up with the new ways of communication. I understand that teenagers and people outside of the U.S. use text messaging much more than the rest of us. While I understand that texting is very convenient, I can't imagine carrying on meaningful conversations. How do you accont for intonation, sarcasm... emotion to set the tone? This is when I wonder how much I lack in social skills.
I can see how a technology like this would be convenient for friends. It would be nice to know there and then that I could say "hi" to someone a rarely get to see rather than find out days later than we missed running into each other by 10 minutes.
I heard about the growing idea of mobile romance before. At first, it seems so odd to set up your phone to alert you when a potential date is nearby. Then again, since I hate the impersonalness of the Internet, it seems like a nice way to test chemistry right away. It can't hurt to say "hello" and chat for a few minutes - kind of like a speed date.
One concern, based on my observations of online dating, what if you match what they're looking for but they don't match what you want? There are plenty of people who's preferences are quite different and yet they still try to make contact. I don't really want to meet the guy who's 48, smokes, is divorced with two kids. Nothing wrong with the person, just not anywhere in my target range. Now there's an awkward moment or more, especially if friends are present. Those possible meetings would discourage me from trying such an offering. On second thought, I suppose it would be nice to have the backup in case the guy is weird, and there'd be people to laugh with afterwards.
If I could be assured the alerts were from a mutual match, then it might be interesting. And, it would be nice to have a summary of the man's profile before they approach just to be able to double check and have a conversation starter.
Then again... I don't really go to bars or clubs these days so I guess I'm not the appropriate demographic for this new trend. ;)
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Modern romance: Get texted when love is near
By Grace Wong
Special to CNN
NEW YORK (CNN) -- Online dating is so last year. Now, if you're thinking romance, look to your mobile phone.
Match-making companies are creating new services that allow people to post their dating profile online and then automatically receive a text message on a GPS-enabled phone when a match is nearby, say, at a coffee shop around the corner.
The phenomenon, also known as "mobile romance," already has arrived in China, home to some 430 million mobile phone users. Most Chinese wireless service providers offer dating services to drive text message usage, which in turn creates revenue, according to Liu Bin, an analyst with BDA China Ltd., a Beijing-based telecommunications consulting firm.
Similar services are also cropping up in the United States. Dodgeball, which Google bought last year, alerts people to the locations of their friends and potential dates via text messages on their cell phone.
Socialight, another application for the mobile phone, works more like a tagging service. It lets users create virtual "sticky notes" wherever they are with their cell phone. If you're at a music concert, for instance, you can create a note. Then if your friends approach your location, they're notified on their phone. (A new version of Socialight is under development and the service will be unavailable until that version is launched.)
Dodgeball doesn't use GPS to track its users' locations. Instead, when a user goes to a bar, they "check in" with Dodgeball by sending a text message. Dodgeball then relays their location to the friends in their network, also via a text message.
Daniel Doubrovkine, 30, a heavy Dodgeball user in New York, said he uses the service to connect with friends, not romantic partners.
"It's a convenient way to tell all my friends where I am without bothering them," he said. "I use Dodgeball from work, home, wherever."
Leading online dating site Match.com offers a mobile service that allows members to look for romance on-the-go. They can send text messages to people who match their profile, but there isn't a location-based feature that alerts them when someone is nearby.
Mobile dating is such a new trend that the size of its user base isn't even closely followed. In a survey of online dating users conducted by Jupiter Research, barely a fraction of them said they use mobile platforms in search of romance, according to Nate Elliott, a Jupiter Research analyst.
Elliott thinks the Internet, not GPS-enabled mobile phones, will continue to dominate the hi-tech ways people seek romance in the United States. "For the foreseeable future, mobile's best use is as a channel to drive consumers back to Web sites," he said.
But younger generations more comfortable with newer technologies could change how people connect. The attitude of today's youth toward cell phones and technology is vastly different from that of adults, said Charles Golvin, an analyst with Forrester Research.
Younger mobile users have moved well beyond voice when it comes to their phones, he said. For instance, more than three in four of them use text messaging (versus one in four adults) and nearly half of them use their phones to instant message.
These so-called "tech natives" have grown up with a variety of different communication methods. "They have more tools at their disposal and aren't intimidated by technology itself," Golvin said.
But for now, some users are skeptical about the ability of services like Dodgeball to spark real romance.
Doubrovkine, the Dodgeball user, said people don't need Dodgeball to find dates. (A feature of the service lets you designate "crushes" online -- they're then alerted to your location when you're nearby.)
"People hook up in bars all the time. You don't need text messaging to do that," he said.
I can see how a technology like this would be convenient for friends. It would be nice to know there and then that I could say "hi" to someone a rarely get to see rather than find out days later than we missed running into each other by 10 minutes.
I heard about the growing idea of mobile romance before. At first, it seems so odd to set up your phone to alert you when a potential date is nearby. Then again, since I hate the impersonalness of the Internet, it seems like a nice way to test chemistry right away. It can't hurt to say "hello" and chat for a few minutes - kind of like a speed date.
One concern, based on my observations of online dating, what if you match what they're looking for but they don't match what you want? There are plenty of people who's preferences are quite different and yet they still try to make contact. I don't really want to meet the guy who's 48, smokes, is divorced with two kids. Nothing wrong with the person, just not anywhere in my target range. Now there's an awkward moment or more, especially if friends are present. Those possible meetings would discourage me from trying such an offering. On second thought, I suppose it would be nice to have the backup in case the guy is weird, and there'd be people to laugh with afterwards.
If I could be assured the alerts were from a mutual match, then it might be interesting. And, it would be nice to have a summary of the man's profile before they approach just to be able to double check and have a conversation starter.
Then again... I don't really go to bars or clubs these days so I guess I'm not the appropriate demographic for this new trend. ;)
**************************************************
Modern romance: Get texted when love is near
By Grace Wong
Special to CNN
NEW YORK (CNN) -- Online dating is so last year. Now, if you're thinking romance, look to your mobile phone.
Match-making companies are creating new services that allow people to post their dating profile online and then automatically receive a text message on a GPS-enabled phone when a match is nearby, say, at a coffee shop around the corner.
The phenomenon, also known as "mobile romance," already has arrived in China, home to some 430 million mobile phone users. Most Chinese wireless service providers offer dating services to drive text message usage, which in turn creates revenue, according to Liu Bin, an analyst with BDA China Ltd., a Beijing-based telecommunications consulting firm.
Similar services are also cropping up in the United States. Dodgeball, which Google bought last year, alerts people to the locations of their friends and potential dates via text messages on their cell phone.
Socialight, another application for the mobile phone, works more like a tagging service. It lets users create virtual "sticky notes" wherever they are with their cell phone. If you're at a music concert, for instance, you can create a note. Then if your friends approach your location, they're notified on their phone. (A new version of Socialight is under development and the service will be unavailable until that version is launched.)
Dodgeball doesn't use GPS to track its users' locations. Instead, when a user goes to a bar, they "check in" with Dodgeball by sending a text message. Dodgeball then relays their location to the friends in their network, also via a text message.
Daniel Doubrovkine, 30, a heavy Dodgeball user in New York, said he uses the service to connect with friends, not romantic partners.
"It's a convenient way to tell all my friends where I am without bothering them," he said. "I use Dodgeball from work, home, wherever."
Leading online dating site Match.com offers a mobile service that allows members to look for romance on-the-go. They can send text messages to people who match their profile, but there isn't a location-based feature that alerts them when someone is nearby.
Mobile dating is such a new trend that the size of its user base isn't even closely followed. In a survey of online dating users conducted by Jupiter Research, barely a fraction of them said they use mobile platforms in search of romance, according to Nate Elliott, a Jupiter Research analyst.
Elliott thinks the Internet, not GPS-enabled mobile phones, will continue to dominate the hi-tech ways people seek romance in the United States. "For the foreseeable future, mobile's best use is as a channel to drive consumers back to Web sites," he said.
But younger generations more comfortable with newer technologies could change how people connect. The attitude of today's youth toward cell phones and technology is vastly different from that of adults, said Charles Golvin, an analyst with Forrester Research.
Younger mobile users have moved well beyond voice when it comes to their phones, he said. For instance, more than three in four of them use text messaging (versus one in four adults) and nearly half of them use their phones to instant message.
These so-called "tech natives" have grown up with a variety of different communication methods. "They have more tools at their disposal and aren't intimidated by technology itself," Golvin said.
But for now, some users are skeptical about the ability of services like Dodgeball to spark real romance.
Doubrovkine, the Dodgeball user, said people don't need Dodgeball to find dates. (A feature of the service lets you designate "crushes" online -- they're then alerted to your location when you're nearby.)
"People hook up in bars all the time. You don't need text messaging to do that," he said.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Underestimating Yourself
Talking about insecurities reminded me of this e-mail a friend sent recently. It makes me think of the saying "Marketing is everything and everything is marketing." It would seem that anything can be explained by the law of economics as well. (Didn't John Nash come up with his Nobel prize-winning, economics theory based on which girl to approach in the bar in "A Beautiful Mind?")
I definitely am very confused by the whole "friendly" thing. I never know whether a guy is just genuinely friendly to all people or is trying to get close to me. There doesn't seem to be a particularly consistent rule from guy to guy on how to tell. I don't think I've ever guessed that one right, nor ever will. Oh well.
Flirting
Don't misunderestimate yourself
Nov 23rd 2006
From The Economist print edition
Why people think that rivals are better looking than they really are IF YOU have ever sat alone in a bar, depressed by how good-looking everybody else seems to be, take comfort—it may be evolution playing trick on you. A study just published in Evolution and Human Behavior by Sarah Hill, a psychologist at the University of Texas, Austin, shows that people of both sexes reckon the sexual competition they face is stronger than it really is. She thinks that is useful: it makes people try harder to attract or keep a mate.
Dr Hill showed heterosexual men and women photographs of people. She asked them to rate both how attractive those of their own sex would be to the opposite sex, and how attractive the members of the opposite sex were. She then compared the scores for the former with the scores for the latter, seen from the other side. Men thought that the men they were shown were more attractive to women than they really were, and women thought the same of the women.
Dr Hill had predicted this outcome, thanks to error-management theory — the idea that when people (or, indeed, other animals) make errors of judgment, they tend to make the error that is least costly. The notion was first proposed by Martie Haselton and David Buss, two of Dr Hill's colleagues, to explain a puzzling quirk in male psychology.
As studies show, and many women will attest, men tend to misinterpret innocent friendliness as a sign that women are sexually interested in them. Dr Haselton and Dr Buss reasoned that men who are trying to decide if a woman is interested sexually can err in one of two ways. They can mistakenly believe that she is not interested, in which case they will not bother trying to have sex with her; or they can mistakenly believe she is interested, try, and be rejected. From an evolutionary standpoint, trying and being rejected comes at little cost, except for hurt feelings. Not trying at all, by contrast, may mean the loss of an opportunity to, among other things, spread one's DNA.
There is an opposite bias in women's errors. They tend to undervalue signs that a man is interested in a committed relationship. That, the idea goes, is because a woman who guesses wrongly that a man intends to stick around could end up raising a child alone.
On looks, however, men and women make the same error. So go on, luck up your courage: you may think the competition is righteningly hot, but then so does she.
I definitely am very confused by the whole "friendly" thing. I never know whether a guy is just genuinely friendly to all people or is trying to get close to me. There doesn't seem to be a particularly consistent rule from guy to guy on how to tell. I don't think I've ever guessed that one right, nor ever will. Oh well.
Flirting
Don't misunderestimate yourself
Nov 23rd 2006
From The Economist print edition
Why people think that rivals are better looking than they really are IF YOU have ever sat alone in a bar, depressed by how good-looking everybody else seems to be, take comfort—it may be evolution playing trick on you. A study just published in Evolution and Human Behavior by Sarah Hill, a psychologist at the University of Texas, Austin, shows that people of both sexes reckon the sexual competition they face is stronger than it really is. She thinks that is useful: it makes people try harder to attract or keep a mate.
Dr Hill showed heterosexual men and women photographs of people. She asked them to rate both how attractive those of their own sex would be to the opposite sex, and how attractive the members of the opposite sex were. She then compared the scores for the former with the scores for the latter, seen from the other side. Men thought that the men they were shown were more attractive to women than they really were, and women thought the same of the women.
Dr Hill had predicted this outcome, thanks to error-management theory — the idea that when people (or, indeed, other animals) make errors of judgment, they tend to make the error that is least costly. The notion was first proposed by Martie Haselton and David Buss, two of Dr Hill's colleagues, to explain a puzzling quirk in male psychology.
As studies show, and many women will attest, men tend to misinterpret innocent friendliness as a sign that women are sexually interested in them. Dr Haselton and Dr Buss reasoned that men who are trying to decide if a woman is interested sexually can err in one of two ways. They can mistakenly believe that she is not interested, in which case they will not bother trying to have sex with her; or they can mistakenly believe she is interested, try, and be rejected. From an evolutionary standpoint, trying and being rejected comes at little cost, except for hurt feelings. Not trying at all, by contrast, may mean the loss of an opportunity to, among other things, spread one's DNA.
There is an opposite bias in women's errors. They tend to undervalue signs that a man is interested in a committed relationship. That, the idea goes, is because a woman who guesses wrongly that a man intends to stick around could end up raising a child alone.
On looks, however, men and women make the same error. So go on, luck up your courage: you may think the competition is righteningly hot, but then so does she.
Monday, November 27, 2006
A Welcome Weekend
I can't believe it's back to work. Time flies too quickly these days.
I awoke at a decent time on Thursday morning. I walked over to the deserted strip mall to pick up the all important newspaper. Only the parking lot of the grocery store was full of cars. I sat around all morning, with the tv running in the background, as I scanned the Black Friday ads to determine what I wanted to buy and where to go the next morning. Ever since they made it 5am opening, I've sworn off getting up early, but I still try and go as soon as I get up.
I cooked up a side dish of green beans and mushrooms before heading over to my friend's Thanksgiving dinner. Besides Jew and Matrix, her boyfriend, I did not know anyone attending. Some of my friends tried to give me the spin that I might meet a guy there, but I knew better. And, I was right, pretty much everyone there was a couple. I suppose it was interesting to meet some new people. The conversations were okay, but I have to admit, they got a bit dry. I used my early shopping plans as an excuse to leave a little early.
Friday, with all the excitement brewing in my head, I woke up early - 5:01AM to be exact. I imagined all the people pushing their way through the doors of the stores. I thought I heard cheering coming from the strip mall a couple blocks away. It was probably just my imagination. When I reached over to turn off my 6AM alarm, I realized that I had forget to set it. How funny.
I managed to pick up a few goodies, though I'm not sure it was worth standing in line for 2.5 hours. Yuck! At least I now own seasons 1, 2, 3, and 5 of Gilmore Girls. (Hopefully they'll have seasons 4 and 6 on sale next year.) It also meant that I missed going to a couple other places that had morning specials and items that I thought would make nice gifts.
I returned home with just enough time to gulp down a couple bites to eat before going up to the auto show with Tim. We met up with Ig and Turk. I'm not in the market for a car, but it's fun to attend the show every few years to see what's new in cars. GPS technology is moving towards becoming a standard. While I see it's benefits, I can't help wonder how dependent it could make some people. Where's the mental development when everything is done for you?
From the car show, a few of us gathered at Hula and Drummer's place for a friendly evening. I was rather grumpy as we arrived at the house. Getting my period and already having been awake for 14 hours of standing and walking didn't make for a good mood. When I complained to Tim about feeling lonely, depressed and fat, he was sweet and assured me that I was probably just feeling bloated because of my period and not fat. I put on my happy face and greeted all my friends. We ate Thanksgiving leftovers supplemented with take-out Thai food.
The rest of the weekend consisted of a little more shopping, watching football, online shopping, wrapping gifts, and making potstickers. I really liked staying in on Sunday and mucking around in my pajamas.
********************
The best thing was catching up on Survivor. I watched Thursday's episode on Sunday night. During the immunity challenge, the players were required to cling to a wooden pole interspersed with ropes. The ropes provided a narrow ledge that could be used to rest feet against or grip. The goal was to remain up as long as possible without touching the ground.
As Jonathan struggle to keep his footing, Jeff Probst engaged him in conversation.
Jeff: Where are you feeling it Jonathan?
Jonathan: My feet a little bit. My feet are a lot bigger so, a little bit of rope... just hard, I guess
Yul: I think Jon has a point though...
Jeff: What's that?
Yul: Well, basically the surface area supporting all of us is about the same. Even if you're feet are a bit bigger or not. But, you know, you're, you're mass goes up at a faster rate than surface area. It's kind of like why elephants can't run up trees.
[The group laughs.]
Jeff: Just what I was thinking.
Parvatti: Clearly.
Yul: [shaking his head] I'm never going to get a date again.
Parvatti: Smart equals sexy.
My immediate thought as Yul gave his physics lesson was - oh know, this is going to make him a target. As he expressed his concern about his geekiness affecting his image, I thought "but I like hearing a guy think like that." I then added, "but then he's probably referring to dating hot girls, not gals like me."
It's something I would consider just "normal" until a situation like this where other people would find it out of place. It's hilarious because you know the other people there were not expecting that level of analysis. Maybe it's because I can see myself thinking things like this that I can relate. Sure, you don't want to get intellectual around people all the time, but an occasional sharing of knowledge makes for fun conversation. The minute I saw the challenge, I wanted a scientific explanation of the best physical position to stand in the outlast the competition. I expressed how endearing his comments were. Ig pointed out Parvatti's comment and noted "and she's hot."
Then the guys got into a bit of a discussion when Ig said, "a guy like Yul can say things like that because he's good looking."
"He's not *that* good looking, it's just that he happens to" have the whole package. I can't remember exactly what Tim said but it was interesting to see how we all had different perspectives on the situation.
We discussed how Yul's now listed as one of People's sexy men. I also explained to the guys that Yul wasn't always so fit and muscular. A high school buddy of his was surprised at the first episode of the show and exclaimed, "since when did he get so ripped." It seemed to make the Ig feel better that perhaps a few years ago, Yul was just another average Asian guy.
It seems we all have our insecurities. It reminds me how important it is to be okay with yourself and know that others aren't necessarily better than you. They may just hide things better. I don't know if I could find someone like Yul for myself, but I hope that I may keep in mind to look past the superficial and remember to get to know the person and let them be a little vulnerable with me without penalizing them for it.
I awoke at a decent time on Thursday morning. I walked over to the deserted strip mall to pick up the all important newspaper. Only the parking lot of the grocery store was full of cars. I sat around all morning, with the tv running in the background, as I scanned the Black Friday ads to determine what I wanted to buy and where to go the next morning. Ever since they made it 5am opening, I've sworn off getting up early, but I still try and go as soon as I get up.
I cooked up a side dish of green beans and mushrooms before heading over to my friend's Thanksgiving dinner. Besides Jew and Matrix, her boyfriend, I did not know anyone attending. Some of my friends tried to give me the spin that I might meet a guy there, but I knew better. And, I was right, pretty much everyone there was a couple. I suppose it was interesting to meet some new people. The conversations were okay, but I have to admit, they got a bit dry. I used my early shopping plans as an excuse to leave a little early.
Friday, with all the excitement brewing in my head, I woke up early - 5:01AM to be exact. I imagined all the people pushing their way through the doors of the stores. I thought I heard cheering coming from the strip mall a couple blocks away. It was probably just my imagination. When I reached over to turn off my 6AM alarm, I realized that I had forget to set it. How funny.
I managed to pick up a few goodies, though I'm not sure it was worth standing in line for 2.5 hours. Yuck! At least I now own seasons 1, 2, 3, and 5 of Gilmore Girls. (Hopefully they'll have seasons 4 and 6 on sale next year.) It also meant that I missed going to a couple other places that had morning specials and items that I thought would make nice gifts.
I returned home with just enough time to gulp down a couple bites to eat before going up to the auto show with Tim. We met up with Ig and Turk. I'm not in the market for a car, but it's fun to attend the show every few years to see what's new in cars. GPS technology is moving towards becoming a standard. While I see it's benefits, I can't help wonder how dependent it could make some people. Where's the mental development when everything is done for you?
From the car show, a few of us gathered at Hula and Drummer's place for a friendly evening. I was rather grumpy as we arrived at the house. Getting my period and already having been awake for 14 hours of standing and walking didn't make for a good mood. When I complained to Tim about feeling lonely, depressed and fat, he was sweet and assured me that I was probably just feeling bloated because of my period and not fat. I put on my happy face and greeted all my friends. We ate Thanksgiving leftovers supplemented with take-out Thai food.
The rest of the weekend consisted of a little more shopping, watching football, online shopping, wrapping gifts, and making potstickers. I really liked staying in on Sunday and mucking around in my pajamas.
********************
The best thing was catching up on Survivor. I watched Thursday's episode on Sunday night. During the immunity challenge, the players were required to cling to a wooden pole interspersed with ropes. The ropes provided a narrow ledge that could be used to rest feet against or grip. The goal was to remain up as long as possible without touching the ground.
As Jonathan struggle to keep his footing, Jeff Probst engaged him in conversation.
Jeff: Where are you feeling it Jonathan?
Jonathan: My feet a little bit. My feet are a lot bigger so, a little bit of rope... just hard, I guess
Yul: I think Jon has a point though...
Jeff: What's that?
Yul: Well, basically the surface area supporting all of us is about the same. Even if you're feet are a bit bigger or not. But, you know, you're, you're mass goes up at a faster rate than surface area. It's kind of like why elephants can't run up trees.
[The group laughs.]
Jeff: Just what I was thinking.
Parvatti: Clearly.
Yul: [shaking his head] I'm never going to get a date again.
Parvatti: Smart equals sexy.
My immediate thought as Yul gave his physics lesson was - oh know, this is going to make him a target. As he expressed his concern about his geekiness affecting his image, I thought "but I like hearing a guy think like that." I then added, "but then he's probably referring to dating hot girls, not gals like me."
It's something I would consider just "normal" until a situation like this where other people would find it out of place. It's hilarious because you know the other people there were not expecting that level of analysis. Maybe it's because I can see myself thinking things like this that I can relate. Sure, you don't want to get intellectual around people all the time, but an occasional sharing of knowledge makes for fun conversation. The minute I saw the challenge, I wanted a scientific explanation of the best physical position to stand in the outlast the competition. I expressed how endearing his comments were. Ig pointed out Parvatti's comment and noted "and she's hot."
Then the guys got into a bit of a discussion when Ig said, "a guy like Yul can say things like that because he's good looking."
"He's not *that* good looking, it's just that he happens to" have the whole package. I can't remember exactly what Tim said but it was interesting to see how we all had different perspectives on the situation.
We discussed how Yul's now listed as one of People's sexy men. I also explained to the guys that Yul wasn't always so fit and muscular. A high school buddy of his was surprised at the first episode of the show and exclaimed, "since when did he get so ripped." It seemed to make the Ig feel better that perhaps a few years ago, Yul was just another average Asian guy.
It seems we all have our insecurities. It reminds me how important it is to be okay with yourself and know that others aren't necessarily better than you. They may just hide things better. I don't know if I could find someone like Yul for myself, but I hope that I may keep in mind to look past the superficial and remember to get to know the person and let them be a little vulnerable with me without penalizing them for it.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Almost getting what you asked for
When I'm in a bad mood, feeling depressed about life, I have sometimes expressed to myself a desire to be hit by a car. Pain begets the desire for more pain I suppose.
Over the weekend, I was continuing my holiday shopping. Going from the bookstore to the farmers' market, I waited at a small left turn signal on El Camino Real. Normally the turn onto Ph St. would be a simple turn lane with the choice left up to the driver. Since the street is parallel to two major streets, I guess the city decided a traffic signal would be safer.
So I sat waiting for my light to change to green. The light one half block ahead was red. I figured I would have my turn before the three-lane onslaught rolled through their intersection to block my path. To my surprise, however, their light turned green while I stared at my red light.
The herd of cars passed me by. I didn't really pay much attention since I figured it would be a good couple minutes before my turn came. After a small gap in the flow of cross traffic, my light turned green. I was surprised that it would let me go when there was another small group of cars headed towards me. But it seemed the cars were slowing down, so I pulled out.
As my car went forward about 50 ft. I heard some honking. I continued taking my left turn and checked my mirror to see what the commotion was about. In my rear view, I saw two lanes of cars stopped at the light, but in the third lane (nearest to the median), was a car in the middle of the intersection. The woman in the passenger seat was looking towards me in a daze.
In those few seconds as I finished crossing El Camino Real and drove down Ph, I slowly processed what just happened. I looked back again to see the cars that had stopped move again, though the honking car seemed to still be sitting in the road. At first, I was mad that they had honked at me, after all, I had the right of way.
Then, I second guessed myself and wondered if I had misread the traffic signal. Had I driven recklessly? But then why would the other two cars have stopped at the road mark? I'm sure I saw the green light illuminated. Should I have turn around to confront the car? Were they stopped waiting for me to come back to talk with them?
In my state of confusion and oblivion, I drove another four blocks to my destination, though admittedly more cautiously. I sat in my car for a moment. Based on the few facts I had gathered from that incident, one of two possibilities seems most likely:
1) The honking car had not seen the red light since it was not an obvious "T" intersection and slammed on their brakes to stop after running the red.
2) Both lights were green and the incidence should be reported so that the city can fix the light.
I wasn't scared but certainly concerned. Fortunately, nothing happened, there was no contact. Imagine what could have happened. They likely would have hit me square in the side of my car or clipped the back trunk area. My air bags would have deployed and the car possibly would have spun around. It would have been a nasty way to start the day.
There's no way to know how serious the accident would have been, but I think about it. Now, I think I shouldn't wish to be in a car accident. Driving is a dangerous activity that people take for granted. I'll be watching cars more carefully for awhile (especially this time of year) and waiting a little longer before pulling out in front of opposing traffic.
Over the weekend, I was continuing my holiday shopping. Going from the bookstore to the farmers' market, I waited at a small left turn signal on El Camino Real. Normally the turn onto Ph St. would be a simple turn lane with the choice left up to the driver. Since the street is parallel to two major streets, I guess the city decided a traffic signal would be safer.
So I sat waiting for my light to change to green. The light one half block ahead was red. I figured I would have my turn before the three-lane onslaught rolled through their intersection to block my path. To my surprise, however, their light turned green while I stared at my red light.
The herd of cars passed me by. I didn't really pay much attention since I figured it would be a good couple minutes before my turn came. After a small gap in the flow of cross traffic, my light turned green. I was surprised that it would let me go when there was another small group of cars headed towards me. But it seemed the cars were slowing down, so I pulled out.
As my car went forward about 50 ft. I heard some honking. I continued taking my left turn and checked my mirror to see what the commotion was about. In my rear view, I saw two lanes of cars stopped at the light, but in the third lane (nearest to the median), was a car in the middle of the intersection. The woman in the passenger seat was looking towards me in a daze.
In those few seconds as I finished crossing El Camino Real and drove down Ph, I slowly processed what just happened. I looked back again to see the cars that had stopped move again, though the honking car seemed to still be sitting in the road. At first, I was mad that they had honked at me, after all, I had the right of way.
Then, I second guessed myself and wondered if I had misread the traffic signal. Had I driven recklessly? But then why would the other two cars have stopped at the road mark? I'm sure I saw the green light illuminated. Should I have turn around to confront the car? Were they stopped waiting for me to come back to talk with them?
In my state of confusion and oblivion, I drove another four blocks to my destination, though admittedly more cautiously. I sat in my car for a moment. Based on the few facts I had gathered from that incident, one of two possibilities seems most likely:
1) The honking car had not seen the red light since it was not an obvious "T" intersection and slammed on their brakes to stop after running the red.
2) Both lights were green and the incidence should be reported so that the city can fix the light.
I wasn't scared but certainly concerned. Fortunately, nothing happened, there was no contact. Imagine what could have happened. They likely would have hit me square in the side of my car or clipped the back trunk area. My air bags would have deployed and the car possibly would have spun around. It would have been a nasty way to start the day.
There's no way to know how serious the accident would have been, but I think about it. Now, I think I shouldn't wish to be in a car accident. Driving is a dangerous activity that people take for granted. I'll be watching cars more carefully for awhile (especially this time of year) and waiting a little longer before pulling out in front of opposing traffic.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
ASIAN POP / Do you think we're sexy?
Just thought this was funny after my mention previously of Koreans in the celebrity spotlight.
So I guess the question is... with Yul being such a great guy and all... will the fame and fortune go to his head? Will he become a "jerk" despite the charms and down-to-earth attitude that have made him so popular?
ASIAN POP / Do you think we're sexy?
By Jeff Yang, Special to SF Gate
Thursday, November 22, 2006
As George Clooney celebrates his second time around as People's "Sexiest Man Alive," Jeff Yang looks at the status of Asian men in American culture. From Gedde Watanabe in "16 Candles" to Daniel Dae Kim in "Lost," it seems like the image of the Asian male has come a long way, baby. Or ... has it?
Flipping through my glossy copy of People's annual "Sexiest Man Alive" issue (Double sized! Over 200 hunks-a hunks-a burnin' love inside!) has led me to a couple of quick conclusions. The first is that George Clooney is, indeed, a piping-hot serving of manwich. I mean, I'm a straight, married male with a kid, but I can still see how if I were of a different gender or sexual orientation, I'd have great difficulty throwing Clooney out of bed for eating whole-grain Tuscan crostini.
The second is that, even so, Clooney is not even close to my pick for the Sexiest Man Alive. In fact, I wouldn't even call him the sexiest man in the Nov. 27 edition of People. That's because the issue also contains Y-- Kwon, described by People's editors in interviews as a Sexiest Man Alive "finalist" and profiled in the mag's section on "Sexy Men in Sexy Environments."
Clooney is smart, funny, owns an Italian villa, and is the kind of sharply dressed man that ZZ Top correctly noted every woman's crazy 'bout. But Kwon is another creature entirely -- a genetic specimen so undeniably ideal (at least in comparison to yours truly, as both wife and mother have hinted) that he prompts thoughts of the classic comedy "Twins."
This is Y--: classically sculpted features, egg-carton abs, able to reconstruct civilization on a desert island with nothing more than a pair of coconuts and a feral chicken. And this is me: laughably doughy features, egg-shaped physique, desperately trying to file a piece on sexy Asian guys before my editor sends burly men to snap my fingers like takeout chopsticks. It shouldn't be difficult to identify who's the Arnie and who's the Danny in this comparison.
"The thing about Y-- that's compelling is that he's smart, he's strong, he's a leader, but he knows when to show strength and when to be restrained, and God, look at those abs," says Cynthia Wang, People's associate L.A. bureau chief. "Everyone was saying, 'Wow, we can't miss that man, the way he looks, the way he behaves -- he's got to be part of this issue.' And as both an Asian American and, admittedly, a reality TV junkie, it's great to see that."
There are other Asian men in the "Sexiest Man Alive" issue, too -- including "Harold and Kumar"'s John Cho, "Lost"'s Daniel Dae Kim and Hong Kong pop idol/"Grudge 2" star Edison Chen. In fact, if you take it at face value that People magazine is a reflection of, well, people and their attitudes toward mainstream popular culture, you'd have to say that the image of Asian men has taken an enormous leap forward in the two decades since the "Sexiest Man" issue was inaugurated (with the original honor going to Mel Gibson -- lo, how the mighty have fallen).
Not So Fast, a Bit More Furious?
Of course, not everyone buys into that line of reasoning. Take for example Ethan Lee, UC Berkeley grad and creator of a buzzed-about new Web comic called "Single Asian Female," which he calls an attempt to encapsulate some of what he learned in his Asian American Studies classes into "a form that's easy to read and understand."
If it seems a little weird for guy to be writing a strip called "Single Asian Female," well, Lee says it's because he wanted to talk about issues that could only be effectively expressed from the point of view of an Asian American woman -- "like the story about Asian females getting hit on by white guys with Asian fetishes."
Also, as some on the Web have suggested, people are a lot more likely to read a strip with an Asian American female protagonist -- just like they're more willing to watch news with an Asian American anchor, or more likely to accept an Asian woman as a romantic lead.
"Asian men are still stereotyped as geeky, sexless losers, including by some Asian American women," says Lee. "I remember that even in my Asian American Studies classes, there were two or three Asian women who bragged how they only date white men. I distinctly remember one of them saying, 'I'm afraid an Asian man might beat me,' and another saying, 'Well, I've always been attracted to the Abercrombie and Fitch model type.'"
But, I ask him, is that really representative? Even if there are attitudes like that out there, it's hard to think that those are really the norm today. Certainly things have changed in the past 20 years, with society moving -- slowly -- toward a more progressive, inclusive standard of beauty, right?
Lee doesn't think so. "Go to any newsstand, and just stand back and look at the magazine rack," he says. "Over 90 percent of the people looking back are going to be white. If you exclude Beyonce, Oprah and a bunch of athletes, you're talking more like 99 percent. That's what Asian Americans internalize when they think about who's sexy, about who they want to get with. They think: 'White people are sexy, and we want to get it on with a guy like George Clooney.'"
Jeff Adachi, San Francisco public defender and producer/director of "The Slanted Screen," a documentary exploring the evolution of the Asian male image in film and television, is somewhat more sanguine. "Slanted Screen" also makes the case that representation in media both reflects and impacts societal attitudes -- but Adachi believes that the worst excesses of Hollywood history are behind us, and a new breed of Asian American actors, producers and directors is crashing the show-biz gates in a way that's not only increasing the number of Asians in film and on TV but reframing the way we're being portrayed as well.
"Historically, it's true, Hollywood tended to take three steps forward and two steps back," he says. "But we're positioned now to make much larger gains than in the past. You look at this younger generation of Asian Americans, who didn't grow up immersed in civil rights, and the idea of being constrained by race is completely foreign to them. ["Mad TV" cast member] Bobby Lee, he told me he never auditions for an Asian role, because he knows he's not going to get it -- it's going to go to the really good-looking Asian guy. So he only auditions for 'white' roles -- and he gets them, because he's funny and talented and doesn't have any baggage. He went out for a commercial that was looking for a 'mountain man,' a guy living out by himself in the wilderness, and he said he was the only person of color to show up for the audition. Everyone else was a big, bearded Caucasian guy. And he got the role."
I'm Too Sexy (for This Column)
That brash, damn-the-torpedoes, what-do-I-have-to-lose sensibility isn't just a blueprint for storming the gates of Hollywood; it's also a critical ingredient in the recipe for masculine sex appeal, regardless of race, ethnicity and culture. A nation of emo boys notwithstanding, being comfortable with who you are, even defiantly so, can make the gnarliest of dudes a lovebeast of epic proportions. It's what makes mirror-shattering rock stars like Mick Jagger, Steve Tyler and Ric Ocasek such model magnets (well, that and a few million in the bank).
"I think if you compare the general demeanor and attitudes of young Asian American men now versus a generation ago -- when people like you and me were coming of age -- you'll find a lot more self-confidence," says Oliver Wang, cultural critic, assistant professor of sociology at California State University, Long Beach, and fellow blogger at the Asian American papa community Rice Daddies. "Not that we've reached the promised land of secure masculinity yet. Hell, what men have?"
Karin Chien, producer of "The Motel" and "Robot Stories," agrees. "Sexiness comes from within," she says. "It's confidence and power and success and humor all rolled up into one big package. Sexiness is knowing that you're hot, no matter what anyone else in the room -- or anyone at People magazine -- says."
Which brings me to my biggest reflection upon perusing this year's "SMA." Clooney isn't the sexiest man in the issue. But Y-- Kwon, for all of his drop-forged perfection, isn't, either. From my humble perspective, 2006's Sexiest Man Alive is none other than Masi Oka, breakout star of the hit show "Heroes."
I've dropped a lot of love on "Heroes" recently, not only because I'm an addict of the program but because I think it captures the zeitgeist in a way that other series -- including the desperate denizens of Wisteria Lane and the Other-haunted castaways of "Lost" -- do not. We live in a time when we're searching for heroes. But in searching for them, we're also redefining them, casting them in new and more mundane images. We don't want flash, we want familiarity. We're seeking the extraordinary, but with an accent on the ordinary.
The heroic quest of Oka's character, Hiro Nakamura, isn't just saving the world; it's reframing the cultural dialogue on masculinity and sexual appeal, and reinventing the notion of heroism itself. Recent episodes have shown a new side to Hiro -- his romantic streak -- and my friends and I hope that the show's writers let him succeed in his chivalrous journey to save his perky soul mate, a Texas greasy-spoon waitress with superhuman mnemonic powers. (And yes, she's white, though interracial relationship issues seem refreshingly abstracted in "Heroes" -- there are at this count three significant trans-ethnic couples in the series, with nary a single reference yet to race, which, depending on your perspective, is either a sign of more tolerant times or proof positive that the show exists in a parallel universe.)
Hiro is a doughy, bespectacled and flamboyant out-of-the-cubicle geek -- a manga addict, a comic book fanboy, a hard-core Trekker. But he's so at one with his inner dork (which is also his outer dork) that it all ultimately proves irresistibly charming -- even, you know, sexy.
"I was talking to Tim Kring, the show's creator, and he told me that Hiro's character is completely the work of Masi," says People's Wang. "The way Hiro was written, the character wasn't nearly as funny and interesting as Masi's made him. The way Masi decided to play him has actually changed the direction of how the season's playing out. Did you know that all the Japanese dialogue in the show -- Masi does the translations himself. The script is written in English, and Masi converts the lines that are supposed to be in Japanese into phrases that are appropriate, slangwise. And that's kind of lost on people who don't speak the language. But it's part of what has made his character so authentic and appealing."
That's the ticket, right? It's always been out there -- it's the moral of every made-for-teens TV movie, the end zone of every sitcom's "Very Special Episode": Be at home in your own skin -- don't try to reformat yourself to the world's expectations, be yourself, love yourself, and just maybe, the world will follow.
Of course, we -- and the cast of "Heroes" -- have a long way to go before we can fix the world's problems. For one thing, the online poll at People's Web site, asking readers to vote on the show's sexiest male cast member, has Masi Oka stuck at 2 percent; floppy-haired Milo Ventimiglia is in the lead at 30 percent. I'm not saying that everyone who reads this should head over and crash the vote. But on the other hand, on behalf of Masi, me and hundreds of thousands of other happily (extra)ordinary dweebs, I leave you with this cryptic message:
Save the fanboy. Save the world.
Jeff Yang forecasts new Asian and Asian American consumer trends for the market-research company Iconoculture (www.iconoculture.com). He is the author of "Once Upon a Time in China: A Guide to the Cinemas of Hong Kong, Taiwan and Mainland China" (Atria Books) and co-author of "I Am Jackie Chan: My Life in Action" (Ballantine) and "Eastern Standard Time" (Mariner/Houghton Mifflin). He lives in New York City. Go to www.ouatic.com/mojomail/mojo.pl to join Jeff Yang's biweekly mailing list offering updates on this column and alerts about other breaking Asian and Asian American pop-culture news.
So I guess the question is... with Yul being such a great guy and all... will the fame and fortune go to his head? Will he become a "jerk" despite the charms and down-to-earth attitude that have made him so popular?
ASIAN POP / Do you think we're sexy?
By Jeff Yang, Special to SF Gate
Thursday, November 22, 2006
As George Clooney celebrates his second time around as People's "Sexiest Man Alive," Jeff Yang looks at the status of Asian men in American culture. From Gedde Watanabe in "16 Candles" to Daniel Dae Kim in "Lost," it seems like the image of the Asian male has come a long way, baby. Or ... has it?
Flipping through my glossy copy of People's annual "Sexiest Man Alive" issue (Double sized! Over 200 hunks-a hunks-a burnin' love inside!) has led me to a couple of quick conclusions. The first is that George Clooney is, indeed, a piping-hot serving of manwich. I mean, I'm a straight, married male with a kid, but I can still see how if I were of a different gender or sexual orientation, I'd have great difficulty throwing Clooney out of bed for eating whole-grain Tuscan crostini.
The second is that, even so, Clooney is not even close to my pick for the Sexiest Man Alive. In fact, I wouldn't even call him the sexiest man in the Nov. 27 edition of People. That's because the issue also contains Y-- Kwon, described by People's editors in interviews as a Sexiest Man Alive "finalist" and profiled in the mag's section on "Sexy Men in Sexy Environments."
Clooney is smart, funny, owns an Italian villa, and is the kind of sharply dressed man that ZZ Top correctly noted every woman's crazy 'bout. But Kwon is another creature entirely -- a genetic specimen so undeniably ideal (at least in comparison to yours truly, as both wife and mother have hinted) that he prompts thoughts of the classic comedy "Twins."
This is Y--: classically sculpted features, egg-carton abs, able to reconstruct civilization on a desert island with nothing more than a pair of coconuts and a feral chicken. And this is me: laughably doughy features, egg-shaped physique, desperately trying to file a piece on sexy Asian guys before my editor sends burly men to snap my fingers like takeout chopsticks. It shouldn't be difficult to identify who's the Arnie and who's the Danny in this comparison.
"The thing about Y-- that's compelling is that he's smart, he's strong, he's a leader, but he knows when to show strength and when to be restrained, and God, look at those abs," says Cynthia Wang, People's associate L.A. bureau chief. "Everyone was saying, 'Wow, we can't miss that man, the way he looks, the way he behaves -- he's got to be part of this issue.' And as both an Asian American and, admittedly, a reality TV junkie, it's great to see that."
There are other Asian men in the "Sexiest Man Alive" issue, too -- including "Harold and Kumar"'s John Cho, "Lost"'s Daniel Dae Kim and Hong Kong pop idol/"Grudge 2" star Edison Chen. In fact, if you take it at face value that People magazine is a reflection of, well, people and their attitudes toward mainstream popular culture, you'd have to say that the image of Asian men has taken an enormous leap forward in the two decades since the "Sexiest Man" issue was inaugurated (with the original honor going to Mel Gibson -- lo, how the mighty have fallen).
Not So Fast, a Bit More Furious?
Of course, not everyone buys into that line of reasoning. Take for example Ethan Lee, UC Berkeley grad and creator of a buzzed-about new Web comic called "Single Asian Female," which he calls an attempt to encapsulate some of what he learned in his Asian American Studies classes into "a form that's easy to read and understand."
If it seems a little weird for guy to be writing a strip called "Single Asian Female," well, Lee says it's because he wanted to talk about issues that could only be effectively expressed from the point of view of an Asian American woman -- "like the story about Asian females getting hit on by white guys with Asian fetishes."
Also, as some on the Web have suggested, people are a lot more likely to read a strip with an Asian American female protagonist -- just like they're more willing to watch news with an Asian American anchor, or more likely to accept an Asian woman as a romantic lead.
"Asian men are still stereotyped as geeky, sexless losers, including by some Asian American women," says Lee. "I remember that even in my Asian American Studies classes, there were two or three Asian women who bragged how they only date white men. I distinctly remember one of them saying, 'I'm afraid an Asian man might beat me,' and another saying, 'Well, I've always been attracted to the Abercrombie and Fitch model type.'"
But, I ask him, is that really representative? Even if there are attitudes like that out there, it's hard to think that those are really the norm today. Certainly things have changed in the past 20 years, with society moving -- slowly -- toward a more progressive, inclusive standard of beauty, right?
Lee doesn't think so. "Go to any newsstand, and just stand back and look at the magazine rack," he says. "Over 90 percent of the people looking back are going to be white. If you exclude Beyonce, Oprah and a bunch of athletes, you're talking more like 99 percent. That's what Asian Americans internalize when they think about who's sexy, about who they want to get with. They think: 'White people are sexy, and we want to get it on with a guy like George Clooney.'"
Jeff Adachi, San Francisco public defender and producer/director of "The Slanted Screen," a documentary exploring the evolution of the Asian male image in film and television, is somewhat more sanguine. "Slanted Screen" also makes the case that representation in media both reflects and impacts societal attitudes -- but Adachi believes that the worst excesses of Hollywood history are behind us, and a new breed of Asian American actors, producers and directors is crashing the show-biz gates in a way that's not only increasing the number of Asians in film and on TV but reframing the way we're being portrayed as well.
"Historically, it's true, Hollywood tended to take three steps forward and two steps back," he says. "But we're positioned now to make much larger gains than in the past. You look at this younger generation of Asian Americans, who didn't grow up immersed in civil rights, and the idea of being constrained by race is completely foreign to them. ["Mad TV" cast member] Bobby Lee, he told me he never auditions for an Asian role, because he knows he's not going to get it -- it's going to go to the really good-looking Asian guy. So he only auditions for 'white' roles -- and he gets them, because he's funny and talented and doesn't have any baggage. He went out for a commercial that was looking for a 'mountain man,' a guy living out by himself in the wilderness, and he said he was the only person of color to show up for the audition. Everyone else was a big, bearded Caucasian guy. And he got the role."
I'm Too Sexy (for This Column)
That brash, damn-the-torpedoes, what-do-I-have-to-lose sensibility isn't just a blueprint for storming the gates of Hollywood; it's also a critical ingredient in the recipe for masculine sex appeal, regardless of race, ethnicity and culture. A nation of emo boys notwithstanding, being comfortable with who you are, even defiantly so, can make the gnarliest of dudes a lovebeast of epic proportions. It's what makes mirror-shattering rock stars like Mick Jagger, Steve Tyler and Ric Ocasek such model magnets (well, that and a few million in the bank).
"I think if you compare the general demeanor and attitudes of young Asian American men now versus a generation ago -- when people like you and me were coming of age -- you'll find a lot more self-confidence," says Oliver Wang, cultural critic, assistant professor of sociology at California State University, Long Beach, and fellow blogger at the Asian American papa community Rice Daddies. "Not that we've reached the promised land of secure masculinity yet. Hell, what men have?"
Karin Chien, producer of "The Motel" and "Robot Stories," agrees. "Sexiness comes from within," she says. "It's confidence and power and success and humor all rolled up into one big package. Sexiness is knowing that you're hot, no matter what anyone else in the room -- or anyone at People magazine -- says."
Which brings me to my biggest reflection upon perusing this year's "SMA." Clooney isn't the sexiest man in the issue. But Y-- Kwon, for all of his drop-forged perfection, isn't, either. From my humble perspective, 2006's Sexiest Man Alive is none other than Masi Oka, breakout star of the hit show "Heroes."
I've dropped a lot of love on "Heroes" recently, not only because I'm an addict of the program but because I think it captures the zeitgeist in a way that other series -- including the desperate denizens of Wisteria Lane and the Other-haunted castaways of "Lost" -- do not. We live in a time when we're searching for heroes. But in searching for them, we're also redefining them, casting them in new and more mundane images. We don't want flash, we want familiarity. We're seeking the extraordinary, but with an accent on the ordinary.
The heroic quest of Oka's character, Hiro Nakamura, isn't just saving the world; it's reframing the cultural dialogue on masculinity and sexual appeal, and reinventing the notion of heroism itself. Recent episodes have shown a new side to Hiro -- his romantic streak -- and my friends and I hope that the show's writers let him succeed in his chivalrous journey to save his perky soul mate, a Texas greasy-spoon waitress with superhuman mnemonic powers. (And yes, she's white, though interracial relationship issues seem refreshingly abstracted in "Heroes" -- there are at this count three significant trans-ethnic couples in the series, with nary a single reference yet to race, which, depending on your perspective, is either a sign of more tolerant times or proof positive that the show exists in a parallel universe.)
Hiro is a doughy, bespectacled and flamboyant out-of-the-cubicle geek -- a manga addict, a comic book fanboy, a hard-core Trekker. But he's so at one with his inner dork (which is also his outer dork) that it all ultimately proves irresistibly charming -- even, you know, sexy.
"I was talking to Tim Kring, the show's creator, and he told me that Hiro's character is completely the work of Masi," says People's Wang. "The way Hiro was written, the character wasn't nearly as funny and interesting as Masi's made him. The way Masi decided to play him has actually changed the direction of how the season's playing out. Did you know that all the Japanese dialogue in the show -- Masi does the translations himself. The script is written in English, and Masi converts the lines that are supposed to be in Japanese into phrases that are appropriate, slangwise. And that's kind of lost on people who don't speak the language. But it's part of what has made his character so authentic and appealing."
That's the ticket, right? It's always been out there -- it's the moral of every made-for-teens TV movie, the end zone of every sitcom's "Very Special Episode": Be at home in your own skin -- don't try to reformat yourself to the world's expectations, be yourself, love yourself, and just maybe, the world will follow.
Of course, we -- and the cast of "Heroes" -- have a long way to go before we can fix the world's problems. For one thing, the online poll at People's Web site, asking readers to vote on the show's sexiest male cast member, has Masi Oka stuck at 2 percent; floppy-haired Milo Ventimiglia is in the lead at 30 percent. I'm not saying that everyone who reads this should head over and crash the vote. But on the other hand, on behalf of Masi, me and hundreds of thousands of other happily (extra)ordinary dweebs, I leave you with this cryptic message:
Save the fanboy. Save the world.
Jeff Yang forecasts new Asian and Asian American consumer trends for the market-research company Iconoculture (www.iconoculture.com). He is the author of "Once Upon a Time in China: A Guide to the Cinemas of Hong Kong, Taiwan and Mainland China" (Atria Books) and co-author of "I Am Jackie Chan: My Life in Action" (Ballantine) and "Eastern Standard Time" (Mariner/Houghton Mifflin). He lives in New York City. Go to www.ouatic.com/mojomail/mojo.pl to join Jeff Yang's biweekly mailing list offering updates on this column and alerts about other breaking Asian and Asian American pop-culture news.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Tryptophan and other sleep aids
Tonight I'm off to join friends for dinner and "Casino Royale" starring the new James Bond, Daniel Craig. I'm really happy they chose a less suave more rugged Bond this time around. Pierce was good looking but he lacked that edge.
Tomorrow I hope to get in an early morning hike before cooking a vegetarian side dish for my friend's Thanksgiving gathering.
Friday, I admit it, I'm a sucker for Black Friday shopping. I used to go when the stores open at 7am but screw those 5am sales. I'll just take the leftovers and enjoy those extra hours of sleep. And maybe I'll go see the car show. Wheee!
And then somewhere amongest all those activities, I'll rent "An Inconvenient Truth," inventory my donations box and find my Xmas cards. Did I mention I hope to sleep too? Phew!
Have a wonderful four-day weekend everyone!
Tomorrow I hope to get in an early morning hike before cooking a vegetarian side dish for my friend's Thanksgiving gathering.
Friday, I admit it, I'm a sucker for Black Friday shopping. I used to go when the stores open at 7am but screw those 5am sales. I'll just take the leftovers and enjoy those extra hours of sleep. And maybe I'll go see the car show. Wheee!
And then somewhere amongest all those activities, I'll rent "An Inconvenient Truth," inventory my donations box and find my Xmas cards. Did I mention I hope to sleep too? Phew!
Have a wonderful four-day weekend everyone!
Not your normal shopping
This article was on the front page of the local news site yesterday - 37 Percent of U.S. Births Out of Wedlock.
As I read it and thought about it, I got distracted from my work and considered my own situation. Thirty-six is fast approaching. I don't have a boyfriend, I have no current prospects, I'm not signed up for any online dating, that fact of the matter is I have little inclination beyond well-meaning friends to meet potential single men.
And yet, here I sit, knowing that my time is growing short to have a child of my own. Adoption is something I still have many years to consider, but the opportunity to share a blood line and give birth to my offspring will not last.
Whenever I try and seriously consider the idea of being a single mother, I get incredibly scared. A desire to cry emerges from somewhere deep in my heart. I shake my hands as if that makes the ghostly feeling fade away.
Out of curiosity, I googled for a couple sperm bank websites. I experienced the same feelings I used to have whenever I walked into churches before college - that I was trespassing in a place where I don't belong. (My old-fashioned notion is that this is a place for couples who are having trouble conceiving, not for some single gal who can't get a man.) The sites don't look any different from any other business in that they have a logo, a menu of topics to select, and some general explanations all sitting on a soothing palette of background colors.
What is fascinating is that you can search through the donor sperm catalog for free. I couldn't help myself but browse to see what kinds of Asians they had in stock. In most cases, the selection was rather low compared to looking at, say, men of European descent. I browsed at banks in California, Chicago, Virginia, and New England.
Honestly, it reminds me of dating. You have the guys' race, height, weight, hair color, blood type, education level, and interests or career focus. At two of the banks, you can further drill down for a short biography that provides more history in terms of the origins and health of parents and grandparents. You also learn whether they are smokers, wear glasses, and personal comments. There is an option to buy a baby photo and longer personal essay if available. It was nice to be able to see all this, but it also gave me this odd feeling.
Right or wrong, some thoughts popped into my head as I explored these sites:
1) It seems many of these men are foreigners who do it for the money. It takes away some of my willingness to want to go this route. Yes, they all do it for the money, but I guess I'm looking for some comprehension from them to the significance of what they are doing.
2) Id like to know whether these men are gay or straight. I do believe some people are genetically disposed to an orientation. Frankly, though I would love my child either way, being a straight woman, I'd like to start my child off with the odds towards the same orientation. It would be difficult enough to raise a child alone, I would want to do whatever I could to eliminate extra challenges. This may be selfish and insensitive to some, but I'm just being honest.
3) Having a choice meant feeling more control and the right to get what I want. I had a heightened sense of entitlement. Since I'd be paying for this I should have the best for my child - good height, a healthy BMI number, a clean health history, etc. Looking back now, I feel ridiculous. Some of it's very practical, but I also feel guilty for having this "designer baby" attitude. If I had a husband, I wouldn't care as much because it'd be about creating a child made from our love. In this case, it's about getting the best attributes since I would have no emotional connection to the father.
4) Even though I will likely never meet the sperm donor, I would prefer my child's father to be closer to my age. It was strange thinking that I could create a child with someone twelve years younger. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and it's the reality of what selection is available. It would seem my mind is still treating this somewhat like dating.
Normally, one uses a profile to choose a man to date that could potentially progress to create a family. A lot of trial and error is involved. Here, a small amount of information is the basis from which one must take a very big leap of faith. With this process, there's a need to fill in the blanks about how the donor's personality will influence the child. Luck seems to be a big factor. What a peculiar process this must appear to be to other cultures.
There are so many implications to this for me personally that I'm not prepared to confront or accept. I've thought about all this stuff before, but it's scary idea that I'd prefer to put off as long as possible.
********************************************
37 Percent of U.S. Births Out of Wedlock
By MIKE STOBBE, AP Medical Writer
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
(11-21) 15:52 PST ATLANTA (AP) --
Out-of-wedlock births in the United States have climbed to an all-time high, accounting for nearly four in 10 babies born last year, government health officials said Tuesday.
While out-of-wedlock births have long been associated with teen mothers, the teen birth rate actually dropped last year to the lowest level on record. Instead, births among unwed mothers rose most dramatically among women in their 20s.
Experts said the overall rise reflects the burgeoning number of people who are putting off marriage or living together without getting married. They said it also reflects the fact that having a child out of wedlock is more acceptable nowadays and not necessarily the source of shame it once was.
The increase in births to unwed mothers was seen in all racial groups, but rose most sharply among Hispanics. It was up among all age groups except youngsters ages 10 to 17.
"A lot of people think of teenagers and unmarried mothers synonymously, but they are not driving this," said Stephanie Ventura of the National Center for Health Statistics, a co-author of the report.
The government also reported that the rate of births by Caesarean delivery continued to climb in 2005 to a record high, despite efforts by public health authorities to bring down the number.
Many experts believe a large number of C-sections are medically unnecessary and done only for the convenience of the mother or her doctor.
The government report includes information from 99 percent of U.S. birth certificates filed last year. The information for 2005 is considered preliminary, but officials said it is not expected to change much.
About 4.1 million babies were born in the United States last year, up slightly from 2004. More than 1.5 million of those were to unmarried women; that is about 37 percent of the total. In 2004, about 36 percent of births were out of wedlock.
Out-of-wedlock births have been rising since the late 1990s.
Several factors may be contributing to the trend, said Dr. Yolanda Wimberly, an adolescent-medicine specialist at Atlanta's Morehouse School of Medicine.
More women in their 30s and 40s, hearing their biological clock, are choosing to give birth despite their single status. Younger women are not as worried about being unmarried, either, she added.
"I think it's more acceptable in society" to have a child without getting married, she said.
Just because a mother is not married does not mean the father isn't around, Ventura noted. She cited 2002 statistics that showed that about 20 percent of all new mothers under 20 were unmarried but living with the father at the time of the birth. That same was true of about 13 percent of all new mothers ages 20 to 24.
According to census figures, the median age at first marriage was 27 for men and 25 for women last year, up from 23 and 20 in 1950. Meanwhile, the number of unmarried-couple households with children has been climbing, hitting more than 1.7 million last year, up from under 200,000 in 1970.
Other findings in the report:
The birth rate among teenagers declined 2 percent in 2005, continuing a trend from the early 1990s. The rate is now about 40 births per 1,000 females ages 15 to 19. That is the lowest level in the 65 years for which a consistent series of rates is available.
The U.S. teen birth rate is still the highest among industrialized countries.
Births to women in their early 20s rose slightly, to 102 births per 1,000 women ages 20 to 24. Births to women in their late 20s — the most productive group in terms of childbirth — was about the same from the previous year, at about 116 per 1,000 women ages 25 to 29.
The C-section rate rose to 30.2 percent of all births in 2005, an increase of 1 percentage point from the previous year. The rate has risen by nearly half since 1996.
"It is clear that the procedure is being overused," Tonya Jamois, president of the International Cesarean Awareness Network, said in a statement. ICAN is a California-based nonprofit organization focused on lowering C-section rates.
As I read it and thought about it, I got distracted from my work and considered my own situation. Thirty-six is fast approaching. I don't have a boyfriend, I have no current prospects, I'm not signed up for any online dating, that fact of the matter is I have little inclination beyond well-meaning friends to meet potential single men.
And yet, here I sit, knowing that my time is growing short to have a child of my own. Adoption is something I still have many years to consider, but the opportunity to share a blood line and give birth to my offspring will not last.
Whenever I try and seriously consider the idea of being a single mother, I get incredibly scared. A desire to cry emerges from somewhere deep in my heart. I shake my hands as if that makes the ghostly feeling fade away.
Out of curiosity, I googled for a couple sperm bank websites. I experienced the same feelings I used to have whenever I walked into churches before college - that I was trespassing in a place where I don't belong. (My old-fashioned notion is that this is a place for couples who are having trouble conceiving, not for some single gal who can't get a man.) The sites don't look any different from any other business in that they have a logo, a menu of topics to select, and some general explanations all sitting on a soothing palette of background colors.
What is fascinating is that you can search through the donor sperm catalog for free. I couldn't help myself but browse to see what kinds of Asians they had in stock. In most cases, the selection was rather low compared to looking at, say, men of European descent. I browsed at banks in California, Chicago, Virginia, and New England.
Honestly, it reminds me of dating. You have the guys' race, height, weight, hair color, blood type, education level, and interests or career focus. At two of the banks, you can further drill down for a short biography that provides more history in terms of the origins and health of parents and grandparents. You also learn whether they are smokers, wear glasses, and personal comments. There is an option to buy a baby photo and longer personal essay if available. It was nice to be able to see all this, but it also gave me this odd feeling.
Right or wrong, some thoughts popped into my head as I explored these sites:
1) It seems many of these men are foreigners who do it for the money. It takes away some of my willingness to want to go this route. Yes, they all do it for the money, but I guess I'm looking for some comprehension from them to the significance of what they are doing.
2) Id like to know whether these men are gay or straight. I do believe some people are genetically disposed to an orientation. Frankly, though I would love my child either way, being a straight woman, I'd like to start my child off with the odds towards the same orientation. It would be difficult enough to raise a child alone, I would want to do whatever I could to eliminate extra challenges. This may be selfish and insensitive to some, but I'm just being honest.
3) Having a choice meant feeling more control and the right to get what I want. I had a heightened sense of entitlement. Since I'd be paying for this I should have the best for my child - good height, a healthy BMI number, a clean health history, etc. Looking back now, I feel ridiculous. Some of it's very practical, but I also feel guilty for having this "designer baby" attitude. If I had a husband, I wouldn't care as much because it'd be about creating a child made from our love. In this case, it's about getting the best attributes since I would have no emotional connection to the father.
4) Even though I will likely never meet the sperm donor, I would prefer my child's father to be closer to my age. It was strange thinking that I could create a child with someone twelve years younger. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and it's the reality of what selection is available. It would seem my mind is still treating this somewhat like dating.
Normally, one uses a profile to choose a man to date that could potentially progress to create a family. A lot of trial and error is involved. Here, a small amount of information is the basis from which one must take a very big leap of faith. With this process, there's a need to fill in the blanks about how the donor's personality will influence the child. Luck seems to be a big factor. What a peculiar process this must appear to be to other cultures.
There are so many implications to this for me personally that I'm not prepared to confront or accept. I've thought about all this stuff before, but it's scary idea that I'd prefer to put off as long as possible.
********************************************
37 Percent of U.S. Births Out of Wedlock
By MIKE STOBBE, AP Medical Writer
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
(11-21) 15:52 PST ATLANTA (AP) --
Out-of-wedlock births in the United States have climbed to an all-time high, accounting for nearly four in 10 babies born last year, government health officials said Tuesday.
While out-of-wedlock births have long been associated with teen mothers, the teen birth rate actually dropped last year to the lowest level on record. Instead, births among unwed mothers rose most dramatically among women in their 20s.
Experts said the overall rise reflects the burgeoning number of people who are putting off marriage or living together without getting married. They said it also reflects the fact that having a child out of wedlock is more acceptable nowadays and not necessarily the source of shame it once was.
The increase in births to unwed mothers was seen in all racial groups, but rose most sharply among Hispanics. It was up among all age groups except youngsters ages 10 to 17.
"A lot of people think of teenagers and unmarried mothers synonymously, but they are not driving this," said Stephanie Ventura of the National Center for Health Statistics, a co-author of the report.
The government also reported that the rate of births by Caesarean delivery continued to climb in 2005 to a record high, despite efforts by public health authorities to bring down the number.
Many experts believe a large number of C-sections are medically unnecessary and done only for the convenience of the mother or her doctor.
The government report includes information from 99 percent of U.S. birth certificates filed last year. The information for 2005 is considered preliminary, but officials said it is not expected to change much.
About 4.1 million babies were born in the United States last year, up slightly from 2004. More than 1.5 million of those were to unmarried women; that is about 37 percent of the total. In 2004, about 36 percent of births were out of wedlock.
Out-of-wedlock births have been rising since the late 1990s.
Several factors may be contributing to the trend, said Dr. Yolanda Wimberly, an adolescent-medicine specialist at Atlanta's Morehouse School of Medicine.
More women in their 30s and 40s, hearing their biological clock, are choosing to give birth despite their single status. Younger women are not as worried about being unmarried, either, she added.
"I think it's more acceptable in society" to have a child without getting married, she said.
Just because a mother is not married does not mean the father isn't around, Ventura noted. She cited 2002 statistics that showed that about 20 percent of all new mothers under 20 were unmarried but living with the father at the time of the birth. That same was true of about 13 percent of all new mothers ages 20 to 24.
According to census figures, the median age at first marriage was 27 for men and 25 for women last year, up from 23 and 20 in 1950. Meanwhile, the number of unmarried-couple households with children has been climbing, hitting more than 1.7 million last year, up from under 200,000 in 1970.
Other findings in the report:
The birth rate among teenagers declined 2 percent in 2005, continuing a trend from the early 1990s. The rate is now about 40 births per 1,000 females ages 15 to 19. That is the lowest level in the 65 years for which a consistent series of rates is available.
The U.S. teen birth rate is still the highest among industrialized countries.
Births to women in their early 20s rose slightly, to 102 births per 1,000 women ages 20 to 24. Births to women in their late 20s — the most productive group in terms of childbirth — was about the same from the previous year, at about 116 per 1,000 women ages 25 to 29.
The C-section rate rose to 30.2 percent of all births in 2005, an increase of 1 percentage point from the previous year. The rate has risen by nearly half since 1996.
"It is clear that the procedure is being overused," Tonya Jamois, president of the International Cesarean Awareness Network, said in a statement. ICAN is a California-based nonprofit organization focused on lowering C-section rates.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
List day
Copied this from Zerodoll. I haven't filled one out in sometime.
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
"Do my freckles look paler?"
2. How much cash do you have on you?
$22 and some change
3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?”
More
4. Favorite planet?
Saturn
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
I only have "received" and "dialed" calls, so I can't say.
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
On my old Nokia I have a very simple escalation of bell tones.
7. What shirt are you wearing?
Raspberry Gap tee over a black, polka-dot H&M long-sleeve tee.
8. Do you “label” yourself?
No.
9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?
Nine West
10. Bright or Dark Room?
Light room, it wakes me up in the morning
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Seems like a mellow and friendly city gal.
12. What does your watch look like?
What watch?
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Trying to stop thinking so that I could fall asleep
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
It was unauthorized spam asking if I wanted to sell my timeshare.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
Three and a half blocks south
16. Whats a word that you say a lot?
Lame
17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
Good question
18. Last furry thing you touched?
A big orange cat and my friend's aunt's house
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
None
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
Three plus the one still in my camera... and the film was more than a year old before I exposed it.
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
31 - everything seemed to be falling into place
22. Your worst enemy?
Myself
23. What is your current desktop picture?
The characters from the Lego Star Wars video game
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
Sounds good
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
Fly
26. Do you like someone?
Not really
27. The last song you listened to?
Can't recall
28. What time of day were you born?
9:30pm CST
29. Whats your favorite number?
19
30. Where did you live in 1987?
SoCal
31. Are you jealous of anyone?
People who are happily married
32. Is anyone jealous of you?
Married women when they're annoyed with their husbands.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I was staying with a friend before flying out in a couple days to catch up with friends on a European vacation.
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Curse and leave a complaint note.
35. Do you consider yourself kind?
Probably depends on the situation. I try to be.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
Ankle
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Chinese
38. Would you move for the person you loved?
Most likely
39. Are you touchy feely?
With the right person
40. What’s your life motto?
Always try something new
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Literally "on" or carrying? "On" would be eyebrow liner, lip gloss, and earrings. Carrying would include keys, cash, and a pen.
42. What’s your favourite town/city?
Paris
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
My breakfast oatmeal - $1.25
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
Xmas cards last year
45. Can you change the oil on a car?
No
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
Actually, he committed suicide in high school, and I attended his funeral. If we're talking about adulthood, then I already mentioned it here.
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
Probably just the grandparents and some vague information about my great grandfather being associated with the Boxer rebellion group.
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
A turquoise, shantung silk, strapless dress that I bought on sale for my brother's wedding.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
The bone joint where my big toe connects to the base of my foot. It must be due to the shoes I wore yesterday.
50. Have you been burned by love?
Would I still be single if I hadn't?
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
"Do my freckles look paler?"
2. How much cash do you have on you?
$22 and some change
3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?”
More
4. Favorite planet?
Saturn
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
I only have "received" and "dialed" calls, so I can't say.
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
On my old Nokia I have a very simple escalation of bell tones.
7. What shirt are you wearing?
Raspberry Gap tee over a black, polka-dot H&M long-sleeve tee.
8. Do you “label” yourself?
No.
9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?
Nine West
10. Bright or Dark Room?
Light room, it wakes me up in the morning
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Seems like a mellow and friendly city gal.
12. What does your watch look like?
What watch?
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Trying to stop thinking so that I could fall asleep
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
It was unauthorized spam asking if I wanted to sell my timeshare.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
Three and a half blocks south
16. Whats a word that you say a lot?
Lame
17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
Good question
18. Last furry thing you touched?
A big orange cat and my friend's aunt's house
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
None
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
Three plus the one still in my camera... and the film was more than a year old before I exposed it.
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
31 - everything seemed to be falling into place
22. Your worst enemy?
Myself
23. What is your current desktop picture?
The characters from the Lego Star Wars video game
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
Sounds good
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
Fly
26. Do you like someone?
Not really
27. The last song you listened to?
Can't recall
28. What time of day were you born?
9:30pm CST
29. Whats your favorite number?
19
30. Where did you live in 1987?
SoCal
31. Are you jealous of anyone?
People who are happily married
32. Is anyone jealous of you?
Married women when they're annoyed with their husbands.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I was staying with a friend before flying out in a couple days to catch up with friends on a European vacation.
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Curse and leave a complaint note.
35. Do you consider yourself kind?
Probably depends on the situation. I try to be.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
Ankle
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Chinese
38. Would you move for the person you loved?
Most likely
39. Are you touchy feely?
With the right person
40. What’s your life motto?
Always try something new
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Literally "on" or carrying? "On" would be eyebrow liner, lip gloss, and earrings. Carrying would include keys, cash, and a pen.
42. What’s your favourite town/city?
Paris
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
My breakfast oatmeal - $1.25
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
Xmas cards last year
45. Can you change the oil on a car?
No
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
Actually, he committed suicide in high school, and I attended his funeral. If we're talking about adulthood, then I already mentioned it here.
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
Probably just the grandparents and some vague information about my great grandfather being associated with the Boxer rebellion group.
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
A turquoise, shantung silk, strapless dress that I bought on sale for my brother's wedding.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
The bone joint where my big toe connects to the base of my foot. It must be due to the shoes I wore yesterday.
50. Have you been burned by love?
Would I still be single if I hadn't?
Friday, November 17, 2006
Leaving in limbo
After what I mentioned yesterday, I was reminded of something from awhile back. A co-worker share a sad story with us one day over lunch several months ago. A dear friend of hers had died after battling an illness. The friend was in her late 50s or 60s.
She was married, but the couple had been separated for five years. She had begun divorce proceedings shortly before her illness. Unfortunately, she expired before the process was complete. She had also never updated her will to reflect the change in the status of her marriage. Everything was left to her husband. The problem was he was nowhere to be found. No one had seen or heard from him for more than a year. It was implied that he was an unfriendly soul not likely to be located easily.
In the Midwest state where she lived, the rule of law is that all possessions pass to the surviving spouse and every effort must be made to find the person. In the meantime, her sister became executor of the will. She dealt with settling the estate - the bills, legal paperwork, selling the house, etc. - all this knowing that she would not inherit any of it. She couldn't even take a framed photo from the house because, technically, that would be stealing the husband's property.
Even worse, if the legal amount of time passes and the husband cannot be found, everything passes to his son (a child from a previous marriage). Someone who she had no relationship with. How unfortunate is that?!!
This story was shared with a lesson in mind - update your will regularly.
She was married, but the couple had been separated for five years. She had begun divorce proceedings shortly before her illness. Unfortunately, she expired before the process was complete. She had also never updated her will to reflect the change in the status of her marriage. Everything was left to her husband. The problem was he was nowhere to be found. No one had seen or heard from him for more than a year. It was implied that he was an unfriendly soul not likely to be located easily.
In the Midwest state where she lived, the rule of law is that all possessions pass to the surviving spouse and every effort must be made to find the person. In the meantime, her sister became executor of the will. She dealt with settling the estate - the bills, legal paperwork, selling the house, etc. - all this knowing that she would not inherit any of it. She couldn't even take a framed photo from the house because, technically, that would be stealing the husband's property.
Even worse, if the legal amount of time passes and the husband cannot be found, everything passes to his son (a child from a previous marriage). Someone who she had no relationship with. How unfortunate is that?!!
This story was shared with a lesson in mind - update your will regularly.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
About being older
"I need to leave now to help a single friend who was just hospitalized. She has urgent/unscheduled surgery tomorrow morning--I don't know if I'll need to be with her some tomorrow or not. I'll let you know by phone or email if I'll be out some tomorrow related to that."
This was a quick e-mail sent to me by a co-worker who had to leave suddenly to attend to her friend. It reminds me about how scary it will be as I grow older to not have many people to rely on. Sure, I have friends who would come help, but they're all married. How much would they truly be able to help me if they are married with kids?
I used to joke that it would be days before anyone would find me injured or dead in my apartment. It's the reason (besides the financial savings) why my mom always prefers that I have a roommate. Whenever I come down the stairs at a healthy pace, I wonder if I'll ever experience falling face first onto the landing. That's why I always keep a finger on the railing.
This was a quick e-mail sent to me by a co-worker who had to leave suddenly to attend to her friend. It reminds me about how scary it will be as I grow older to not have many people to rely on. Sure, I have friends who would come help, but they're all married. How much would they truly be able to help me if they are married with kids?
I used to joke that it would be days before anyone would find me injured or dead in my apartment. It's the reason (besides the financial savings) why my mom always prefers that I have a roommate. Whenever I come down the stairs at a healthy pace, I wonder if I'll ever experience falling face first onto the landing. That's why I always keep a finger on the railing.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Handouts
I'm still on the road but had to mention something that happened the other evening.
My colleague and I were walking over to a restaurant in the city for dinner. At the corner of a street that's considered the upscale boutique block, a man stood holding up copies of the local "street" newspaper.
As we crossed the street towards him, he asked if we could help him out. He was not necessarily referring to purchasing a newspaper. Upon stepping on the sidewalk, he asked again if either of us could give him a break. Of course, he was looking for a cash handout.
My colleague said, "sure," and reached for her wallet. As she fumbled through the wallet's compartments, he elaborated that he was simply trying to collect enough "to buy a burger, fries, and a Coke."
The thought that immediately came to my mind was, "if I give you money will you buy a salad?"
Besides my usual suspicion of panhandlers using charity to buy drugs or alcohol, I couldn't help think about feeding him something that is better for him. I realize it's the easiest and cheapest opportunity for him to satisfy his appetite, but we all know subsisting on that kind of diet is unhealthy in the long run.
I felt guilty standing there as my colleague pulled out a $5 bill. I didn't offer any money. I've never handed out money, though I have handed over leftovers to the homeless after leaving a restaurant. No system is perfect in terms of feeding the poor, but I'd rather give out food with the hope they'll eat it rather than use my money for more destructive purposes.
A block further down the street I told my colleague what I had been thinking about the salad as she gave him the money. She laughed. Am I being too healthy and Californian? ;)
My colleague and I were walking over to a restaurant in the city for dinner. At the corner of a street that's considered the upscale boutique block, a man stood holding up copies of the local "street" newspaper.
As we crossed the street towards him, he asked if we could help him out. He was not necessarily referring to purchasing a newspaper. Upon stepping on the sidewalk, he asked again if either of us could give him a break. Of course, he was looking for a cash handout.
My colleague said, "sure," and reached for her wallet. As she fumbled through the wallet's compartments, he elaborated that he was simply trying to collect enough "to buy a burger, fries, and a Coke."
The thought that immediately came to my mind was, "if I give you money will you buy a salad?"
Besides my usual suspicion of panhandlers using charity to buy drugs or alcohol, I couldn't help think about feeding him something that is better for him. I realize it's the easiest and cheapest opportunity for him to satisfy his appetite, but we all know subsisting on that kind of diet is unhealthy in the long run.
I felt guilty standing there as my colleague pulled out a $5 bill. I didn't offer any money. I've never handed out money, though I have handed over leftovers to the homeless after leaving a restaurant. No system is perfect in terms of feeding the poor, but I'd rather give out food with the hope they'll eat it rather than use my money for more destructive purposes.
A block further down the street I told my colleague what I had been thinking about the salad as she gave him the money. She laughed. Am I being too healthy and Californian? ;)
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Day exchange
I have Friday off because I'm working (traveling) for work starting this weekend. In a way it's kind of nice having my "weekend" while everyone else is working. It's quiet. My plan is to do a little Xmas shopping once I fix my sprinkler system this morning and sweep up the yellowed birch leaves (ah the joys of having a small patio with plants.)
I'll be headed to the Midwest for the week. The weather report says the highs will be in 40s. Burrrr! I'm disappointed, however, to report there is no snow in the forecast. While I don't want it to affect my flights, I certainly wouldn't mind walking down the streets with a light dusting of snowing falling when I have a little time to myself. These are the simple things I enjoy.
"Survivor" was fun to watch. It's the first chance I've had to see a full episode in a month. Being three degrees removed from Yul makes it interesting. I'll likely never meet the guy in person, but it adds some sense of realism knowing I could. He seems like a sensible guy, and it's fun to root for a smart, attractive Asian person for a change. (And as I've said before, I'm a sucker for a man who looks sharp in glasses.)
Between "Survivor" and "Amazing Race" it's nice to see more diversity in the groups. The Cho brothers haven't been too impressive lately in their choices, but I'm still rooting for them. The other day, someone joked about how Koreans seems to be dominating television these days. Yul, Becky, Erwin and Godwin, Sandra Oh, Daniel Dae Kim, Yoon-jin Kim. Do they have some secret "in" that other Asians don't know about?
And before I go, how about them Scarlet Knights! Wow! What a win!
I'll be headed to the Midwest for the week. The weather report says the highs will be in 40s. Burrrr! I'm disappointed, however, to report there is no snow in the forecast. While I don't want it to affect my flights, I certainly wouldn't mind walking down the streets with a light dusting of snowing falling when I have a little time to myself. These are the simple things I enjoy.
"Survivor" was fun to watch. It's the first chance I've had to see a full episode in a month. Being three degrees removed from Yul makes it interesting. I'll likely never meet the guy in person, but it adds some sense of realism knowing I could. He seems like a sensible guy, and it's fun to root for a smart, attractive Asian person for a change. (And as I've said before, I'm a sucker for a man who looks sharp in glasses.)
Between "Survivor" and "Amazing Race" it's nice to see more diversity in the groups. The Cho brothers haven't been too impressive lately in their choices, but I'm still rooting for them. The other day, someone joked about how Koreans seems to be dominating television these days. Yul, Becky, Erwin and Godwin, Sandra Oh, Daniel Dae Kim, Yoon-jin Kim. Do they have some secret "in" that other Asians don't know about?
And before I go, how about them Scarlet Knights! Wow! What a win!
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Themes from "Our Town"
My arm/wrist/hand is still hurting so I can't type much.
I saw "Our Town" at a local playhouse over the weekend. It seems like a very simple play - few props, no music, no fancy scenery. Maybe I expect drama more nowadays with tv and movie influences. It's a very thought provoking piece.
As soon as I returned home, I looked online for analysis and background into Thornton Wilder. It was interesting to learn that the lack of props is deliberate. Wilder wanted people to focus on the people and themes. He felt that props would distract from the purpose of his works.
In my current state of... ambivalence? towards life... I found myself wondering how to apply some of the themes of the play to my own situation.
Theme 1: People should appreciate life while they are living it. Even ordinary, uneventful activities are important.
Theme 2: Carpe diem (seize the day). This Latin phrase, which has become part of the English language, urges people to live for the moment, seizing opportunities to enjoy or enrich their lives. Life is short, after all; such opportunities may present themselves only once.
Theme 3: Little things in life are really big things. This theme points out that seemingly insignificant happenings in everyday life are actually among the most important ones. However, people experiencing them usually do not comprehend this truth at the time.
Theme 4: No town can isolate itself from the rest of the world.
Theme 5: No community is perfect, not even idyllic Grover's Corners.
I saw "Our Town" at a local playhouse over the weekend. It seems like a very simple play - few props, no music, no fancy scenery. Maybe I expect drama more nowadays with tv and movie influences. It's a very thought provoking piece.
As soon as I returned home, I looked online for analysis and background into Thornton Wilder. It was interesting to learn that the lack of props is deliberate. Wilder wanted people to focus on the people and themes. He felt that props would distract from the purpose of his works.
In my current state of... ambivalence? towards life... I found myself wondering how to apply some of the themes of the play to my own situation.
Theme 1: People should appreciate life while they are living it. Even ordinary, uneventful activities are important.
Theme 2: Carpe diem (seize the day). This Latin phrase, which has become part of the English language, urges people to live for the moment, seizing opportunities to enjoy or enrich their lives. Life is short, after all; such opportunities may present themselves only once.
Theme 3: Little things in life are really big things. This theme points out that seemingly insignificant happenings in everyday life are actually among the most important ones. However, people experiencing them usually do not comprehend this truth at the time.
Theme 4: No town can isolate itself from the rest of the world.
Theme 5: No community is perfect, not even idyllic Grover's Corners.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Another baby season - ugh
It would seem another baby season is coming. I've been bombarded by people revealing that they're expecting new additions to their families late next spring. More reasons for me to avoid people.
It was such a lovely weekend that I had to get out and do a hike. This is one of the rare times I went alone. Part of me figures that I need to grow accustomed to that idea. I thought about how happy I'd be to even just stroll through the neighborhood hand in hand with a sweet man. Great... another qualification to make my search more difficult... a man who will get up before 9am on a Saturday morning.
I drove over to an area which I usually hike with friends after work in the summer. Boy, was that a mistake. I forgot that the place is overflowing on weekends. Luxury vehicles parked along red curbs despite numerous signs reminding people to park in designated spaces only.
The worst thing, and the reason I will never go there on a weekend again, is that the place is filled with babies and couples. There's a retirement community just up the road from the park. Many older couples like to stroll through the flat areas. Same with the families. I can imagine many of these women, cooped up at home with their infants. This is their chance to escape the house and get some fresh air.
I tried to clear my mind and focus on the moment. But it was hard to ignore the stream of people. How could I not be jealous of the couple with two young children happily playing? How could I not feel like a loser seeing people younger than me, married and walking with a newborn attached to their chests? All these years have gone by when they probably met, dated, married, and gave birth. Me? I've got a collection of lame dating stories to show for those same years. Then, I'd see a lone, older women jog by and wonder if that is my fate.
Only when I went far enough back, up into the hills, did I escape all those people. I could inhale the fresh breezes and gaze out on the bay. The grasses are dry now, so the hillsides look like a nature picture in sepia or black and white. I wanted to sit under the far tree and listen to the wind. No people, no time, no worries. It was such a peaceful place.
It was such a lovely weekend that I had to get out and do a hike. This is one of the rare times I went alone. Part of me figures that I need to grow accustomed to that idea. I thought about how happy I'd be to even just stroll through the neighborhood hand in hand with a sweet man. Great... another qualification to make my search more difficult... a man who will get up before 9am on a Saturday morning.
I drove over to an area which I usually hike with friends after work in the summer. Boy, was that a mistake. I forgot that the place is overflowing on weekends. Luxury vehicles parked along red curbs despite numerous signs reminding people to park in designated spaces only.
The worst thing, and the reason I will never go there on a weekend again, is that the place is filled with babies and couples. There's a retirement community just up the road from the park. Many older couples like to stroll through the flat areas. Same with the families. I can imagine many of these women, cooped up at home with their infants. This is their chance to escape the house and get some fresh air.
I tried to clear my mind and focus on the moment. But it was hard to ignore the stream of people. How could I not be jealous of the couple with two young children happily playing? How could I not feel like a loser seeing people younger than me, married and walking with a newborn attached to their chests? All these years have gone by when they probably met, dated, married, and gave birth. Me? I've got a collection of lame dating stories to show for those same years. Then, I'd see a lone, older women jog by and wonder if that is my fate.
Only when I went far enough back, up into the hills, did I escape all those people. I could inhale the fresh breezes and gaze out on the bay. The grasses are dry now, so the hillsides look like a nature picture in sepia or black and white. I wanted to sit under the far tree and listen to the wind. No people, no time, no worries. It was such a peaceful place.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
One of those weeks
Frankly, I'd really just like to close the books on this week. It's not be the best. Nothing major has happened, just a lot of little nuisances that make for a frustrating time.
I sent Limey a thank you e-mail the next morning after the concert. I wanted to test his reaction given his lack of any enthusiasm as we parted. He immediately wrote back, saying that he had a good time and invited me to his place. He offered to cook me dinner. This seems like a positive sign.
Unfortunately, I already have plans for the night he chose (I'm finally going to see "Our Town" by Thorton Wilder at a local playhouse). He will then be away on a business trip and said we could catch up when he returns. I then realized that I will be gone the following week for a business trip. I indicated we'd have to wait for two weeks or could slip in a dinner between our two trips.
He hasn't addressed the last comment I made about dinner. Instead, he simply wrote back asking about something we talked about on the drive home from the concert. You'd think (okay, maybe I shouldn't be assuming things) that if he were that interested, he'd try harder to ask me out for another time. Maybe the few days between our two trip, he's busy. I guess with other people I've dated, they try a little more or chat with me on the phone to compensate. Apparently, Limey's not much of a phone person.
I'm getting tired of this. At the same time, I feel like a very poor sport. I hinted that we could try to meet a different time. I could go the next step and actually invite him out. But somehow, I still need him to make the effort. I don't feel like it's my turn yet to play the pursuer.
The rest of my week has been blah. My arm/wrist pain is back. It's affected my neck and made sleeping quite uncomfortable last night. I have to take a break from typing which means no more blogging the rest of this week. :( At least I'll get some reading in.
To add to misery, I found a big screw jammed into the edge of my tire. I think it's been there for awhile as the tread is worn down to nothing. At least I gained some familiarity with how to change a flat by watching the roadside assistance person when they came to my rescue. I'm now waiting for the local tire shop to call me so I can take my car in and place a new tire on the car. If only this had happened next year, when I planned to buy four new tires for the car.
None of my fellow alumni seem to want to watch the football game this weekend. Boo. How can they call themselves true fans!? This is a classic conference rivalry game, and we're favored by more than two touchdowns. I'm looking forward to watching on my 32" LCD on Saturday.
Stay warm, stay dry, and have a nice weekend!
I sent Limey a thank you e-mail the next morning after the concert. I wanted to test his reaction given his lack of any enthusiasm as we parted. He immediately wrote back, saying that he had a good time and invited me to his place. He offered to cook me dinner. This seems like a positive sign.
Unfortunately, I already have plans for the night he chose (I'm finally going to see "Our Town" by Thorton Wilder at a local playhouse). He will then be away on a business trip and said we could catch up when he returns. I then realized that I will be gone the following week for a business trip. I indicated we'd have to wait for two weeks or could slip in a dinner between our two trips.
He hasn't addressed the last comment I made about dinner. Instead, he simply wrote back asking about something we talked about on the drive home from the concert. You'd think (okay, maybe I shouldn't be assuming things) that if he were that interested, he'd try harder to ask me out for another time. Maybe the few days between our two trip, he's busy. I guess with other people I've dated, they try a little more or chat with me on the phone to compensate. Apparently, Limey's not much of a phone person.
I'm getting tired of this. At the same time, I feel like a very poor sport. I hinted that we could try to meet a different time. I could go the next step and actually invite him out. But somehow, I still need him to make the effort. I don't feel like it's my turn yet to play the pursuer.
The rest of my week has been blah. My arm/wrist pain is back. It's affected my neck and made sleeping quite uncomfortable last night. I have to take a break from typing which means no more blogging the rest of this week. :( At least I'll get some reading in.
To add to misery, I found a big screw jammed into the edge of my tire. I think it's been there for awhile as the tread is worn down to nothing. At least I gained some familiarity with how to change a flat by watching the roadside assistance person when they came to my rescue. I'm now waiting for the local tire shop to call me so I can take my car in and place a new tire on the car. If only this had happened next year, when I planned to buy four new tires for the car.
None of my fellow alumni seem to want to watch the football game this weekend. Boo. How can they call themselves true fans!? This is a classic conference rivalry game, and we're favored by more than two touchdowns. I'm looking forward to watching on my 32" LCD on Saturday.
Stay warm, stay dry, and have a nice weekend!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
That's it?
The volume of tricker treaters this years was only half that of what I had last year. Most of the kids that came by I'd say were between three and eight. That left me with quite a bit of left over candy. Strange, I wonder why it fluctuated to much?
I like to fill a bowl with all the candy for the night and let the kids choose their candy. I buy the mini bars, not the mini bites of the regular sized candies like Kit Kats, Snickers, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, etc. When the kids come, I hold out the bowl and tell them they may take one candy they like.
What surprises me is the lack of manners these days. Excusing the very little ones, I always have a number who don't bother to say "trick or treat" or don't say "thank you." Some parents will try and remind their kids as they walk away, but it is frustrating. Several times, I'd add "you're welcome" as they left but only a couple caught that and replied.
Even more distressing were the number of kids who protested my instructions. Upon hearing they could have ONE, I had kids (all ages) respond to me - "that's it?" or "just one?"
What I wanted to say was, "it's one or none, what do you prefer?"
But, of course, in the gentlest voice I would simply say, "yes, one candy."
Perhaps I'll just have to throw one into their bags next time rather than give them a choice. Several kids ignored my instructions and would grab two. I didn't say much but at least usually those kids had better verbal manners. Half my neighbors don't even give out candy. Maine took off in her car at 6:30pm, no doubt to avoid any potential ringers. I do this for the fun of it. If it's quantity over quality, then I should just buy the cheaper lollipops and tootsie rolls next year rather than the nicer stuff.
I also feel that kids get enough sugar, I don't want to contribute to their bad eating habits more than necessary. It's my candy and my choice to give one piece each. Heck, I wonder how they'd all feel if I handed out raisins.
Sure, I had plenty of candy, but it's the principle to me. Is everyone giving multiple candies to each kid that comes to the door? It worries me these kids think they're entitled to more because it's in front of them. Halloween is about good neighbors and *earning* a treat.
I like to fill a bowl with all the candy for the night and let the kids choose their candy. I buy the mini bars, not the mini bites of the regular sized candies like Kit Kats, Snickers, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, etc. When the kids come, I hold out the bowl and tell them they may take one candy they like.
What surprises me is the lack of manners these days. Excusing the very little ones, I always have a number who don't bother to say "trick or treat" or don't say "thank you." Some parents will try and remind their kids as they walk away, but it is frustrating. Several times, I'd add "you're welcome" as they left but only a couple caught that and replied.
Even more distressing were the number of kids who protested my instructions. Upon hearing they could have ONE, I had kids (all ages) respond to me - "that's it?" or "just one?"
What I wanted to say was, "it's one or none, what do you prefer?"
But, of course, in the gentlest voice I would simply say, "yes, one candy."
Perhaps I'll just have to throw one into their bags next time rather than give them a choice. Several kids ignored my instructions and would grab two. I didn't say much but at least usually those kids had better verbal manners. Half my neighbors don't even give out candy. Maine took off in her car at 6:30pm, no doubt to avoid any potential ringers. I do this for the fun of it. If it's quantity over quality, then I should just buy the cheaper lollipops and tootsie rolls next year rather than the nicer stuff.
I also feel that kids get enough sugar, I don't want to contribute to their bad eating habits more than necessary. It's my candy and my choice to give one piece each. Heck, I wonder how they'd all feel if I handed out raisins.
Sure, I had plenty of candy, but it's the principle to me. Is everyone giving multiple candies to each kid that comes to the door? It worries me these kids think they're entitled to more because it's in front of them. Halloween is about good neighbors and *earning* a treat.
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