Dear Abby posting on parenthood

This was part of a recent Dear Abby. Scary to think teenagers are becoming single parents.

It's a good reference for future reflection. Her choice of wording is better than my list though they cover many of the same things.

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DEAR ABBY: I have two children, 15 and 17. Many of their friends are becoming single parents. Not wanting that for my children, I talk to them and urge them not to have babies until they're ready to be good parents.

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You are so good at coming up with lists for things, Abby. Could you compile a list of criteria for what makes a really good parent? It would be nice to show them what that adds up to. -- NANCY IN FLAGSTAFF, ARIZ.

DEAR NANCY: I'm pleased to help. However, I'm sure my readers will want to add to the list, which is a short one.

ARE YOU READY FOR PARENTHOOD?

(1) Can you support the child financially? Children are expensive. I always urge people to complete their education and delay parenthood until they are self-supporting, in case they should find themselves in the role of sole provider.

(2) Can you support the child emotionally? Babies are cute, but they are also completely helpless and emotionally needy. While some young women say they want a baby so they'll have someone to love them, the reality is it's the parent's responsibility to love and sacrifice for the child. In plain English, this means the end of a normal teenage social life because babies are extremely time-consuming.

(3) Are you prepared to be a consistent parent? Children learn by example -- both good and bad. Are you prepared to be a role model for the behaviors you want your child to mimic? Because mimic they do. They learn more from what they observe than what they're told.

(4) Have you read up on child development? Are your expectations of what a child should be able to accomplish as he or she reaches various chronological milestones realistic? Ditto for your partner, whether or not he or she is the child's biological parent.

(5) Are you prepared to put someone else's needs before your own for the next 18 to 21 years? Remember, babies can't be returned to the manufacturer for a refund if you're not 100 percent satisfied. Sometimes they come with serious challenges. Can you cope with those realities?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, I strongly advise postponing parenthood.