My therapist's recommendation this week was to appreciate myself for all the good things I can do and stop punishing for myself for things I am not. No one's perfect, I recognize that. It's a hard habit to break to not nitpick and think less of myself for not doing better.
Such an example has just happened this morning that makes me want to bang my head against a wall.
Last night I talked with Ig about taking up on offer of some free tickets that a friend's friend, Green, cannot use. The tickets are for an event on Saturday. Green would have to FedEx them as he is a few hundred miles away (hence why he can't use the tickets).
Ig sent an e-mail last night to our friend expressing interest in the tickets. He didn't e-mail Green directly even though he had his e-mail address. Knowing that time was of the essence, I forwarded Ig's e-mail to Green and left my phone number.
Green called me and said he would send us the tickets. I added that we felt the least we could do was pay for the FedEx costs and perhaps pay a small token for the tickets. Apparently that opened up a can of worms. Green said he had planned to give them to another person at 2 tickets for $30. He then said, how about $60. The math seemed a bit funny to me, but I said "yes" wanting to be fair. He said he would e-mail me with the cost of the FedEx and how to Paypal him.
Five minutes later, Green called again, asking if we could do him a favor. I paused and said, "I'll try." He explained that another ticket was to be sold to a guy who lives near the event. He realized that sending it by FedEx would cost more than what the guy was paying him for the ticket. He asked if we could meet up with the guy to deliver the ticket and collect the money. I only said I'd try and he said that's fine if we were unable to connect with the buyer.
Once I got off the phone and back from a meeting, I started putting all this together. The initial momentum behind this whole thing was because the tickets were "FREE." Now, we're shelling out $80 and we have to act as his delivery person. I feel like I've been taken advantage of and am unhappy. I should have left this alone and let the deal fall apart when Ig sent the e-mail wrong. The tickets would have been given to someone else by now and I wouldn't be in this awkward position.
Ig is unreachable so I could not consult him for what to do next. Green just sent an e-mail with the tracking number, a list of what amount to send to his Paypal account, and the contact information of the one ticket buyer. I checked the estimated arrival time for the envelope. There is a possibility the tickets will not show up until just before the event starts. Given travel time, that means we could be late and miss half the event. Now it really seems lame to be paying all this money for the tickets.
I did my best to layout the situation and explain that I'm feeling like the amount is more than "what was originally intended." I asked if we could discuss making an adjustment.
I don't know what else to do. I HATE these situations. I struggle constantly between being fair, being polite, and getting what I want. Sometime I think I let people run all over me and it sucks. This is why I want to just forget the whole thing and stay away from these situations. I wish I had never written any e-mails this morning and just let Ig error play out. ARGH.
Addition: And now I feel bad that I sent him a response because in talking with Ig just now, I realize that when he said "2 at $30" he must have meant $30 EACH, not $30 total. Ugh, can I just end this day now? This is why I think people like Ryan don't stay with me - a build up of misinterpretations make me look like a really bitchy and selfish person. :(
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2 comments:
I know it's hard because I do this too but don't beat yourself up so much over this. Sounds like miscommunication. Use this as a lesson so it won't happen again.
You haven't done anything wrong!
I do this too. A lot of times I feel like I'm just making more issues for myself by trying to do this or that to be a "better" person but end up wanting to bang my head against the wall.
/The initial momentum behind this whole thing was because the tickets were "FREE."/ I can't tell you how many times i've felt that EXACT same way: "I did this because it was supposed to be a GOOD DEAL, not because i actually hate myself and want to spend extra money/time/energy to make my life more complicated and have people think i'm a bitch"
I usually try to just step back, take a deep breath ... maybe take a shower or something, get my mind off of it. i hope you got to go the event at least, and that it was enjoyable
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