Monday, March 19, 2007

Weak threads

I'm trying to be positive and patient about this process, but there's gotta be a better way.

No surprise that I haven't heard back from ArtHawk. I know people mean well, but I really think his initial reply nothing more than a polite but empty response. I've seen him online for what seems like a couple years. He's either picky or not looking for anything serious.

My polite e-mail did get Designer's attention this time around:


I have to apologize for taking so long to get back to you. I've enjoyed getting to know you through eHarmony but I don't think I can offer you anything more than friendship at this point. I wish you luck in your search and hope you find what you're looking for,


His e-mail was as lame as his behavior at dinner. There's no need to try and placate me with an offer of friendship that he's as sincere about as the hug and phone call promise he made at the end of dinner. At least, he had the decency to reply.

While it's what I expected, I just don't understand why he couldn't have simply made the effort to close our connection. He's not going magically disappear from my list nor me from his. He didn't have to talk to me directly. I'm just asking for a little etiquette here. Once I read this, I made sure to close the connection since he seems unwillingly to take the 5 seconds to do it himself.

Now, I'm better about what happened during that dinner. There's no reason to think that I did anything wrong. In hindsight, his behavior indicated he checked out the minute he saw me. He never smiled. From the minute we sat down at dinner there was minimum effort made to talk to me.

Sure, perhaps he was nervous. I tried. Maybe he misinterpreted my initial chatter as being upset with him for being late? I had reassured him that it was no problem. Clearly, something set the wrong tone from the start. I probably just didn't look like what he expected. My freckles aren't as noticeable in my photos. ;p

The other mystery boy I've been wondering about was NeverHome. He travels for his job and seems to be around every fortnight. A week and a half ago, he asked about meeting up this past weekend. I wrote him back saying I'd be interested and provided my phone number. Knowing he was on the road, it seemed to make sense to let him call me. As the weekend neared, I wrote him another e-mail asking if he was still intending to meet me. No response.

Late Sunday, he wrote back apologizing because his schedule had changed and just then he had finally managed to hook a computer up to the Internet. Um, yeah. He works for a software company. How could you not have checked your e-mail accounts for almost two weeks? I did give you a phone number. Maybe this guy should reconsider the idea of trying to date considering his busy schedule. It doesn't seem like dating is or can be a priority for him right now. That or I'm being lied to again. His e-mail ended saying he won't have time until April sometime. Yeah, whatever. Should I tell him my membership is ending and leave him my phone number (no e-mail) to test if he's really interested?

Anyhow, I still have other projects in development at least. There's one guy; he's a little younger but seems to ask good questions and pays attention. I hope to at least meet him eventually to see if we have any chemistry. In a couple e-mails, I'll offer my phone number if he doesn't ask.


jayfish said...

with online dating, i saw many people that didn't manage their profiles very well so his not closing your connection is probably a hint to his general organizational habits in life. no biggie, move on. if you don't hear from them within a few weeks, close it yourself and if they're interested, they'll ask to open it up again. no sense in wasting your time by emailing them and asking what's going on. in fact, if you go on a date and you don't hear from them within 48 hours, consider it a wash and move on. your time is more important than that.

also, if you really think he was turned off by your looks, then your profile pic(s) might not be very representative of the current you. make sure they're up to date (please give a full head to toe shot as well as a nice portrait).

Pandax said...

Jayfish - Within 48 hours? Isn't that against the male dating code? ;)

As for the pictures, my second of three pictures is a totally natural picture of me, sitting, on vacation with no makeup, nothing done to my hair, and looking directly at the camera. It is a nice picture, but I happen to think it's a totally normal picture of what you'd see if you ran into me on the street. If I look worse in person, there's nothing I can do other than take a picture of myself just waking up in the morning. :p

Who knows... I'm just throwing that idea out there. It happens. At least this time it wasn't my car, though that might have been the final nail in the coffin. Ha!

jayfish said...

yeah, you might want to ease the guy into the whole car thing. :)

as for rules and codes, if a girl/guy wants to play games by waiting a specified time before communication or waiting for the other one to make the first move, i'd move on. games are stupid and i think people that play games aren't serious about dating/ finding someone they really get long with.

Anna May Won't said...

i agree with jayfish that games are stupid. 2 days is plenty of time for a guy to contact you after a date.

as for looks, try not to be so hard on yourself. everyone has different tastes. i know that i don't fit everyone's ideal - i'm not a flashy slinky girl, which, quite frankly, i find that a lot of asian guys like. i'm a no-makeup, down to earth girl with no nonsense hair.

in college whenever i'd go to asian parties, i NEVER got hit on. on the other hand, the skinny girls with long hair and a lot of makeup in tight short dresses had to fight em off with a stick.

Pandax said...

Ah, but it would have been fun, just for once, to be fighting them off with a stick. It's a nice feeling.

There have plenty of times people's pictures didn't quite look like their in-person persona. It's going to happen sometimes. As for Designer, maybe I scared him off by wearing makeup that day. ;;)