Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Bad apples

In my rants and raves about men who suck at dating, I tend to forget about his side of the story. Every so often I hear bits and pieces of what it's like to sit on the other side of the table. It's easy to forget that there are bad apples on both sides that leave bad impressions about dating.

Three come to mind right now.

The first one is an example of a woman on a mission. It was a speed dating event. The guy was a friend of a friend. He described hearing the bell ring and arriving at his next "date." Beside her on the table, she had a list of questions. As soon as he sat down, she start reading them off as if their date was an interview. "How old are you, have you ever been married, do you have any children, ... ."

Yikes. He tried to be a good sport about it. Needless to say, she failed to make a good impression. I was at that same event. I'm guessing it was the mid-thirties woman wearing the frumpy dress and 80s-style glasses with big lenses and plastic frame. Yeah, she needed a makeover.

Then there was DryMouth's stalker. They met through an online site; I think JDate. After a couple e-mails, they exchanged phone numbers. Everything seemed fine. She started calling every day. Mind you they'd known each other for maybe a week plus.

They met for dinner. DryMouth, by my best recollection, said she was okay but didn't sense any sparks. She continued to call every day. The less he responded, the more frequently he called. One day in the week after the date, she called him over 20 times. Yes, that's 2 0. They talked once more, but he obviously wasn't getting a good vibe. He stopped answering her e-mails and calls. He said it took another week or so for her to get the hint and for the calls to die down. Wow, she needs to get a grip.

The last story comes from a friend's husband. His buddies are mostly still single. (She noted that, alas, none of them were worth introducing me to.) One of the guys met this woman online. They decided to meet for dinner.

When he arrived, the spot they had agreed upon was closing. She looked across the street and suggested trying the restaurant there. It looked nice though she said she'd never eaten there. It turned out to be a rather upscale restaurant. They ordered with him naturally assuming that he was taking her out for a dinner date. She ordered an appetizer, a salad, and an entree.

The conversation didn't see to go well. He felt like she was always looking elsewhere and was not very engaged in the conversation. He finally called her on it and asked if she also felt that the chemistry was missing.

Her response was rather shocking. Basically, she said she always sets up dates so that they meet across the street and redirects the plan so that she and her date eat at this upscale restaurant for dinner. That way, regardless of how the date goes, she's sure to get a good meal out of it.

I can't believe someone would actually admit to such a scheme. My friend thought he should have pulled out his share for the cost of dinner and walked away. Despite what this gal did, he still paid for the meal because he felt it was his obligation. We could only guess how many times this chick has pulled this one over on guys. No wonder guys don't like to go out for dinner the first time around. I wouldn't either knowing people will take advantage of you like this.

It's just so annoying to think people pull these kinds of stunts and ruin it for the rest of us. I meet my perspective dates for coffee or for dinners at casual places where I order things under $10. If they like me, hopefully they'll plan for something more romantic.

It just goes to show that neither sex has it easy. I'm sure we could debate on this for a long time. Come on people, how about we all show each other a little more respect?

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