What's culturally important

For whatever reason, the question of ethnicity was really on my mind the other day. In the melting pot we call home, I often wonder how future generations of Asian-Americans will identify with the ethnic background versus their homeland. Among the first-generation people I know and have met, there are still ties to their mother countries. It manifests itself in a variety of ways - choosing to live in ethnic neighborhoods, speaking something other than English at home, going to visit country X regularly, etc.

The second generation (that includes myself) gets the best and maybe the worst of both worlds. We adapt to the freedoms that living here provides. We appreciate a variety of foods and practices. For those of us who don't naturally blend into crowd (i.e. not white) we sometimes face discrimination. When we are among people who look like us, they often expect us to understand a foreign language fluently or share the same opinions. We grow up trying to reconcile differences between our American values and the values our parents pass down from their upbringing.

What happens as the generation pass? Those who remain within ethnic enclaves such as a Chinatown or Little Saigon might be more insulated from American cultural influences. I guess my thoughts look more towards upwardly mobile families that move to the suburbs to raise their families. How well are they able to instill an understanding and appreciation for cultural heritage among their children? Is it realistic to expect the 3rd, 4th, 5th generations to be Asian?

I ask this because taking my language course strengthens my desire to expose my future children to as much Asian culture as possible. The thing is, I don't consider myself very Asian sometimes. I have friends who speak to their parent only in their native tongue, are familiar with all the traditions and superstitions around events like Lunar New Year, Red Egg and Ginger parties, and the Autumn Moon Festival, and hold tight to family traditions. In my upbringing, my dad tried as much as possible to Americanize me, and therefore did not send to extra schooling on weekends. My dad would laugh if I told him how important the idea was to me because he knows how little I could teach to my kids and that it won't really matter in the long run.

It won't matter because over time, people will mix. In this part of country, it's probably unusually apparent. Among Asians, we are cross-marrying. Overall, the melting pot will take time and will probably more influenced by Hispanics than Asians.

All this setup brings me to my ruminations. For a long time now, I have pursued dating with the thought that I would marry someone of the same ethnicity. I thought it would make things easier in terms of family and raising kids. We would share similar values and encourage each other improve our language skills. It was a big plus with Ryan and KT. It's one of the reasons I was uncomfortable dating Tim.

I get mixed opinions from my friends. Some say I'm not being fair and limiting my chances for happiness. Other people say that if it's important that I should focus there.

But now, I stop to think about some of the guys I could potentially date. I've always been open myself to meeting all Asians, though perhaps I'm trying harder these days. That means I could end up liking someone who is a banana (yellow on the outside, white on the inside) or someone of another ethnicity who shares little background in common. How would that change what I can pass to my children? Would I really miss not being able to speak to someone in my parents' tongue?

When I go to my language class, I am reminded that there are men out there who are wanting to learn the language of their girlfriend/wife. It's a gesture I'd really admire. I don't know the reasons in each case, but I can tell you that if I had someone who learned for me (without me pushing him hard to do so), I would believe the man truly loves and understands me.

In the end, the language is not so important. I know that, but it's this feeling of familiarity, of connection that perhaps I'm afraid of losing which I associate with speaking the language. What matters is finding someone I love, who loves me, who share similar values and ideals about life and living. If I find that, maybe the rest will come naturally, and I won't have to worry about feeling like a lost soul.