In the eyes of others

I had dinner with Is and PretendCousin the other night. She was talking about an art project she had for her pole dancing class. It was meant to help the class explore their erotic side. The assignment involved creating a collage of what represented their personality.

She was surprised to see how much pink, furry fabric, and glitter she incorporated into her collage. My immediate reaction was, "and why is that a surprise?"

PretendCousin immediately laughed, looked at me, and said, "that's exactly what I said. The first things that come to mind if I had to make your collage would be pink and Snuffles (stuffed bear toy)."

After sharing more thoughts about her choices, she delved into trying to guess what my might look like if I were to create one. While hers came out girlie but racy, I thought mine would be more old-fashioned feminine. They agreed that I my colors would have been a more burgundy or dark pink colors. I stopped there as I didn't feel like getting into any other detail. I think I might have chosen pretty laces and some floral elements. It was an interesting project I suppose.

Later, someone asked about siblings and birth order. I shared my recollection that oldest are theoretically supposed to pair best with the youngest and vice-versa. Middle children fare better with other non-middle children. Only children are a toss up because they are a mix of oldest and youngest behaviors.

In the course of this conversation, Is shared her thoughts on my personality. She compared me with PretendCousin because we're both first-borns. She said she could definitely tell I was the oldest.

"What tells you that?"

"Well, ..."

"Because I'm type A?"

"No, I wouldn't exactly say that, but you're a take charge kind of person. You think about other people's needs."

The conversation moved on as Is reflected about how PretendCousin isn't so much like that now. They recalled how she was more like that in college and laughed that it's now gone.

Is's comments made me think. I totally agreed with her first observation. I like to be organized and tend to step in if no one else is getting things done. The second part of her comment was quite interesting. I say that for two reasons. One, it never occurred to me to describe myself that way. Second, I was impressed that she would notice and articulate that.

People aren't always good at describing themselves. They may see only what they want to see, emphasize what seems more important to others, or picture themselves as they would like to be. In actuality, it's probably some combination of these perspectives.

It's rare to hear yourself describe from another person's point of view. I had a little taste of that when Hula helped me refine my dating profile. An idea came to mind that it would be fascinating to write five close friends and asked them to describe a couple traits of my personality. I wonder what I could learn about myself by doing that.