Friday, March 02, 2007

Voice impressions

I know what I say might sound bad, but once I met G, I think I figured out why he asked to meet without ever speaking to each other on the phone. He has a lisp.

I'm assuming the lisp is caused by a combination of his underbite and a gap in his teeth. Perhaps he is aware that it's distracting and avoids talking to women by phone because it doesn't make the best first impression. I must admit I found it rather distracting.

When I arrived at the restaurant, he was at the front reviewing the menu. G pretty much looks like the picture he has posted though his face seemed a little older and wider. He had a friendly smile as he greeted me.

He was very good at asking me questions. I honestly didn't know what to ask him. He asked a little about my job and the travel I do. I asked about his work. When I asked him about his activities, he described his current interest in playing poker with his friends and playing this one particular two-person board game. G went into quite a bit of detail about the game which briefly turned into the sound an adult makes when you watch a Charlie Brown cartoon.

Once we determined that we attended the same college, we talked about our experiences while there. He then proceeded to ask me if I watch any sports. I clarified whether he was talking about college sports and acknowledged that I enjoy football but not so much basketball. Somewhere in the conversation, I shared my opinion that the coach needs to be replaced. He would repeatedly ask for my reasons and counter each time with a reason to keep the coach. I really didn't want to spend so much time talking about sports, but he kept looking for angles from which to save my opinion about the coach.

The conversation wasn't bad, but it felt a bit staid and serious. There was nothing particularly exciting about the conversation - cable tv, Internet service, antennas, high school academics, his volleyball club. Maybe his lisp biased me early. I really tried to stay engaged, but part of me kept thinking about how plain he seemed.

He's a nice guy, but I just felt like I couldn't find many opinions in him. When I asked him if he cooks, he said he mostly eats out. I followed that up by inquiring whether he has favorite eats, he said, "not really." When it came to his job, he seemed content in his current position, rarely dealing with people be it customers or management. It concerns me that he's not as outgoing as I would like (not that I want a social butterfly or anything).

I have to give G credit. He did a very good job of asking questions and showing interest. I probably deserve a barely satifactory grade for my interaction. He asked me what tv shows I watch, and I should have turned it back to him. There were a couple other times I could have repeated the question for him to answer. I guess it felt a little stale to me to simply mirror every question he had of me. I let myself get preoccupied by his lisp. The combination of his lisp and soft voice make it feel like I was talking with a kid.

My gut tells me that the chemistry not as strong as I would like. There lacked an energy between us. You know what I mean? Maybe it was simply first date jitters. I want to feel some instant connection. It bothers me that I focused on something superficial like his voice, but it's the truth. I feel like a bad person.

At the same time, I have this terrible fear that I'm just not being receptive enough towards guys. Minus the obvious losers, can one really be sure after one date that it's not a connection? I've had good first dates, but in my experience this is not one of them. My therapist will undoubtedly encourage me to give him another chance, to work on being more open-minded and not prejudge. I feel I should too, but my first impression bias will be tough to overcome. We'll see if I hear from him again.


zerodoll said...

i think it's fair right now to be swayed by your first impressions and feelings of lack of chemistry. you're testing the waters. if you find you've been on 25+ first dates and none of them seem to inspire you to want a second date for seemingly small reasons, maybe then you evaluate whether you're being too critical.

Anonymous Writer said...

I think I know how you feel.

When I was younger, I used to think, "If it's not there (as in chemistry) in the beginning, it never will be."

But then I started thinking about how, maybe a good relationship is something that develops over time. On the first date, you're too nervous to really be yourself. By the second and third date, I think, you have a better idea if this is someone you could see yourself being with in the long term.

It's sort of like with the guy I'm interested in now. When I first met him, I was like, "Whatever." And then something weird happened the more I got to know him. We'll see how that goes.