Thursday, August 31, 2006

All sensibilities are temporarily unavailable

So I k-i-n-d of lied about not being posted on any websites. A couple weeks ago I heard about this free dating site and threw up a few photos and an old profile description for kicks. I had forgotten about it since there's been no action.

Recently, I received an e-mail alerting me to a message in my inbox. I logged in and found that this 40-year-old guy had contacted me.

You're very pretty and very attractive! I love your
smile. I can tell you're quite a nice person; You enjoy a lot of the simple things in life and appear quite cultured and not wanting to loose your chinese heritage. Reading through your paragraph, I seem to have acquired at least a bonus point by being a ABC. So did you grow up in this area or did you just migrate here?

For me, I enjoy getting a little exercise on weekends and
trying different cuisines or watching a movie. Cultural events are a plus and I enjoy trying different cuisines. I'm looking
for someone that wants to start as a friendship that will
turn into a long term relationship.

If you are good to meet for coffee, that would be great. If you want to contact me by regular e-mail, I can be reached at:

Talk to you soon!"

My reaction? MOST of it seems normal. Frankly, I shudder at e-mails that start by complimenting my looks. Why do guys do that? It sounds as if he's surprised that I look decent. I'm assuming that by writing me I meet your physical criteria. I also felt like Hguy was stretching a bit by adding the comment about acquiring a bonus point for being an ABC. (I had mentioned in my profile that it was a bonus if the guy was an ABC- my way of saying I prefer dating Asians.)

At least he shared a little about himself in terms of an interest in foods and cultural stuff (though it was a bit vague). He sounds like he tries to be active. His picture showed a guy, shoulders and up, with a slightly round face wearing sunglasses (I hate when the only picture posted blocks their face). Unfortunately, when I clicked through to his profile, it said very little. He had filled out the basics like age, body type, ethnicity, occupation, and what type of woman he was looking for, but only provided two bland sentences in the open text section.

My therapist always tells me I overanalyze and judge people too quickly, but what else am I supposed to do? He didn't give me much to go on. I'm not meeting up with this guy unless I learn more about him.

I wrote him back asking a couple questions - where he's originally from, if he likes to cook, and what plans he has for the weekend. I figure that might be a start on getting a sense of his personality and habits.


I must be suffering from a chemical imbalance. I just e-mailed a guy I saw on the dating website.

He, shall we call him Limey, is a couple years younger than me, but his profile indicated that he was open to women my age. His profile caught my attention because he mentioned the things he likes to do with such enthusiasm. He also happened to mention something about curling lessons (you know, that game involving an ice rink, a big stone with a handle, and a squeege mop) which I found unique. He could be a nice person to meet, he could be a total weirdo.

I had to think twice before I hit the "send" button. I've NEVER sent a message to a guy who didn't contact me first (not counting winks). I did reread my e-mail once (gosh I forgot to spell check). It seems decent... we shall see.

"Hi Limey,

When I read your profile, I couldn't help notice your mention of curling. After the Winter Olympics I saw an ad for curling lessons and thought it would be interesting too. Know anyone who went?

I'm just about to wrap up my dance class. I took a break from regular dancing for several years. It's been fun relearning and dancing once a week. What a work out! I haven't been there yet, but there's a place to dance [near you] called yyyyy.

Any particular food specialties you like to cook? For awhile, I was focused on a lot of dessert baking. I have amassed a small collection of cookbooks but haven't tried enough recipes. Epicurious is still one of the best place to find good recipes.

Before I ramble on further, I'll give you a chance to take a look at my profile. While I'm fairly outgoing with my friends, I'm a bit reserved when it comes to meeting people through the Internet. If you like what you've read, I hope we can chat via e-mail and learn more about each other.


Reminder to self: set low expectations, don't stress, this is not a big deal, think low expectations, think low expectations.

Why is it, despite my age and experience, I'm still so damned uncomfortable with dating? I'm not even sure how much I'm doing this for myself. What keeps me going?


zerodoll said...

yay! that's awesome that you're putting yourself out there. i think taking the initiative is great, that way you already know you have some interest in the guy versus him writing you. can't wait to hear more!

jayfish said...

great news! looking forward to hearing more!

(don't give up if they're both total losers!!!)