We had a lunch time bridal shower for someone in the department. As the bride opened her gifts and thanked everyone for the wonderful surprise party, my co-worker turned to me and said, "and someday we'll be planning one of these for you Pandax."
Seven is the nicest gal. She is a smart woman who gave birth to a little girl last year. She's seen me go through some dating ups and downs and has been part of the cubicalland advice posse. People know her attitude is always friendly, caring, and optimistic.
The comment was meant in kind, but how am I supposed to respond to that. This is the unspoken pressure that makes me sick of being single. Maybe if I had a current, serious boyfriend, I would delight in hearing that. With nothing on the near horizon, however, I don't think she realizes how... unappealing... that is to hear.
In my very blunt, just the facts way that my head was operating, I said, "no, this isn't going to happen for me."
"Yes, of course it will."
"Maybe. Even if I do get married, I don't know that I need all this. Sometimes I think we'll just go down to city hall and be done with it."
"You don't want a wedding?"
"I know it's all nice, but frankly Seven, I don't know if I want to deal with all the planning stress. Why not just have everyone give me a cash gift that I can apply to a house?" (In Chinese culture, cash is a standard gift.)
Maybe it wasn't the most friendly way to react, but that's what was on my mind. It's me being honest, but I know sometimes I unintentionally put people off. (This is where I need to work on my presentation a bit.) Am I supposed to pretend to be excited and say "that's so sweet, I can't wait?"
It was fun to see the bride revel in the moment and show her genuine surprise and appreciation for the shower. It was fun to hear about their plans and joke about life ahead. I do enjoy seeing the excitement and joy this time brings to my friends.
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Biker finally e-mailed me this week. Who knows why it took a week for him to respond. The title of the e-mail was "Thank you for responding from speed dating." I've never received such a polite greeting.
The e-mail was brief, but he seemed friendly. He said he was interested in continuing our conversation over drinks sometime and suggested a town. That was followed by him providing two IDs which I could use to IM him.
I waited a day and wrote back. Basically, my calendar is packed until the end of next week. I suggested that we could meet for drinks the following week. I also explained that my company blocks all IM networks, so we won't be able to chat via the Internet. (I admit while it's inconvenient not to be able to IM friends, I kind of like having that excuse so phone or face-to-face contact is required for dates.) We'll see.
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3 comments:
i hate comments like that! i know seven didn't mean anything by it but 1) she doesn't know what's going on in your life, and 2) it's presumptuous of her to assume this is what you want.
i went through the same thing when all the shit was going down with my marriage. people were getting pregnant left and right, and my coworkers kept saying to me, "you're next!" they'd have fainted if i told them the truth, though that might have been pretty funny.
stuff like that is so personal and private, yet people feel they make comments to you about it at will.
i'm bugged by those people that you run into who you haven't seen for a while. why can't they just say "what's new with you?" rather than, "oh, still no ring, eh?" i know people just want the best for you, but it's thoughtless at best.
The baby thing is tough too. Once, a single 20-something was amazed by the number of pregnant women at work. She joked to the woman next to her, "there must be something in the water, better not drink it!"
Sadly, the woman behind her was someone I knew had been trying to have a baby for almost two year. She briefly looked their way so I know she heard the conversation. Oops, ouch. That made me think about watching what I say in the future.
Coupled and married friends I haven't seen in awhile also ask about my dating life because they're looking for a way to live vicariously through entertaining stories.
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