Sunday, September 03, 2006

A veteran friend's advice

A few weeks ago I wrote Pisces about my possible re-entry into online dating. I asked if she had any pearls of wisdom from her two dives into that world. (She married someone she met through Hrmny.)

Pisces is one of my oldest friends. We've known each other since junior high. She has always been one of the most intelligent, rational, and practical people I know. At the same time, she has the sharpest, sarcastic wit. She was the one who once commented, "men are like tissues; after you use one, another always pops up." Whenever I watch "The Simpsons" I compare Pisces to Lisa Simpson.

Her story about her experience on Hrmny surprised me. In grad school, she gained plenty of dating experience. She's such a real person that I never would have imagined that she would not be herself.

"For my first profile page, which helped me meet the sicko mommy's boy liar loser, addition to all the other guys I e-mailed but didn't meet in person...on the first round, I tried to be cute and funny. I wanted to sound attractive and cool. When I dumped sicko and then went back to Hrmny a few days later, I decided SCREW IT, I'm just going to put on my profile what I REALLY want, which is a guy without all this weird baggage--someone who knows who he is, what he wants in life, and has worked out any major issues from childhood, ex-girlfriends, etc. I knew it was risky to say that but it was what I really wanted, and I figured if a guy was offended by that, then he wouldn't be right for me. If a guy understood what I meant, then maybe there was a chance."

Pisces went on to say that when answering the multiple question about where you like to live, she debated answering with the "city" choice because she thought "suburbs" would sound lame. I am surprised that someone so accomplished and respected would consider not being herself. I'm glad she told me this; and I wish I could have been there to support her at that time.

Her perspective is very to the point. It's so challenging to be the fierce women we are in life and balance that with the traditional ideals of relationships engrained by family and culture. Perhaps if I had her wit I'd be more willing to play it tough with guys. She recommends putting down whatever I feel is important whether it's having kids soon or wanting someone who makes good money. She boiled it down to "If you're going to scare a guy, he won't be able to handle you anyway."

It's something to consider as I draft a profile. All these dating places have their good and bad points. No matter which one, there's always the challenge of sorting through the crap and knowing which ones are worth pursuing. I'll have to ask Pisces if she has some guidance on that.

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