Thursday, September 14, 2006

Knowing myself better

Over the weekend, I pulled out this book that I've had on my shelf for three years. Admittedly, I bought one of those self-help books on dating a few years ago. I've probably skimmed it twice but never seem to remember it well. One of its teachings in helping a person know who is a good mate is to know oneself. The author encourages starting that process by answering some questions.

I thought it worth a try:

1) Who is the most important person in your life and why?
This was not as easy to answer as I thought. Of course, I think of my family, but that does not represent ONE person. Honestly, the most important person in my life right now is me. No one else will be there when I get into trouble. Ugh, I've been alone too long. Pathetic. Tim is probably close to the top. If I had a pet, I'd say it was the most important thing in my life.

2) What is the one dream for your life you look most forward to achieving?
No surprise here, I want to create a happy family.

3) Who has the capacity to make you angrier than anyone else in your life, and what does he or she do to make you angry?
Sorry Mom, that would be you. Why do you think I choose to live hundreds of miles away? We have different cultural expectations and priorities. Please stop telling me how to live my life. I know you mean well, but I will never make you happy with my choices. It hurts to know that I will always disappoint you. I hate the person I am sometimes because I know it's because of you.

4) Who has the capacity to make you feel loved more than anyone else in your life, and what does he or she do to cause you to feel so lovable?
That is most definitely Tim. No matter what stupid things I say and do, he loves me for who I am. He's always happy to see me. He's told me what makes him think I'm a good person; it's nice to hear. (I guess this will be changing.)

5) What is it like being you? More precisely, how do you feel about yourself - emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually?
Eeck, what a question. I accept that my body is not perfect; it never will be. I don't let it stop me from wearing skirts. Men find me decently attractive. I am intelligent and engaging. On the other hand, I can be very difficult to deal with when my insecurities rear up. I know I'm a good person though my negative attitude can hinder me. On the surface, people think I'm outgoing and independent, but they might be surprised to see the girly side of me at home. I'm probably a bit superstitious but not religious.

6) When do you feel inspired? Who and what contribute to your sense of inspiration?
Reading articles and seeing news stories about people who think about unique ways to help others, like this. I wish I had their ingenuity and dedication to a cause.

7) What is the most important thing in the world to you?
My journals (though pictures are a close second). They help me remember who I am, where I've been, what I've learned, and what I need to do.

8) When do you feel most afraid?
When a problem arises I have no one to turn to for help. That's when I realize how alone I am in this world. Or maybe it's when people expect big things of me, and I feel like I have to fake it. What a fraud.

9) If you had one day to live, how would you want to spend it?
If I had someone special in my life, I'd want to being outside enjoying the scenery and sharing thoughts. Otherwise, I'd choose to spend the time at a lodge, talking and playing games with my closest friends. I don't need some big thrill, just time to connect.

10) If you could accomplish one thing during the rest of your life, what would it be?
Raise some well-rounded, happy children.

Next ten questions to be continued...

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