Quiet

I miss Tim. I haven't really talked to him since that awful car conversation. Maybe he's been busy, but he hasn't tried to communicate with me at all. I sent a couple group e-mails for various reasons, but no response from him. I tried calling last night to see if we're still on for meeting to talk more about things, but he didn't pick up the phone.

As much as I miss him, the sad thing is that I feel like I could go on alone. I don't take rejection well, so I suppose I've grown numb to the idea. Mentally, I probably assume people will eventually leave me. That way, it's not a shock when they do. It's a protection mechanism. I know I shouldn't think like that, but it's hard when you've been let down so many times. I wish that I had dated more when I was younger, maybe then I would have grown a thicker skin.

The prospect of spending my life alone becomes more real as I get older. I feel like I have to rely on myself because there won't be anyone there for me.

I wish I knew how Tim is feeling. I worry he's holding back on me, telling me what he thinks I want or need to hear rather than what's really going through his mind. Is he angry or sad or hurt, or is this just a silly girl thing to him? Maybe his thoughts really are as mellow as he is.

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I talked to him just now. We were going to meet up, but, to be fair, I told him I have a sore throat. He doesn't want to get sick a week before vacation. There was a hint of awkwardness but nothing to worry about (I think). We might just talk for a little tonight by phone just to catch up but not talk about the serious stuff. So I won't see him until Monday. :(

My horoscope for today... how ironic.

Daily Overview for September 07, 2006

Quickie:
Turn off your phone and do something else that is best done alone. Enjoy the quiet.

Overview:
You're tempted to take a stick and stir the muddy waters of the present so you can get a glimpse of the future. Put down that implement! If you stir too much, you'll make the situation even cloudier.