Thursday, September 07, 2006


I miss Tim. I haven't really talked to him since that awful car conversation. Maybe he's been busy, but he hasn't tried to communicate with me at all. I sent a couple group e-mails for various reasons, but no response from him. I tried calling last night to see if we're still on for meeting to talk more about things, but he didn't pick up the phone.

As much as I miss him, the sad thing is that I feel like I could go on alone. I don't take rejection well, so I suppose I've grown numb to the idea. Mentally, I probably assume people will eventually leave me. That way, it's not a shock when they do. It's a protection mechanism. I know I shouldn't think like that, but it's hard when you've been let down so many times. I wish that I had dated more when I was younger, maybe then I would have grown a thicker skin.

The prospect of spending my life alone becomes more real as I get older. I feel like I have to rely on myself because there won't be anyone there for me.

I wish I knew how Tim is feeling. I worry he's holding back on me, telling me what he thinks I want or need to hear rather than what's really going through his mind. Is he angry or sad or hurt, or is this just a silly girl thing to him? Maybe his thoughts really are as mellow as he is.


I talked to him just now. We were going to meet up, but, to be fair, I told him I have a sore throat. He doesn't want to get sick a week before vacation. There was a hint of awkwardness but nothing to worry about (I think). We might just talk for a little tonight by phone just to catch up but not talk about the serious stuff. So I won't see him until Monday. :(

My horoscope for today... how ironic.

Daily Overview for September 07, 2006

Turn off your phone and do something else that is best done alone. Enjoy the quiet.

You're tempted to take a stick and stir the muddy waters of the present so you can get a glimpse of the future. Put down that implement! If you stir too much, you'll make the situation even cloudier.


Clinton said...

Hey, me again. Where'd you get that purple text? It's incredibly hard to read against the page background.

Pandax said...

Ah, thanks, I'll change that. Since I edit in a white background I forget about the actual blog page.

Marcy said...

Wow, interesting horoscopes...

I always had that same issue of wanting to know what was going on, what the guy was thinking, etc... I had such a hard time just sitting back and seeing how things go. It's a hard lesson to learn. Good luck!