Saturday, February 18, 2006

Sorting out the facts

Okay, so the last entry was more factual than analysis. I've been revisiting a book that I have about dating. Yes, I own one of these books. I, like most girls, can't help read these. It's because after years of failed relationships and being single, one can't help question if you're missing something.

I'm still thinking through it all. I don't know what to think. I'm trying to figure out what I learned about KT and how that applies to what I want.

1) He's Chinese. Culturally, it is such a plus because I want that in my life and for my children. It's such a contrast from the way I grew up. Even though everyone around me was white, I never felt that I fit in. Look at my friends now, they're predominantly Chinese and certainly mostly Asian. As much as I think of myself as American, people who don't "look" it will always be outsiders.

2) He's intelligent. The jury is still out on this one. Clearly he is good at academics considering his qualifications and profession. The question is whether his mind and mine have similiar speeds, levels, and interests. I have a problem of feeling intimidated by some of the men I've dated.

3) Personal responsibility. He gives the appearance that he can handle himself. His church retreat is a good example of being given a responsibility and following through to complete the job. Also, buying a house means many more responsibilities in the future and he appears willing to take them on.

4) Cares about his career. I would have liked to ask him more about his job and what he thinks of it. I admit that's probably one thing I held back on since it was not a date. It was interesting, now that I think about it, because none of us talked about work. At least he recognized the importance of staying to earn seniority. Given the chance I'd ask him more about how he feels about his work.

5) Healthy family relationships? At least there seems to be respect at home and he mentioned talking to his sister. I think it's natural that he is closer with his sister and still developing a relationship with his much younger brother.

6) Religion. It's a double-edged sword for me. While I feel that you are more likely to meet a good person with excellent values, the level of devotion to God is what could be a dealbreaker. Though I find some peace in praying I can't say that I believe in a being that looks over us. I feel the principles of good living are good for people who need guidance. I don't count this as something I must have, I just list it here because it's a BIG question mark with someone like KT.

7) Integrity. Given his cultural background, profession, and religion I give him the benefit of the doubt at this point. Obviously this is a difficult trait to assess and comes with time.

8) Financial responsibility. His profession would help you assume that he will have a stable income. Buying a house would indicate that he is prepared to manage his money.

9) Emotional maturity. Unknown. From this situation with setting up the dinner I can't say my assessment is positive yet.

10) Ability to communicate. We've had some good discussions. We have some things in common to talk about and he has been good at both sharing his personal opinions and seeking out advice.

11) Affectionate. Unknown. His demeanor so far would indicate that he's reserved. I suppose this is something you'd have to assess further in a relationship and perhaps watching him interact with family and his nieces.

12) Understanding. It's very tempting to pair this with patience because I know the person I need is someone who can be there through my mood changes and insecurities. He needs this for work and seems to understand the needs of his family.

Overall, he's doing well so far. I really think that if he were interested in getting to know me better, he would have used our time in the car as an opportunity to set up a future date. He could just be a very deliberate type of person (though that might drive me nuts). I still can't believe that my dentist is his brother-in-law. Could he check up on me that way too? ;)

I'll give it until Tuesday. If I don't hear from him then I know it's just a friend connection. I will write him regardless since I want to know about that Malay-Singaporean restaurant near the BART station.

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