Thursday, February 23, 2006

Backup dating

I can't help be suspicious. The lack of a sense of urgency makes me think that he's got other big things going on. That may seem rather benign but not in terms of my theories.

CC once described to me the goings on when she and Rg were first dating. Both of them had a fairly active dating queue. Even a couple months into seeing each other, it was not necessarily exclusive. She told me she had a guy or two on the back burner. It seemed like a perfectly rational thing to do until they became more serious. About seven months in was when Rg expressed his interest in getting married.

I've never worked that way. Being older, I understand and have less issue with the concepts so long as both people are somewhat open and honest about it. I'm not saying I want to know who and when, but just to acknowledge that it's going on.

In this case it's too early for me to expect any frank conversation. I'm just writing today to vent my frustrations and confusion. I feel like I'm going to explode at some point.

On Tuesday, I responded to KT's e-mail saying that another meeting would be nice and suggested he give me a call. He replied late last night asking what my schedule looks like next week. I don't know what's going on in his life right now, but I find these biweekly evenings to be rather annoying. Part of it is my own anxiety. I don't perform well in these undefined situations. I'd like to know now rather than drag it out. He's not doing either of us any favors acting like this. I suppose I could be more patient, but I find that most of my friends are on my side in this matter.

The other thing that still makes me suspicious are the little things he mentions. I know he went to Monterey with a friend. I'm reading a lot into it but I'm still bugged by the fact I don't know the gender of the friend, nor did he address a question concerning his friend from my e-mail. And today, his e-mail thanked me for mentioning a couple housing developments. He added that he and a friend had went to look at one of them. Now I try and put myself in his shoes and ask why he bothered to mention going with a friend. I know I'm overanalyzing, but I personally would have simply said that I saw the house and not mentioned another person.

Who knows... I'm just going to drive myself crazy. I'll reply to him tomorrow - maybe. :p

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