Marketing schmarketing

Hula worked with me on my profile. My consultant has a profile template that I populate with various comments and descriptors. I filled out every section with something that I thought was honest and positive or neutral.

Hula's first reaction to reading it was, "that just doesn't describe you."

Basically, she didn't think I was doing a very good job of giving the guys reason to contact me. She felt that my answers were very vague and didn't sell all the varied interests I bring to a relationship. I was selling myself short. Hula has been with Drummer since before online dating became mainstream, so she was unfamiliar with all the questions and information that people are asked to share. As I walked through some of the elements of the process I think she realized why I found it overwhelming at times. She agreed with most of my self-descriptors but wanted to expand upon them. We spent the next couple hours playing with the wording.

For example, I wrote that I enjoy "spending time with friends, cooking, watching tv, dancing, and casual hiking." Hula wanted to see more active descriptions. I resisted a little as I've never been one to boast about myself but I saw her point.

So, after a couple of small adjustments, my answer now reads: "I enjoy watching 'The Amazing Race' with friends, trying new recipes, ballroom dancing, and hiking on weekend mornings."

She really wanted me to add some additional "hooks" including that I enjoy college football, my alma mater is EB, and that I play video games. I pushed back on those ideas. While I beat any of my girlfriends on a sports quiz, I don't want guy thinking of me as an activity buddy. When she wanted me to mention college, I pushed back because I've dated almost exclusively (unintentionally) other alum. I confided in her that I don't want that be a compelling element. Dating Ryan ruined certain associations for me. I rarely watch college basketball now because it reminds me of him. There's no guarantee that the alum thing won't come up eventually, I just don't want to go there until I'm invested more in the relationship. It probably sounds strange, but I love my school and I don't want bad memories to ruin that.

Another statement of mine that bothered her a bit was my answer to "What is the one thing that people don't realize about you that you wish they would?" I had a tough time answering this one. I probably should have just left it blank because she felt what I put down was a negative.

"Despite my outgoing nature, I can be a little shy at times."

I really don't think it's bad to show a little vulnerability because it is the truth, Again, Hula felt that I should reveal something more interesting and good about me. This is what initiated the whole college football topic. Being the literal person I am, I didn't feel it really answered the question posed. I'm probably being silly, but talking about football is not on my mind when I meet guys. Nothing came to me until we talked more. I finally came up with the idea of expressing that I'm just as happy going out to parties as I am sitting at home relaxing. I think this is a good way of showing that I'm not a party girl or homebody.

There were moments when it was very frustrating to have my personal comments criticized. I kept reminding myself that doing this was a good thing. I just felt so lost and hopeless. Throughout our "work" I really felt that I'm out of touch with how to play the game of dating. I'm not talking about being deceitful or anything, just how to frame things properly whether it be written word or face to face interactions to engage people. There are probably times I'm too straight forward which can be kind of boring. Her understanding of how to interact makes me think that's why she's so attractive to men and why she's married while I'm not.

I'm really glad she was so enthusiastic about helping. It was good to talk to someone about all this who knows me well.

Up until this point, only a couple of men showed interest. Hopefully the revamp will help more come flooding in!