Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Is there such thing as honest feedback?

So you may recall that during the summer my friend, Packer, asked her Asian friend to see if he had any single friends with whom he could set me up. They talked a little about my personality and preferences. He seemed to have a couple people in mind.

He even sent me an e-mail telling me the name of the guy who would be shown my profile. Well, I never heard anything. Another man not interested.

Packer and I haven't really discussed it since. We've been having more fun exchanging e-mail about Survivor and K.

Today, I guess I've been questioning my general desirability with the opposite sex. I honestly don't understand why I can't get anyone to notice me. (Okay, heavy makeup, 3-inch heels, and a low-cut hoochie-mama top probably would get me some attention, but that's not really me.) I'd say at least two of the men I've dating were handsome and you'd think they would consider me decently attractive since humans tend to seek those who are similar or better looking than themselves. (Does that sound right?) This dry spell combined with the "eh" impression I have of the few people who've contacted me so far is making me feel like an ugly duckling and don't know what to do.

So I sent Packer this e-mail:

"I have an odd request for you. You asked D to try and set me up with his single friends in the area. Since I've never heard anything back, I assume the guys to whom he passed my profile had no interest. Do you think you could ask if there was anything about my profile that was unappealing? Too cute? Too plain? Need more catchy information? It would help to know if there's anything I can improve."

Am I being weird? I don't want to put her in an awkward position but I'm just feeling so lost.

Hula is hanging out with me tomorrow night. Maybe I'll show her my profile and see what she thinks. I don't know that I trust her opinion though, she always so positive and nice. How do I know that she's being honest with me?


zerodoll said...

it can be very tricky to see someone else's profile and give them feedback and not hurt their feelings, but since you're asking for it, i would hope she could give you some pointers. even things like screenname make an impression, one that would hopefully either be neutral or reflect your true personality.

and yes, i've heard that too about similar good looks dating.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you'll find someone, just hang in there.


Anonymous said...

Hang in there and keep looking.

I experimented with different photos on, just to sort of calibrate my own sense of what's attractive with the feedback of a bunch of anonymous strangers with no incentive to lie. Also, looking at the photos and the ratings was sort of useful -- there are pretty clear patterns in poses, clothing, etc. that will bump a rating up. Like you said, hoochie mama cleavage isn't really my thing, either. But clothing, smile, hair down vs. back, those things seem to make a difference.

You sound busy with things you like: a good start to feeling good and not letting dating be overly serious.