So if you saw these comments in someone's dating profile, what impression would you be left with?
(Note these are excerpts so it could look worse than it seems. He did mention friends, working on more balance in his life, and being hard-working.)
Posted photo comment: This was taken last year, but I've lost a few pounds since then.
Type of person you'd like to meet: I'm a technophile and don't really do much outside of that. Not that I'm opposed to that, it's just that I lack self-motivation to do other things. I'm looking for a counterpart to my current way of life.
Activities you enjoy: I used to spend more time doing outdoor activities but I haven't had a partner to go with in while.
Other things about me: I tend to be a bit of a hermit, which is why the internet is one of the things I'm thankful for.
Here's an example of why it's important to look at other people's profiles and seek the opinions of friends. This guy is rather open with his thoughts. My interpretation was that he's lonely and looking for someone to change his life. While I can understand that to some extent, I would not want to be his lifeline. I definitely hope to find someone with whom I can share interests and do activities. However, I don't want to feel like the other person's happiness and enjoyment relies on me. Maybe something happened in his life that would explain this, but these seem like topics to discuss later, not up front when you're trying to make a good first impression.
I'm sure he was just trying to be honest, but it comes off as a bit unappealing. He seems like a thoughtful guy, just a little too shy and introverted for me. I can only wonder if I sound like this sometimes. It makes me want to look over my profile again. I might think this, but I hope would never share this publicly (except in an anonymous blog ;)).
P.S. I'm not ignoring anyone. I apreciate and certainly am considering everyone's input. I just might not directly respond to comments for a little bit. I may want to write about some things which I know will invite questions and comments that I won't be prepared to address.
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3 comments:
ok, first the comment about the photo: if it's not accurate, why are you posting it? if you are a technophile, (if it's the same guy), take a frickin' new one with your fancy digital camera! how hard is that?
i personally would not want a guy that says as a first impression of him that he "lacks self-motivation." this is supposed to be your best foot forward, not all your inner demons. those can be discussed later...
a counterpart and a partner are good things, positive things, and hopefully that person will get you to do things you might not on your own. those comments are a better way of putting it. i'd be worried that this guy doesn't have enough "positive energy" or whatever you call it.
i agree with your hesitations ... his comments seem a bit too candid for a dating profile. makes one wonder why he has nothing more interesting to write about himself?
I agree with zerodoll --- but I also think that someone who needs someone else to get him out there to do things will soon wind up being like a yoke around your neck. Just last night, I was out with a friend and we were talking about how it takes effort to go out there, make plans with friends and have some sort of social life. This guy's not putting any effort whatsoever and the way I interpret it, it's tantamount to admitting he likes the Internet for this same reason --- the Internet gives him an excuse and the illusion of interacting with other people. I'm sorry but, going to chat rooms, using email or commenting on blogs is not a proper substitute to real human interaction.
Let's put it another way: if he's not putting any effort now in this area of his life, what are the chances he puts any effort in any other area of his life? He doesn't seek meaningful change and he's unapologetic about it, even though what he has written about himself doesn't sound appealing. Yes, that's who he is, but he doesn't sound like he's truly happy with it. I think if you were secure and confident and happy with yourself, you would go out there and do all the activities you enjoyed, despite not having someone to do them with you.
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