Monday, June 14, 2004

Date 1.5?

I left work early Friday so that I could focus on preparing for the move. Tim offered to help me again with packing. He came over and we stopped at CostCo to pick up some snacks for the moving crew. After a brief stop at the new place, we went back to the apartment for some serious work.

It's definitely better to have someone else help with moving. I know it would have taken me more than double the time because I would have been stressing about packing related items together rather than just throw it all in a box. From time to time we chatted, but for the most part we just filled boxes.

Around 7:30pm we walked down the street to get some dinner. While this wasn't officially a date I think we both acknowledged that it was an opportunity to talk more. Gosh I wish I could remember more of the conversation. He asked me if there was any reason that he shouldn't date me. (Yes, these are somewhat weird questions.) I had to think for a second, but I found it to be a good opportunity to make my feelings and concerns clear. I told him that his comment about wanting to find a woman who is comfortable with herself worries me. I talked about how different and depressed I was last fall and that things have changed quite a bit for me. He's only seen the happy times and might be disappointed and unwilling to be with me in the bad times.

From there I extended my comments to stress how I feel like I've just gotten back on my feet. I'm happy and want to have time feel independent and enjoy my present situation - friends, house, work, etc. It just seems like every time I start to find myself, a guy comes into the picture and I never have enough time to get comfortable before throwing a complication into the mix. People, especially women, tend to change when they get involved with someone. I want to be sure of who I am before that happens again.

He seemed okay with my explanation. Joy says he's a very good listener and a very patient guy. As odd as it is to have these serious conversation so early, I appreciate the amount of open communication we have with each other.

We revisited some moments from the cruise. Somehow we talked about when he started to think about me for dating. He had mentioned before that it was the day on Guamache. He had wanted to toss me into the water at the beach but figured I'd get mad. Moreover, it was that night when we went around the boat taking pictures. He wanted to be with me in the photos. I asked him about the Settlers game when I helped out as dealer. He did intentionally brush my hand whenever I passed out resources, very sneaky. So I wasn't imagining things. I told him he made a good choice in waiting until after the cruise to ask me out.

Somewhere in the conversation we talked about the dresses I wore on the cruise. He like the black halter dress from our second formal dinner night. It seems like everyone likes that dress on me. He wasn't as into the one-shoulder, striped dress. He also remembered my casual, red knit dress. I commented that I have another red dress that's nicer but didn't bring it on the trip. His response was that he guesses that he should take me on a date where I can wear something nice. I smiled at that.

I insisted on paying for dinner. I told him that it was appreciation for helping me pack. At first, I think he was reluctant, but he seemed okay with it once I insisted it was a "thank you."

We flirted a lot while packing up. I think he asked me whether I flirt in general and something else about my intentions when I do it. I told him that I only flirt with people I know or like. We got into a little poking and eventually I asked him if he is ticklish. There were several times that night when he would look at something over my shoulder and press up behind me. He'd also have his hand on my shoulder and make small stroking motions with his fingers. I'm just amazed at how smitten he is with me at this point. I worry that this will all end in big disappointment if he sets his expectations too high.

There were the embarrassing moments too. We got into this mode of snooping into each other's stuff. Obviously there was more of my stuff to look at. I went through his wallet. Nothing really interesting. The only thing is that I don't seem to like any of his photo IDs. They all make his face looks square and dark. I want to seem him without the goatee. I got caught in a couple awkward moments as he browsed my things. Tim opened my medicine cabinet and was shocked by the amount of stuff. As he examined each shelf, I realized that I had a stack of old birth control pills there. I hoped that he would pass them by, but eventually he started to reach over toward them and ask what they were. I was honest about what they were but felt *totally* embarrassed. Not sure what he thought, but it was clear we were both feeling a little uncomfortable. For him, it was probably more feeling bad about making me embarrassed.

He stayed until 1am. I can't believe that he came and helped out for so long. When we said goodnight, he kissed my shoulder as we hugged.

The one thing I do wonder is who his friends are. Granted he has a lot of activities, but when does he hang out with friends? I need to investigate that a little more. Obviously he's spending a lot of time with me, which is nice, but it makes me wonder what he would normally being doing.

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