Wednesday, June 14, 2006

My Internet dating policies

I went browsing Match last night. I was curious to see what kind of men (and women) are actively looking. Varying my selection criteria definitely showed me how I can easily expand my options. Venturing outside of "Asian" is something I'm still very much on the fence about. When I see the profiles of white men, I feel nothing special. However, white men with whom I've interacted at work or during recreational activities make me think I'd be open to the right guy.

I'm trying to remember the few rules I've established for myself when it comes to Internet dating. I know everyone has their own comfort levels and things may vary once you meet the person, but I think this is a good starting point.

1) Take the time to read and respond thoughtfully to each other

2) Don't let e-mailing go on longer than three weeks without speaking to the person on the phone or meeting person

3) For the first meeting, set up a coffee date in a public location away from your normal hangouts

4) Keep meetings in public places for at least the first three dates (unless you've established they're character through friends in common)

Deal breakers:

1) No interest in having children
2) Someone who smokes, even just occasionally
3) If he indicates he is strongly religious
4) He lies about himself (age, occupation, etc.)
5) A man who is extremely overweight (I'm no health fanatic (I enjoy my tater tots), but I want someone who is relatively healthy)

Of course, I could go on and on, but I thought this was the list of key factors. It's easy to put down every little dislike and like, but prioritizing is important to avoid being overly picky.

[twiddling my fingers] Not yet ready to set things in motion... .


zerodoll said...

those sound very reasonable. i'd actually say three weeks is too long on the emailing thing. if you think there's a chance, better to find out early vs. when your expectations may be higher after bunches of emails.

i was totally the same on the internet dating race thing where guys i knew i might have found attractive, but if i just saw them online, probably wouldn't have taken a second look. i think that's just one of the realities of online dating, ruling out those you might like in person.

i would also say you do not have to respnd to anyone who clearly did not read your profile or "wants." Who has time for that?

Anna May Won't said...

i second zerodoll on 3 weeks seeming like an awfully long time to just email (then again, i'm extra impatient and get antsy after 3 days). i feel like you could know very quickly in person if you click with someone, but via email it's so easy to hide and drag things out.

i definitely agree re: meeting in public places and whatnot - good to keep it safe - as well as the overweight thing. i feel shallow saying i couldn't be with someone extremely overweight or extremely short, but oh well. if you have your choice in dating, might as well pick someone cute.