Thursday, June 08, 2006

Derailed weekend

Planning activities for groups can be so frustrating at times. I can understand why many people prefer to simply be followers. I like doing things, but I tend to get frustrated when things don't come together after I invest my time.

Last year, we had a fun group that met up at Jew's house. From there we had about an hour's drive to the various orchards. With our bellies full and boxes of fruit in the trunk, we enjoyed a potluck lunch at Jew's. Everyone said they had a good time.

Since late May, I've been hoping to organize a group to go fruit picking. Naturally, many people expressed interest when I sent out a feeler e-mail. Unfortunately, the warm winter and heavy spring rains delayed the fruit. Only in the past week have the local growers opened for picking.

People schedules seem to fill up earlier every year. I exchanged e-mails with Jew and determined that the only day available until the end of the month would be this Sunday. I verified with her that the date worked and that she was willing to host again. She wrote it was okay and I sent out an invitation to 20-some people.

Within a couple hours, I had two e-mails. The first one I opened was from EC.


Are you having your picking at the same time as the Kch birthday event?"

It took me a second to realize the merging of two last names. Oh... I thought to myself. I wasn't aware of this double birthday event for Sh and Wand... it would seem I wasn't invited. The other e-mail was from Jew herself, apologizing for the mixup and verifying that there was a birthday event going on at the same time. Naturally I couldn't help wonder why I wasn't invited. Do they not like me that much? (Isn't that a common way to react? Okay, maybe just mine. This is where people would be nice and say I'm imagining things.) I can't say anything because that's their choice and that's fine. As my therapist reassured me, I'm right that I can't complain, but I have a right to feel hurt. I know them both... though granted I've only really seen much of Wand in the past year. Maybe it's only for the folks who live over there?

Jew, or course, tried to find a solution to the situation, saying she'd e-mail them to ask if they wanted to include fruit picking as part of the celebration. I didn't say anything, but I figured that it would be too overwhelming to add such an activity to the day. She's so nice and tries to accomodate people.

Later that day, Suna sent out an e-mail about having a birthday dinner for Sh next week. Hmmm, so a different gathering... with the locals. I relayed the situation to Tim. He was not aware of either event and did a little of his own whining. His theory is that the weekend party must consist primarily of Wand's friends which explains why neither of us is invited. I suppose that makes sense. (Trying to be mature about this and not make a big deal out of nothing... )

This whole thing, however, makes me think about how awkward invitations can be. Did EC and Jew know that I am not included for the party? It's one of these unfortunate, unintended situations people get put into. I was the offender once with TJ. I was trying to convince Ig to go to a party once with a bunch of us. Without thinking, I brought up the subject in front of TJ, who I didn't invite because he had started dating someone at the time. At the time, the whole effort was to get Ig to meet single girls. Unfortunately, I didn't think through the situation and TJ was angry that I had excluded him. He has a history of feeling like female friends are sometimes unwilling to introduce him to their friends (and admittedly some of us would think that way for good reason though he's better now and committed). TJ's such a social butterfly we'd never think he needed any help. Anyhow, this whole situation just makes me realize how important it is to think before acting or talking.

In the spirit of overanalysis, I am wondering about the dinner next week. Tim is missing from the invited list. Suna did comment that she may have forgotten some people. I'm debating asking her to add him. Since they took dance lessons together and we all watch tv together, I would think Sh would like to have him there. My lame dilemna... that it will look like *I* want him there. That whole stupid conversation with Sh about him makes me rethink things. Tim doesn't seem to care. He does not think he was forgotten so much as not wanted.

As for the fruit picking, I've cancelled this Sunday's plan. I really didn't get much response from those who aren't invited to the other party. A few people have asked if I will set up another date, but I don't know that I have the time available or the desire to deal with more confusion.

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