Friday, June 09, 2006

Am I really jealous?

I received a few e-mails today from friends who lead rather busy lives. It seems they have an activity scheduled virtually every day of the week. When I'm aware of their busy lives, I feel a bit left out and perhaps jealous. My mind weaves this crazy web of doubt about:

- whether people like me [yes, because people have been hanging around with me for years for no good reason]

- why I'm not invited [and then I'd probably complain about spending tons of money for things I'm lukewarm about]

- if I should be calling people more often (a skill I failed to develop as a teenager - my parents don't realize how lucky they were) [I always think I'm bothering people to call without purpose]

- what social skill they have that I lack, etc. [since everyone seems to be better than me]

- why I don't feel I bond as closely with people as what I see between others

Just now, however, I stopped and asked myself if I should be jealous. Is that what I really want given the choice? While I like going out, I relish having quiet time at home to read, write, or watch tv. I like being independent. It means I can come and go at will. So then why should I make myself miserable by comparing myself to others? Sure, there are times I would like to be more social or attend certain activities, but I'm not them. I have to find my own path, the balance of time spent that keeps me happy and healthy. The point is to be inspired by the actions of others, not to need to be them.

Now let's see if can remember this...

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