Tuesday, June 13, 2006

"Getting the guy" tips

I caught most of the show last night. So what did they "teach" last night?

- "Dropping the hanky" meaning eye contact and making a connection

As one of the women put it, they've been told that guys are dense and you have to layer it on. Can I say UGH!!! I don't know that I completely agree with this. I think it definitely is true of some guys, especially more geeky guys. I know that I definitely have a hard time looking men in the eye.

I'm still waiting for someone to explain how you balance showing interest and not looking desperate. I guess I've never felt comfortable being forward about a guy I'm interested in because I've grown up with the perception that being too forward will make guys think you're easy.

- Dating outside your circle of friends (being open)

Tough one. It's easy to be picky these days with all the criteria these dating sites allow you to specify. I think it does cause people to hold out thinking they can find the perfect person. I've tried being open, like dating a divorced person, but my one experience was a nightmare. (I know, you should not generalize from one person but ack!) It's definitely important to go outside your comfort zone but not too far. ;)

I will admit this is why it's important to go to parties where you can meet new people. That's what I'm trying to do these days. They're making this look too easy. I can't count how many parties I've been too, but I can count how many dates I've gotten out of them... 2? This is going back as far as 1996 (and now I'm embarrassed).

- "Volume dating" because you need to kiss many frogs to find your prince

I've been told this philosophy before. Finding a guy to date is like looking for a job. You send your resume out to hundreds of companies, get a handful of preliminary interviews, and maybe end up with a job offer or two. So I suppose you could say that I'm not dating since I'm not trying very hard to put myself out there. It's true, I don't deny it.

Frankly, the volume dating segment was pathetic. Clearly they only showed the geeky, creepy, loser footage. Come on, why scare people like that? Mix it up, demonstrate that a little bit of everything is out there.

On the ABC news following the program, they interviewed a couple women from the show. The brunette woman's last comment captured my attention. She said she had a really good experience and that she used to think dating was a chore but once you work at it you meet some really great people.

Overall... it was okay but nothing that interesting. This is television after all and the truth is skewed so that the network can attract viewers and make money. I probably was more entertained by the fact that I recognized so many of the neighborhoods and streets they filmed. For me, I suppose the good thing about watching this is that it reminds me that I need to get myself out there and to have a good dating attitude.


zerodoll said...

damn! i missed the show, but it doesn't sound too earth-shattering. i think we all grew up thinking guys would think we're sluts if we're forward; it's such a balance between not wanting to waste time wondering if a guy is interested vs. getting him interested for the worng reasons.

zerodoll said...

oh wow. i just read your divorce date, what a nightmare! red flags much?!

Anna May Won't said...

double yikes on that divorce date. i can't believe he asked for feedback from you.

Pandax said...

It reminds me of eating mussels. I love mussels, but then I got really sick from a pot of mussels I ate on vacation last month. I still like the idea of mussels, but I think it's going to take some time to forget that one bad batch.

Yeah, a bit of an extreme case, but I think that's why I've shied away from Internet dating lately. I'm warming back up to it... S L O W L Y... and then I'll have to figure out which dating service to use.

jayfish said...

i don't think it's a balance of looking desperate and showing interest. you either show interest or don't. desperate is throwing yourself at a guy. showing interest is starting a conversation or making eye contact. two very different things.

dating outside your circle of friends is a good idea. but really they should have said you should take the time to think of what you can and can't compromise on. religion? kids? sexual history? what car the guy drives? there's going to be a point that you'll narrow down your choices so far that there won't be *anyone* (guy or girl) that'll live up to your criteria. relax some of the boundaries that won't really make a big impact on how you deal with the person.

volume dating might be a good idea. this is easy with today's online dating. you can look at tons of potential dates, narrow them down to a handful or so that you'd like to know a little better and make coffee dates. how hard is that? you'll already know a lot about them from their profiles so you won't be walking in blind. really, i think volume dating is just refining what you like and don't like.

relax, have fun, be honest with yourself and the people you meet.

people like to hang out with/talk to cheerful people. be happy and mean it.

oh, one more thing. i know this girl who made her current boyfriend wait 3 months before they had sex. i think that's a great idea. you'll find out very quickly what a guy wants by even bringing up the idea.

Pandax said...

Jay, thanks for the input.

Volume dating can be good, but I have to say there are a number of people out there like myself that find it a very difficult thing to do. While I can watch tv, iron, a shirt, and browse a magazine at the same time, I become confused and exhausted when juggling multiple dates for more than a couple weeks. My mind never learned to operate that way, so this is a major challenge.

And speaking for myself, I've never slept with anyone for at least a couple months. I need to feel a connection with someone before I allow that level of intimacy.