Sunday, January 25, 2009

Sunnier days

Once again, I disappeared for awhile. I have a partial excuse... I was on my belated honeymoon!

The honeymoon was great. We headed to Latin America to experience a little culture and a lot of nature. One starts to realize how plain and a little boring the local animals can be after experiencing the amazing diversity of the tropical area. It also makes me wonder what interesting wildlife used to exist in my home area before humans chased it all away.

We spent a little time on a small cruise. It was amazing that all the tourist on our boat got along. We even exchanged e-mails and shared photos afterwards. How cool is it to have a diversity of people come together, enjoy spending time together, and learn from each other. It's also wonderful to know that I can spend three straight weeks with my hubby and enjoy (almost) every moment.

We had it all, hiking, snorkeling, close encounters with animals, ancient ruins, colonial history and architecture, local artisan crafts, local New Year's customs, indigenous cultural tour, illegal payment to leave the country with the correct documentation, a lost hotel confirmation, a lost library book, crazy taxi cab drivers, horseback riding, rafting, zip-line, and a 6.2 earthquake. I'm sure I've missed something.

The best thing is that this really helped to lift my spirits. I must admit that being laid off from my job only two weeks after my wedding was a real blow. I know we're fortunate to be financially secure for awhile. Tim still has his job and feels pretty secure about it.

Still, part of me can't help feel unlucky and extremely frustrated. We had been planning to escape our two-bedroom condo and buy a real house. With our two incomes and a decent down payment, we could take advantage of the market and get a house we could live in for twenty years. Losing my job changed all that.

The job market is rough to say the least. It was scary to watch the job listings dry up as the holidays approached. I managed to get that one interview, but in the end, they went with someone else. I have to admit that my enthusiasm for the job waned as they dragged their feet and saw how disorganized they were. Still, I really want *a* job. I also didn't think things would dry up so badly.

I'm not religious but certainly the loss of the job makes me question my self-esteem. I can't help wonder what I've done to deserve such bad luck. I'm the type of person who tends to dwell on the bad and feel like I'm not good enough. I'm embarrassed and feel a bit like a loser. Not only can we not buy a house, I can't even refinance my current place. The rate dropped just weeks after I lost my job. No income, no loan; it's as simple as that. This combined with the fact that we're trying to start a family is disheartening. Had I just had a few more months of work, we could have done something to make our financial situation so much better. It feels unfair when the friends we know are all (at least on the surface) in a much better place than us.

We're not holding back on getting pregnant. After all, I'm no spring chicken. As long as there is nothing wrong with my parts, I assume we'll be pregnant in the next couple months. The money part is a little scary. Let's face it, I will have a hard time landing a job if I start showing before I can get hired. I can't imagine 12-16 months with only one income in this expensive region we live. Ouch.

On the bright side, I've been putting off remodeling parts of the house since I moved in. It seems a little counter-intuitive to spend money when no income is coming in, but I do have the time. I never realized that managing major improvements can be like having a full-time job. We're getting new countertops, new flooring for the high-traffic areas, energy-efficient windows, and new appliances. The prices are decent given the slow economy. Tim will be the first to say he's happy that we'll finally have a fully functioning microwave and toilets. I like the idea of having a flat kitchen counter top. Hopefully a good chunk of the expense will be earned back when it comes time to sell the condo.

1 comment:

teahouse said...

Hey, glad to hear you had a good honeymoon! We took ours 3 months after our wedding, so belated is good.

I just returned from South America myself! It was nice and warm.