Saturday, December 01, 2007

What's the weather going to be like?

I talked with my mom this week. I've been trying to ask her about having Tim visit for the holidays. I figured that she's had sometime for the idea of me having a boyfriend to sink in. Now, I wanted to make him more of a presence.

We discussed a range of topics. What I was hoping would be a 30 minutes conversation turned into more than one hour. We discussed her plans to join a gym, my depressed aunt, my cousin's job, my sister-in-law's job opportunities, and the housing market.

Finally, I said, "hey Mom, I was wondering if I might invite Tim to visit with us for a couple days during the holidays? His parents will be out of town, and since he's planning to visit friends in [cities a couple hours away], I though it would be nice to have him spend time with us."

Mom: "Okay, but we don't have much room at the house."

Me: "What about the den? Don't we still have the extra twin bed?"

Mom: "Oh yeah, I guess we could set that up. But we won't be around for lunch on the 23rd."

Me: "That's fine, I don't think he'll come visit until the next day."

And then, we drifted towards another conversation. She didn't ask a thing about him. I don't know whether that's a good or bad thing. I mean, wouldn't you expect your parents to ask more about the person who's coming to visit. I did, a couple years ago, mention a little about him, maybe she remembers. Perhaps she doesn't want to ask fearing I'll think she's being nosy. The more likely truth, however, is that she doesn't have any interest in asking which makes me sad.

I find myself very disheartened by her lack of anything to say. Certainly I'm not surprised that she's not excited. Still, I wanted her to ask something - show some curiosity. It hurts because I can't do anything to make her happy. It hurst because she can't be happy for me. I feel guilty because part of me is uncomfortable with Tim because I am apprehensive of the conflict that will arise because I am dating him. Who knows what comments she'll have to share with me later. It's hard enough to find someone whom you think you could have a lasting relationship; it's worse when you know it could bring such angst with your mother.

Tim's immediate conclusion is that my mom doesn't like him and doesn't want to care to know anything about him. How am I supposed to respond to that? It's unfortunate that he has this pessimistic mindset but it's understandable. I don't know what to tell him other than things will be fine and just to be himself. I'm not the sort of person to sugar coat a situation. I'd like to believe that everything will be okay, but I really don't know what to think.

So, at least they know he's coming to visit. I know my mom will be polite and hospitable throughout his stay. All we can do now is find them so nice gifts for Tim to give and hope that they'll find him a good guy.

No comments: