Still trying to impress

I attended a wedding this weekend. I am a friend of the bride, 5N. It's one of those weddings where a handful of us were, frankly, surprised to be invited. We know the bride through a friend who introduced us to her from occasional dancing get togethers. Honestly, we probably only run into 5N once a year.

The wedding was lovely, though a bit formal compared to ones I've attended the past few years. The ceremony had a live string quartet and a carefully scripted talk by the officiant. We had a reading that explained the expectation of marriage, a moment of reflection as the quartet played a song, a second reading, and then a rose ceremony while Bette Midler's "The Rose" song played.

5N looked *extremely* nervous. Her smile didn't look right as she entered the room. Her movements were all incredibly stiff as if someone had put a steel rod down her back. I worried that her stiffness would stand out in the video and photos. Everything looked great and it would be awful if her own fears flawed the memories of her wedding.

She was totally herself at the reception. Clearly, she could now relax with the ceremony finished. 5N joked that she was counting on us to keep the dance floor moving.

The one funny thing about the wedding is that it turns out the groom is friends with someone I met through speed dating. GF and I actually went on one date and things just fizzled because after three weeks I was still waiting for him to ask me on a second date. (Later, I found out he couldn't understand why I never e-mailed him back. Yes, after four weeks I didn't bother because I was busy dating two other guys.)

He got married last year to a cute girl. She seems rather nice and I'd have to say she is lovely. They're a good fit on the surface because they both play volleyball, are tall, and aren't not intensely career-oriented. He's a nice guy so I'm glad he finally found someone.

GF spotted me and came over to congratulate me and Tim on our engagement. I gave him a hug and congratulated him on his marriage. I made a little small talk with him and his wife but the conversation felt a little tired after a few questions. Not sure why?

So I have to admit, I couldn't help want to make sure he noticed something cool about me. When the dancing started, I danced a couple stand out song with my guy friends. I was looking to show off, just have fun. In the back of my mind, however, I couldn't help wonder if GF was watching. I wanted him to be impressed, to think "wow."

Why do I have these silly, catty feelings? It's harmless. It doesn't affect GF or Tim. It's just one of those times I have a need to feel desirable to men. I'm totally happy and comfortable with Tim, but I guess it's just human nature to be wanted.