Friday, September 07, 2007

What happened to you?

I was watching a rerun of "Gray's Anatomy" last night. It was the one where Meredith's mother is lucid for a time. She wants to get to know Meredith and acts all nice. It's clear Meredith is happy as she tries to hint at the joys in her crazy life. Unfortunately, all her mother hears is that she's not being aggressive about her job and that some man is distracting her. Clearly Meredith was hoping for a more touching "reunion."

As I watched, I couldn't help think about my own life. There's a part of me that's pretty competitive and sets high expectations for myself. I've never been happy with who I am because I always thought I could do better and feel like I'm not living up to my potential. I meet people who are far smarter and far more socially skilled than I will ever be. It's frustrating sometimes, but on the other hand I sometimes don't want to be on that path. It would require me to give up part of who I am now.

The other reason watching this struck a chord is because I've been keeping a secret from most people until recently. I haven't talked much about dating because Tim and I have revisited dating each other. It started after my vacation earlier this summer. Being apart, it was clear we missed each other. After some talks, we went on a couple "dates." I put that in quotes because we spend so much time together as friends, it barely seems different.

Things are going well, and, in fact, he's the one who went with me on a tropical vacation. We had the best time and really enjoyed just being together. There's truly a special bond between us. The vacation is probably one of the best I can recall.

That said, however, some of the things that were a concern for me the first time around are still there. At least this time, we're talking about them. He knows that I don't appreciate his badly timed humor. I recognize that I can nag and whine a bit too often. We both need to develop some patience and learn to constructively discuss things.

Tim was very understanding about my preference to keep things quiet for awhile. Given our history and a handful of well-meaning, but nosy friends, I wanted to avoid immediate pressure and curiosity. If we couldn't work things out, I didn't want to have to explain again a brief attempt at dating a second time. Enough time has now passed that I feel like we're really working at this. It's also clear that Tim has gotten to a point where he no longer wants to dodge people's questions about his dating life.

We still have some obstacles to overcome. There's one big one we're tackling now. It's complicated and a bit too personal for me to write about just yet. Unfortunately it's something that must be worked around rather than fixed or changed, so it's going to be a longer process. In my opinion, there'll be some sacrifice from both of us on this matter. I don't like that either of us will have to lose anything, but hopefully there's enough else to make up for it that we won't notice in time.

For me personally, the next hurdle will be my mother. On one hand, she'd be happy to just know that I'm not alone anymore and that maybe I'd be married someday. On the other hand, he's not the right ethnicity in her eyes. He's also not tall enough, not from a good family, blah, blah, blah. She will look down on him (and Tim knows that). I dread hearing the judgemental comments that she will share with me whenever we talk. I don't know how to manage this part. It is what it is.

All that matters right now is that I'm happy. I love knowing he's going to give me a hug and kiss me when I see him. I know that he loves me for who I am. I look forward to cooking meals and sitting down to eat dinner with him. Whatever happens, I'm having fun and can enjoy life for a little while. These are the times I hope I can look back on years from now when I need a smile.


zerodoll said...

awwwww! i'm so happy for you. it really seemed like you guys were right from each other, at least from what you shared on this blog.

Sitcomgirl said...

That's awesome, its good that you can look at this and smile :)
As long as you are working through the things that were glitches before that's positive. As for your mom, I think a lot of parents will always be critical and no one will be good enough for thier daughter, just don't let her get to you.

Anonymous said...

i had to comment about living up to mother. boy, i know that too well. my view - in the end, she won't be the one to kiss you, hold you, comfort you, raise a family with you, grow old with you. you can still love her despite her flaws. if she tries to talk smack about your guy, change the subject. she'll get the hint eventually.


Anna May Won't said...

yay! reading this made me smile. :)

i totally know what you mean about keeping things secret. i feel like i tell too much about my dating (mis)adventures, and my well-meaning friends get ahead of the situation and start asking too many questions and putting too much pressure on something new and fragile ("did he say i love you yet? when can we meet him?" etc etc). ditto with the parents. i'm taking your cue and keeping my mouth shut if i'm lucky enough for anything, or anyone, good to come along!

as for your mom, if she's like my mother, she probably won't like anyone you decide on. there will always be something wrong with someone. just as you feel that you yourself could always better, she will see that about any guy you bring home, except for one perhaps she picks.

i could say try to ignore her, but of course it's easier said than done. mothers have such a strong hold. i guess try to focus on your happiness - be selfish and put yourself first.

Pandax said...

Thanks everybody, I'm rooting for us to be able to work through everything. Time will tell.

mini said...

awwww, yay for tim!

it's great that you guys are dating (i think :), and i'm glad to hear that things are going well so far. sounds like you guys know what your challenges are, and i hope your strong friendship and familiarity with each other will help with the communication to work all of that out.

i'm so happy for you!!

teahouse said...

Yes, you have to accept that your mother will always think nobody is good enough for you. If YOU think he is, then that's what counts.

Anonymous said...

Yahoo! Keep us posted.