Saturday, January 28, 2006


So I tried Yahoo! Personals for a couple weeks to see if I could meet anyone new. Frankly, I'm kind of burned out on Internet dating. For me personally, it's too hard to get a feel for men you meet this way. Most people can write a decent e-mail. What's challenging is adding in the correct emphasis to tell whether someone's joking or something else. I find that if the person seem decent, I just like to arrange a coffee meeting to test the chemistry. If you write someone for more than three weeks without meeting, I think the expectations that develop can set you up for disappointment.

This is why I've given up on Internet dating. I'll have to stick to putting myself out there through speed dating. [Ugh] I need the face-to-face experience. Even speed dating can guy you the wrong initial impression about the person, but at least you can filter out the obvious duds right away.

So two of the guys who wrote me were divorced. Never in my life have I allowed myself to consider this group of people. It's like buying something that been returned and taped shut by Target. You have no idea what's been touched and what pieces might be missing from the package. Come on, admit it, you've reached back on a shelf to get a fresh box that no one else has touched.

In the past few years, I have met people where one of them was divorced. Not that I know these people terribly well, but it opened my mind that some people are mature enough to realize something didn't work and moved on. They are competent, good people who deserve a second chance.

Well, I still have some work to do on this topic. This guy's picture seemed decent, but I felt like he got a little pushy waiting for my response. I very quickly shy away from people that become too aggressive. It reminds me of a guy I met a friend's wedding years ago. Man, he just got to close to me at the wedding. When he asked my friend, the bride, for my contact info, I politely declined a date. He must have talked with her, because she then wrote me another e-mail trying to convince me to give him a shot. What I wrote back to her as my reasons for saying "no" I think got forwarded to him. He wrote me a follow up e-mail that seemed annoyed and maybe angry that I was being so stubborn. Eeck so much for wedding dating.

Anyhow, so the divorced guy, J, he wrote a couple times trying to convince me to respond. But the more he wrote, the more uncomfortable I got. Maybe he was simply trying too hard, maybe I was interpreting it the wrong way but he just got overly confident about himself and it left a bad taste in my mouth. You be the judge... in hindsight I was probably to quick to judge. The original e-mail said a little about himself and then asked me a laundry list of questions that overwhelmed me.

"Hey, Welcome home. Too bad you couldn't combine business with pleasure while you were down south. Maybe next time.I have to admit that I nearly deleted your email. As I get lots of spam, the To field threw me off. :-). Also, the subject line was abbreviated in my web browser, so I only saw Have a great trip. Sure looked spammish. I'm glad I took the time to actually read the email.Sounds like you had yourself a great weekend. Yes, the weather was beautiful today, so I did manage to get out and hit the driving range. As I'm not a big football fan, I didn't catch a single game. I'll probably tune in when March Madness rolls around, or when baseball season starts.I realize that I was a bit verbose in my last email, so take your time absorbing all that I said. In re-reading my email, I discovered that I was a bit dyslexic, leaving out words left and right. I guess I just type too slow, or my mind works too fast, or maybe I have dyslexia and just don't know it ;-).I can relate to taking classes at night, sort of. As I've mentioned before, I'm trying to learn some Argentine Tango, so I've been taking classes as well as working with someone. I never really thought of myself as anal, but I do realize that I have a tendency to try to get good at something I'm interested in, or at least proficient enough. So I'll probably keep at this tango thing for a bit longer, or until something better comes along.I can totally understand about not having enough time. Sometime we just have too much to do and not enough hours in the day to do them in. Family, friends, work, and ourselves. It's even more difficult when trying to date, trying to weed through the good and bad apples. I'd like to think I'm a good apple, great for some but not right for others. Should you want the opportunity to practice your Mandarin, I'd be happy to be your guinea pig. My Mandarin isn't great, in terms of depths of knowledge, but my pronunciation is pretty darn good. As least that's what my parents tell me :-). And good for you, for wanting to learn Mandarin. I can tell you, from personal experience, that it's handy to be able speak and read Chinese. It's the only way you'll get the special menus at Chinese restaurants ;-). Have yourself a great week. I look forward to continuing our conversation. J"

Five days later...

"Hi, Just wanted to touch base and see if you've had a chance to digest my past emails :-). I realize that you have a busy schedule, with work and classes, and of course, dating. I certainly hope to have an opportunity to get to know you better and to answer all your questions. I'm sure you have your doubts about someone who's been divorced before. Maybe I can or maybe I can't alleviate your concerns, but I think it would be worth your while to at least find out. The worst that could happen is you'll prove your concerns are valid; the best is, of course, that you'll find out what a great guy I am ;-). Have yourself an awesome weekend! J"

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