Monday, April 04, 2005

Compatibility versus chemistry

So here's the second half of today's "Dear Abby"

"DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old woman who wants very much to get married. I have been dating a wonderful man who wants to marry me. I'll call him "Byron." Byron is intelligent, kind, generous, comes from the same background I do, and shares my values. In short, he is absolutely everything I have ever dreamed of in a husband. He's not bad-looking, either.
The only problem is I feel very little physical attraction to him. It is not Byron's fault; the chemistry just isn't really there.
I am very confused. Part of me reasons that physical passion tends to fade over the years anyway, and I would be crazy to pass up a man who has so much else to offer. Another part of me feels that I'm not really in love with Byron, so it would be a mistake to marry him.
What should I do? Please hurry your reply -- he is waiting for an answer. -- CONFUSED IN CAMBRIDGE, MASS.
DEAR CONFUSED: Before you discard a man who has all of the attributes you describe, I suggest you ask him to wait just a little longer. You could benefit greatly by talking this out with a counselor who, in a nonjudgmental and unbiased way, can help you to organize your priorities."

I felt sad when I read this. It's not the position I'm in, but I feel like I could have been there with Tim. There are still days I wonder very similar things to what this woman writes. How many people out there feel this way about their significant others? What did they do?

Help organize priorities. Is that what I am supposed to be doing? I don't even know what to say to that.

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