I've been slow to post the past couple weeks. The symptoms started a few weeks ago. I noticed I was much more tired and even needed naps after work. Tim had to step up a bit on weekends and help with tidying the house while I rested. Food lost all it's appeal for awhile because flavors just weren't appealing. The indigestion and light nausea didn't help. I lost a couple pounds from the lack of eating.
I went to the doctor and had a six vials of blood drawn for a variety of tests. The results came back today telling me my blood type and saying that my red blood cell count is a little low; I'll have to retest. Other than that, my tests were clean.
This week, things seems to be better. My stomach growls and I eat. It's such a relief to be able to enjoy food again.
Even better, I went in for another test today. Because the person screening me was a technician, she was not allowed to describe to me anything she was doing or saw, but she implied that it would be easy for us to make the correct interpretation. Tim knew being there to support me was important. I also wanted him to experience things for himself so that he could enjoy the moment as much as me.
In the dark room, with my bursting bladder begging to go to the bathroom, we got to peak at a black and white tv monitor. I could tell by the smile on Tim's face that he saw what we had been hoping to confirm. After eight weeks of wondering and worrying, we got to see our little kiddo's heartbeat on the ultrasound.
I can't tell you how relived we are to be past that painful memory from February. This time around feels much more real. There are still tests to come. Given my advanced age (yes, that's how they refer to pregnant women over 35), the baby is not out of the woods until we complete the first trimester. Also, there are the genetic tests that come between weeks 11 and 15 to make sure our child will live a happy, healthy, and productive life. All we know now is that we have a beautiful human being growing inside me.
It is with this happy news that I must bring a little sad news. It's time to focus on the future, and I feel it's time to close this chapter of my life. My search has been fulfilled with a wonderful husband, home, and future child. It's what I've dream of much of my life. I'm hoping to get myself to return to the days when I kept a handwritten journal and chronicle bits about the new family we'll have come January.
I've met some amazing people here in blogland. You've given me laughs, insight, and support through the years. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and perspective on life and living. I still enjoy peaking into everyone's lives from time to time and still hope to because I always appreciate learning from others. If our paths should ever cross in the real world, I hope that somehow we'll know to connect.
I wish you all much love, peace, and happiness. (Wow, does that sound hippie or what - it must be the blouse I'm wearing ;) )
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Buying into "local"
Living in California, I realize that my view of the world is considered "skewed" and sometimes whacky. What can I say, I've lived here since I was six, so it's just what it is. I'm not an extremist of any sort, but I do understand trying to do little things to keep our world a little healthier.
Amongst our circle of friends, we believe in trading on Craigslist and Freecycle. We recycle and shop at farmers' markets. I can't say that any of us go out of our way to do other things such as buy eco-friendly materials or live more simply.
The one thing that is making me think more is the practice of buying locally and seasonally. Now that foods (except processed foods) must display their country of origin, I wonder if people will make different choices knowing this? When I've browsed the product aisles, I've put things back after seeing labels reading "Product of Chile." I mean, I love blueberries, but do I need to buy them in January from a country 9000 miles away? No, I will wait until they are from Central Valley in June.
Some people rationalize that it's okay because transportation is cheap and we're supporting their economy and creating jobs. But do we really know that? Could we actually be making them too dependent on foreign economies, destroying more land for farming, and discouraging innovation for a quick buck? I also tend to think the importation of cheap goods and government subsidies make people focus on price rather than quality. This is where all the rhetoric is lost on me. I want to do the right thing, but there doesn't seem to be a simple answer.
If you apply that practice to all foods, tropical fruits such as bananas and mangoes are pretty much non-existent. How can a kid not have bananas? And man, I'd miss mangoes.
Amongst our circle of friends, we believe in trading on Craigslist and Freecycle. We recycle and shop at farmers' markets. I can't say that any of us go out of our way to do other things such as buy eco-friendly materials or live more simply.
The one thing that is making me think more is the practice of buying locally and seasonally. Now that foods (except processed foods) must display their country of origin, I wonder if people will make different choices knowing this? When I've browsed the product aisles, I've put things back after seeing labels reading "Product of Chile." I mean, I love blueberries, but do I need to buy them in January from a country 9000 miles away? No, I will wait until they are from Central Valley in June.
Some people rationalize that it's okay because transportation is cheap and we're supporting their economy and creating jobs. But do we really know that? Could we actually be making them too dependent on foreign economies, destroying more land for farming, and discouraging innovation for a quick buck? I also tend to think the importation of cheap goods and government subsidies make people focus on price rather than quality. This is where all the rhetoric is lost on me. I want to do the right thing, but there doesn't seem to be a simple answer.
If you apply that practice to all foods, tropical fruits such as bananas and mangoes are pretty much non-existent. How can a kid not have bananas? And man, I'd miss mangoes.
Monday, June 01, 2009
You want my job?
The other evening, I met up with a friend. We're not super close, but we try to catch up with girlfriends for various job and personal chat. She was particularly interested in meeting this time for job search ideas. Her internship ends this summer and it's time to find a permanent job. Since I recently had success with my job search, she was curious to hear if I came across any interesting companies and how I searched.
While we work in the same overall industry, we touch different types of products and are familiar with different corporate structures. At one point, I mentioned something about missing my old job, the one where I was laid off at the end of last year. She asked me to describe what I enjoyed about the job. At the end of my description, she asked if the company was hiring.
Ouch? I must say I was really put off by her question. Maybe she wasn't thinking. Hello? They laid me off six months ago. Wouldn't it be odd if they were hiring? It was awkward responding to that. I mean, if they were hiring, I'd hope my manager likes me enough to give me first shot at an opening. Otherwise, that would be telling me I'm being lied to about why I was let go. That's a fact that I don't want to be true. It was my dream job, and I was there less than one year.
I realize that I've said plenty of stupid things in my life. My friend deserves the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't thinking how it would sound to me. Also, there's part of me that doesn't want to get involved with helping a company considering how cruelly they cut me.
While we work in the same overall industry, we touch different types of products and are familiar with different corporate structures. At one point, I mentioned something about missing my old job, the one where I was laid off at the end of last year. She asked me to describe what I enjoyed about the job. At the end of my description, she asked if the company was hiring.
Ouch? I must say I was really put off by her question. Maybe she wasn't thinking. Hello? They laid me off six months ago. Wouldn't it be odd if they were hiring? It was awkward responding to that. I mean, if they were hiring, I'd hope my manager likes me enough to give me first shot at an opening. Otherwise, that would be telling me I'm being lied to about why I was let go. That's a fact that I don't want to be true. It was my dream job, and I was there less than one year.
I realize that I've said plenty of stupid things in my life. My friend deserves the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't thinking how it would sound to me. Also, there's part of me that doesn't want to get involved with helping a company considering how cruelly they cut me.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Maximum capacity
The hubby and I hosted a small party last weekend. Besides having people over to help with the wedding favors, we really haven't had a party at our little place.
When I bought my place, the one thing that I didn't realize was how small and inflexible the orientation of my living/dining room is. There are only two ways to fit a sofa and chair with a tv. That means we can't physically seat more than four people comfortably unless people are willing to sit on the floor or on the stairs. Hence why I tend to avoid having many parties even though I enjoy entertaining.
The theme of this gathering was to play board games. I'm not talking about Taboo, Pictionary, or Scrabble. We're talking hard-core, 3-hour, strategy games designed by famous (often German) games designers. A group of us love to spend a day playing games such as Agricola, Power Grid, Ticket to Ride, and Settlers of Catan to name a few. We rarely get through more than one or two games before we call it a day.
I invited maybe 16 people thinking we'd get 6-8 guests. What I hadn't expected was for my dear friends to attend with their cutie two-month old twins. Unless one goes to visit their house, there's little chance of seeing them. In addition to them, I had two other couples bringing their babies. Knowing the babies were coming probably drew in many more people than I had counted on coming.
Once more, usually at parties, people come in waves. I figure even with 14 people and four babies that we'd be okay. Strangely, nearly everyone came within the same four-hour block of time. There were people around the dining table, on the sofa, in the kitchen, on the stairs, in the hallway, and in our bedroom. It was great to see everyone, but it was tough to takes three steps anywhere.
For a couple of the younger, single folks, seeing so many babies around was a bit odd. The majority of us are now in our late 30s, early 40s so naturally our interests and priorities are shifting. Sometimes I think back and wonder how much of the old days I miss. Not being a big party animal, I can't say I miss the blaring music and bad dates. I suppose I do miss the excitement of being out on the town.
All in all, however, it's great to be able to sit back and enjoy time catching up with friends and just being yourself.
When I bought my place, the one thing that I didn't realize was how small and inflexible the orientation of my living/dining room is. There are only two ways to fit a sofa and chair with a tv. That means we can't physically seat more than four people comfortably unless people are willing to sit on the floor or on the stairs. Hence why I tend to avoid having many parties even though I enjoy entertaining.
The theme of this gathering was to play board games. I'm not talking about Taboo, Pictionary, or Scrabble. We're talking hard-core, 3-hour, strategy games designed by famous (often German) games designers. A group of us love to spend a day playing games such as Agricola, Power Grid, Ticket to Ride, and Settlers of Catan to name a few. We rarely get through more than one or two games before we call it a day.
I invited maybe 16 people thinking we'd get 6-8 guests. What I hadn't expected was for my dear friends to attend with their cutie two-month old twins. Unless one goes to visit their house, there's little chance of seeing them. In addition to them, I had two other couples bringing their babies. Knowing the babies were coming probably drew in many more people than I had counted on coming.
Once more, usually at parties, people come in waves. I figure even with 14 people and four babies that we'd be okay. Strangely, nearly everyone came within the same four-hour block of time. There were people around the dining table, on the sofa, in the kitchen, on the stairs, in the hallway, and in our bedroom. It was great to see everyone, but it was tough to takes three steps anywhere.
For a couple of the younger, single folks, seeing so many babies around was a bit odd. The majority of us are now in our late 30s, early 40s so naturally our interests and priorities are shifting. Sometimes I think back and wonder how much of the old days I miss. Not being a big party animal, I can't say I miss the blaring music and bad dates. I suppose I do miss the excitement of being out on the town.
All in all, however, it's great to be able to sit back and enjoy time catching up with friends and just being yourself.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
An Ostrich and Mittens
Concealed guns in national parks?
I just get so mad when I see this stupid credit card interest bill making the rounds in the Congress and the Senate. I'm sorry but what the hell is a gun law going in the middle of a credit card law. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER!!!!!
People should not be allowed to tack on such ridiculous ideas onto bills that are completely unrelated to each other. The laws being passed are a long discussion in and of themselves but to stick the two together is preposterous. Any respect for whichever congressman did this is never coming back. If I ever run into this person in a national park, I'll make sure to use my, bought with no background check, gun wisely. (Hint: I'll be the one protecting the bear.)
Rant over... continue with your lovely spring day!
I just get so mad when I see this stupid credit card interest bill making the rounds in the Congress and the Senate. I'm sorry but what the hell is a gun law going in the middle of a credit card law. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER!!!!!
People should not be allowed to tack on such ridiculous ideas onto bills that are completely unrelated to each other. The laws being passed are a long discussion in and of themselves but to stick the two together is preposterous. Any respect for whichever congressman did this is never coming back. If I ever run into this person in a national park, I'll make sure to use my, bought with no background check, gun wisely. (Hint: I'll be the one protecting the bear.)
Rant over... continue with your lovely spring day!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Back to the cube
It's my third day on the job. I hate starting new jobs, not because I don't like the job but because I hate feeling like a stranger. Ever had that strange feeling that people aren't telling you something?
My cube is decent, not fancy. The area is a mix of engineers, strategic planning, IT, and marketing. The cube farm is surrounded by conference rooms and offices. It's very frustrating because *all* the windows are in the offices which means those of us in cubes get no sunlight unless we physically step outside the building. At least in my old offices, they building had skylights which helped compensate.
My new boss comes across as a very quiet, gentle soul. I keep wondering if there's tiger hiding inside that I'll only see when she gets crossed the wrong side. She keeps hinting that we have a lot of work ahead of us so I keep waiting for the big wave to come crashing down on me.
Because this company sells something more technology related, it's exciting and yet foreign. I like that I can walk into the demonstration room and actually play with the equipment we sell. Then again, it doesn't have that same "save the world" feel that my old company had. In my old job I always worried that staying in the field would niche me into a narrow career. I know that this job will give me more flexibility for future jobs. Still, there's something less exciting about it. Maybe it's because the people are less geeky here. (Yeah, I know, that normally isn't a bad thing.)
I just can't wait to get my first paycheck!
My cube is decent, not fancy. The area is a mix of engineers, strategic planning, IT, and marketing. The cube farm is surrounded by conference rooms and offices. It's very frustrating because *all* the windows are in the offices which means those of us in cubes get no sunlight unless we physically step outside the building. At least in my old offices, they building had skylights which helped compensate.
My new boss comes across as a very quiet, gentle soul. I keep wondering if there's tiger hiding inside that I'll only see when she gets crossed the wrong side. She keeps hinting that we have a lot of work ahead of us so I keep waiting for the big wave to come crashing down on me.
Because this company sells something more technology related, it's exciting and yet foreign. I like that I can walk into the demonstration room and actually play with the equipment we sell. Then again, it doesn't have that same "save the world" feel that my old company had. In my old job I always worried that staying in the field would niche me into a narrow career. I know that this job will give me more flexibility for future jobs. Still, there's something less exciting about it. Maybe it's because the people are less geeky here. (Yeah, I know, that normally isn't a bad thing.)
I just can't wait to get my first paycheck!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Gardeners that don't think
I can home today wondering if I'd see the neighbor's cats. As I walked under the pergola to our front door, I realized that I forgot to duck. The little momma finch who's been nesting tends to fly away if we linger too long, too close to her nest. The nest, as I've probably mentioned before, is made from seed pods of some local tree that they intertwined with the jasmine vines that grow up the pergola.
But when I looked up towards the nest, it wasn't there. In fact, once I got my bearings, I realized that a huge chunk of vines had been chopped away! I followed the beam of the pergola to see that they had trimmed back the vines to reduce the dead and overhanging debris. Unfortunately, and not surprisingly, they failed to notice the bird nest and cut it away with all the other brown material.
My heart just sank. It was so cute to know there would have been a baby bird chirping away in a matter of weeks. For me, it's also one of those weird omen things that I wanted to believe was a sign of hope for our own desire to have a baby. I couldn't help tear up as I dialed up Tim to tell him the sad news. I pigged out on a generous helping of Jalapeno Cheetos to console myself. (They are yummy!!)
Why couldn't the damn gardener thought of trimming these vines two months ago? You're supposed to cut things back in the spring before things start to bloom. I've also felt the community landscapers were kind of lazy. They never remove weeds or debris from our tiny lawn. They just walk around with the gas-powered blower. So long as the sidewalks and street look clean, the job is done. The day I have my own gardener, I'm going to insist he used only human-powered tools - broom, rakes, push mower.
But when I looked up towards the nest, it wasn't there. In fact, once I got my bearings, I realized that a huge chunk of vines had been chopped away! I followed the beam of the pergola to see that they had trimmed back the vines to reduce the dead and overhanging debris. Unfortunately, and not surprisingly, they failed to notice the bird nest and cut it away with all the other brown material.
My heart just sank. It was so cute to know there would have been a baby bird chirping away in a matter of weeks. For me, it's also one of those weird omen things that I wanted to believe was a sign of hope for our own desire to have a baby. I couldn't help tear up as I dialed up Tim to tell him the sad news. I pigged out on a generous helping of Jalapeno Cheetos to console myself. (They are yummy!!)
Why couldn't the damn gardener thought of trimming these vines two months ago? You're supposed to cut things back in the spring before things start to bloom. I've also felt the community landscapers were kind of lazy. They never remove weeds or debris from our tiny lawn. They just walk around with the gas-powered blower. So long as the sidewalks and street look clean, the job is done. The day I have my own gardener, I'm going to insist he used only human-powered tools - broom, rakes, push mower.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Sticky fingers
I couldn't help be amused by this article I saw today about tourists who returned an artifact they took as a sourvenir. I applaud them for returning it because it would be so easy to simply throw it away. I'm wondering if that means there are other souvenirs that they'll be mailing back home.
Whenever we travel somewhere, I am definitely tempted to take a piece of nature home. Growing up near the beaches, however, I was reminded early of the damage even a taking a little piece of earth could do. It struck me when the naturist said that if every tourist took one tiny shell, the beach would be clean of any shells. Besides, the shells were important to budding young creatures who need them for shelter. This notion has stayed with me and is why I rarely take anything.
The other superstition that I think about is the bad luck associated with taking lava rocks. The volcano areas would be stripped of lava if people took souvenirs home. It's tempting because some of the rocks are so intricate with their lacey patterns and the minerals often produce beautiful colorations. Perhaps it is a myself created to discourage the taking of lava, but I'm I'll for it if it's working to preserve the beauty there.
Whenever we travel somewhere, I am definitely tempted to take a piece of nature home. Growing up near the beaches, however, I was reminded early of the damage even a taking a little piece of earth could do. It struck me when the naturist said that if every tourist took one tiny shell, the beach would be clean of any shells. Besides, the shells were important to budding young creatures who need them for shelter. This notion has stayed with me and is why I rarely take anything.
The other superstition that I think about is the bad luck associated with taking lava rocks. The volcano areas would be stripped of lava if people took souvenirs home. It's tempting because some of the rocks are so intricate with their lacey patterns and the minerals often produce beautiful colorations. Perhaps it is a myself created to discourage the taking of lava, but I'm I'll for it if it's working to preserve the beauty there.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Picture window
I'm sitting here at the desk in our second bedroom. Tim almost never opens the window blinds because it's too much glare against his monitors. But now that it's after sunset and it's a nice day, I opened them up for some fresh air.
It's also fun to sit here because there are so many birds about. Underneath our pergola is a finch nest. The birds cleverly built a nest by attaching it to the jasmine vines that spill over the edge of the pergola. This way it's well protected from the weather and blends in with the shadows. It took some time for me to realize it was there. Each time we walk out the front door, this poor mama bird dashes off in fear that we're out to catch her. Otherwise, she dutifully sits on what I am guessing is a little egg.
Sitting here, I now realize that our neighbor's tree also has a nest. I always thought they were big clumps of leaves that the squirrels made. Now I see there's a brown dove cozied up on top of the clump. The male bird is sitting on a nearby branch keeping her company. I just hope the cat doesn't get up the nerve to climb that high and attack the nest.
And on a random note, this is Tim's computer I'm typing on. I just noticed to the edge of my Firefox browser window there is a column of icons on his desktop. The eight icons are all Sims games - original, university, nightlife, business, pets, seaons, voyage, and freetime (yeah, that's a good one). The boy is crazy. I haven't seen him play Sims for probably a year. Sadly, the last time he played, his Tim and Pandax didn't do so well. If I remember correctly, Pandax died. Oops. Hopefully real life deals me a better fate.
It's also fun to sit here because there are so many birds about. Underneath our pergola is a finch nest. The birds cleverly built a nest by attaching it to the jasmine vines that spill over the edge of the pergola. This way it's well protected from the weather and blends in with the shadows. It took some time for me to realize it was there. Each time we walk out the front door, this poor mama bird dashes off in fear that we're out to catch her. Otherwise, she dutifully sits on what I am guessing is a little egg.
Sitting here, I now realize that our neighbor's tree also has a nest. I always thought they were big clumps of leaves that the squirrels made. Now I see there's a brown dove cozied up on top of the clump. The male bird is sitting on a nearby branch keeping her company. I just hope the cat doesn't get up the nerve to climb that high and attack the nest.
And on a random note, this is Tim's computer I'm typing on. I just noticed to the edge of my Firefox browser window there is a column of icons on his desktop. The eight icons are all Sims games - original, university, nightlife, business, pets, seaons, voyage, and freetime (yeah, that's a good one). The boy is crazy. I haven't seen him play Sims for probably a year. Sadly, the last time he played, his Tim and Pandax didn't do so well. If I remember correctly, Pandax died. Oops. Hopefully real life deals me a better fate.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
One quick swoop
I stepped out for a bit. At the last minute, I joined my family for a trip to China. Since my brother's never been, my parents decided to take him on a basic group tour. We haven't had a family trip since who knows when.
At the time I bought the plant ticket, I decided that I might as well since no job offer was near. Suddenly, the day before the trip, I got an offer. I tried to negotiate a little, first on vacation, next on stock options, then on job title, but the HR person wouldn't budge. What I don't understand is that if none of these things are negotiable, then why even ask me what benefits I got at my previous jobs? It would seem she already had her mind made up.
I felt a little at a disadvantage knowing that I was leaving the next day. Normally, I would have liked to mull over the details for a day or two and get advice from friends. Compared to my last jobs, I'm taking a 9% pay cut, one week less vacation, a job title two steps below my previous job, and the rest is about par. On the other hand, my commute is now 12 minutes instead of one hour each way. If one were to count that commute time as part of work hours, I'm making up maybe $10,000 of my salary by being able to sleep in and get home a little earlier (assuming the hours in the office are comparable). I really do want to like this job, it's just a little frustrating to know I could be compensated better. I suppose if I don't like the job, I'll just switch in two years when the economy is better.
It is a relief to know I'll be working again. As much as I enjoy the free time, my mind craves a bit more challenge. I'm the type of person that needs some structure. Every one's dream is to be their own boss, but I'd have a hard time doing that at home. There are way too many distractions.
The trip was pretty good. The biggest concern both me and Tim had was how Mom and I would get along. The thought of being nagged 24/7 for 10 days wasn't appealing. For the most part, she behaved. The one time we had a fight was early in the trip. She came over to our hotel room while my brother was in the shower. We chatted and I mentioned that I hoped to find a little something for Tim. My mother immediately questioned why I would do that. She reasoned that guys don't care and don't need anything. I shouldn't be spending money when I don't have a job. Besides, she felt I already had too much stuff and didn't possibly have any space in the house for more junk.
This really made me mad considering we had just spent the day looking at inexpensive pearls to buy for my sister-in-law. My mom had been asking what my brother had been asked to buy for her. It felt really unfair that we should spend all this time thinking about the shopping list for everyone else and not Tim. After a few minutes of bickering, I got up and told her that I felt she was being totally unreasonable. I never said that I needed to buy something expensive for Tim, it could be something as cheap as $1. Also, I told her this is why I never tell her anything. When I can't even share a simple comment or thought without getting nagged or criticized, there's no reason to say anything. She retorted that she feels it's her right to express her opinion when I'm wrong. Great.
So, I stored out of the room. Unfortunately, I left knowing that I couldn't take the room key with me. It was in the slot that provides power to the room. I wasn't going to leave my brother to shower in the dark. I spent the next 10 minutes wandering the hotel hallways, hoping my mom would go back to her own room. Sure enough, just as I returned to the 8th floor, I heard a door shut. As I walked past my parents' room, I could hear her tell my dad that we had just fought and why. He immediately scolded her for doing so and ask her why she would do such a thing. Her explanation made it sound like she had done nothing wrong and she nervously laughed off the situation. My mom just doesn't get it.
The next day my dad encourage me to find something nice to give Tim. He's great. I don't know how he has the patience for my mom sometimes.
Finally, a couple quick notes about China:
1) Automobiles (especially buses) don't have to stop when making right hand turns; don't assume anything in the crosswalk no matter what the light says.
2) The Chinese have a sitcom which my dad described as their version of the Cosby show. It seemed strange to me to have a show with a family that included three children when Chinese couples can generally one have one. How do people related to the show?
3) The Chinese are learning to use trash cans. There are commercials and billboards trying to demonstrate the idea. As you may know, spitting and other mucus disposal actions are very common. One guy came over to the trash can behind us, pinched one nostril, and proceeded to blow out some mucus. It was not very appetizing. My brother was very disgusted by it all. I said, "at least he put it in the trash and not on the sidewalk." He agreed.
4) Being a flight attendant on a flight to/from China must be one of the worst jobs ever. A large Chinese tour group boarded my plane. When they boarded the plane, they talked loudly and bustled about trying to switch seats with each other. The attendants had a tough time getting them to sit down and buckle in so that we could depart. During the flight they constantly ignored the seat belt sign and announcements, having cell phones on, gathering in the aisles to chat, and using the restroom. During meal services, they never listened to what was being served. For example, the breakfast choices were eggs or noodles. The woman in front of me kept asking for rice. And this group was flying to five different cities during their tour of the U.S.?
5) When it comes to lines, one must be pushy or you'll never get anywhere.
At the time I bought the plant ticket, I decided that I might as well since no job offer was near. Suddenly, the day before the trip, I got an offer. I tried to negotiate a little, first on vacation, next on stock options, then on job title, but the HR person wouldn't budge. What I don't understand is that if none of these things are negotiable, then why even ask me what benefits I got at my previous jobs? It would seem she already had her mind made up.
I felt a little at a disadvantage knowing that I was leaving the next day. Normally, I would have liked to mull over the details for a day or two and get advice from friends. Compared to my last jobs, I'm taking a 9% pay cut, one week less vacation, a job title two steps below my previous job, and the rest is about par. On the other hand, my commute is now 12 minutes instead of one hour each way. If one were to count that commute time as part of work hours, I'm making up maybe $10,000 of my salary by being able to sleep in and get home a little earlier (assuming the hours in the office are comparable). I really do want to like this job, it's just a little frustrating to know I could be compensated better. I suppose if I don't like the job, I'll just switch in two years when the economy is better.
It is a relief to know I'll be working again. As much as I enjoy the free time, my mind craves a bit more challenge. I'm the type of person that needs some structure. Every one's dream is to be their own boss, but I'd have a hard time doing that at home. There are way too many distractions.
The trip was pretty good. The biggest concern both me and Tim had was how Mom and I would get along. The thought of being nagged 24/7 for 10 days wasn't appealing. For the most part, she behaved. The one time we had a fight was early in the trip. She came over to our hotel room while my brother was in the shower. We chatted and I mentioned that I hoped to find a little something for Tim. My mother immediately questioned why I would do that. She reasoned that guys don't care and don't need anything. I shouldn't be spending money when I don't have a job. Besides, she felt I already had too much stuff and didn't possibly have any space in the house for more junk.
This really made me mad considering we had just spent the day looking at inexpensive pearls to buy for my sister-in-law. My mom had been asking what my brother had been asked to buy for her. It felt really unfair that we should spend all this time thinking about the shopping list for everyone else and not Tim. After a few minutes of bickering, I got up and told her that I felt she was being totally unreasonable. I never said that I needed to buy something expensive for Tim, it could be something as cheap as $1. Also, I told her this is why I never tell her anything. When I can't even share a simple comment or thought without getting nagged or criticized, there's no reason to say anything. She retorted that she feels it's her right to express her opinion when I'm wrong. Great.
So, I stored out of the room. Unfortunately, I left knowing that I couldn't take the room key with me. It was in the slot that provides power to the room. I wasn't going to leave my brother to shower in the dark. I spent the next 10 minutes wandering the hotel hallways, hoping my mom would go back to her own room. Sure enough, just as I returned to the 8th floor, I heard a door shut. As I walked past my parents' room, I could hear her tell my dad that we had just fought and why. He immediately scolded her for doing so and ask her why she would do such a thing. Her explanation made it sound like she had done nothing wrong and she nervously laughed off the situation. My mom just doesn't get it.
The next day my dad encourage me to find something nice to give Tim. He's great. I don't know how he has the patience for my mom sometimes.
Finally, a couple quick notes about China:
1) Automobiles (especially buses) don't have to stop when making right hand turns; don't assume anything in the crosswalk no matter what the light says.
2) The Chinese have a sitcom which my dad described as their version of the Cosby show. It seemed strange to me to have a show with a family that included three children when Chinese couples can generally one have one. How do people related to the show?
3) The Chinese are learning to use trash cans. There are commercials and billboards trying to demonstrate the idea. As you may know, spitting and other mucus disposal actions are very common. One guy came over to the trash can behind us, pinched one nostril, and proceeded to blow out some mucus. It was not very appetizing. My brother was very disgusted by it all. I said, "at least he put it in the trash and not on the sidewalk." He agreed.
4) Being a flight attendant on a flight to/from China must be one of the worst jobs ever. A large Chinese tour group boarded my plane. When they boarded the plane, they talked loudly and bustled about trying to switch seats with each other. The attendants had a tough time getting them to sit down and buckle in so that we could depart. During the flight they constantly ignored the seat belt sign and announcements, having cell phones on, gathering in the aisles to chat, and using the restroom. During meal services, they never listened to what was being served. For example, the breakfast choices were eggs or noodles. The woman in front of me kept asking for rice. And this group was flying to five different cities during their tour of the U.S.?
5) When it comes to lines, one must be pushy or you'll never get anywhere.
Monday, April 20, 2009
The search may be over
It's amazing to think that I've not been working for nearly six months. Granted the first two I was still getting paid, but it was still time I didn't know what to do with myself.
During the past month, I've had interview with two companies. The first company is a well-respected company in the area. They've been around for more than 25 years and accomplished huge things for their industry. As great as it is to have this company on one's resume, working there can be less than satisfactory depending on which department. In a former life, I probably would have been quite happy there. In my current type of work, however, the culture and expectations are molded to certain types of people. Former specialty consultants, ivy leaguers, and what I would describe as somewhat sorority personalities can do well here. Unfortunately, that's not me.
Several people I've know over the years have gone there thinking this was a dream job and company only to realize within six months that they were unhappy. The hiring process is very rigorous. You must pass two phone interviews, one of which includes a mock scenario. Then, you are asked to take a personality test which they use to assess your fit with the group and customize interview questions to test you ability to respond to negative situations. Hiring is done by consensus so all members of the management team must agree. If another manager wants to hire you, you must also interview with them. I suppose if one manager had a grudge with another person, they could mess with your candidacy.
Being a darling of the industry is also what has caused a major change. A big, foreign company has just offered to buyout the remaining share for the company. Basically they know this U.S. company and its products are worth major moolah and don't want to split profits anymore. They swear there will be no major changes to the company as they want preserve the positive culture and retain employees.
I have my doubts. Wanting to keep employees likely has to do more with the research and development arms of the company as opposed to G&A. Even the interviewing managers, although positive, reveal some concern in their pauses.The last thing I need to start a job where I'll get laid off at the end of the summer.
The second job has been going well. I interviewed with the hiring manager and then visited the company to interview with a handful of others. A week passed and I met again with the hiring manager at a local cafe. It was just a light conversation checking whether I had any additional questions, and obviously it was a chance for me to reinforce my interest in the position.
I'm still not completely sure why, but she then suggested I meet with her boss, the VP, so that I could ask her any additional questions about the department and company. I just went in and had a 45 minute chat with the VP. She asked me twice about why I wanted to join the company. The rest of the time was really me asking questions about her vision for the department and company going forward. I feel like she has a solid vision for the group and how it will help transform the company. It should be a good growth opportunity if I am willing to assert myself.
Tick tock, now I wait for HR to call me and tell me what the next steps are. I get a good sense there planning to offer me a job (unless I did something horribly wrong while talking with the VP). The only question is whether the package will be decent. Admittedly, I've gotten kind of comfortable lounging around in my pjs until 11am and playing with the cats for a hour each day. Then again, it would be nice to have a juicy paycheck every month!
During the past month, I've had interview with two companies. The first company is a well-respected company in the area. They've been around for more than 25 years and accomplished huge things for their industry. As great as it is to have this company on one's resume, working there can be less than satisfactory depending on which department. In a former life, I probably would have been quite happy there. In my current type of work, however, the culture and expectations are molded to certain types of people. Former specialty consultants, ivy leaguers, and what I would describe as somewhat sorority personalities can do well here. Unfortunately, that's not me.
Several people I've know over the years have gone there thinking this was a dream job and company only to realize within six months that they were unhappy. The hiring process is very rigorous. You must pass two phone interviews, one of which includes a mock scenario. Then, you are asked to take a personality test which they use to assess your fit with the group and customize interview questions to test you ability to respond to negative situations. Hiring is done by consensus so all members of the management team must agree. If another manager wants to hire you, you must also interview with them. I suppose if one manager had a grudge with another person, they could mess with your candidacy.
Being a darling of the industry is also what has caused a major change. A big, foreign company has just offered to buyout the remaining share for the company. Basically they know this U.S. company and its products are worth major moolah and don't want to split profits anymore. They swear there will be no major changes to the company as they want preserve the positive culture and retain employees.
I have my doubts. Wanting to keep employees likely has to do more with the research and development arms of the company as opposed to G&A. Even the interviewing managers, although positive, reveal some concern in their pauses.The last thing I need to start a job where I'll get laid off at the end of the summer.
The second job has been going well. I interviewed with the hiring manager and then visited the company to interview with a handful of others. A week passed and I met again with the hiring manager at a local cafe. It was just a light conversation checking whether I had any additional questions, and obviously it was a chance for me to reinforce my interest in the position.
I'm still not completely sure why, but she then suggested I meet with her boss, the VP, so that I could ask her any additional questions about the department and company. I just went in and had a 45 minute chat with the VP. She asked me twice about why I wanted to join the company. The rest of the time was really me asking questions about her vision for the department and company going forward. I feel like she has a solid vision for the group and how it will help transform the company. It should be a good growth opportunity if I am willing to assert myself.
Tick tock, now I wait for HR to call me and tell me what the next steps are. I get a good sense there planning to offer me a job (unless I did something horribly wrong while talking with the VP). The only question is whether the package will be decent. Admittedly, I've gotten kind of comfortable lounging around in my pjs until 11am and playing with the cats for a hour each day. Then again, it would be nice to have a juicy paycheck every month!
Friday, April 17, 2009
On the clock
During my follow up check after the D&C, we were given instructions about how to proceed. We were told I had to wait one menstrual cycle before we could try getting pregnant. That meant waiting until April.
Back in college, I was dating this Catholic guy. We argued and discuss our future. One topic that lacked agreement was sex and contraception. I didn't mind waiting (and am soooooo glad he was not my first guy), but I was concerned about not being able to use contraception. I could not fathom having an accidental third or fourth child someday. Even though he knew that even his parents kept condoms in their dresser drawer, he wanted to obey the rules.
While volunteering at the school hospital, the ex came across a box of workbooks kept in a storage room. No doubt the workbooks were intended for some health seminar specifically on natural contraception. The book talked about the rhythm method and provided instructions on how to practice it. Surprisingly, it all made good sense to me. Mainly because I had already suspected the nuances of my monthly cycle back in high school. I was lucky to have a very regular, 27.5 day cycle. I even had clear mucus that would appear about 10-14 into my cycle which I suspected indicated ovulation. Out of curiosity, I tried monitoring my temperature and changes in my body for a couple months. It's really cool that a woman's body makes a sudden increase (0.5 degree) when it's time to ovulate. The charting was easy and accurate as far as I could tell.
I knew the minute Tim and I were ready to start trying, I would use this method to predict ovulation. Fortunately, I'm still mostly regular though I sense there are months I don't ovulate at all given my "advanced age" (as people in the medical community say). I started recording my temperature as soon as the D&C was over. I was excited to see a decline in my temperature as my period approached.
The change from 97.6 to 98.0 came several days earlier than I expected. The doctor had told us that during my fertile phase, we should have sex every other day. Since sperm can survive up to 4 days, it's not critical to have sex every day. Apparently, there's reason to *not* have sex every day. For men, having sex too often depletes the sperm supply which could result in lower supply when actual ovulation occurs. The every other day system allows for a continuous and ample infusion of troops.
Honestly, we're not big on sex. Sadly, I think my libido died down several years ago. We're regular but not frequent. Some times I worry that it's not enough for Tim, but he seems okay with it as long as we cuddle and fondle a lot. Having sex every other day for a week is new to me. It's definitely weird to do it because you need to rather than being in the mood for it. We've had to be a bit more patient and creative, but the job's getting done. Besides I do like joking about his troops and whether they've been properly trained.
Fingers crossed...
Back in college, I was dating this Catholic guy. We argued and discuss our future. One topic that lacked agreement was sex and contraception. I didn't mind waiting (and am soooooo glad he was not my first guy), but I was concerned about not being able to use contraception. I could not fathom having an accidental third or fourth child someday. Even though he knew that even his parents kept condoms in their dresser drawer, he wanted to obey the rules.
While volunteering at the school hospital, the ex came across a box of workbooks kept in a storage room. No doubt the workbooks were intended for some health seminar specifically on natural contraception. The book talked about the rhythm method and provided instructions on how to practice it. Surprisingly, it all made good sense to me. Mainly because I had already suspected the nuances of my monthly cycle back in high school. I was lucky to have a very regular, 27.5 day cycle. I even had clear mucus that would appear about 10-14 into my cycle which I suspected indicated ovulation. Out of curiosity, I tried monitoring my temperature and changes in my body for a couple months. It's really cool that a woman's body makes a sudden increase (0.5 degree) when it's time to ovulate. The charting was easy and accurate as far as I could tell.
I knew the minute Tim and I were ready to start trying, I would use this method to predict ovulation. Fortunately, I'm still mostly regular though I sense there are months I don't ovulate at all given my "advanced age" (as people in the medical community say). I started recording my temperature as soon as the D&C was over. I was excited to see a decline in my temperature as my period approached.
The change from 97.6 to 98.0 came several days earlier than I expected. The doctor had told us that during my fertile phase, we should have sex every other day. Since sperm can survive up to 4 days, it's not critical to have sex every day. Apparently, there's reason to *not* have sex every day. For men, having sex too often depletes the sperm supply which could result in lower supply when actual ovulation occurs. The every other day system allows for a continuous and ample infusion of troops.
Honestly, we're not big on sex. Sadly, I think my libido died down several years ago. We're regular but not frequent. Some times I worry that it's not enough for Tim, but he seems okay with it as long as we cuddle and fondle a lot. Having sex every other day for a week is new to me. It's definitely weird to do it because you need to rather than being in the mood for it. We've had to be a bit more patient and creative, but the job's getting done. Besides I do like joking about his troops and whether they've been properly trained.
Fingers crossed...
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Dramatic rescue
We has some *major* wind the other day. As beautiful as the clear sky looked, the velocity of the wind combined with the cold made it a very unfun day to be outside.
Late in the afternoon, I was standing in my kitchen drying the recently cleaned parts of my Cuisinart. A curly soap line has formed in the plunger element, and I needed to rinse and dry it.
Standing at my sink, I have a pass-through window so that I can see my dining table and look beyond that out to the patio. Behind my patio lies a fence and fast encroaching redwood trees. The trees were likely planted by the neighbor to create some privacy. I question whether they thought through the implications of growing redwoods in a yard the size of a two car garage. They're beautiful trees, but their size is going to be a problem one day.
As I was trying to thread a towel into the crevices of the acrylic plunger, I noticed something fall from the tree. It was followed by bits of tree branch. The wind bullied the trees and apparently one of the branches snapped. Just a minute later, a brown mass cradled by green needles fell and landed on the ledge of the fence.
When I moved closer to the window to look, I realized there was also a strange gray stick off to one side. Once my eyes focused more clearly, I realized that it was a squirrel. It's head was unusual, flatter and triangular like a snake. I realized that it was a juvenile. The poor thing was clinging to the fence for dear life. I imagine it was not moving because it was stunned by the fall.
Soon after, a larger squirrel, presumably the mom, came down the tree and cautiously hopped onto the fence. Just as she approached the branch clump, the juvenile tried to move. He looked frantic as he tried to find some leverage and ended up upside down with his right foot caught in the remains of the nest. Mom finally heard the rustling and tried to reach for her child. With her hind claw tightly gripping the top of the fence, she stretched down to reach the juvenile. She managed to get one paw on him, followed by her teeth. It reminded me a little of a momma cat picking up one of her litter.
The juvenile seemed a little calmer knowing Mom had arrived. His body seemed to relax a little to allow Mom to rescue him. She, however, did not have a secure grasp of her child. Her grasp on him was shaky and then the remains of the branch and nest began to slide off the edge of the fence ledge. Because she was standing on some of the branches, she was sliding with it. She seemed to tighten her grip as they fell down with the debris some five feet to the ground.
Fortunately, Mom landed safely and quick hopped from a planting pot and scaled the fence to return to the site where she had just stood. The juvenile did not move and I wondered if he was okay. She used her paws to adjust her hold on him. Under one arm, she tucked in his tail, and then his head under the other arm. She had balled him up as if he were a tube of dough shaped into a horseshoe and skipped down the fence ledge off to some unknown location.
Phew!
Late in the afternoon, I was standing in my kitchen drying the recently cleaned parts of my Cuisinart. A curly soap line has formed in the plunger element, and I needed to rinse and dry it.
Standing at my sink, I have a pass-through window so that I can see my dining table and look beyond that out to the patio. Behind my patio lies a fence and fast encroaching redwood trees. The trees were likely planted by the neighbor to create some privacy. I question whether they thought through the implications of growing redwoods in a yard the size of a two car garage. They're beautiful trees, but their size is going to be a problem one day.
As I was trying to thread a towel into the crevices of the acrylic plunger, I noticed something fall from the tree. It was followed by bits of tree branch. The wind bullied the trees and apparently one of the branches snapped. Just a minute later, a brown mass cradled by green needles fell and landed on the ledge of the fence.
When I moved closer to the window to look, I realized there was also a strange gray stick off to one side. Once my eyes focused more clearly, I realized that it was a squirrel. It's head was unusual, flatter and triangular like a snake. I realized that it was a juvenile. The poor thing was clinging to the fence for dear life. I imagine it was not moving because it was stunned by the fall.
Soon after, a larger squirrel, presumably the mom, came down the tree and cautiously hopped onto the fence. Just as she approached the branch clump, the juvenile tried to move. He looked frantic as he tried to find some leverage and ended up upside down with his right foot caught in the remains of the nest. Mom finally heard the rustling and tried to reach for her child. With her hind claw tightly gripping the top of the fence, she stretched down to reach the juvenile. She managed to get one paw on him, followed by her teeth. It reminded me a little of a momma cat picking up one of her litter.
The juvenile seemed a little calmer knowing Mom had arrived. His body seemed to relax a little to allow Mom to rescue him. She, however, did not have a secure grasp of her child. Her grasp on him was shaky and then the remains of the branch and nest began to slide off the edge of the fence ledge. Because she was standing on some of the branches, she was sliding with it. She seemed to tighten her grip as they fell down with the debris some five feet to the ground.
Fortunately, Mom landed safely and quick hopped from a planting pot and scaled the fence to return to the site where she had just stood. The juvenile did not move and I wondered if he was okay. She used her paws to adjust her hold on him. Under one arm, she tucked in his tail, and then his head under the other arm. She had balled him up as if he were a tube of dough shaped into a horseshoe and skipped down the fence ledge off to some unknown location.
Phew!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Indulgence
Happy Birthday to a few of my blogging buddies out there! I know you've just had or are about to celebrate another year.
Tim and I celebrated my birthday over the weekend. (Ignore the year, it's not worth mentioning any more.) We started out by having a mellow morning wandering the local Farmers' Market. The weather was perfect, sunny and cool. We picked up some sweet strawberries and some blood orange juice. We also bought a few sweet peppers and squash for a meal I was planning to make for some friends. I didn't realize they were going out of season so I was only able to pick enough for them, not any for us to enjoy.
As we were leaving the market, Tim noticed the flower stand and asked if I would like a bouquet for my birthday. I hesitated because I will be leaving town next week and didn't want to spend the money if I wasn't going to have time to enjoy them. We picked an inexpensive arrangement of tulip that are just about to bloom. It's really lovely to look at the mix of colors when I'm in the kitchen.
When we returned home, Tim cooked up some eggs with cheese, turkey, and greens. He decorated the plate with a few strawberries. What a lovely breakfast treat. Even better, Tim's mom and aunt were sweet enough to call and wish me a happy birthday.
I immediately started on my cooking once we cleaned up breakfast. Our friends just had twins and we were planning to visit in the afternoon. If there's one thing that I've learned from friends is that it's hard for people to eat during the early months of parenthood. The best thing friends can do for new parents is to bring them so tasty homemade food. I found a great mac and cheese recipe that's been quite tasty. I figured this would be a good comfy food for them, balanced with the fresh peppers and squash.
For fun, I curled my hair and buffed my nails to a perfect shine before we headed out. I dresses up in a cute BCBG black skirt that sits high on the waist to elongate my stubby legs and wore a burgandy top with a floral, satin trim. It's fun to dress up after months of jeans and knit tops. The only faux pas was that Tim chose to wear some black jeans and a reddish-orange suede shirt. We almost looked like twins. (Yipes, is this what happens when you live too long with one person?) I had showed my new outfit last week, but he forgot that my plan was to wear this for our night out.
Meeting the twins was great. Other than a couple of brief cries, they were very well-behaved. Eight pounds can really hurt the arms quickly. I found myself trying to rest or lean on furniture to lessen the load. The parents seemed amazing collected and content for all that's going on. Of course, they are incredibly organize with a clipboard to track all the bodily changes of the twins. We haven't seen them since January, so it was really great to catch up. Hopefully they'll be able to take small outings with the kids by summer.
For the past few weeks, Tim had been telling me that we'd be going to a restaurant based on a Top Chef episode. While I thought it would be good, I wasn't totally excited because I had been openingly wishing for two other restaurants for a couple months. I was a little disappointed that he had not chosen one of them. As we drove through the city streets, however, it soon became clear that we were not headed to the restaurant he had been claiming.
Once he punched in the address into the GPS, I was excited. We were headed to a Michelin-rated restaurant that many friends have loved. We each customized our four-course dinner. I loved every dish I tasted - complimentary carrot ginger soup, risotto with lobster and shrimp, seared scallops with a fresh pea puree, quail stuffed with quinoa and foie gras, a perfect strawberry-rhubarb tart, and a little petite four birthday plate. Needless to say I was stuffed. Thank goodness there was a tiny bit of give in my skirt's waistline.
We wrapped up the evening by watching a couple episodes of the first season of Top Chef. I'm pretty sure I know who wins, but it's still interesting to watch because the format and cast of characters is so different from season five. It's interesting how much more I analyzed dinner because of watching this show. Tim was all cuddly and loving. It was a fabulous was to celebrate.
Tim and I celebrated my birthday over the weekend. (Ignore the year, it's not worth mentioning any more.) We started out by having a mellow morning wandering the local Farmers' Market. The weather was perfect, sunny and cool. We picked up some sweet strawberries and some blood orange juice. We also bought a few sweet peppers and squash for a meal I was planning to make for some friends. I didn't realize they were going out of season so I was only able to pick enough for them, not any for us to enjoy.
As we were leaving the market, Tim noticed the flower stand and asked if I would like a bouquet for my birthday. I hesitated because I will be leaving town next week and didn't want to spend the money if I wasn't going to have time to enjoy them. We picked an inexpensive arrangement of tulip that are just about to bloom. It's really lovely to look at the mix of colors when I'm in the kitchen.
When we returned home, Tim cooked up some eggs with cheese, turkey, and greens. He decorated the plate with a few strawberries. What a lovely breakfast treat. Even better, Tim's mom and aunt were sweet enough to call and wish me a happy birthday.
I immediately started on my cooking once we cleaned up breakfast. Our friends just had twins and we were planning to visit in the afternoon. If there's one thing that I've learned from friends is that it's hard for people to eat during the early months of parenthood. The best thing friends can do for new parents is to bring them so tasty homemade food. I found a great mac and cheese recipe that's been quite tasty. I figured this would be a good comfy food for them, balanced with the fresh peppers and squash.
For fun, I curled my hair and buffed my nails to a perfect shine before we headed out. I dresses up in a cute BCBG black skirt that sits high on the waist to elongate my stubby legs and wore a burgandy top with a floral, satin trim. It's fun to dress up after months of jeans and knit tops. The only faux pas was that Tim chose to wear some black jeans and a reddish-orange suede shirt. We almost looked like twins. (Yipes, is this what happens when you live too long with one person?) I had showed my new outfit last week, but he forgot that my plan was to wear this for our night out.
Meeting the twins was great. Other than a couple of brief cries, they were very well-behaved. Eight pounds can really hurt the arms quickly. I found myself trying to rest or lean on furniture to lessen the load. The parents seemed amazing collected and content for all that's going on. Of course, they are incredibly organize with a clipboard to track all the bodily changes of the twins. We haven't seen them since January, so it was really great to catch up. Hopefully they'll be able to take small outings with the kids by summer.
For the past few weeks, Tim had been telling me that we'd be going to a restaurant based on a Top Chef episode. While I thought it would be good, I wasn't totally excited because I had been openingly wishing for two other restaurants for a couple months. I was a little disappointed that he had not chosen one of them. As we drove through the city streets, however, it soon became clear that we were not headed to the restaurant he had been claiming.
Once he punched in the address into the GPS, I was excited. We were headed to a Michelin-rated restaurant that many friends have loved. We each customized our four-course dinner. I loved every dish I tasted - complimentary carrot ginger soup, risotto with lobster and shrimp, seared scallops with a fresh pea puree, quail stuffed with quinoa and foie gras, a perfect strawberry-rhubarb tart, and a little petite four birthday plate. Needless to say I was stuffed. Thank goodness there was a tiny bit of give in my skirt's waistline.
We wrapped up the evening by watching a couple episodes of the first season of Top Chef. I'm pretty sure I know who wins, but it's still interesting to watch because the format and cast of characters is so different from season five. It's interesting how much more I analyzed dinner because of watching this show. Tim was all cuddly and loving. It was a fabulous was to celebrate.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Just sick
Since last week, there was some buzz about finding this missing girl in the Central Valley. We all know that as time passes, the chances of a happy ending fade fast. Unfortunately, last night, the search ended. Someone stuffed her into a suitcase and discarded her in a pond. I wonder if they counted on the fact that the dairy processor regularly drains the pond.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/04/07/california.missing.girl.dead/index.html
The thing about this one is that it must have happened just doors away from home. It's not like some open neighborhood where a random person drove through and snatched her. At least my perception is that a mobile home park is an enclosed area. People there are either tenants or visitors. The murdered has to be pretty stupid because it's going to be easier to identify suspects. All that matters is finding clear evidence to convict.
Considering the police issues search warrants only hours after announcing the discovery of her body means they're hopefully closing in on the bastard. I hope he is sweating bullets and panicking.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/04/07/california.missing.girl.dead/index.html
The thing about this one is that it must have happened just doors away from home. It's not like some open neighborhood where a random person drove through and snatched her. At least my perception is that a mobile home park is an enclosed area. People there are either tenants or visitors. The murdered has to be pretty stupid because it's going to be easier to identify suspects. All that matters is finding clear evidence to convict.
Considering the police issues search warrants only hours after announcing the discovery of her body means they're hopefully closing in on the bastard. I hope he is sweating bullets and panicking.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
If I had the skills then
Over the weekend, Tim and I attended our first wedding as a married couple. It was also interesting because they got engaged two months before us but had six months longer to plan the event. For me, this was a significant outing because it actually meant that I got to dress up.
The bride, Chi, and I met years ago through mutual friends. We were both single gals living in the same city. She initiated the friendship by encouraging me to call her to go hiking and golfing. "Saving Face" came out around the time we met, so Chi often joked that she was worried I thought she was hitting on me. Oh, we were silly gals.
I've now been unemployed for over four months. That combined with cohabitation of my little place has made for a living situation that is new and unexpected. For one thing, my closet has filled up with various items that we've had to "hide" from visiting guests and numerous intrusions but construction or cleaning people. The problem is that I've had little reasons to clean up the closet since I've been wearing jeans and long sleeve knit shirts virtually everyday. The skirts, slacks, blouses, and sweaters neatly organized and hanging in my closet haven't seen daylight since last fall. Other than climbing around to get to my ski clothes, I forget that I own all that stuff.
I considered buying a new dress for the occasion but didn't find anything affordable. Besides, I realized after trying on some cute and sexy BCBG dresses that, sadly, I'm getting to old for them. I dug out all my cute floral dresses knowing that we would have decent spring weather. The dress I wanted to wear turned out to be a bit tight around the shoulders. Tim convinced me that I should wear this black dress with red and fushia flowers. It's a nice dress, but I was disappointed that the neckline came up to my collarbone and failed to show off any part of my chest. I felt like an old lady.
As hot rollers reprogrammed my hair to curl, I proceeded to prepare my face. While I'm someone who doesn't typically wear a lot of makeup each day, I have developed a better sense of what looks good on me over the years. I must say that going through the wedding process and having several trial makeup sessions at the department stores was very educational. I know to add a darker shade color in the far corners of my eyes and highlight my brow bones with a light color. When I first bought the my bottle of Le Blanc de Chanel Sheer Base, I felt some major buyer's remorse. How would someone like me possibly finish a $45 bottle of white liquid before it goes bad? I was thrilled to have purchase my Rouge Double Intensite lip colour in Violet Sapphire. More recently, however, I have come to appreciate my Chanel items more. I've been late to makeup party, but I'm here now.
An hour and one half later, after the eye liner, the eyebrow brush, concealer, foundation, an angle brush with powder, three colors of eyeshadow, a tug-of-war with many individual false eyelashes, and a quick brush of deep red nail polish on my toenails, my awesome lip colour, two egg-sized mounds of mousse, and dozens of spritzes of hair spray I felt confident that I looked HOT. (Okay, not a supermodel or anything that fantastic but damned cute and potentially sexy.) Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn't helped be impressed that I'd actually managed to figure out how to do this right.
Then my mind wondered how different my 20s could have been if I had made this kind of effort on a regular basis. Would I have been willing to sacrifice (invest) an hour of my life each day to look more attractive? It's difficult for me to imagine, but there are many women who go through this every day (and some are rich enough to pay someone to do it for them). It does look good, but I guess I never believed it was good use of my time (because I could be sleeping instead). I can't help be curious about the "what if." That confidence probably would have extended beyond my face and made me more comfortable wearing more flattering, fashionable clothing. What kind of men would I have attracted/dated? Would I have been married earlier? Would it have changed how my career experiences? Who might I be now? I browse places like Forever 21, Anthropologie, and H&M. Occaisionally, I find little gems that I love, but mostly I know they'd just look odd on me not only because of my body shape but because of my age. I feel like my interest peaked a decade late... oh well. ;)
I still don't wear makeup that often and have definitely been out of practice recently. I realize that even if I'm just running errands that it really is an ego boost to wear a little makeup and look good while one is out with people. A little bit of definition and color couldn't hurt.
The bride, Chi, and I met years ago through mutual friends. We were both single gals living in the same city. She initiated the friendship by encouraging me to call her to go hiking and golfing. "Saving Face" came out around the time we met, so Chi often joked that she was worried I thought she was hitting on me. Oh, we were silly gals.
I've now been unemployed for over four months. That combined with cohabitation of my little place has made for a living situation that is new and unexpected. For one thing, my closet has filled up with various items that we've had to "hide" from visiting guests and numerous intrusions but construction or cleaning people. The problem is that I've had little reasons to clean up the closet since I've been wearing jeans and long sleeve knit shirts virtually everyday. The skirts, slacks, blouses, and sweaters neatly organized and hanging in my closet haven't seen daylight since last fall. Other than climbing around to get to my ski clothes, I forget that I own all that stuff.
I considered buying a new dress for the occasion but didn't find anything affordable. Besides, I realized after trying on some cute and sexy BCBG dresses that, sadly, I'm getting to old for them. I dug out all my cute floral dresses knowing that we would have decent spring weather. The dress I wanted to wear turned out to be a bit tight around the shoulders. Tim convinced me that I should wear this black dress with red and fushia flowers. It's a nice dress, but I was disappointed that the neckline came up to my collarbone and failed to show off any part of my chest. I felt like an old lady.
As hot rollers reprogrammed my hair to curl, I proceeded to prepare my face. While I'm someone who doesn't typically wear a lot of makeup each day, I have developed a better sense of what looks good on me over the years. I must say that going through the wedding process and having several trial makeup sessions at the department stores was very educational. I know to add a darker shade color in the far corners of my eyes and highlight my brow bones with a light color. When I first bought the my bottle of Le Blanc de Chanel Sheer Base, I felt some major buyer's remorse. How would someone like me possibly finish a $45 bottle of white liquid before it goes bad? I was thrilled to have purchase my Rouge Double Intensite lip colour in Violet Sapphire. More recently, however, I have come to appreciate my Chanel items more. I've been late to makeup party, but I'm here now.
An hour and one half later, after the eye liner, the eyebrow brush, concealer, foundation, an angle brush with powder, three colors of eyeshadow, a tug-of-war with many individual false eyelashes, and a quick brush of deep red nail polish on my toenails, my awesome lip colour, two egg-sized mounds of mousse, and dozens of spritzes of hair spray I felt confident that I looked HOT. (Okay, not a supermodel or anything that fantastic but damned cute and potentially sexy.) Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn't helped be impressed that I'd actually managed to figure out how to do this right.
Then my mind wondered how different my 20s could have been if I had made this kind of effort on a regular basis. Would I have been willing to sacrifice (invest) an hour of my life each day to look more attractive? It's difficult for me to imagine, but there are many women who go through this every day (and some are rich enough to pay someone to do it for them). It does look good, but I guess I never believed it was good use of my time (because I could be sleeping instead). I can't help be curious about the "what if." That confidence probably would have extended beyond my face and made me more comfortable wearing more flattering, fashionable clothing. What kind of men would I have attracted/dated? Would I have been married earlier? Would it have changed how my career experiences? Who might I be now? I browse places like Forever 21, Anthropologie, and H&M. Occaisionally, I find little gems that I love, but mostly I know they'd just look odd on me not only because of my body shape but because of my age. I feel like my interest peaked a decade late... oh well. ;)
I still don't wear makeup that often and have definitely been out of practice recently. I realize that even if I'm just running errands that it really is an ego boost to wear a little makeup and look good while one is out with people. A little bit of definition and color couldn't hurt.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Good for now
I had a phone interview the other day. It's for a fairly large, well-respected company in my industry. This was my second interview with the department, specifically I was talking with who I presume would be my supervisor.
At the end of the interview, she wanted to assess my interest level in the job. This department and a sister department combined would basically described the job I've been doing the past several years. At this company, it's divided into two functional areas of expertise. Her assessment of my resume is that I look better as a candidate for the other department. She asked, "given a choice between the two departments which position would you be more interested in?"
Gulp.
There's a part of me that knows I should say what she wants to hear so that I can land a job. However, there's also the part of me that wants both sides to find the right fit for the job. In this case, I feel I'm a good short-term fit, but I can't say that I'd want to do this particular job for years to come. It's a little too specific and I prefer a bit more variety.
I caveated my answer and said, "If you were to ask me which I want to do for the next five years, I'd have to choose [the other department] job because I like being involved in product decisions. If the horizon is two years, I'd say I'm open to both. This job is very interesting to me because I like the opportunity to work with many other departments. I also think this is a good place to extend my skills and learn how to better predict future trends and how to strategize."
She seemed satisfied with my response and appreciated my honesty, but I couldn't help wonder if that means it's now back to start with HR finding me a position to interview for. Did I do the right thing?
If you were asked to choose between two job positions, how would you answer?
At the end of the interview, she wanted to assess my interest level in the job. This department and a sister department combined would basically described the job I've been doing the past several years. At this company, it's divided into two functional areas of expertise. Her assessment of my resume is that I look better as a candidate for the other department. She asked, "given a choice between the two departments which position would you be more interested in?"
Gulp.
There's a part of me that knows I should say what she wants to hear so that I can land a job. However, there's also the part of me that wants both sides to find the right fit for the job. In this case, I feel I'm a good short-term fit, but I can't say that I'd want to do this particular job for years to come. It's a little too specific and I prefer a bit more variety.
I caveated my answer and said, "If you were to ask me which I want to do for the next five years, I'd have to choose [the other department] job because I like being involved in product decisions. If the horizon is two years, I'd say I'm open to both. This job is very interesting to me because I like the opportunity to work with many other departments. I also think this is a good place to extend my skills and learn how to better predict future trends and how to strategize."
She seemed satisfied with my response and appreciated my honesty, but I couldn't help wonder if that means it's now back to start with HR finding me a position to interview for. Did I do the right thing?
If you were asked to choose between two job positions, how would you answer?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Back in the know
Not being able to watch television on our LCD the past couple weeks, Tim and I resorted to watching downloads from the Internet. We don't have cable, we don't have a DVR. A long time ago, when I lived alone, I made myself choose between paying for Internet or cable television. It just didn't make sense to live alone and pay for both. Clearly, I choose the Internet.
Ever since, I've relied on an antenna to give me all the free, normal channels available including the major networks and PBS. True, I miss the Food Network, Bravo, TLC, and HGTV. Frankly, one of the reasons I quit cable was because the local provider took Bravo away from the standard package and made it a premium channel. That really irked me. I was sad at first, but really haven't missed it that much.
Now, with all the online shows and, ahem, unofficial downloads available, we don't worry. Unlike most people, we do try and watch many of our favorite shows live - "How I Met Your Mother," "Lost," "Pushing Daisies" (please someone bring it back!), "The Amazing Race." Yes, the commercials can be annoying, especially because the volume always rises during the breaks. Still, there's something about seeing it "live" that feels more exciting.
Lately, a couple friends have wanted to make references to a show only found on cable television. It's something that's been very popular and of interest to me - "Top Chef." I've just never made the effort to find a way to watch it. The other day, Tim was searching online for a show episode that we missed. I decided to search for "Top Chef" and download the first couple episodes.
Five days later, I think we're on episode 11. It's been really fun to watch the cooking and see how personalities have emerged. How much do you think Stephan is simply acting the part of big jerk because he likes the attention? I don't think Tim likes it quite as much as I do but we still only watch it together. Having the ability to watch whenever and as many as we want is definitely making us spoiled. No telling me who won!
Ever since, I've relied on an antenna to give me all the free, normal channels available including the major networks and PBS. True, I miss the Food Network, Bravo, TLC, and HGTV. Frankly, one of the reasons I quit cable was because the local provider took Bravo away from the standard package and made it a premium channel. That really irked me. I was sad at first, but really haven't missed it that much.
Now, with all the online shows and, ahem, unofficial downloads available, we don't worry. Unlike most people, we do try and watch many of our favorite shows live - "How I Met Your Mother," "Lost," "Pushing Daisies" (please someone bring it back!), "The Amazing Race." Yes, the commercials can be annoying, especially because the volume always rises during the breaks. Still, there's something about seeing it "live" that feels more exciting.
Lately, a couple friends have wanted to make references to a show only found on cable television. It's something that's been very popular and of interest to me - "Top Chef." I've just never made the effort to find a way to watch it. The other day, Tim was searching online for a show episode that we missed. I decided to search for "Top Chef" and download the first couple episodes.
Five days later, I think we're on episode 11. It's been really fun to watch the cooking and see how personalities have emerged. How much do you think Stephan is simply acting the part of big jerk because he likes the attention? I don't think Tim likes it quite as much as I do but we still only watch it together. Having the ability to watch whenever and as many as we want is definitely making us spoiled. No telling me who won!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Emerging nuggets
Part of my severance package includes two months of services from a career services firm. I was offered this at my last layoff as well, but never had a chance to try it out. Seeing as how much longer my unemployment could last, I figured I might as well explore what the firm had to offer.
The two months of service include access to their online resources, free workshops, and eight hours of one-on-one career counseling. In the few weeks I've be "active" I've simply met with the counselor. I fully intend to start attending workshops now that other projects have wrapped up.
The first counseling session was a tug-of-war. While I'm sure she is generally knowledgeable and helpful, I didn't feel like she had a good grasp of my industry. For years, I've read resume advice about how each bullet point of a job description should detail how a responsibility translated into metrics, i.e. how did you make or save the company $$$. With a majority of jobs, I can understand this. A sales job is pretty obvious, did this, sold $$$. If you're a computer programmer, created this program, translated into %xx increase in customers or website hits. In manufacturing, an employee could improve a process to complete production faster or negotiate a vendor contract to decrease costs. I digress... the point is that my job, my area of expertise is difficult to measure most of the time. It's more of a consultancy type role where my analysis and conclusions help support other people's decisions and provide direction (when they listen). My work does not lead to a direct outcome in most cases.
She kept pressing me saying there had to be a way to rewrite my resume statements to show how my work translated into tangible results. I pointed out a couple places on my resume where my statements matched her request, but they didn't seem to meet her expectations. I honestly thought about it a bit and could not create a satisfactory outcome. It was frustrating that my explanation of my work could not convince her that my resume holds up well as it is. At one point she even asked if I had been using this resume and how many responses I had received. I told her that prior to this job loss, I had received a call for almost every job I'd applied for. Needless to say she didn't seem to have a response immediately ready after hearing my answer.
I also expressed my feelings that there are times when these formats seem full of crap to me. I'm not the type of person to use a bunch of business jargon to make me sound important. When I've reviewed resumes, I can see the difference between someone who appropriately uses business terms and some one who's simply copied them to make their job appear bigger than it is. Maybe I'm hurting my changes at landing a job, but that's not my style.
To be fair, I asked a couple of colleagues about their resumes. I explained my impression of the resume guidelines. It was a relief to hear they had similar feelings about the stance of career counselors. For most jobs, it's a helpful and certainly can strengthen a candidacy. I just don't like being pushed to do something because it's the *only* way.
In the following visit, we agreed to let my resume remain as is for that particular career track. She probably thinks I'm just being impossibly stubborn, but I know my resume works. Why else would I get two phone interviews. On the other hand, I will acknowledge that I need to have a couple alternate versions of my resume that are less specialized if I want to have a shot at jobs that are less analytical and outside of my current profession.
The two months of service include access to their online resources, free workshops, and eight hours of one-on-one career counseling. In the few weeks I've be "active" I've simply met with the counselor. I fully intend to start attending workshops now that other projects have wrapped up.
The first counseling session was a tug-of-war. While I'm sure she is generally knowledgeable and helpful, I didn't feel like she had a good grasp of my industry. For years, I've read resume advice about how each bullet point of a job description should detail how a responsibility translated into metrics, i.e. how did you make or save the company $$$. With a majority of jobs, I can understand this. A sales job is pretty obvious, did this, sold $$$. If you're a computer programmer, created this program, translated into %xx increase in customers or website hits. In manufacturing, an employee could improve a process to complete production faster or negotiate a vendor contract to decrease costs. I digress... the point is that my job, my area of expertise is difficult to measure most of the time. It's more of a consultancy type role where my analysis and conclusions help support other people's decisions and provide direction (when they listen). My work does not lead to a direct outcome in most cases.
She kept pressing me saying there had to be a way to rewrite my resume statements to show how my work translated into tangible results. I pointed out a couple places on my resume where my statements matched her request, but they didn't seem to meet her expectations. I honestly thought about it a bit and could not create a satisfactory outcome. It was frustrating that my explanation of my work could not convince her that my resume holds up well as it is. At one point she even asked if I had been using this resume and how many responses I had received. I told her that prior to this job loss, I had received a call for almost every job I'd applied for. Needless to say she didn't seem to have a response immediately ready after hearing my answer.
I also expressed my feelings that there are times when these formats seem full of crap to me. I'm not the type of person to use a bunch of business jargon to make me sound important. When I've reviewed resumes, I can see the difference between someone who appropriately uses business terms and some one who's simply copied them to make their job appear bigger than it is. Maybe I'm hurting my changes at landing a job, but that's not my style.
To be fair, I asked a couple of colleagues about their resumes. I explained my impression of the resume guidelines. It was a relief to hear they had similar feelings about the stance of career counselors. For most jobs, it's a helpful and certainly can strengthen a candidacy. I just don't like being pushed to do something because it's the *only* way.
In the following visit, we agreed to let my resume remain as is for that particular career track. She probably thinks I'm just being impossibly stubborn, but I know my resume works. Why else would I get two phone interviews. On the other hand, I will acknowledge that I need to have a couple alternate versions of my resume that are less specialized if I want to have a shot at jobs that are less analytical and outside of my current profession.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Wimp in training
I tried my best to treat the visit like any other appointment. I was pretty good about feeling normal as long as I didn't think about what had happened and what was about to happen.
The office scheduled me for 1:45pm but told me to come in before 1:15pm so that I could take some medications to prepare me for the procedure. Tim left work at lunch to pick me up and drive me there. I had told him he could take a book or laptop with us so he could do something while he waited. He told me he didn't need anything because he was planned to stay with me the whole time.
When I checked in, the receptionist gave me a clipboard with three documents to sign. The sheet listed out all the details of the procedure, the inherent risks, and the post-procedure care and warnings. We read through it all together to ensure that we'd both know what to expect and what to watch for once I went home. The list was very thorough including a space for an initial next to each post-procedure warning.
Once I turned in my forms, the nurse assistant came out and showed me the pills I needed to swallow. From a little plastic cup, she poured out the three pills. The first pill was cut in half, some Vicodin for pain. The next pill was 200mg of Valium to help my muscles relax. The third pill was this humongous, green oval which I can't remember its purpose. Perhaps it was ibuprofen to help with the inflammation and pain. The main thing was that it was 800mg which must be close the maximum size pill anyone could possibly swallow in one gulp without choking.
So we sat in the waiting room for 15-20 minutes waiting for my drugs to take effect. I couldn't help sit there observing the pregnant women who came through and wonder if they simply thought I was going to my first prenatal appointment rather than ending my pregnancy. It was hard to be in that moment knowing everywhere else around me there was new life.
I felt fine when they called us in. Never having taken Vicodin or Valium, I had been waiting for something interesting to happen. Given so many people get addicted to these drugs, I thought something cool would happen. The nurse took me into the procedure room where a paper gown and heating pad lay waiting for me on the exam table. Tim tried to keep the mood light by keeping my ass warm with his hands while I changed into my gown.
Dr. F came into the room and asked if we had any questions. She assured us that the procedure has a tiny risk of complication and that we could go back to normal after one period had passed. Tim was very struck by the wording in the post-procedure instructions, "No foreign objects should be placed in your vagina for at least two weeks." You can guess at the types of silly comments he made later. He asked whether any tests would be done to determine the cause of the loss. Dr. F. said that's usually not done with a first pregnancy. Despite my age, she said it's rare there's anything seriously wrong and that only if I miscarried again or demonstrated other problems would they perform any tests because of the expense.
Once I laid down and put my feet in the stirrups, the usual examination techniques started. Dr. F. was good about telling me what she was doing a second ahead so that I wouldn't be too surprised. As a local anesthetic, she injected me with lidocaine which quickly became noticeable by a tingling in my mouth. Since I'd had a crown done over the summer, the sensation was very familiar.
What was odd was how quickly all the drugs that were running through my blood interacted with each other. I think I still had my head on, but it didn't feel like it. Moving my head even one centimeter made everything feel like it was spinning. Naturally, as she started preparing for the D&C, my discomfort grew. Let's face it, going to the GYN is never fun. Was the valium working at all?
At one point, she touched me without any warning and I pop up. At the time, I thought it felt uncomfortable, but Tim told me she had just swiped me with a cotton ball. The emotions, the medication, and the discomfort had gotten to me. I remained a good patient the rest of the time and didn't move. I squeezed Tim's had tightly through the cramping, pinching, and poking. Of course, I thought about the baby. But really, what was more concerning to me was my reaction to the pain. Am I a total wimp or what?
The procedure itself does not take too long. I swear the doctor and the assistant were gone within minutes after they told us it was done. The assistant told us to take our time leaving the room. I wanted to get up, or at least turn sideways to try and alleviate the cramping, but my head was having none of that. The dizziness was overwhelming.
I didn't have any feelings of nausea or pain, just the dizziness and cramping. I thought about what labor must be like and scolded myself for whining over this. I mean, come on, if this bothers me, I'm not going to survive labor. This pain can't be more than a five on a scale of one to ten. All I could think about is "wimp, wimp, wimp." It's just like me to think about something totally off the wall when I should be focusing on more immediate things.
I could see Tim and the room fine. Opposite the exam table, I spotted a brown, canister vacuum-like machine. No doubt it was the source of the suction I heard during the procedure. I couldn't help wonder if what was left of our baby was somewhere inside it. Now, it was just a soup of blood and tissue that would be discarded with the other biohazard trash.
I must have tried four or five times to sit up, maybe another three or four to stand. Considering how small I am, those drugs all must have whomped me good. I leaned on Tim the whole way out. I was proud to have survived the elevator ride given that the nursing assistant had said it seems to cause women trouble. I slept most of the way home and proceeded to crawl into bed. I slept away the afternoon while Tim went back to work. I'm so lucky that I have him to take care of me.
By evening everything seemed fine. I was pleasantly surprised that I never felt the need to take any ibuprofen. No wonder there was no take home prescription other than three days of antibiotics. We ate and watched tv together the rest of the night.
Since then, I've talked a little bit about miscarriage with a couple of friends. I don't know how much it helped. The rational side of me already knows all the literature and facts. I know that miscarriage is common early in pregnancy (> 20%), and everything will be fine. Talking about it only seems to make me upset for reasons I can't fully explain. Heck, I even got upset when I open the medical insurance bill for that week. It's wonderful to know I have all the love and support of friends, but it doesn't change what happened. I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm disappointed. Only time can make that all fade. Until then, I just keep preparing myself for better days to come.
The office scheduled me for 1:45pm but told me to come in before 1:15pm so that I could take some medications to prepare me for the procedure. Tim left work at lunch to pick me up and drive me there. I had told him he could take a book or laptop with us so he could do something while he waited. He told me he didn't need anything because he was planned to stay with me the whole time.
When I checked in, the receptionist gave me a clipboard with three documents to sign. The sheet listed out all the details of the procedure, the inherent risks, and the post-procedure care and warnings. We read through it all together to ensure that we'd both know what to expect and what to watch for once I went home. The list was very thorough including a space for an initial next to each post-procedure warning.
Once I turned in my forms, the nurse assistant came out and showed me the pills I needed to swallow. From a little plastic cup, she poured out the three pills. The first pill was cut in half, some Vicodin for pain. The next pill was 200mg of Valium to help my muscles relax. The third pill was this humongous, green oval which I can't remember its purpose. Perhaps it was ibuprofen to help with the inflammation and pain. The main thing was that it was 800mg which must be close the maximum size pill anyone could possibly swallow in one gulp without choking.
So we sat in the waiting room for 15-20 minutes waiting for my drugs to take effect. I couldn't help sit there observing the pregnant women who came through and wonder if they simply thought I was going to my first prenatal appointment rather than ending my pregnancy. It was hard to be in that moment knowing everywhere else around me there was new life.
I felt fine when they called us in. Never having taken Vicodin or Valium, I had been waiting for something interesting to happen. Given so many people get addicted to these drugs, I thought something cool would happen. The nurse took me into the procedure room where a paper gown and heating pad lay waiting for me on the exam table. Tim tried to keep the mood light by keeping my ass warm with his hands while I changed into my gown.
Dr. F came into the room and asked if we had any questions. She assured us that the procedure has a tiny risk of complication and that we could go back to normal after one period had passed. Tim was very struck by the wording in the post-procedure instructions, "No foreign objects should be placed in your vagina for at least two weeks." You can guess at the types of silly comments he made later. He asked whether any tests would be done to determine the cause of the loss. Dr. F. said that's usually not done with a first pregnancy. Despite my age, she said it's rare there's anything seriously wrong and that only if I miscarried again or demonstrated other problems would they perform any tests because of the expense.
Once I laid down and put my feet in the stirrups, the usual examination techniques started. Dr. F. was good about telling me what she was doing a second ahead so that I wouldn't be too surprised. As a local anesthetic, she injected me with lidocaine which quickly became noticeable by a tingling in my mouth. Since I'd had a crown done over the summer, the sensation was very familiar.
What was odd was how quickly all the drugs that were running through my blood interacted with each other. I think I still had my head on, but it didn't feel like it. Moving my head even one centimeter made everything feel like it was spinning. Naturally, as she started preparing for the D&C, my discomfort grew. Let's face it, going to the GYN is never fun. Was the valium working at all?
At one point, she touched me without any warning and I pop up. At the time, I thought it felt uncomfortable, but Tim told me she had just swiped me with a cotton ball. The emotions, the medication, and the discomfort had gotten to me. I remained a good patient the rest of the time and didn't move. I squeezed Tim's had tightly through the cramping, pinching, and poking. Of course, I thought about the baby. But really, what was more concerning to me was my reaction to the pain. Am I a total wimp or what?
The procedure itself does not take too long. I swear the doctor and the assistant were gone within minutes after they told us it was done. The assistant told us to take our time leaving the room. I wanted to get up, or at least turn sideways to try and alleviate the cramping, but my head was having none of that. The dizziness was overwhelming.
I didn't have any feelings of nausea or pain, just the dizziness and cramping. I thought about what labor must be like and scolded myself for whining over this. I mean, come on, if this bothers me, I'm not going to survive labor. This pain can't be more than a five on a scale of one to ten. All I could think about is "wimp, wimp, wimp." It's just like me to think about something totally off the wall when I should be focusing on more immediate things.
I could see Tim and the room fine. Opposite the exam table, I spotted a brown, canister vacuum-like machine. No doubt it was the source of the suction I heard during the procedure. I couldn't help wonder if what was left of our baby was somewhere inside it. Now, it was just a soup of blood and tissue that would be discarded with the other biohazard trash.
I must have tried four or five times to sit up, maybe another three or four to stand. Considering how small I am, those drugs all must have whomped me good. I leaned on Tim the whole way out. I was proud to have survived the elevator ride given that the nursing assistant had said it seems to cause women trouble. I slept most of the way home and proceeded to crawl into bed. I slept away the afternoon while Tim went back to work. I'm so lucky that I have him to take care of me.
By evening everything seemed fine. I was pleasantly surprised that I never felt the need to take any ibuprofen. No wonder there was no take home prescription other than three days of antibiotics. We ate and watched tv together the rest of the night.
Since then, I've talked a little bit about miscarriage with a couple of friends. I don't know how much it helped. The rational side of me already knows all the literature and facts. I know that miscarriage is common early in pregnancy (> 20%), and everything will be fine. Talking about it only seems to make me upset for reasons I can't fully explain. Heck, I even got upset when I open the medical insurance bill for that week. It's wonderful to know I have all the love and support of friends, but it doesn't change what happened. I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm disappointed. Only time can make that all fade. Until then, I just keep preparing myself for better days to come.
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