Monday, October 08, 2007

Quality time weekend

Sorry, been meaning to post this but things have been busy.

I had a fabulous weekend. Tim and I watched "Knocked Up" on Friday night. It's a pretty funny movie though some of the humor was definitely male-oriented humiliation and toilet humor.

On Saturday, I dragged Tim out early for a special sale on outdoor gear. I'm headed to Africa and need to get some last goodies. I was especially excited to get some carbon trekking poles that normally cost a bundle. I already have the standard aluminum poles, but there's nothing like lightening the load a little. Afterwards we head out for a day in the city. It was really relaxing to sit on our travel chairs in the park and enjoy all the goings-on. To test out my new camping pillow, Tim suggested we "camp" on the living room floor for the night with the windows open to simulate the cold. So cute.

On Sunday, I met up with Is and Ci. This was our chance to catch up on some girl talk. I'm not totally close with them, but having very similar family backgrounds makes it easy for us to empathize with each other.

The morning could not have started out more crazy than people ending up in the wrong places. I thought specifying downtown would have made it clear but apparently not. Ten minutes after the meeting time, I was still waiting. I called Ci and she said she was already sitting at a booth. The hostess overheard my reaction and immediately suggested that she might be at another location. The local breakfast place, I forgot, has multiple locations.

Sure enough, Ci was sitting at the mall. That's the newest diner, one that I always forget exists. I immediately thought of Is. She tends to get lost easily. When Ci called her, it sounded like she was headed for downtown. But on a whim, I called her to double check. As soon as she answered the phone, she said, "Where are you guys? The place is closed."

Yup, she went to the original diner, which is three blocks away and only open on weekdays. After giving them both directions and waiting for a booth, we finally sat down to brunch. What a stressful morning!

We had the usual catching up over minor dramas such as Ci's husband running into his ex-girlfriend. I told them about Tim. The biggest topic of conversation that day was exploring how our attitudes about dating and marriage have evolved over the years. Naturally, they were curious about my change of heart with Tim. Is is having her own issues with Irish as she's unsure about the next step after almost two years.

At some point, I asked Ci how she knew that Cy was someone she wanted to marry. She explained that while he may not be the love of her life, he's what she's looking for at this point in her life. She mirrored some of her mother's choices at that age with her own priorities. Her honesty was refreshing to me.

I know some people would be aghast at that kind of comment. After all, we grow up with fairy tales about love and how it's the only reason to be with someone. But let's face it, love isn't everything, not in today's frantic world. If we all lived in bubbles, sure, it would always work out, but we live in a constantly changing environment.

Ci talked about how the two of them fight, maybe more than what she perceives to be normal. But then, he's intelligent and stable. Perhaps ten years ago she would have looked for someone more "wild." We all agreed that when you're in your twenties, it's easy to say "let's see what happens."

We talked about how we all have been programmed to believe we want this perfect Asian man that will also please our mothers. Subconsciously, we know we are still trying to please our parents even though we constantly struggle against their wishes. They'll never be happy with our choices whether it be the jobs we take, the money we spend, or the men we date.

Is is dealing with her own issues. She been dating Irish for some time now. Generally, the impression is that he's a good guy who wants to be with her for the long-term. She, however, is struggling with what's lacking in him. He's tall, self-sufficient, caring, and funny. What he lacks is a college education, a well-paying job, and a stable family background. Maybe this doesn't make sense to some people, but that's what you learn to look for and know that you're parents will be looking for if you have a background like ours.

While she finds it empowering to have to take the initiative with financial decisions and other practicalities, I know it's not the image she envisioned for herself. She is a bit of a princess type and has previously dated guys who always took care of her. I think she's struggling with the idea of being the one who wears the pants for the family if she marries Irish. She knows he's a good match for her despite those challenges.

Probably the telling question Ci offered was this, "Can you envision that your man will be there to push your wheelchair when you're old?" She laughed with a bit of fear that Cy would not be good about that. On the other hand, Is and I were confident that our men would support us through anything. It's a good feeling I suppose.

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